On the Subject of Names

I don't own Hetalia. Or Thor.

"How about Murkosh the Avenger?" Finland questioned, sprawled out on his back and looking pensively at Sweden's naked body.

Sweden frowned, turning away from the mirror and tossing his wet towel towards the hamper.

"Sir Gallosh the Mighty!"

Sweden raised a brow.

"Hellfire—bloody lord of the underworld!"

Sweden crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Hallidoric the Radical?"


"King Ypres the sixth?"


"Hellenic crusader Saint Gregory?"

"Fin, really?

Finland heaved a sigh. "It's really hard to think of a good one, Sve. You have to be patient."

"I don't know if 'good' is the word I'd use…"

"Captain Thongpounder!"

Sweden blushed.

"Or maybe we should go gangster? Like, vanilla spunk. Hm, no. 'Nilla Spooge! That's badass."

"No, Fin."

Finland pouted. "You've turned down some really awesome names, Sve. What exactly do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you want to name my penis. " Sweden demanded, hands on his hips. "Why."

"It needs a name." Finland hummed, letting his gaze linger on the ceiling. "Maybe, the flaming satellite of love?"

Sweden sighed.

"Don't be like that! I want it to be a good name. I'm putting serious thought into this!" Finland chastised. "We'll come up with something."

"Not thongpounder." Sweden huffed. "Just no."

"Tyrrell the albino cave dweller."


"Lord Ass-burglar the magnificent?"


"Chivalric auger-headed gut wrench?"


"Aww, I thought you'd like that one. It's got the word 'wrench' in it?"

"No, love."

"But 'wrench'?"


"Throbbing purple spear of destiny?"

"Hell no."

Finland pouted. "Well, what kind of name are you looking for? Like, a brave name or one that says how big you are? Oh, like maybe this: the thick half-pounder anaconda from space?"


"Oh my gosh." Finland sighed. "This is going to take forever."

"Give up?"

"Never!" Finland teased with a large grin. "What about Thor's hammer?"

"You are not naming my cock after Thor."

"No fun, Sve." Finland poked his tongue out. "Hm, how about Sve's mighty thrill drill of chills?"

Sweden rolled his eyes.

"Bloody thrill drill from beyond the grave?"

"How about not."

"Well, it does rhyme."


Finland bit his lip. "I like your cock; it needs a really magnificent name, you know? One that lets it know it does a good job."

"Fin." Sve chuckled, planting a kiss on his wife's forehead. "It doesn't have feelings."

"Sure it does!" Finland argued. "It deserves some sort of special name."

"How about special attention?" Sve whispered, pushing on Finland's shoulder.

"Oh." Finland grinned, looking up at Sweden's face as he sunk to his knees. "We'll work something out."


"Quality time with Sve's throat spackler." Finland chuckled. "Lucky me."

"Hurry up and get to work."

"So mouthy, Sve."

"You get mouthy."

Finland laughed.

A/N: This one was amusing for sure. XD