Only the Beginning

She walked with a grace existing only in fairytales. The patrons parted for her so she could have a clear path to the front of the room. Her hips swayed slightly, ruffling the crimson red silks of her gown. Her head held high, showing her delicate, ivory neck with the most subtlest of seductions. She loved the attention she got as such gatherings, she loved how the knights would want to throw themselves at her feet, she loved how the noblewomen would look at her with envy. But what she loved most of all were the two bright, cobalt blue eyes twinkling from the other end of the hall, gazing at her so intensely she wanted to blush. The blue eyed man smiled, in which she did blush slightly, tinting her cheeks with pink. But she returned the smile only to be glad he smiled at her again.


"Morgana. Morgana. Morgana!" somebody was calling her name. They were trying to wake her up from a dream world she rather be in.

She felt a something hitting her head. It was soft but annoying. Morgana tried to bat it away with her free arm, however that ended in failure. Instead she tried to wrap herself more deeply within her blankets.

She heard shuffling, the shuffling of her curtains and then suddenly light spilled across her closed eyelids. She squinted, trying the block the lights and cast them away so she could return to her slumber.

"Morgana! Get up!" they yelled. Her blankets were pulled off her, exposing her to the cool air. She immediately curled up into a ball, conserving what warmth she had.

"Morgana! Get up!" they repeated, "Or you're going to be late to your appointment."

At this point she gave up and opened her emerald eyes to the bright sunlight streaming into her messy bedroom. She spotted her half brother Arthur at the end of her bed, looking extremely pissed.

"Finally," he exclaimed, "You're appointment is in thirty minutes, so hurry up."

"You're one to talk, you slob," insulted Morgana, "You're still in your boxers."

Arthur shook his head and returned with a knowing smile, "And you're the one who basically hasn't left home for the whole year, skipping all your classes and never cleans your room." Pointing at all the clothes strewn across the carpeted floor of her bedroom.

"Shut up," she replied.

With that Arthur just threw his hands in the air and walked out of her room, closing the door. She knew Arthur didn't really take it seriously. She actually liked her brother a lot but she rather return to that fantasy world that haunted her every since she was a child. To a world where she felt like a someone, but mainly the special someone to the man with the twinkling blue eyes and generous smile.

When Morgana was ready she got into Arthur's battered Toyota with its engine already running and him sitting in the driver's seat. He drove dangerously fast, or as fast as his run down car could go that is.

"I can't believe father pays hundreds of pounds for your silly appointments and buys you anything you want. He even allows you to ditch all your uni classes. Yet he won't spare me the extra cash for that new Ford I want. It's preposterous!"

"Mmmm," was all Morgana replied, she herself thought it was stupid for her to go to these stupid psychologist appointments. She didn't need them. She needed to escape back into the world in her head. But no, Uther thought she had a mental problem, that she needed too see some professional help.

When they finally arrived at the clinic Morgana got out of the car and was about to walk away until Arthur called out, "Oh yeah, I forgot too mention I'm dropping a friend home tonight after soccer practice, so be presentable. But don't worry it'll be fine."

"You have friends?" replied Morgana sarcastically.

"Please Morgana, just try to be nice," he pleaded.

Morgana nodded silently and walked towards the clinic. Every time after an appointment she would be crying or moody. She honestly though they were stupid. However, it was nice to see Arthur concerned, in his own prattish way.

Morgana pushed open the door of the clinic and stepped inside. It was decorated in a way to feel homely and comfortable. Not that she felt like that. In the foyer there was a receptionist at the table who immediately looked up and smiled kindly when she saw her.

"Good Afternoon Morgana, you can walk right in. Dr. Gaius just finished his appointment with the last client.


Morgana was sitting on a comfy couch opposite of Dr. Gaius holding a a large stuffed dragon in a light filled room. When she came in for her first appointment a few months ago, she laughed at him for his bushy, white eyebrows because they were the most funniest things she ever saw. But he didn't comment on her action verbally, he just wrote a few notes on his notepad instead. He asked her to choose a stuff toy from the collection on the shelf. She thought it was unusual since she was nineteen years old but complied and picked the lonely white dragon at the back of the pile which was mainly made up of teddy bears.

"How are you today Morgana?" he asked in his grandfatherly tone.

"I'm well," she replied in a monotone.

"I see you're a little late to your appointment again. Would you wish to tell me why?" he asked with an impassive gaze. Very professional as usual Morgana noted.

Morgana clutched the the dragon toy more tightly. "I had another dream again."

"What of?" he asked and scribbled something in his notepad.

"Of the man again."

"The blue eyed man?"


"What did this man do?"

