[EDITOR'S NOTE:I'm sorry, I should have put this up sooner: There are some minor Xros Wars spoilers scattered throughout this piece. -Taiki Matsuki]
Dinner With Devils
The rumor spread fast through Toei Animation's staff, one little slip from a junior executive new to the anime division was all it took.
Three magic words: Digimon Season Sequel. For the first time since Digimon Adventure 02 there would be a sequel to one of the five Digimon anime series: Adventure, Tamers, Frontier, Savers or Xros Wars.
Of course, the rumor was big news only to those who could be classified as "Heroes." There was a section of the cast that was less than excited by the rumor, especially compared to said heroes. The "Goggle Boys," especially, were jumping out of their skin when they heard they might have another big anime gig. So were their co-stars, both human and Digital.
But what of those who had their time in the limelight? Those who would not have a chance at coming back? And if they did, not in any meaningful role. These were, of course…
"I am telling you, there is no point to this," Vamdemon said as he passed through the lit up street.
"I don't argue with Piemon," said Yukio Oikawa, who walked alongside the tall vampire. If the sidewalk were crowded, the two would have stuck out like sore thumbs, but at night? Honestly, they looked like a pair of Twilight fans on their way to a convention (though the last person to say that to Vamdemon's face ended up with a copy of said 'literary insult' inserted into them – And not through any particular orifice).
Vamdemon, of course, had the whole "Vampire" excuse for his appearance. Yukio? A lifelong battle with insomnia had left him with a vampire's complexion and schedule – Though, Vamdemon actually had no qualms with sunlight, if anything, he was working on a tan for a trip to Hawaii in the coming month with some members of the Tamers and Savers cast.
"You don't suppose he's doing what Taichi and the others are, do you?" Vamdemon asked.
"Probably not, at best we would have some cameo appearances. And I doubt you will. No offense, Vamde-kun, but…"
"I know, the fandom is sick of me," Vamdemon rolled his eyes. "They even made Beelzebumon dress up and play NeoVamdemon in XrosWars! Can you believe that? I can't even play the first Vampire-type Digimon to appear since that whole BelialVamdemond debacle! Even Devimonhas come back for more than just Adventure 02!"
"I have more trouble believing Beelzebumon talked them into giving him two paychecks for that," Oikawa said, looking up at a sign over a building they were approaching. "Ah, here it is…"
Kamesato's Teppan Grill – Just a block away from the Ishigame Hotel near Tokyo International Airport.
As Vamdemon and Oikawa walked to the door, Vamdemon felt someone tap his shoulder. "Hm?" He turned. "Oh, good evening." He bowed his head.
"You haven't seen a group of eight losers, have you?" Masaru Daimon asked, behind him stood Touma. Touma had a look about him that said both 'I can't believe I'm going along with Masaru on this one' and 'I can only see this night ending violently.' "Half of 'em should be wearing goggles on their heads." He rolled his eyes, Masaru never quite got the whole 'goggle' thing the other Digimon leads seemed obsessed with.
"If I recall, I heard Taichi Yagami mention that he reserved a suite at the Ishigame Hotel," Vamdemon pointed ahead. "I would begin your search there."
"Thanks, Dracula." Masaru pat Vamdemon on the shoulder and walked off. "Holding a meeting about the new season and not inviting me, are they…? I'll get 'em."
"Do smash something expensive for me, will you?" Vamdemon asked.
"Will do!" Masaru said as he walked off, waving one hand in the air and giving Vamdemon thumbs up.
"My thanks," Vamdemon said.
"…Why would you do that to Taichi, Vamdemon?" Oikawa asked as he opened the door to Kamesato's.
"Because he still owes me money from last week's poker game," Vamdemon said.
Kamesato's Teppan Grill was a bar with a teppan (iron) grill in the back. It specialized in okonomiyaki and fried noodle dishes. From Vamdemon and Oikawa's right, along the side wall and to the back wall of the dining room, was a single, long bar with quite a number of patrons (many of which worked in the same "industry" as Vamdemon and Oikawa, some for Toei, some for different studios) while the rest of the dining room was filled with tables, the biggest ones in the back. There was also a karaoke stage near the entrance, though karaoke didn't begin for another half hour according to a neon sign above the stage: KARAOKE 8 - 12 EVERY NIGHT! Below it was a regular sign, saying: 500 Yen per song. Free song with one drink, two with every meal.
The walls of Kamesato's were decorated with a tortoise (due to its name) and anime motif (due to its clientele) – Vamdemon noted the recent addition of an autographed poster of ChibiKamemon, put alongside a trio of "pawprint" autographed pictures of Squirtle, Torkoal and Turtwig of Pokemon fame.
Vamdemon and Oikawa spotted a familiar face wave them over from a half-circle shaped booth in the back of the bar by holding up a martini. Piemon – The "big bad" leader of the Dark Masters from Digimon Adventure's first season. Also sitting at his table was Lucemon, the villain of Digimon's less-than-acclaimed fourth season (Digimon Frontier), Mitsuo Yamaki of the "top secret" Hypnos organization of Digimon Tamers and Professor Kurata of Savers infamy.
Vamdemon and Oikawa sat down at the booth, Yamaki passed them each a menu. As Vamdemon sat down near Kurata, the professor let out a loud sneeze. "Amusing." Vamdemon rolled his eyes. "Preparing a role should Savers be the lucky one?"
"Actually, Vamdemon, you'd be surprised to know Kurata-san actually doeshave allergies," Piemon said. "Just not to Digimon."
Kurata reached for a tissue, going into a sneezing fit. "It's tr…tru…TR—AAAH-CHOO…!" He sneezed into his tissue, groaning.
"What are you allergic to, then?" Vamdemon asked.
Kurata put his tissue in an unused ashtray, he started counting on his fingers. "Pollen, dust, wool, strawberries, peanuts, chocolate, dogs, cats, some reptiles, cigarette smoke…" He continued to list more than a dozen more things.
In fact, Kurata didn't even finish before Yamaki spoke up, "Simply put, his sneeze at the sight of a Digimon in Savers was actually added into the script because he couldn't finish a single take without sneezing at something. The director decided it was easier than replacing him two months into shooting."
Kurata chuckled, "Allergies are nothing to sneeze at, Yamaki."
"No, but horrid puns like that are," Piemon said, rolling his eyes.
"Here, here," Lucemon nodded. "So, why'd you call us here, Piemon?"
"I'm sure you all heard the rumor from Toei, that they're going to give one of the past seasons a sequel, correct?" Piemon asked.
"Aren't the so-called 'Goggle Boys' already discussing that?" Kurata asked. "And, well, I doubt they'll re-use any villains—In fact, Yamaki-san, what are you even doing here? You became a good guy, you canshow up in another Tamers series."
"I called Yamaki because D-Reaper couldn't fit in the bar," Piemon replied with a smirk, knowing full well D-Reaper was CGI and J-Reaper was Juri in a costume (though he was tempted to call her for that reason). "Though I have to say, I found Tamers to be lacking in the villain department. You didn't have any real memorable baddies, did you? Beelzebumon was an anti-hero, the Devas and the four gods were part of some 'one man's hero is another man's villain' philosophical theme and, to top it all off, your 'big bad' was a computer program! I mean no offense, Yamaki, but…Where is the classic, memorable bad guy?"
