Disclaimer I don't own Twilight…duh

Poisonous Cereal

Poisonous Cereal: It's the Principle!


In the woods birds are chirping and singing, streams are flowing calmly, while the wind blows the trees helping them dance to the singing of the birds on this rare sunny day. However, in the middle of the forest in a clearing a storm is brewing unsettling the earth and destroying everything in its path. There are hurricanes, there are tropical storms, and then there are Leah and Paul.

"You stupid shit eating dickhead! You never consider anyone else but yourself, God forbid you take the time to actually think about another human or wolf, hell a bird with a broken wing!"- Leah yelled at Paul.

The argument originally started back at the Clearwater home, but when Paul "demanded" an end to the conversation and stormed off Leah angrily followed behind him.

"Really Clearwater, I'm selfish? How about you huh, you made everyone miserable because Sam left you for your whore of a cousin and you couldn't stand seeing anyone else remotely happy. I am truly convinced your life's goal is to make everyone else around you want to drink a shit load of rat poison!"- Paul yelled getting right in Leah's face.

"I have plenty back at the house, I'll even put it in a wine glass for you."- Leah said smirking now. She was long over Sam, so any comment said to her about him had no effect on her now, but that doesn't mean she still didn't slightly get the urge to phase when she looked at Emily.

"Ladies first Clearwater, I'm pretty sure everyone would be happy to hear the news and finally be rid of the one and only she-bitch."- Paul said smirking. Leah started growling; she didn't like when people were calm when she argued with them especially Paul, she liked to see the effect she had on them with her lethal words. Granted most people, if any, always reacted to her words and coward away, but Paul, being just as volatile as she if not more, could hold his own.

"Is that why you did it, you wanted me to die so you could skip off into the sunset?"- she accused cocking a brow; Paul looked at her incredulously.

"Are you serious Clearwater, you are being a tad dramatic don't you think?"- Paul asked wide eyed. He couldn't believe she was actually trying to swing this situation to him trying to kill her. He knew she was paranoid if not a little crazy and to top it off dramatic, but this was utterly ridiculous, even for her.

"You want dramatic I'll show you dramatic."- Leah said in an eerie calm voice before bursting into her silver wolf form and lunging at a shocked Paul.

They were so into their argument they didn't hear the pounding of large paws against the forest floor moving at an inhuman speed, rapidly approaching. Leah was clawing at Paul's underbelly enough to make him bleed, but light enough for it to heal almost instantly. Paul might have been a lot of things, but a woman beater wasn't one of them, unless it was a vamp then all bets were off, so he pinned Leah beneath him to keep her in place long enough for her to calm down and phase back. Of course Paul being Paul, he had to make a comment about their sudden position.

"You know Clearwater I'm starting to think you starts fights with me just so you can have an excuse and get on your back with me between your legs. I mean I wouldn't blame you…look at me, women always want a taste of my big bad wolf."- his smirk turned into a devilish smile when he saw Leah's eyes widen.

"Fuck you Paul; if I recall correctly you are the one who hides behind bushes to watch me phase back." Paul's eyes widen "Oh you didn't think I knew, it's kind of hard to miss a horse sized wolf hiding behind a tiny bush whimpering."- she said in the most sarcastic voice she could muster while rolling her giant wolf eyes.

"Yet you still phased back knowing I was there. If you want it all you have to do is ask."-Paul said smirking, but accidentally loosening his grip on her. "Besides this is where you belong anyway…beneath me."-with Paul's grip loosened Leah was able to spring free and lung at him snapping at his neck, but before she could get a hold on him a large russet wolf tackled her to the ground while the brown wolf jumped in front of Paul. Leah started growling at the russet wolf as a warning for him to release her or risk being bloody and bruised.

"Leah, Paul, what the hell are you two doing out here, do you know what time and day it is or were you too busy fighting to look at a calendar or clock?"- Jacob said releasing his hold on Leah and helping her up with his snout, but standing in front of her to make sure she doesn't attack Paul.

"Yeah what the hell you guys? We have to go now we're already behind schedule."-Jared said nudging Paul with his nose toward the church.

"Oh fuck them let them wait it's not like it'll kill them, one of the bridesmaids is already dead anyway."-Paul said huffing

"What were you two fighting about this time?"-Jacob asked

"Paul tried to kill me by poisoning me!"-Leah exclaimed

"WHAT?"- Jared and Jacob yelled at the same time growling at an exasperated Paul.

