Ring of Doom

By Luffysama

Summary: Zoro becomes engaged to Sanji, much to his despair.

Pairing: Zoro x Sanji, ZoSan

Rating: M for future chapters.

Zoro woke first.

It was no surprise. In the Grand Line, most mornings were freezing cold and Zoro couldn't get comfortable enough to fall back asleep again. Faint sunlight was already beginning to beam through the porthole, and it wouldn't be long before the crew would wake.

Sighing, Zoro stretched out his aching limbs. He cast a glare at the sleeping chef across the room.

Shitty cook.

He couldn't understand why Sanji was so against sharing a double bed. He could still remember that stubborn look on the blonde's face, completely adament that there was no way they could sleep on the same mattress. Zoro had conceded, merely because he had no wish to waste energy fighting with a prim idiot.

Distantly, he heard a bell ring.

It was Lady Sierra's ship, probably the morning bell no doubt.

Sanji stirred at the noise, leaning up slightly in bed. He ran a hand through his tangled blonde hair and began to grope around his body, looking for a cigarette. Zoro watched with amusement as Sanji lit one up, placing it to his lips and taking a deep breath of poison. The blonde, feeling his gaze, cast him a sideways glare.

"You look shit," Zoro announced.

Sanji flicked his lighter shut, blowing a cloud of smoke. "Fuck you," he replied bluntly, his voice sounding rough.

Suddenly, there were voices outside on deck.

Zoro frowned as he concentrated. Nami's voice… and Lady Sierra's voice… wafted through the thin wooden walls. Zoro unconciously clenched onto his three swords, realizing that the foot steps were coming towards their door. Sanji too, had realized that people were coming and tensed up.

"Shit," the cook hissed. "Get your ass over here!"


Zoro scrambled to his feet as he dashed towards the bed. Sanji flung the cover's over his body as he clambered in, just in time before there was a loud knock on the door.

"Ohaiyo!" Nami trilled, flinging the door open. She strolled in, closely followed by Lady Sierra. "Awww, look at the two, all snuggled up in bed together."

That was close.

Zoro was panting lightly from the shock, realizing that he had naturally wrapped his arm around the blonde man whilst diving into the bed. Sanji's face had turned red, and he was abruptly shoved back. Zoro hastily removed his arm from the blonde, wishing the cook didn't get so grumpy all the time.

Trying to wipe the irritated look on his face, he sat up in bed to see Nami and Lady Sierra holding trays.

"I had our ship's cook prepare some breakfast for you two. My treat," Lady Sierra smiled, placing the breakfast tray down on the table. "Sunny side up eggs, fried tuna and some fresh juice."

Sanji, who had previously been scowling, immediately sat up straight with a smile. "Thank you, Nami-swan, Lady Sierra!" He crooned lovingly.

Zoro immediately put his hand over Sanji's mouth and shoved him back down onto the pillows with an 'oomph'.

"How nice of you," Zoro forced himself to say, glaring at the all-too-innocent Nami.

"I've ordered breakfast for Luffy kun and Usopp kun so that you can have a nice little extra morning time together. I know how demanding it is for the cook to wake up every morning to feed the crew."

Zoro tried not to splutter at what Lady Sierra was insinuating by 'morning time'.

"Right," he managed to say. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, Zoro kun," Lady Sierra flashed a pearly white smile towards him.

Zoro shivered at the sound of his name and watched uneasily as the Lady captain glided out of the room. That damn, alluring, blonde, trickster of a woman was up to something, Zoro was sure. As soon as she exited, Nami turned towards him with an excited look in her eyes, clearly unthreatened.

"You guy's are doing a good job!" She whispered happily.

Zoro groaned. "This is madness."

"I'll say," Sanji muttered with mutual agreement.

Nami whacked them both not so gently across the head. "Quiet. You two keep up the chirade until I figure out a way to get some gold off of her."

"I should've known you were only in it for the gold."

"What can I say?" Nami said cheerfully. "She doesn't seem entirely convinced though. Maybe you could kick it up a notch… you know. Nicknames, hand holding, groping, that sort of thing."

Zoro opened his mouth to protest, but he was beaten to it by Sanji.

"Are you serious!" Sanji hissed, looking infuriated. "Please tell me you didn't just say that!"