"I believe you are leaving out the fact that the computer program in question was an all-consuming Hal-9000 from another dimension 'programmed' to wipe out all of humanity all while being powered by the sadness of a little girl." Yamaki said.
"Oh, it's powered by wittle girl's sadness is it?" Piemon pouted. "Then call the Care Bears, they handle stuff like that on a daily basis! Vamdemon, you know what I'm talking about, right? I'm sure you've done battle with Care-a-lot, or at least Wish-a-lot!"
"I refuse to comment," Vamdemon muttered. "May we please not sit here and complain about each others' respective series or role? We are at a bar, I assume we will be drinking alcohol. I cannot imagine such a mixture to end without bloodshed. Or, at least, a night in the drunk tank." He eyed Piemon. "Piemon, you know what I'm talking about, right?"
"Sixty-days sober!" Piemon raised a martini glass with his left hand and two crossed fingers with his right.
"You couldn't spend sixty seconds sober," Lucemon rolled his eyes.
"It just gets grueling at twenty-eight seconds, I'm only one man!" Piemon chuckled. "But I see Vamdemon's point, I apologize for the Care Bears crack, Yamaki. I called us here to discuss this peacefully. And, like it has been said, we are the villains – Our roles have come and gone. And although Vamdemon here has shown us that, while a return is not completely out of the question, Toei probably won't try anything like the last five episodes of Digimon Adventure 02 anytime soon."
"I would like to remind you all that a large part of that is due to Daisuke Motomiya and a can of ramune soda." Vamdemon spoke up.
"Yeah, blame the soda," Lucemon said.
"I don't blame the soda, I blame the idiot who thought he could juggle five cans while screaming 'Toss me one more, Ken! Toss me one more!' I'm amazed Ken Ichijouji went along with it."
"It wasn't that Daisuke couldn't catch it, it's that Ken threw it into his forehead," Oikawa added.
"That, too." Vamdemon gave a nod.
"In my brother's defense," a voice from the booth behind Piemon spoke up, "Ota Michihiko did spike the punch. He wasn't himself. No-one was. Especially Iori."
"And if it isn't everyone's favorite slice of road pizza," Piemon smirked, turning his head.
Osamu sat up on his knees in his seat, facing Piemon, "Piemon, what kind of sick, twisted individual makes light of someone being run over by a car? It might be a show but a tragedy like that really warped Ken's character, it's a major part of what created The Digimon Kaiser and you can see signs of it in The Kaiser's resemblance to me…How can you joke about something that horrible? What kind of soulless bastard does that? I-I mean, the idea you can make fun of something like that and expect someone equally heartless to laugh is mind boggling! Really, Piemon, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Piemon stared at Osamu for a moment, reflecting on what he had just said to him. He set his drink aside, letting out a quiet sigh as he hang his head ever so slightly, saying, "…Osamu…You're right. Tragedies like that should not be made light of. I want to make amends for that horrible, horrible road pizza crack. Will you help me do so? I really do feel terrible, alcohol makes me say things I tend to regret after I sober up. Please, Osamu?"
Osamu nodded. "O-Of course, if it'll clear your conscience."
"Good! We'll start by bringing a rampaging driver to justice!" Piemon sat forward, closer to Osamu. He stared at the young man's forehead.
"…What are you doing?"
"Trying to see if the license plate left an imprint," Piemon said, finally losing composure as a smirk ran across his face.
"I should have known," Osamu muttered as Piemon sat back in his seat.
"It's just a show, Osamu, it's not like you were really run over and Ken became the warped dictator of a parallel dimension," Oikawa said. "But I agree that Piemon's sense of humor can get…more than a little dark."
"No kidding," Lucemon muttered. "And, Osamu, I think you had more to do with creating The Digimon Kaiser than your death did."
"'Cause you wouldn't share Ken's toys," Lucemon said.
"Yes, that 'Digivice incident' certainly didn't help Ken," Kurata said. "But I think we can all agree – Ken Ichijouji has issues."
"Agreed," Piemon, Lucemon, Yamaki, Vamdemon, Oikawa and Osamu all said in unison.
A waiter came by to take food and drink orders, Osamu joined the others at the larger booth with Yamaki and Vamdemon on either end of the group and Piemon in the center. Osamu ordered a ramune soda while the rest had an alcoholic beverage of some sort.
"So, you guys are doing the same thing that Taichi and Daisuke are doing with the Tamers and Frontier guys?" Osamu asked as the waiter dropped off his soda. "Ken and I have a room over at Ishigame because of that."
"Actually, no," Piemon shook his head. "As I have said, we're the baddies, aside from Mitsuo, we're all either dead or otherwise unable to return outside of a cameo. I highly doubt Toei will bring back any of us. I actually wanted to see what a 'villainous representative' of each classic season thought of, well, our place in the series. Particularly how our past misdeeds will affect whichever season gets its sequel. I thought it would be nice to have a roundtable on the subject and, maybe, come up with some suggestions for the writers on behalf of whatever lucky cast gets their precious sequel season."
"Really?" Osamu asked.
"Actually, I just wanted to get drunk with friends and you guys were the only ones not running around screaming 'new season! New season! Goody goody gumdrops!' Like idiots," Piemon said.
"That sounds much more believable," Yamaki said. He turned to Osamu. "And what about you?"
"Ken and I have a room over at Ishigame for that meeting Taichi and Daisuke threw. I just came here for dinner," Osamu said.
"What are those guys doing, exactly?" Lucemon asked.
"Taichi and Daisuke are holding some sort of meeting with the Goggle Boys of the past five seasons—" Piemon said.
"Four seasons – Masaru was not invited, apparently." Oikawa said.
"…I knew Taichi and Daisuke were stupid, but…" Piemon trailed off.
"We ran into him just outside of here," Vamdemon said. "He's on the hunt."
Piemon stood and raised his glass. Immediately, everyone else did the same as Oikawa, Lucemon and Kurata quietly hummed 'Amazing Grace.' "I toast to the memory of Taichi Yagami, Daisuke Motomiya, Takato Matsuda, Takuya Kanbara, Yamato Ishi…Ishi…yama? Ishita? …Whatever! I toast to the memory of the Four Digimon Goggle Boys and whoever the yaoi fan girls and Kenta Kitagawa as 'Hirokazulover22' on numerous fanfiction websites always like to pair them with in various and often mind warping homoerotic situations! May their demise at the flaming fists of Masaru Daimon – Which I might add is not a lame pun or special effect, I have actually seen Masaru's fists on fire–"
"For real?" Osamu asked, tilting his head and lowering his drink slightly.
"Long story involving Etemon, Hirokazu Shiota and some high proof liquor." Piemon said. "Where was I? Ah, yes! May their demise at the fists of Masaru be as swift and as painless as possible. My one regret is that yesterday I paid back that five thousand Yen Takuya lent me. Farewell, dear Goggle Boys! You princes of non-prescription eyewear, you kings of underwater eye protection applied directly to your foreheads like many an overpriced, useless homeopathic remedy! Dear Goggle Boys, your borderline fanatical obsession with dual-lensed swimming accessories shall forever be missed, I shall always think of you in the sporting goods aisle. Especially in Summer. May you all rest in peace, for you certainly shall be resting in pieces."