Morgana composed herself since her reply in honest truth was quite lame. "He smiled at me," she paused, "And I smiled back. In my dream of course."

"Yes of course Morgana. How do you feel about this?"

"In which way?" she asked, still holding the dragon closely to her.

"In your dream and in reality."

"It felt wonderful," she replied truthfully.

"Why is that?" he asked, continuing to take notes.

"I don't know, it just felt nice."

"But isn't this the same man you told me at the last appointment who tried to poison you?"

Morgana frowned knowing that was true too. "Yes, he tried to poison me in the last dream."

"Do you have any interpretation for yourself for the sudden change in action?"

"Isn't that your job?" she snapped.

"It is indeed, but I would like to know what you think so I can help you," Dr. Gaius answered.

"I don't know," she countered in a frustrated manner. She hated these stupid appointments. She hated spilling out her inner most thoughts and dreams to this kind, old man. It wasn't like he was forcing her, but she still felt compelled to do so.

"Really?" he raised one of his caterpillar like eyebrows that made him look comical.

"I don't know. Sometimes he would gaze at me and do nothing. Sometimes we would be fighting with each other, we would be throwing lightning bolts and fire balls." Morgana thought herself childish dreaming of these magical powers that her dreamself and blue eyed man seem to inherit. But she didn't care ultimately. The dream world was much better than this. "Sometimes we would be making love as if we were lovers but in truth we knew we were enemies." Normally she would blush at this type of statement but Dr. Gauis knew all her dreams up to date and she couldn't careless any more for the embarrassment. "I don't care!"

"I think that's enough Morgana. I see you have vented out all your frustration. Here have a tissue," he offered.

Morgana then suddenly realised tears were flowing down her face again, obscuring her mascara. She gladly accepted the tissue trying to wipe away her tears and messed up mascara.

"I'll think that will be enough for today Miss. Pendragon. Here is your next appointment, which isn't for a while. So in that time please think about your actions and those of the blue eyed man." Dr. Gaius handed her his business card with the date and time of the next appointment.

Morgana thanked him, though the feeling was mainly false. She exited the clinic to see Arthur leaning on the battered car in the car park. By the time she reached the car he was already in the driver's seat starting up the engine.

Morgana looked at the car to see nobody sitting inside so she made herself comfortable in the front passenger seat.

"So Arthur, where's your friend?" she asked while they were waiting at a traffic light.

"You took your time. We waited here for like twenty minutes so I decided to drive him home quickly and comeback. And still you were in there for another ten minutes."

"Ohh ok,"she said replied, "He didn't ask why you were waiting."

"Nahh. Merlin's not like that. He knows to respect privacy...most of the time," Arthur answered and the grumbled something else inaudibly while accelerating the car for the lights turned green.

Morgana was secretly relieved, but at the same time she didn't car, she was her own person.

By the time they were home it was dinner time and Uther their father ordered Chinese take away as a treat. Morgana quickly ate her food so she could avoid Uther's questions and return to her room to dream again.

That night she did indeed dream.


She was laying in a wooded glade amongst the leaf litter on the ground. She was unable to move her body so she looked upwards to see bare, spindly branches of an oak tree and the occasional bird fly by. It was Autumn so she could feel a slight chilled breeze blow across her face and neck, cooling a small patch of blood she had on her usually ivory white neck.

To the side of her was the blue eyed man lying on the floor too. He looked older. He was wearing chain mail and a blue robe over it instead of the red neckerchief and brown jacket. Blood was slowly seeping through both layers. His jaw was more defined, but it was eyes that changed the most. Like they have seen too much suffering, but they have seen much happiness too.

"Why do we always do this every time we see each other," she croaked, strength sapping away from her.

"I don't know," he laughed. His eyes still twinkling even though he knew death was imminent.

"Well you are a fool," she laughed too, her energy quickly dying.

"I don't care if I'm a fool. But at least, I am a caring fool."

"I don't care if you are a caring fool," retorted Morgana, "You're a traitor."

"But you admit we were once friends," he stated softly.

"Why are we even talking about this? Everything's changed since then."

"One thing still hasn't changed for me," he answered softly.

"What's that?" she sneered. Morgana was finding it harder to breath.


"Hey Morgana, are you even listening to me?" Gwen asked.

Gwen was sitting on the sofa adjacent to Morgana, who apparently drifted off into a daydream.

"Uhh what? Sorry Gwen I was distracted," she answers while being brought back to reality for she was trying to interpret last night's dream.

"I was saying, you never come to uni anymore. All you do is copy my notes now. Where's the Morgana I used to know. The one that invites me over all the time?"

"I don't know," she replies vaguely.

