I do not own Pearls Before Swine.

Angry Bob was angry.

He was at the bookstore when he saw teenage girls happily reading a book.

"I will read that book," he said "then I'll be happy."

So he read the book, he didn't put it down. By the time he finished it he was happy.

A few days later he read in the newspaper that a convention for fans of the series was being held in town.

"I'll go to this convention," he said "then I can discuss my favorite book with other fans."

He got there to find most people arguing. Half of them had t-shirts that said "Team Edward" while the other half had t-shirts that said "Team Jacob."

Bob was disgusted. He climbed onto the stage and yelled into the microphone.

"Stop, fans of Twilight! Aren't we all fans? Should we not all be able to discuss our favorite series rationally despite differing in opinion?"

The fans of Edward looked at the fans of Jacob, who looked back at the fans of Edward.

Then they threw their books at Bob's head.

Bob died at the hand of his favorite series.

The End

Rat stopped reading and turned to Pig.

"Never read."