"Farewell," the group said in unison before sipping their drinks. Kurata went into a sneezing fit as some dust flew into the air from everyone sitting back down at once.
"With your 'intended' discussion, Piemon," Yamaki said. "I would be interested if we discussed the idea of what impact the previous season's villain will have on the events of the following."
"I suppose, seeing as how no-one will make a comeback," Piemon said. Lucemon let out a quiet laugh. "…Care to say something, Cabbage Patch?"
"You keep saying no-one's gonna make a comeback, Piemon, well…" Lucemon chuckled. "I did and I believe two of your co-starring Dark Masters did, too."
"Your little cameo in Xros Wars does not count," Piemon said.
"I believe it does, he was in a multi-part mini-arc," Yamaki said.
"If anything, it was an even larger role than what he had in Frontier," Oikawa added.
Lucemon frowned. "Frontier was not that bad! Would you Adventure guys stop ganging up on us? At least throw some crap at the Tamers now and then!" He looked to Piemon. "But, really, Piemon, are you jealous of Pinocchimon and Mugendramon by any chance?"
"I most certainly am not! For the Gods' sake, the only reason they got those parts and I didn't was because, unlike them, I have the pride and dignity not to be a shameless ass-kisser like they are!" Piemon shouted, pounding his fist on the table. Lucemon just chuckled in response.
"…Mugendramon is a 'shameless ass-kisser?'" Yamaki spoke up. "Mugendramon? The giant metal dragon terminator…THING?"
"Mugendramon is that annoying office suck-up who buys the boss coffee every morning combined with said espresso machine." Piemon said.
"And Pinocchimon?" Oikawa asked.
"Less suck up, more temper-tantrum," Piemon replied. "You know, kicking, screaming, throwing things, giving Zenjirou a concussion—"
"What?" Yamaki asked.
"Why else do you think Zenjirou and Akari don't appear for the latter half of the series?" Piemon asked. "Pinocchimon threw his bullet hammer during a 'moment' and Zenjirou was in the wrong place at the wrong time. In fact, for his final episode, the role of Zenjirou Tsurugi was played by digitally inserted clips from other episodes, dubbed over while he was in his hospital bed. They had to feed him his lines one at a time."
"I thought he sounded out of it in that episode," Lucemon trailed off.
"That would be the IV morphine," Piemon said. "Beelzebumon told me all about it."
"Now there's an interesting comeback, the anti-hero of Digimon Tamers being 'the guardian' in Xros Wars," Yamaki said. "Really, I was surprised he got such a comeback."
"The fans love a bad boy in a leather jacket on a motorcycle, especially if he's packing heat," Oikawa said with a chuckle.
"Yes, Impmon was thrilled to get another part," Piemon rolled his eyes. "Also played a certain other character," he looked to Vamdemon.
"Yes, yes, I know, NeoVamdemon is Beelzebumon in a costume," Vamdemon rolled his eyes.
"I bet he wished for that role—"
"Lucemon, please, do not bring up that stupid ending!" Vamdemon groaned, leaning forward and eying the fallen angel Digimon who just playfully laughed. Vamdemon was still trying to make peace with the fact he would never live down Digimon Adventure 02's 'epic' final battle.
"Actually, I always wondered something about that," Kurata began, "Sorry, Vamdemon, but this has bothered me for some time, I mean, someone wishes for a pony, BelialVamdemon loses a limb…But what if you had, I dunno, some sort of sociopath who wished for World War III or something like that? Would that power up BelialVamdemon?"
Vamdemon sat up, thinking for a moment. "To be honest, I have no idea."
"…That's actually a good question," Piemon said. "But I doubt it would have made your epic showdown any better if the whole thing were some sort of 'wish war' between you and Daisuke. 'I wish for a ramen cart!' 'I wish you were dead!' 'I wish your wish was cancelled!' Hmph, if anything you got off quite easy!"
"Didn't Seinfeld do an episode like that? Kramer and Newman, Newman wished Kramer was dead, Kramer kept trying to cancel that wish?" Oikawa asked.
"Exactly, Vamdemon would be nothing more than an evil, demonic-vampire version of Kosmo Kramer! Oh, yes, I'm sure that would be such an improvement!"
"…If the wish war makes me Kramer, then does that also make Daisuke the Ramen Cart Nazi?" Vamdemon asked.
"I think it might," Yamaki said with a smirk. "Piemon, you want to be the one to say it?"
"I am not going to scream an old and overused joke like that, Mitsuo." Piemon crossed his arms with a frown. "I have my dignity as a comedian."
"No ramen for you, then," Vamdemon said with a smirk.
"Congratulations, Vamdemon, your sense of humor has just reached the year 1995. Bravo, bravo!" Piemon gave a slow clap. "Care to shout 'wassup' into a phone for an encore? I do believe Yamaki's sense of humor is just as dated, call him!"
"I am tempted to do that just to spite you, Piemon," Vamdemon replied.
"Vamdemon, do try harder then. For there is nothing I would love more than to see you making a complete ass of yourself on a cell phone," Piemon replied.
"…'Wassup?'" Osamu asked, giving Piemon a confused look.
"It is before your time and pray to the Gods it stays that way," Piemon said.
"You guys are insane," Osamu rolled his eyes, sipping his soda.
"I'd like to know what really happened," Kurata said. "Vamdemon, care to divulge on how Digimon Adventure 02 was supposed to end?"
Vamdemon replied with two words, "Iori dies."
Immediately, Lucemon, Kurata and Piemon both nearly choked on their drinks. "Are you serious?" Lucemon shouted, his jaw as low as it could go.
"Why else do you think he insisted on his drunken rewrite?" Oikawa replied.
"I-Iori? Poor…little Iori dies? What kind of sick, twisted ending is that?" Kurata shouts.
"Actually, given the fact we're sitting with Wee Mister Roadkill and Mr. Spirit-Made-Of-Pink-Butterflies right now, Adventure is not above killing off a human character for real," Piemon said.
"Again, Piemon, that's not funny." Osamu rolled his eyes. "And Iori doesn't die, Vamdemon's just joking with you."
"You were saying about my sense of humor, Piemon?" Vamdemon gave Piemon a smirk as he sipped his drink.
"Oh, fine then, your sense of humor has now reached the year 2002," Piemon rolled his eyes, dabbing his chin with a napkin. As Vamdemon was about to speak a waiter came by with some snacks they had ordered with their drinks: Some manju, a little bit of tempura, two more martinis for Piemon and other appetizers. Also included was a complimentary bowl of mixed nuts and pretzels.
"So, then what really happened?" Lucemon looked to Oikawa and Osamu. "You two would know, too, right?"