"I could see that," Gwen huffs uncharacteristically, "Do you even know that Arthur and I are dating?" she exclaims.

"Uhhh you guys are?" she asks, genuinely she didn't know.

"Yeah we are."

"Oh that's nice," Morgana states and resumes her daydreaming.

Gwen looked a little disappointed and decided to go, not sure how she was going to deal with her friend anymore.


"What's that?" she sneered. Morgana was finding it harder to breath.

"That I've never stopped loving you," he said with a strength unknown to a man who was about to die.

"Hah!" she chokes out, a little blood dribbling down the side of her mouth, joining that patch on her neck. However, the laugh seemed unsure of itself.

"And I know you haven't either," the blue eyed man whispered.

Her heart stopped beating for a moment. If she knew that her heart stopped beating for a moment it wasn't because she was dead. No, somewhere within those words there was truth. A truth which she tried to bury in the deepest recesses of her mind and that now risen to the surface. That truth gave her a sudden bout of energy and warmth.

"Why do you have to be always right?" she whispered.

"That's just who I am Milady," he joked even though they were dying.

"I haven't been a Lady for a long time."

"You were always one to me, and still are." He somehow managed to to move his hand and hold hers. Exchanging the last glimmer of warmth their bodies were able to make.

"So I guess this is the end," she said so quietly that if they were in a crowd of people only he would be the only one to hear it since he was so close.

"No Morgana, it is only the beginning."


"So you and the man died?" questioned Dr. Gaius.

"Yes I did. How many times do I need to repeat this Doctor," she asked frustratedly. "No you don't have to repeat it you would say. And then so how do I feel you would ask. And then I would say, I don't know. What am I going to do?" she demanded. Clutching the stuffed dragon so tightly the eyes would have bulged out if they weren't so sewed on properly.

"You would continue dreaming, wouldn't you Morgana?"

"Yes I would," she agreed fervently for the first time.

"Well I do believe that is the end of today's session," Dr. Gaius finished suddenly and passing her the card telling her when the next appointment was.

Morgana stormed out the clinic towards Arthur's car, absolutely frustrated about the waste of time these appointments were.

She realised someone was sitting in her usual seat in the front so she opened the back door and slid in directly in the back seat of the front passenger seat.

"Wow, you're on time for once Morgana!" exclaimed Arthur who was starting up the engine.

"Nice way to state the obvious Arthur."

"Hah. Well any who, Merlin this is my spastic sister Morgana," introduced Arthur to his friend.

"I'm actually his half-" Morgana began to reply automatically but only to gape when she saw Merlin turn around in his seat to give her a handshake.

And she saw him. Instead of wearing the usual red neckerchief and blue shirt with brown jacket he was wearing a blue plaid shirt with its two top buttons undone so she could finally see his neck. He had the same jaw line, the same messed up flop of dark hair albeit a little longer. He had the same stuck up ears but it was those twinkling, cobalt blue eyes filled with mirth that she recognised immediately.

His eyes widened in something akin to recognition and stuttered out, "Hi I'm Merlin, nice to meet you."

It took a few seconds for Morgana to process the simple greeting. "Pleasure to meet you too."

She took his hand to shake but as soon as they made contact a spark of energy generated between them which they both immediately let go and slightly flushed for some unknown reason.

For the rest of the ride Morgana and Merlin were unusually quiet, not that Arthur realised since he provided most of the conversation. Merlin was trying not to squirm in his seat while Morgana was trying to sit as far as possible away from him.

Her dreams became a reality.

Morgana was relieved when Merlin finally left the car because she was finally able to calm herself down. When they reached home she tried to distract herself in anyway possible too get rid of her thoughts of him. She managed to catch up to all her notes and do all her assignments in the process.

But that night when she went to sleep. She did not dream for the first time in a very long time.


The next morning she got up early to go to uni which Arthur who was very surprised that she was going to university with him. Since she hasn't done that for over eight months.

Morgana arrived late to her lecture, Romancing the Medieval, which she never attended since her first lecture there. The theatre was full and the only spot was next to a guy with a beanie who was sleeping in the back row. She walked up to the seat and as she got closer and realised it was Merlin. She could tell who it was by the the sculpted cheek bones and angled jaw.

She sat next to him, trying to be silent so she wouldn't wake him. However, he did wake up turned around to see her. He looked shocked, he didn't even greet her so she in turn didn't too.

Through the next hour Merlin was squirming and fidgeting in his seat while Morgana tried to ignore him to the best of her abilities by taking notes with a type of desperation.

When the lecture ended Merlin got out of his seat so fast Morgana couldn't even tell which direction he went it.