"God Clearwater, for the last time I WAS NOT TRYING TO POISON YOU- STOP WITH THE DRAMATICS!"-Paul yelled; if he wasn't already in wolf form he surely would've phased after his outburst.

"Then what would you like to call it Paul?"-Leah said scowling at him.

"Ok ok, everybody calm down and start from the beginning."-Jared being the diplomat said.

"I woke this morning in the most amazing mood of my entire life and had energy that needed to be burned off, so I hopped out my window and went for a run. When I got back from said run I went to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of Captain Crunch. I went to the cabinet, got a bowl, went to the drawer got a spoon, went to the fridge got some milk-"

"We get it move on we don't have all day."- Jacob said interrupting Leah only to be growled at and shut his mouth immediately.

"As I was saying, I got the milk, then went to the cupboard and got the cereal. However, when I poured the cereal, my cereal, in the bowl it was barely enough for a child let alone a shifter coming back from a run. Somebody," she glared at Paul "had been eating my Captain, but I was in a hurry, so for the moment I overlooked it and poured the milk. After taking a couple of bites I realized the milk smelled terrible and taste like vomit, so I ran to the sink to dump the bowl and rinse my mouth."

"There end of story let's go."-Paul said getting impatient.

"No there's more! When I look up from the sink, Paul is standing there laughing like I was a fucking comedian doing stand up and had the nerve to ask what was wrong. So, I asked if he ate my cereal and the look he gave me told me he did."

"You can't leave Captain Crunch lying around and not expect somebody to eat any, so it's not my fault."-Paul said shrugging

"IT WASN'T LYING AROUND IT WAS HIDDEN IN THE BACK OF THE CUPBOARD!"-Leah yelled and huffed.

"Same difference."-Paul said nonchalantly

"Can we keep moving here we really need to go."-Jared said, but he and Jacob were a little amused and interested in what happened next.

"Well when he smelled the milk on the table and said "I guess it didn't work." -she mocked his voice.

"I so don't sound like that Clearwater."

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do too times infinity!"

"Do not times infinity plus one!"

"Oh my God would you two shut up!"-Jacob yelled "I am so not cut out for this."-he said shaking his huge wolf head.

"Well anyway, I asked what he meant by that and he told me he forgot to put the milk back in the fridge after he ate my cereal and since I wasn't home for two days it got bad. When he came back to eat the rest of my cereal he saw the milk was bad and thought if he put it back in the fridge it would get "unspoiled."-she said rolling her eyes.

"So you two are arguing over Captain Crunch and rancid milk?"-Jared asked dryly

"Yes, it's the principle; he should have bought me a new box of Captain and milk, but he shoves them back like I wouldn't notice."-Leah huffed. Jared and Jacob looked at Paul and Leah then each other before falling on the ground in barks of laughter.

"S-so le-let us get this right. You were tr-trying to kill each other over a $4 box of cereal and a $4 gallon of milk?"-Jacob asked through laughter while on his back kicking his paws in the air.

"The cereal is $4.25 and the milk is $4.75 actually."-Leah said as if there was a major difference causing Jacob and Jared to howl with laughter and Paul to chuckle shaking his head; Leah glared at him.

"I don't know what you're laughing at you're buying me two of each."-Leah said

"Two? I only ate some cereal and it was barely any milk left!"-Paul said indignantly.

"First of all the box was a deluxe family size as well as the milk and second I want double for pain and suffering."

"Wait, I don't get where him trying to poison you comes in?"-Jared asked

"Don't you see? He left the milk out so it could get spoiled on purpose to try and poison me."- she stated in a duh fashion.

"Um Leah he wasn't trying to poison you he was just being lazy aka Paul."-Jared said

"Yeahwait why do I feel like that was an insult?"-Paul said squinting his eyes at Jared making Leah and Jacob fall out laughing.

"Aright alright now that the attempted murder plot has failed can we go?"-Jacob said nudging Leah towards the church separating the two violent wolves while Jared did the same to Paul. Both pairs took off heading for the church.


AN: This idea popped into my head yesterday while walking down the street in the rain *shrugs shoulders* and guess what, it was a one shot but then I saw it was too long after I was done so I made it a three. Hope you like!