"It was an epic show down, BelialVamdemon sends them into a nightmare world where their deepest fears become reality," Osamu said. "In fact, the one with Ken was salvaged from the ruined master tape and turned into his 'deepest fantasy' in a dark twist – Which I have to commend Iori for, both artistically and since he was…SO DRUNK when he came up with that! Anyway, then there was this violent final battle with…Well, let's just say the American version would've had to cut out a lot—Unless it was same censors who covered Digimon Tamers. I still can't believe they didn't censor Jenrya's matrix evolution at all." Osamu let out a shudder. "Anyway, in the end BelialVamdemon is defeated by a massive jogress evolution between all partners, my spirit reconciles with Ken and sent to the Digital World in a physical form and then we're left with a cliff hanger for Digimon Adventure 03 as Ryou Akiyama calls a meeting with the Chosen Children, saying only one word: Milleniumon."
"And I lived," Oikawa adds. "I was going to be a Digital World gadget creator for the Chosen Children in 03."
"Sort of a pale, creepy version of James Bond's Q?" Yamaki asked.
"Exactly!" Oikawa nodded with a grin. "But I didn't mind the idea of being a spirit that protects the Digital World…I just wish someone told me it was in the form of a bunch of sparkly rainbow butterflies FIRST!" Oikawa rolled his eyes.
"There, there, Yukio. The gay innuendo is still more subtle than Hirokazu and Kenta could ever hope to be," Piemon said.
"Amazing how that's actually a true statement," Lucemon spoke up. "But after the, ah, 'soda incident?'" He looked to Osamu.
"They cancelled Adventure 03 and instead went with Digimon Tamers to distance themselves as far as possible from the epilogue," Osamu said. "Whole new cast and everything, save for one or two Adventure cameos."
"MetalSeadramon and Mugendramon snuck on set for that," Vamdemon spoke up. "I'm amazed either of them found work again after being chewed out by Chiaki Konaka like that." Vamdemon reached into his pocket, pulling out an iPhone. "And on the subject of Digimon Tamers, did any of you know that the main character was supposed to be more like Masaru crossed with The Digimon Kaiser than, well, Takato Matsuda as we know him? A selfish, violent brat who saw Guilmon as a tool for fighting rather than a partner."
"I wouldn't believe that in a million years," Oikawa said. "Takato Matsuda could flood a room with how much he cries! Gods, I saw him on set once for a crying scene! So many takes, I'm amazed he didn't die of dehydration! The boy was not faking those tears!"
"It is true," Yamaki said. "I read the original script, Takato's character was borderline evil."
"Then why would they go with Takato instead of someone like Masaru like they planned?" Kurata asked.
"Because he sent in the wrong audition tape, I have it on here. It's also how Jenrya and Shiuchon got a part in the series," Vamdemon said.
"Why would you have Takato's audition video on your phone?" Piemon asked.
"Because it is without a doubt the funniest damned thing I have ever seen," Vamdemon loaded the video and passed the iPhone around.
…No-one could believe what they saw…
Takato Matsuda sat atop a lidded toilet, adjusting a camera in a hotel bathroom, he was wearing torn jeans and a red long sleeve shirt with a torn off arm and skull and crossbones across the front. He stood, cleared his throat and said, "He-Hello, I'm Takato Matsuda. I'm trying out for the role of, um…" He reached into the shower\bathtub next to the toilet and pulled out a script. "…'Tamers Goggle Boy.'" He held his copy of the script to the camera, showing the page: A fight between the Goggle Boy and a disobedient partner he recently created. He then reached off screen to the sink, holding a three foot tall Guilmon plush. "My friend, Jenrya Li, will provide the voice of Guilmon. Jen-kun?"
Jen's hand reached out from behind the camera, taking the script. "Thanks, Takato-kun."
Takato set the script aside, then stopped, reaching into the tub again. "O-Oh! Can't forget these!" He held up a pair of yellow goggles to the camera. He put them on his forehead. "We'll start," Takato bowed his head to the camera and set 'Guilmon' next to him. He turned, cleared his throat and got into a fighting stance, raising a fist to Guilmon. "GUILMON! I told you a million times, don't hold back! Wild Ones are tearing the city apart! I don't care if you want bread first, you're fighting when I tell you to!"
Jenrya spoke in a 'Guilmon' voice. "Grrr…Guilmon no take orders! Guilmon fight when Guilmon want to fight! Grrrrrrr…Takato bad Tamer! BAD TAMER! ME FIGHT WHEN ME WANT TO, NOT WHEN TAKATOMON SAY SO!"
Takato punched the Guilmon on the head. "The hell you do! And my name is TAKATO! Not TAKATOMON! And don't talk back to your Tamer, I'm the one with the digivice, I'm the one who calls the shots! You're nothing more than useless data! I could delete you and get a better partner any damned time I want! You owe your existence to me, got it? Now obey your partner!"
"GUILMON HATE TAKATOMON!" Jenrya shouted in his 'Guilmon' voice. He then spoke in his normal voice. "Guilmon bites Tamers Goggle Boyon the arm. Chomp, chomp…They really wrote 'chomp chomp' on the script?"
Takato put his arm close to the stuffed Guilmon's mouth. It promptly fell over as he began acting out the scene. "AUGH! DAMN YOU! YOU STUPID LIZARD!" He proceeded to kick the Guilmon across the bathroom. Takato lunged after it and proceeded to pummel it almost like what one would see in a pro-wrestling fight. Right down to a flying elbow in the gut from Takato. "TAKE THIS YOU DISOBEDIENT SON OF A GIGABIT!"
The camera faintly picked up a groan from Jenrya, whispering, "Takato, don't adlib your own lines…Ugh…"
"JIANLIANG! TAKATO! What are you two doing in there?" A little girl's voice came from behind the bathroom door.
"O-Oh, crap, um…Shiuchon, um, don't come in! We-We're…Um, ah…We're in the shower—Er…Wait…" Takato groaned, he was in the middle of 'strangling' Guilmon.
"Have you seen my Guilmon doll? I-I can't find him, I'm worried I left him on the train! Jianliang, please help me find—" There was the sound of a door opening, followed by a little girl's horrified scream. "TAKATO! NO! LET HIM GO!" Shiuchon ran up to Takato from behind the camera. She pulled away the Guilmon doll, crying, "Why would you do that to Guilmon, Takato? JERK!"
"I-I'm sorry, Shiuchon, it's…It's just, we're making an audition tape for the next Digimon series and—"
"YOU CHIPPED HIS EYE!" Shiuchon wailed, pointing to one of the hard plastic eyes on Guilmon's head. Sure enough there was a noticeable white-discolored chip.
"Oh, Gods! I am so, so sorry, Shiuchon! Je-Jen-kun, th-think we can fix it with a marker or something? It's…just a little scratch! I-I mean—"
"JERK!" Shiuchon screamed, she stomped on Takato's foot. Takato let out a pained shout, almost tripping backwards onto the toilet.
"I think I have a marker in my bag." The sound of Jenrya walking off was heard. "Be right back!"
"JERK! YOU HURT GUILMON!" Shiuchon frowned at Takato, he held up his hands defensively and backed away from Shiuchon as she began to swing her Guilmon doll back and forth at him. "JERK! JERK!" Takato continued backing away until he fell into the tub off screen with a loud shout, only his legs could be seen. Shiuchon proceeded to run to the edge of the tub and beat him with her Guilmon doll, violently. All while chanting the word 'jerk.'