"Hey!" Zoro felt mildly offended. "It can't be that horrible. It's embarrassing for me too…"

"Oh you're embarrassed?" The chef snapped. "Everyone's going to think the best I could do is a grumpy marimo head obsessed with swords!"

The swordsman twitched at that.

"Is this the best you two can really do?" Nami suddenly interrupted, hands on her hips. "You both made a commitment. Are you going to screw it up now over some silly argument, or man up and see it through to the end?"

Silence fell over the bedroom.

Zoro shrugged.

"I'll play along. But I won't force Sanji to do anything he isn't comfortable with – after all, this is my problem."

Sanji shifted uneasily, his face unreadable. But there was an unspoken challenge in the air.

"I'll see it through to the end," he finally said, sounding stiff. "It won't be the first time I've had to save your arse."

Zoro snorted, but didn't rise to the bait.

Satisfied, Nami flashed them a simpering smile. "That's settled then. Put on a good show for Lady Sierra, aye? We're having barbeque for dinner with her later on her ship."

With that, she exited the room.

Another uncomfortable silence fell over Zoro and Sanji, who were still sitting side by side in Nami's pink bed. Zoro grinned as he nudged the other man with his elbow playfully, trying to break the awkward spell.

"I suppose we could hold hands today or something," he mused.

The blonde cook turned a violent shade of red, looking murderous.

"Get out, Marimo."

"Alright, alright, I'm moving, geez," Zoro said hastily, clambering back out of bed.

If only Usopp had chosen a more convincing candidate to be his 'fiance'.

The day passed by relatively smoothly.

Zoro hid himself away in the crows nest. Sanji occupied himself feeding Luffy meat. The two had absolutely no reason to inflict pain on each other, so this worked out well.

Usopp was busy too, clanging away with his hammer.

When he showed Zoro the sparkly ring he had made for him to give to Sanji, he was promptly punched into the sea.

"Cook's don't wear rings," Zoro explained.

Sanji swallowed.

As predicted, he was the first to show up on Lady Sierra's Black Ship.

Damn Zoro, he thought to himself. You could always count on the swordsman to be late.

It was already dark and the sky was filled with a blanket of stars. Luckily, the weather had been peaceful all day and the two ships sailed side by side peacefully, aided by the evening breeze.

Luffy, Nami and Usopp were lounging on the deck, sipping martini's and being pampered by the Black Ship crew. They were laughing and playing cards with several other pirates, as if they were having the time of their life. And Sanji was secretly jealous of their carefree attitudes.

They weren't the ones getting married to Zoro. They had nothing to worry about.

"Welcome, Sanji kun," Lady Sierra crooned.

Sanji smiled, unable to act rude in front of a beautiful lady. "Good evening."

"We haven't started the barbeque yet, I'm afraid. I was rather hoping you'd cook for us tonight."

Sanji laughed politely.

"That's no problem with me."

The two of them settled down into deck chairs, and Sanji accepted a pink flavoured drink from a passing pirate-waiter. He sipped it, wishing desperately that Nami or Usopp would rescue him. Alas, they were far too busy playing their card game to notice.

"Finally some time alone together," Lady Sierra said, folding a leg over delicately.

Sanji smiled hesitantly.

"I do hope my arrival didn't shock you last night. I'm not surprised Zoro kept this whole secret to himself. You're not… mad at him, are you?"

"Not at all. Why would I be mad?" Sanji blinked.

"Well I noticed you and Zoro barely talked to each other today. Don't tell me he hasn't apologized to you yet?"

The blonde coughed lightly.

"I can't deny, thing's have been a bit tense lately," he admitted. "But everything's fine now, really."

Lady Sierra tsk'ed.

"Zoro really is a thickhead sometimes," she commented warmly, then chuckled. "But nothing a night of make up sex won't solve!"

Sanji almost spat out his drink.

"M-make up sex?" He stuttered, feeling his cheeks heat up at the thought.

"Oh please," Lady Sierra laughed. "There's no need to be shy around me. Surely you two have had sex already."

Sanji hid his face behind his glass as he gulped down the drink hastily. Damn woman, he thought to himself. Lady Sierra had probably gotten the entirely wrong idea, when she had walked in on them that morning. Of course, Sanji's hair was always a mess when he woke up. There was no conceivable way that Sanji had been ruffled up by Zoro, much less have make up sex with the man.