Later on in the day Morgana was trying to find somewhere to sit down to have lunch. At last she found a bench in a shady alcove underneath some oak trees whose leaves were a bursting, green contrasting with the bright, blue sky above. Yet, coincidently Merlin was there too munching on his sandwich

Morgana walked up and again sat next to him but this time he turned his slowly and realised who she was and quickly turned away. Morgana pretended too ignore him and began to unravel the cling wrap off her sandwich. But she could feel his blue eyes boring into her, just like the dream she had a while ago.

When she finished her sandwich, she sneaked a glance at Merlin's long hands holding the sandwich. It remained untouched and looked exactly the same since she sat on the bench.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" snapped Morgana.

Merlin dropped the remnants of his sandwich on the floor, his ears were getting very red, embarrassed for being caught in the act.

"I'm uhh...uhhh you look like uhh someone I uhhh know," he spluttered.

"Really?" Morgana asked eagerly, moving closer to him.

Merlin was still squirming trying to lean away from Morgana as much as the edge of the bench would let him.

"Uhh yeyeah," he admitted still very embarrassed. But his eyes caught hers and held them there. His gazed at her hungrily like he was trying to imbue an image of her into his memory.

"Where from?" Morgana asked curiously wanting to find the real truth. The truth that has been invading yet evading her all her life.

"You...wouldddn't bebebelive me mee," he stammered, still not being able to form a coherent sentence.

"Try me,"challenged Morgana.

By this stage Merlin gave up forming words and shook his head in response.

Morgana decided to take control of the situation and grabbed Merlin's wrist, ignoring the spark between them that sent shivers down her spine. It was now or never, either she was insane or not. "You see me in your dreams don't you?"

His eyes doubled in size, but there was a flicker of acceptance. Merlin simply nodded.

"What do you dream?" Morgana whispered, scared of breaking the tension in the atmosphere for it was like a string bound too tightly on a bow that may snap at any moment.

Merlin remained silent and then replied softly, "Of you and you alone."

Morgana pondered a bit, "We killed each other in the end though didn't we?"

Merlin nodded again, he too was scared that his voice would break the sacred tension. He didn't even try to escape from Morgana's rock hard grip.

"But you said something in the end. Didn't you? You said 'it is only the beginning' what did you mean?" Morgana asked almost to a point where she sounded like she was pleading.

Merlin didn't answer instead he leaned closer only to capture her lips with his.

Morgana didn't expect this at all, and she didn't suddenly expect herself to deepen the kiss further and relinquish her grip on his wrist and to wrap them around his neck. Nor to feel his arms to wrap around her waist. She didn't know how long the kiss went for. It could've been seconds, to minutes, to hours. It felt like time suddenly stopped for them.

But they had to stop eventually, for the lack of oxygen. But she wanted it again. It was a want. A need. Luckily they did since Arthur and Gwen just spotted them in the alcove.

Merlin looked at her with a smile and said, "I think that's what I meant when I said it is only the beginning."

Morgana nodded silently this time but returned him with a small smile of her own.


"Dr. Gaius you have a call on line one," called out the receptionist.

"Thank you Lucrezia," he replied.

Gaius walked over to the phone on his desk and picked it up. "Hello, this is Dr. Gaius Antonius speaking."

"Hello Dr. Gaius this is Morgana Pendragon."

"Ohh hello Morgana my dear. You missed out your appointment yesterday."

"Yes, sorry about that. But I don't believe I need your counselling any more."

"Really why is that?" he asked inquisitively.

"I've found out the meaning of my dreams."

"What is that my child?"

"That I had to find a new beginning and I've already started," she replied enthusiastically. It was the first time Gaius ever heard such a tone from her.

"I am glad to hear that Morgana."

"Me too. I have to go now but thank you so much," she thanked him for the first time genuinely.

"That is alright my dear. It is my job, I wish you all the best in the future."

"I do too. Well bye bye and have a nice day."

The other end of the line hung up. Gaius placed the phone back into position and looked a the stuffed white dragon toy which for some reason look like it shimmered slightly.

But maybe it was only the light.


Author's Notes

Why is my muse continuing to infect me with more Mergana plot bunnies? But I guess it's good for you guys and bad for me, well mainly my exam scores for Chemistry and Ancient Rome (But hey I did some 'study', Gauis' name was quite popular in Ancient Rome, it was the name of an early Roman Consul in the Republic and part of Julius Caesar's full name). I'm such a sap when it comes to Mergana. I was going to wrap it up when Merlin and Morgana kissed (I'm such a hopeless romantic) but I felt Gaius was being left out. Any thoughts on that would be appreciated and thanks for reading my story. ~ 17/11/2011