Takato let out a tearful, "I-I'm sorry, Shiu-chan…Re-Really! W-We were just au-auditioning and we needed a prop for—MMPH!" He was interrupted by a plush Guilmon to the face, at least judging by the sound he made that is.
"JERK! DON'T TAKE MY TOYS WITHOUT ASKING! AND DON'T BEAT UP GUILMON! WHAT DID GUILMON EVER DO TO YOU? JERK! JERK! JERK! JERK! JERK!"
Jenrya came back into the bathroom with a black marker in hand, an angry Shiuchon walked past him, clutching her Digimon plush tightly. He went to the bath tub to help Takato up. "…Are you all right?" Takato's hair was a mess and his goggles were on crooked. His cheeks were also a little on the red side from being hit repeatedly with a plush toy.
"Ye-Yeah…I-I just…I didn't mean to chip her doll. I'm so sorry, Jen. I-I'll make it up to her somehow…" Takato wiped his eyes with his hands, sighing.
"It's okay, it was an accident and just running a marker over it will hide the damage. She'll be happy again in an hour, we'll try again, then."
"O-Okay…Think she'll…let us?" Takato reached for the toilet paper roll, dabbing his eyes and cheeks with a length of the cheap, rough, hotel one-ply. "Re-Really, I-I'm so sorry Jen, I-I didn't mean to…" He got some more toilet paper and blew his nose.
"It's okay, it's okay. Really, Takato-kun! Don't give yourself a guilt trip over it. We might have to use her Terriermon doll instead, though…" Jenrya said. "I can actually balance that thing on my shoulders."
"Yeah, I found it out when she tossed it at me to get my attention at the computer—Wait, is that thing still on?"
"Oh, oops…Ca-Can't let them see this…" Takato walked to the camera and turned it off, the scene ending with a close up of his teary-eyed face.
The entire table, upon seeing the video, was howling with laughter.
"Shiuchon switched the videos on him as a last minute form of revenge for her Guilmon plush, Takato ended up sending this in instead of his real audition tape." Vamdemon explained. "Chiaki Konaka actually liked the idea of a 'crybaby nice guy' main character instead of the 'explosive, violent shounen type' character. And thus, Takato Matsuda got his role."
As the video was passed around, the karaoke stage by the entrance lit up. An eerily familiar tune began to play. Vamdemon recognized it and let out a low, pained groan. "Gods, no…"
"Kanzen muteki no LOVE SERENADE! Kikasette aeru wa…Kanzen muteki no LOVE SERENADE! Yowasette ageru wa…!"
Etemon was on stage, singing his image song from the Teki Chara Song File CD. In line to use the karaoke stage next was Kouichi of Digimon Frontier. Once Etemon finished his song, he waved over to the group. "HEY! BATSY! JOKER! What're you doing here?"
"Being punished for our sins," Vamdemon muttered. Etemon got on his nerves to no end.
Etemon walked over to the table as Kouichi sang Oreta Tsubasa De. "Heya, you guys hear the news?"
"Yes, Etemon, we have," Vamdemon nodded. "What are you doing here?"
"Celebratin'! I betcha I'm gonna get another role! They loved mein Xros Wars!"
"Yes, you got the 'Agent Smith' treatment if I recall," Yamaki spoke up.
"That's funny coming from you, Yamaki-san," Kurata said.
"Yeah, thirty-roles, one actor! 'Cause there's only one rockin' and rollin' Etemon out there!" Etemon struck a pose.
"You know, in the American version, you're an Elvis impersonator," Vamdemon spoke up.
"Ya know in the American version you and me are voiced by the same guy?"
"…Excuse me, I need to find the men's room and vomit uncontrollably now." Vamdemon stood up.
"Hey, knock that off, Bats," Etemon let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes under his sunglasses.
"Etemon, the only thing worse than being around you is being you, and that tidbit brings me frightfully close to that lowest-layer-of-Hellish scenario." Vamdemon said as he sat back down.
"Ya know, I have feelings, Bats. And you tend to hurt them a lot, whaddya say to that?"
"Mission accomplished," was Vamdemon's reply.
Etemon shook his head with another sigh, he went to a nearby table for two and brought it closer with a chair. He sat down. "So, who do ya think it'll be?"
"Does it matter? Aside from a one or two episode cameo, how many of us are really going to return?" Vamdemon asked.
"I think I just said—"
"And I just said a one or two episode cameo," Vamdemon interrupted. "Don't act as if you got an entire villainous arc, Etemon. You won't see one of those again, I assure you."
"Yeah, yeah, comin' from you of all people, they didn't even bring you back to play a Vamdemon!"
Vamdemon let out a low growl, clenching his fist. "At least my return in Adventure 02 had a damned point to it! Your appearance as MetalEtemon came out of nowhere and served no more purpose than to give Pinocchimon something to pound on!"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of being hirable!"
"YOU MUSIC OBSESSED SON OF A—"
"Down boys, down!" Piemon said. "Save it for the alley out back! Please!"
"Sticks and stones, Dracula! I think I'll go and see if Ota Michihiko needs help writing his next insert song! I'm sure he's gonna be busy! He and I got along great with the Teki Chara CD, reme—Oh, wait! You never got an image song!"
"Yes, I am so upset that I do not share a track on a CD with Gotsumon and Pumpmon or Chuumon and that literal pile of crap Sukamon! I am so jealous, Etemon!"
"Honestly, how is that a villain CD when half of the singers were, um, 'vaguely neutral' at best?" Oikawa asked. "Ogremon went good, Pumpmon and Gotsumon were pranksters and Chuumon died a hero…What the hell?"
"Agreed," Osamu nodded. "As ill-advised as the Frontier Christmas CD."
"I'd take offense to that but…Yeah, even we agree that one was…really half-assed," Lucemon gave a sad nod. "But you can't fault us for the character songs!"
"Yes, I will give Frontier the fact it did have some catchy character songs," Piemon toasted his glass. "To Digimon Frontier, you don't want to look at it but it sounds kinda pretty!"
Lucemon let out an annoyed growl as the others held back a chuckle, even Etemon and Vamdemon stopped their fighting.
Kouichi finished his song and sat down at Etemon's table, interrupting Piemon before he could make another jab at Frontier. "What are you guys doing together? Same thing as Takuya and Kouji?"
"No, we intend to get blind drunk and forget that idiot at Toei ever let anything about a new season slip," Kurata said. "At least, that's what Piemon plans to do. And what are you doing with Etemon?" He let out a series of sneezes. "Ugh!"
"Hey, don't pretend to be allergic to me," Etemon said, "I get enough crap from Batsy over there."
"I-I'm noooAAACHOO!" Kurata sneezed, grabbing a paper napkin. "I-I don't have a primate allergy…It must be…Etemon, have you considered a dandruff shampoo?"
"What're you implyin' with that exactly?" Etemon frowned.
"No-Nothi—AAACHOO!" Kurata sneezed again.
"We're both R&B and karaoke fans," Kouichi spoke up, hoping to diffuse any potential argument between Kurata and Etemon. "I think it might be Frontier that gets the next season."