"I think you got the wrong idea…" he began.

Lady Sierra immediately retreated, looking apologetic.

"Ah, gomen nasai," she apologized. "I just assumed you two had sex last night. I suppose it's more natural between a man and a woman, after all… it takes a woman to satisfy."

Her voice sounded smug.

Sanji placed his glass down, trying to hold back the glare on his face. Now the damned woman was insinuating he wasn't good enough for Zoro in bed. Lady Sierra was sipping her drink innocently as they eyed each other challengingly.

Two can play that game. Afterall, he did promise Nami he would put on a convincing show.

"Actually," Sanji corrected. "We have plenty of sex. Frequently."

"Really?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," He nodded, getting into the swing of it. "Twice a day. In fact, he often comes back to bed begging for thirds. Sometime's it'll last the whole night. Hot, passionate, steamy sex."

He grinned smugly as Lady Sierra reeled back looking defeated. For a wild second, Sanji was triumphant. This lying thing was easier than hethought. He could even give Usopp a run for his money.

Then his heart stopped as he heard two footsteps approach behind him.

"Zoro kun, you made it after all," Lady Sierra said suddenly.

Sanji froze.

Slowly, he turned around and winced as he realized Zoro had been standing behind him. He grimaced inwardly as he replayed the last little speech in his head. Hot, passionate, steamy, satisfying sex. There was no way that Zoro didn't hear that.

Zoro looked partially stunned, standing there with a blank stare on his face as he held a bottle of booze in one hand. Sanji wanted to sink through the ship and into the ocean with embarrassment.

"Sanji. Lady Sierra," Zoro remembered to greet. "Am I interrupting?"

Sanji leapt to his feet hastily.

"Look at the time," he blurted. "I really got to get started on that barbeque."

He hastily retreated from the scene, heart thumping as he felt Lady Sierra and Zoro watching him leave.

Nami, Usopp stifled their giggles behind their poker cards as Sanji passed by, having heard everything he had said. If Sanji knew, he would probably give them all a kick up their backsides.

"Who'dve thought he'd come up with something like that," Nami wiped a tear from her eye.

"A man after my own heart," Usopp sighed, giggling madly.

Luffy simply stared between the two, completely baffled by what was so funny.

Zoro stared.

"Hot, passionate, steamy, satisfying sex…"

Good thing he had finished swallowing his last gulp of booze, otherwise he would've sprayed it across the ship deck. Did Sanji really say that? The blonde chef had jumped up and excused himself so quickly, Zoro almost thought he was hallucinating. He couldn't help but smirk, when he realized that Sanji had indeed said that. That love cook, Sanji was actually making an effort to be convincing, much to his surprise.

"Hey Zoro, you're finally here!" Nami greeted, bouncing over. "Finally we can start the barbeque, I'm starving."

"So am I," Luffy groaned, gripping his stomach as if he was in agony. The rubberman punched Zoro playfully. "How could you make me wait so long for my meat!" He demanded.

Zoro shrugged dismissively.

He had been reluctant to show up at all. He had been purposefully avoiding Sanji the entire day, just to give the man some personal space. Afterall, Sanji wasn't someone to be harassed when he was agitated. Zoro certainly didn't want to risk getting kicked in the face in front of Lady Sierra.

"Luffy's been telling me what a fantastic cook your Sanji kun is," Lady Sierra said. "I suppose that's part of the reason why you're so attracted to him?"

Zoro scratched his head.

"I s'pose."

Usopp, as usual, put his big nose where it didn't belong. "That's actually how he fell in love with Sanji in the first place. The moment Zoro tasted Sanji's grilled eel rice and special udon, he knew Sanji was special. To this day, Zoro still loves to watch Sanji cook…"

Zoro hastily wrapped a strong arm around Usopp's head as the sharpshooter squeaked. He rubbed the head with his other fist, faking a loud laugh. "That's enough from you," he said playfully, but the glare in his eye's got the message across to Usopp.

"Well you don't have to stick around to entertain me," Lady Sierra smiled. "You must be eager to get back to your Sanji Kun."

"That's right," Nami gave him a little nudge with her elbow. "Run along to Sanji. I'm sure he's missing your touch."


Zoro wasn't going to have any peace.