"Why? You saw what happened the last time, didn't you?" Kurata asked.
"Because Frontier deserves a second chance to prove itself," Kouichi said, pounding a fist on the table.
"Here, here!" Lucemon cheered. "Digimon Frontier 2: Lucemon's Revenge!"
"…Yes, I'm sure your dozens of fans will tune in for that," Piemon rolled his eyes.
"Come on, we weren't that bad with ratings…" Kouichi groaned. "Tamers started the ratings slip!"
"Only because Adventure fans wanted more Adventure and to forget Iori's drunken rambling-induced epilogue ever happened," Yamaki said. "Tamers was much more mature than both Adventure and Frontier could ever hope to be."
"Mature doesn't mean better, Yamaki-san," Kouichi said. "Frontier was completely different from any other season of Diginon!"
"Considering your season dropped the entire concept of partner Digimon, different doesn't mean better, either," Osamu said.
"We had partner Digimon! Bokomon and Neemon!" Kouichi shouted.
"Those two are not partner Digimon, they're one big annoying gay joke," Yamaki rolled his eyes.
"Excuse me, you guys had HIROKAZU AND KENTA!" Kouichi frowned. "You're criticizing Frontier for one big gay joke when you had those two? And they were just as annoying!"
"Hirokazu and Kenta could be a tad annoying but they also had the 'aw, cute boys' appeal to the yaoi fangirls," Osamu spoke up. "Bokomon and Neemon were just…Annoying and more annoying. Yaoi fangirls don't like to pair annoying Digimon, not unless they look like Vamdemon."
"Gods, please, don't get me mixed up in that!" Vamdemon shouted.
"Vamde-kun, I dare you to do a google image search for 'PieVamde' someday," Piemon said with only the creepiest of smirks. "Adult filter off, I might add."
"...I dare not ask," Vamdemon shuddered.
"Yeah but…At least Bokomon and Neemon didn't kiss on screen!" Kouichi said.
"No, they just adopted an adorable wittle Patamon after their civil union," Kurata said. "Bokomon made such a good mommy!"
Kouichi let out an annoyed growl, looking to Lucemon, "Why aren't you helping out here?"
Lucemon spoke up, "While I make it a point to never insult my favorite season of Digimon…I also make it a point not to defend those two annoying creatures…So I'm staying out of this one."
"AUGH!" Kouichi groaned, putting a palm to his forehead.
"There, there, I betcha it will be Frontier…I'll be your partner Digimon if you want!" Etemon said, reassuringly.
"And thus begins the experiment: Can a television show achieve negative ratings?" Piemon shouted. "Only time will tell for Digimon Frontier Season Two: Monkey Madness!"
Etemon frowned at Piemon, tempted to make an obscene gesture or two at the harlequin.
"That anything like Donkey Madness?" Kouichi asked with a smirk, looking to the Adventure cast. They groaned.
"We do not discuss the English version…" Vamdemon muttered.
"My name is Sam, I think computers blow fuses and spit out magical devices," Osamu said, flatly.
"At least Sam is a better name than MaloMyotismon," Vamdemon sighed. "I don't mind Myotismon but…Malo? That sounds more like an Easter candy than a villain!"
"Speaking of nom de consumables, I want to make it clear: My name is derived from the French word for clown. NOT PIES!" Piemon said, immediately downing his martini.
Lucemon looked to Kouichi with a chuckle. "Good job, that always gets the Adventure guys going…" The Adventure Cast's rants faded into the background as the non-Adventure characters continued talking.
"And the way they kept pronouncing 'Ichijouji,' too! Don't get me started on that!"
Kouichi nodded with a smirk. "Only thing more effective is if you sing that 'Hey Digimon' song from the first season."
"Yes, but that's more of a self-sacrifice when considering that one would have to sing that song," Kurata said with a shudder. "I am so glad they dropped that, I could not imagine my defeat being choreographed to that of all things! The Adventure characters are so full of themselves but when it comes to edits, errors, adlibbed jokes, horrid translations and overall treatment, they are hardly ones to talk down to the rest of us!"
"Tamers fared far better in the dubbing department," Yamaki said, ignoring the Adventure casts' ranting as well. "First season where the Goggle Boy kept his original name, too."
"Oh, please, they never pronounce any names remotely correctly! Right, Oweekawa-san?"
"Hear the rumor about Xros Wars' supposed dub names?" Lucemon trailed off with a grin.
"Ugh…And what the hell kind of name is Yolei, anyway?"
"Zenjirou went nuts when he heard it might be Eduardo," Kouichi chuckled. "I think those things were fake, though."
"For their sake, I hope so!" Lucemon laughed. "And they say Frontier had bad ratings! Those names would scare off any fan!"
"I can't believe how much they cut from our seasons but left so much crap in Tamers! Yeesh!"
"…We did not need to see that much of Jenrya…"
"Watch closely at the episode he evolves in, you can see Kenta holding back a HUGE nosebleed."
"He holds back a nosebleed whenever Takato or Jenrya evolve. Often failing."
"…Why not Ruki's evolution?"
"Why do you think? The whole reason Ryou doesn't get a matrix evolution sequence is because the studio's insurance wouldn't allow it! They were afraid Kenta'd die of blood loss!"
"I can show you papers to prove it in the file room!"
"Wait, hold on—Are they serious about that?" Kurata looked to Yamaki. It was hard to completely ignore the ranting of the Adventure cast.
Yamaki just nodded. "It's true, Kenta once had a blood transfusion on-set because he walked in on the filming of Ryou's 'inside Justimon' scenes."
"…I see…" Kurata gave a slow nod.
"Since then we kept a supply of O+ on-set at all times…Except when SOMEONE drank it all!" Yamaki looked to Vamdemon, who was in the middle of a rant as he was eating some of the bar food, furiously…
"…We can all agree, then! The jokes were horrendous, the add-in lines were worse, all of the drama was sucked out of Ken in favor of stupid jokes, they can't pronounce Ichijouji to save their lives, MALOMYOTISMON IS NOT A THREATENING NAME IN THE SLIGHTEST AND THESE PRETZELS ARE. MAKING. ME. THIRSTY!" Vamdemon pushed the bowl of pretzels and nuts aside with a huff, crossing his arms and staring forward with a glare. The entire Adventure cast was in a similar mood, save for Etemon who stayed out of the whole rantfest. "…What was that you said, Yamaki?" Vamdemon glanced over to Yamaki, arms still crossed.
"You drank the O+ we kept in the refrigerator for Kenta. Remember?"
"In my defense, I thought it was the AB+ I brought for lunch that day," Vamdemon said.
"AB+ ? Isn't that rare?" Lucemon asked. "I assume a rare blood type is like filet mignon for vampires."
"AB+ is not the 'super-rare' blood type people make it out to be…And I would compare it more to a banana cream pie."
"…AB+ is like a banana cream pie?" Kouichi asked. "You're serious?"
"It's very filling and goes straight to my thighs," Vamdemon replied. "O+ tastes like chicken. But, then again, what doesn't?"
"…Are you serious? I mean, if I was insane enough to take a shot of O+, I would taste chicken?" Kurata asked.
"Anyone here a universal donor who doesn't mind bleeding out a liter or two to prove a point?" Vamdemon asked, not-so-subtly licking his lips.
Etemon raised his hand.
"…I doubt you are a universal donor and even if you were, I would not drink your blood even if it were the universe's last and I were starving to death. I would take my chances with the white light at the end of the tunnel!"
Etemon lowered his hand, chuckling.
"If I could change the subject to something less...disgusting…" Piemon trailed off, looking to Vamdemon. "I would like to ask which of us baddies would be considered the most memorable of all. Vamdemon, you are free to give your opinion but are exempt from the poll because, well, you are the most memorable but for all the wrong reasons."
Vamdemon rolled his eyes. "Then that leaves Adventure with an ambiguously gay clown and Etemon. And what could possibly be memorable about a rock and roll obsessed, sunglasses wearing primate—Wait, I believe I just answered my own question. Really, Etemon, your arc makes no sense!"
"…He's got a point," Yamaki said. "I mean, okay, first villain was Devimon. Dark virus type, evil devil, champion level. Makes sense he's a bad guy. Then the third arc was, again, a dark virus type and a vampire. And Devimon's ultimate evolution as well! After that, the Dark Masters: Four Mega-level Digimon, the leader being, well, terrifying at times."
"Thank you, Yamaki-san!" Piemon smiled, toasting one of many extra martinis a waiter had dropped off. Piemon didn't even have to bother ordering, he was enough of a regular at Kamesato's to where the wait staff just carried martinis with every order and dropped one off as they passed by – This was in no way an exaggeration and a true testament to the Dark Master's alcohol tolerance.
"But, between Devimon and Vamdemon? A monkey wearing sunglasses that screams 'rock and roll' while dancing," Yamaki shrugged. "That just…seems completely random."
:"I was creating a dark monitoring network that gave me control of an entire continent!"
"Yes, that barren wasteland your arc took place in was quite lovely. I was so jealous, sitting in my magnificent castle or when I went to conquer Earth," Vamdemon said with a smile. "I would cast my vote for Kurata, though. I often hear BelialVamdemon's name pop up in comparison to yours…"
"Trying to live on through the mad professor, Vamdemon?" Piemon asked.
"No, I simply like hearing that there is a villain worse than I am."
"Worse as in more evil or worse as in worse?" Lucemon asked.
"Let it go, you sort of walked right into that one, Vamdemon," Piemon laughed.
Vamdemon let out a low growl, "Fine!"
"That's the spirit, to be able to laugh at one's shortcoming—OW! OW! OW!" Lucemon let out a series of pained shouts as Vamdemon casually reached over with one hand and started to twist one of his wings. "I WISH you'd sto—AUGH!"
"Lucemon, you just don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you?" Piemon smirked, Vamdemon finally let go of the fallen angel. "Kurata is an interesting choice, I second it."
"Wh-What about me?" Lucemon said, rubbing his wing and giving Vamdemon a glare.
"Wasn't Cherubimon the villain for most of Frontier? You simply worked behind the scenes?" Yamaki asked.
"So?" Lucemon asked. "You think I did any worse than Mr. 'I-Possessed-The-Creepy-Albino-For-The-Past-Fifty-Episodes?'"
"Well, I admit," Vamdemon began, "the idea that you were behind kidnapping the Chosen Children and reverting them to their younger selves while manipulating Wallace's second partner was quite ingenious—Wait, I think I'm confusing Adventure's originality with Frontier again—HEY!" Lucemon snatched his mask of his face. "Give that back!" He immediately coveres his face, his nose in particular.
"Lay off Frontier!"
"Give. That. Back."
"…I have to say, this is the first time I've ever seen you without…your mask…Va-Vam…Vamde-kun…!" Piemon chuckled. "Gods, you're an actor, you can afford a nose job!"
"Shut up!" Vamdemon shouted, covering his nose and grabbing his mask back from Lucemon with a growl as he put it back on.
"I always wondered why that Adventure encyclopedia only included Piemonwithout his mask…" Yamaki trailed off. "Really, Vamdemon, it's not that bad…Just a little crooked."
"I was not born with this, it was from an on-set accident!" Vamdemon shouted. "Insurance only covered treating the actual injury, nothing that would be defined as 'cosmetic.'"
"What happened?" Kouichi asked.
Vamdemon just glared at Etemon. "You don't want to know."
"I said I was sorry like…Infinity-billion times by now!" Etemon shouted.
"Even if you had apologized an infinite number of times, it would still make no difference!"
"Bitch, bitch, bitch…" Etemon rolled his eyes. "I broke a nice pair of shades that day, too, ya know—"
"YES! GODS HELP YOU, YOU LOST A CHEAP PAIR OF SUNGLASSES!"
"Hey, five thousand yen ain't cheap!"
"Fine, you lost a pair of grossly overpriced sunglasses!"
"Boys, boys, settle down, settle down, I thought vampires hated werewolves, not primates," Piemon said. "Break it up, break it up!"
"I'm shocked to see you keeping the peace, Piemon," Osamu commented.
"Only because I want to have a video camera on the day Vamdemon finally beats the living crap out of Etemon." Piemon replied.
"To keep on-topic, I actually think Xros Wars has some memorable villains," Kouichi said. "Namely Tactimon and Lillithmon."
"What about Blastmon?" Etemon asked.
"Um, he's kinda like, uh, I-I don't…wanna use Zenjirou's analogy…" Kouichi glanced away.
"What is it?" Etemon rolled his eyes.
"'Blastmon is the Etemon of Xros Wars, shows up in the desert and is really damned annoying.'" Kouichi said, quietly. "Sorry, Etemon."
"Relax, Batsy's said worse," Etemon shrugged. He looked to Vamdemon. "Go ahead."
"…Actually, I have nothing. And, believe me, Etemon, I had nothing else on my mind but the words 'how can I twist Zenjirou's statement further against that idiotic primate? What possible addition or simple twist to the analogy could I make that will further bring down that accursed rock and roll devotee? Oh, what to say? What to say? What to say?' And…I have nothing, there is nothing more I can add that would bring either you or Blastmon down any further, I simply believe that Zenjirou's analogy is spot on and that you and Blastmon are both equal as Digimon villain arcs. So, to reiterate: I have nothing that will bring either of you any further down than rock bottom. Congratulations, Etemon, you are completely uninsultable." Vamdemon stated.
"…If you have nothin', why do I feel worse?" Etemon asked.
"…Generally low self-esteem, perhaps?" Vamdemon shrugged.
"With his ego, I doubt it," Piemon said as he set his martini aside. "If you gentlemen will excuse me, I need to…Ah…'Go for a stroll.'"
"Little Clown's Room, right," Etemon nodded as Piemon walked off. "I don't think Me n' Blastmon have that much in common."
"Introduction in the middle of a desert, generally annoying, incredibly weird even for what you both are," Osamu began.
"What do you mean by that last one?" Kurata asked.