Sighing, he released Usopp's head abruptly (causing the struggling sharpshooter to fall into a pile of barrels) and began to head over to the barbeque set. Sanji had already fired up the grill and was chopping up thick chunky slices of steak, fish and octopus with a rather large looking cleaver.

Zoro swallowed thickly, wondering if it really was such a good idea to approach an embarrassed, agitated cook with a large knife in his talented hands.

However, Nami, Usopp and Lady Sierra were within eyesight, and he couldn't back out now.

He hovered behind Sanji, before reaching out with his hands to grasp the apron strings that had become loose. He undid the strings and tightened up the knot, making a neat bow that rested just above Sanji's hips.

Sanji jumped at his touch, head immediately snapping around to glare at him.

Sensing danger, Zoro grabbed onto the man's hips to keep him still, lowering his voice to speak into Sanji's ear.

"Relax," he murmured. "We're just putting on a show, remember?"

Sanji relaxed slightly under his hands, although Zoro could still feel the tension. The cook whacked away at the meat a few times, cleaver shining dangerously. The blonde hair tickled against Zoro's cheek as he cautiously rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"Your waist is small," Zoro noted bluntly, without thinking.

Sanji's waist was slim for a man, slimmer than Zoro had originally imagined. Or perhaps it was Zoro's hands that were larger from handling swords all the time. Either way, two thirds of his waist sat perfectly under his hands and gave him a rather satisfying feeling of power and control.

He squeezed Sanji's waist lightly, feeling the man squirm uncomfortably.

"Stop that. It tickles," Sanji huffed, giving one last chop with his cleaver. "We wouldn't want any slip ups with my knife would we."

Zoro huffed back in reply.

"Fucking marimo," the cook muttered under his breath.

Sanji squirmed as he felt Zoro squeeze his waist again, indicating that he had heard the insult.

"Shitty cook," Zoro breathed against his cheek.

Settling the cleaver down carefully, Sanji wriggled himself free from Zoro's firm grasp and turned around to face him. He grimaced as Zoro simply settled his large hands back onto his hips, reclaiming their warm spot. It made Sanji feel incredibly uncomfortable at how close Zoro was standing.

Automatically, he grabbed Zoro's arms to push them away but they held firm.

"Listen here," he muttered, calming his voice down. "You're lucky that I've decided to make a special effort for you. But I don't recall agreeing that you would be the one doing the touching."

Zoro blinked blankly with that thickhead expression he always held.

Sanji sighed. "If anyone's going to do the groping, it's me," he repeated slowly.

"I'm barely touching you," Zoro protested, raising an eyebrow. "What's the big difference? We're just trying to prove a point to Lady Sierra."

"Because," Sanji hissed, feeling his cheeks heat up. "It makes me look like the girly one in the relationship."

Zoro snorted.

"Alright, alright," he conceded, loosening his grip around Sanji's waist.

Sanji gritted his teeth.

He wasn't going to back down. He could pull this off. If Zoro could do it, then so could he, damn it. Heart thumping wildly, he slowly inched his hand's up Zoro's arms. The muscles flexed lightly in response under his fingers, and Zoro watched steadily as Sanji wrapped his arms loosely around his neck in a feeble embrace.

This was harder than he thought.

He grimaced as Zoro reflexively wrapped his own arms around his waist, their bodies only an inch away from each other.

Sanji held them apart steadily, despite how uncomfortable it was trying to keep their distance. If only Zoro had been a girl, he would have had no problem with a simple, comforting hug. He sighed at his own inability to overcome such a small problem.

Glancing over Zoro's shoulder, he could see Nami and the others drinking cocktails and chatting away enthusiastically. The lucky bastards.

"Should we attempt a kiss?" Zoro joked.

Sanji looked back at Zoro and glared.

"Try and I'll make you regret it," he snapped. "I'm going to start on the barbeque now."

They released each other awkwardly from the embrace.

Satisfied that they had put on a small 'display' of affection, Sanji turned back around to get started on dinner. He was caught off guard when he suddenly felt a large hand defiantly grab his bum with a slap, giving it a firm squeeze. Reddening, he spun back around to punch the damn swordsman but Zoro had already made his escape.

God damn it, he thought to himself, slapping the meat onto the sizzling grill.

His right bum cheek still tingled from the touch.


I haven't written for so long it feels stiff lol, but had to push this chapter out. Hope you enjoy :)