"Let's face it, Etemon stretches the limits of my imagination when you say 'rock and roll obsessed monkey,' and Blastmon…He eats Gemstones, looks like the big Diamond Hulk but still calls Tactimon 'Tac-chan' and…He's WEIRD! Both of them…Are weird beyond weird even for them!"
"He has a point," Lucemon said, just as a waiter dropped off a check. The group continued chatting, waiting for Piemon…
…After about an hour, they realized that Piemon was serious about 'taking a stroll.'
"…Son of a…!" Lucemon growled. "He invites us all out so we can pay for his drinks?"
"You obviously did not work with Piemon," Vamdemon said. "Let us see what his tab is this time…" He looked at the check, his eyes went wide. He simply passed the check to Oikawa, who looked it over.
"…By all logic, a bar tab this size means he obviously died of liver failure. Someone wanna check the men's room for his corpse?" Oikawa said, passing the check around the table.
Everyone reluctantly pitched in to cover Piemon's drinks and food. Vamdemon went back to the complimentary bowl of pretzels and nuts as they waited for the check to be taken.
"Well, it was fun hanging out with you guys for a while," Osamu said. "I had a fun time until Piemon's little stunt."
"Are you actually suggesting we should do this again?" Yamaki asked.
"Not in the slightest. No," Osamu shook his head.
"You are the Ichijouji genius, then," Yamaki said.
"I had fun, even if Batsy's the usual jerkass he always is," Etemon said, looking to Vamdemon.
"…These pretzels are making me thirsty…" Vamdemon muttered, putting the bowl aside. "And I suppose I enjoyed our…debate…to some degree. But, as Osamu and Yamaki have said, I never to see all of you in the same room ever again."
"What about this year's staff Christmas party?" Etemon asked.
"Do I look holly or jolly to you?" Vamdemon rolled his eyes.
"…What about the next Halloween party?" Etemon shrugged.
"I will ignore that."
The check was taken, everyone bid their goodbyes and left. Vamdemon and Oikawa being the last out with Osamu, who was going in the same direction to get to his hotel.
As they passed the alley next to Kamesato's, they heard clapping and a voice. "Thank you so muchfor treating me to dinner!"
"I should have expected you to show at some point," Vamdemon said. "Tell me, did you crawl out of the men's room window or the more dignified method of sneaking out the back door?"
"Ladies room, the men's room was taken," Piemon replied, walking up to Vamdemon and Oikawa, putting his arms around both of them and grinning. "Come, my friends! The night is still young! Want to crash the Goggle Boys' little meeting?"
As Piemon said that, the group of two humans and two Digimon heard an odd sound…Singing, almost…
…And then they saw the source on the sidewalk across from them. Daimon Masaru leading a team of three goggle boys (Takato Matsuda being absent) down the street. They all sang, "Ass kicking will we go! Ass kicking we will go! Time to go, Taiki Kudou! Ass kicking we will go! Ass kicking we will go! Asss kicking we will go! Time to go, Taiki Kudou! Ass kicking we will go!"
"Oh, looks like Xros Wars got the new season…Good for them!" Piemon said with a grin. "And where do you suppose Matsuda is? Think he let out his inner bad boy and took on Masaru?"
"…Since when does Takato Matsuda have an 'inner bad boy?'" Oikawa asked.
"I always saw Takato Matsuda as a powder keg of teenage angst and rebellion just waiting to blow! Really, keep an eye out in the tabloids…"
"…I doubt that," Osamu said. "I'll go to Ishigame and see what the damage was. Later, guys!" He waved and jogged off.
"Watch out for traffic!" Piemon shouted, Osamu only replied with a single hand gesture. "Oh, now that's just rude. Yet, using a hand signal used so often in traffic jams…fitting for our favorite road waffle."
"The bird flies everywhere, Piemon, it is not limited to traffic," Oikawa smirked.
"Yes, yes, but…Oh, never mind," Piemon rolled his eyes. "So, as I said, you two seem the least pissed off at me…LET'S GO WATCH THE FUN!" He turned and marched off down the street, singing, "Ass kicking I will watch! Ass kicking I will watch! I'm gonna laugh until I plotz! Ass kicking I will watch!"
Vamdemon sighed, "I need a non-alcholic drink and aspirin."
"Me, too," Oikawa nodded.
And so, the meeting of the villainous (and neutral to 'somewhat bad') Digimon characters came to an end…With minimal hangovers for all.
Ye Gods, sorry about the ending…I really had no idea how to end this thing (or at least, not until they got out of Kamesato's). It's another "dialogue" fic with characters ranting.
As usual, I tried to even out the season bashing but…I won't lie: Piemon and Vamdemon kinda stole the show (and, with Frontier's villain…I'm not all that good with Frontier, but I tried to give Lucemon as big of a part as I could, sorry Frontier fans). It's hard not to use those two for humor, especially when Piemon's had a couple (dozen). Actually, on that note: Piemon in Adventure is actually a pretty heavy drinker (the same is implied for Vamdemon, too, sort of).
The dub cuts out at least three occasions in which Piemon has a drink in hand (usually a martini, which is bright pink I might add). The best example is the LadyDevimon episode, there's an awesome shot of her face reflected in his brandy, it's a nice touch to the scene I think. As for Vamdemon: The "soda" Nanimon goes crazy on is actually sake (they even cut out the KANJI FOR SAKE!), which…You have to wonder why Vamdemon would carry dozens of bottles of sake in his pantry.
I wanted to do a sequel to "The Meeting of the Goggle Boys" after it actually was announced that Xros Wars was getting another season (complete with Tagiru, the new goggle boy). Seriously, though, if I knew the original's ending would come to pass: I'd have given it to Tamers (though, that'd mean the fic would probably end with the Adventure\Frontier\Savers cast ganging up on Takato and Jen…But worth it for another season of Tamers!). The difference between the two is, while TMotGG focused on jokes about the show itself, this one played with "behind the scenes" with the cast\production. Not sure which one works better for humor, but I had so much fun with Takato's audition video.
Kamesato's anime\tortoise motif, by the way, the former is obvious but the latter: Kame means "turtle" in Japanese. If you ever see Kame\-game\gui used in a fic: Chances are it means "Turtle." Also "Ishigame" means "Stone Tortoise."
I sort of want to play with a series of fics like this with…I dunno, a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"-esque world with anime characters working for studios, mingling with humans in settings like this. Sort of an "All Actors" world…Just without Animenomachi (Toon Town) being connected to Tokyo…Actually, some sort of Anime version of Toon Town from WFRR would…Either be awesome or terrifying or both…
Anyway, what do you think? Would that be a fun idea to play with or am I crazier than usual?
I vote for the Who Framed Roger Rabbit-esque world fic! But my opinion rarely sways Ori in any direction, even if I beg, so it's up to the readers. Please, let us know what you think!
And I must ask: Knowing Ori's work and treatment of Osamu, who else got an extra laugh at how he called out Piemon on his "road pizza" joke? Ha ha ha!
I loved the songs at the end, by the way. Especially Piemon's rendition. As well as his speech to the 'departed' Goggle Boys. Piemon really did steal the show but I won't complain if I laughed because of it! Also, I agree with Vamdemon about Takato's audition video, I never expected to see anything like that!