This has been on my mind for some time now and I had to get it out. It is meant to be a one-shot but who knows, it may develop into more.
*Set between 3 and 4. Several weeks after Beckett's shooting and sick of being without any news of the woman, Castle decides to take the matters in his own hands.
"This is ridiculous!" Ryan exclaimed as he slammed the phone back on its cradle and watched it shake a second before it stopped, as if scared it was going to get slammed again if it continued moving.
"What is?" Richard Castle asked distractedly, busy flipping pages of a file out of nervousness and irritation. He already knew by heart every line on every page of that file, having gone through it several times a day for the past month in a half. He tried telling himself he should stop, but his heart had a mind of its own. So instead of spending his days writing his new Heat novel, due in a few weeks, he only spent a few hours typing random words in and used the rest of his time obsessing about the case.
As he closed the file, his gaze lingered, as ever, on the first page and at the small clipped photograph at the top right corner. He swallowed back a smile as Detective Kate Beckett seemed to be staring back at him, her expressive sienna eyes looking right through him, almost daring him to make a move.
Castle sighed as he played the woman's last words to him over and over again in his head. 'I need some time.' The writer thought she'd meant a few days, a week top before she called him again but it had been weeks since that dreadful day and yet, not a word from her. Ryan and Esposito were in the dark as well; it was as if Beckett had completely vanished from the surface of the earth.
The famous novelist was so deeply lost in thought that it took him several seconds to notice Ryan waving his hand repeatedly in his face. "Oh. Sorry, what?"
"I said that the bank accounts are a dead end. I couldn't find any relevant information to help us take at least one step toward Beckett's shooter." Ryan patiently repeated, feeling sympathetic to the writer's disquiet demeanor. He might not share the same feelings towards Beckett, but he and Esposito still missed their friend greatly.
Castle's features darkened and abruptly dropped the file on the desk. "This is ridiculous."
"That's what I said." Ryan replied tersely as his eyes were drawn to the file and the detective's picture as well.
There was a moment of awkward silence where the three men didn't know how to respond to the outburst, whether out of respect or discomfort. "Any news from Beckett?" Castle finally ushered, deciding to ignore their silent agreement to not talk about their friend and colleague to avoid upsetting the novelist further. In vain, it looked like.
Ryan only shrugged but Esposito hesitated before sighing and leaning back in his chair. "She got discharged last week, Lanie said." He spoke for the first time, his eyes surprisingly soft.
Castle's heart jumped at the news that the woman he loved was finally out of the hospital, as well as a little shocked at how long she had to remain under medical attention before being well enough to leave. The thought of her being alone at home made him frown, but the Latino detective was quick to bring him back to reality. "She's not there, bro. She's at her father's cabin."
Castle only stared at the photograph of the brunette woman, his eyes shining in determination.
"Are you sure you don't need anything, sweetheart?"
"No I'm good, thanks dad." Kate Beckett answered with a soft roll of eyes as she watched her father put on his jacket. The man knew better to overcrowd her so he smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead before fishing his keys out of his jeans pocket. "I'll only be gone a few hours. How about Chinese for dinner?"
"Sounds good." She nodded and grinned from her place on the couch until the front door closed and heard her father's footsteps in the gravel outside. The mask fell when the distinct sound of the jeep's engine faded away, meaning she was finally alone for the first time in almost three days. The smile left her tired face, finally revealing the pain she was in and it was with a somewhat irritated eye that she looked around at her convalescent home or, as she called it, her confinement house.
The cabin was small yet comfortable, its walls entirely made of wooden panels and the numerous windows all around were giving it a more spacious feel than it actually had. After a brief glance at the coffee table to her left and a short hesitation, Kate reached out and grabbed a small prescription bottle containing tiny blue pills. She popped two in her hand and swallowed them with half a glass of iced tea her father had made a few hours prior, hating herself for needing them.
She watched with a frown at the assortment of bottles that took most of the space on the table, the sight of them combined with the dull but constant pain she felt in her chest and ribcage the reminders of what had happened to her.
Memories of that day suddenly assaulted her, as they did whenever she was alone for more than a few minutes. Painful flashbacks of the cemetery, of the other cops present and the sight of Montgomery's coffin danced wildly in her mind until the one of something hitting her hard replaced everything else. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't block the burning sensation of the bullet digging a hole through her body, ripping her insides apart, just as she couldn't make the feeling of strong hands grabbing her and tackling her go away.
Castle had tried to save her. He had somehow seen or felt what was about to happened and he had tried to prevent it. The seconds following the shooting had been a complete blur for the woman, but there was one other thing, besides the bullet, that Kate remembered. Despite the commotion, the screams and the people rushing to her side, the only thing clear in her head was Castle's words to her. He had told her he loved her. Richard Castle was in love with her and it was slowly but surely driving Beckett crazy.
How could he love her? She knew there was more than friendship between them but to go as far and say that it was love...Like every time Kate dared letting herself feel if what she felt for the man was anything more than simple friendship, she forcefully and quickly pushed the thought of her mind, terrified of finding the answer. To admit to herself the answer.
Sighing in annoyance she carefully stood, seized the blanket that was resting on the back of the couch and headed out to the patio, the warm sun finally luring her outside after having stayed in since their arrival the week before. Beckett was halfway to the door when she seemingly changed her mind and turned around. She walked to her bedroom, opened her night stand drawer and took the book that was hidden in it.
Finally settled in an oversized chair out on the open patio a few minutes later, Beckett flipped through the book a few moments before going back to the first page, and stared at it with shiny eyes. The dedication made her smile against her best effort to remain stoic, dimly aware that her heart had swelled with joy upon reading the few words Castle had wrote just for her over and over again.
Two hours later, the slender woman was so absorbed in the latest Heat novel that she never heard the soft footsteps coming her way. The distinct sound of someone clearing its throat startled her and she dropped the book in her lap, her eyes widening at the sight of the new comer as she unconsciously slapped herself for having let her guard down. But, even worse, for having decided to wear sweat pants too big for her and one of her father's loose and well worn sweater. "Castle?"
"Hey."
"Wha-what are you doing here?" She asked dumbly as the obvious answer immediately popped in her mind. "Lanie."
"Esposito, actually. Can I?" The man gestures forward and she nodded shyly, watching him in mild shock as he climbed the few steps separating them.
Castle grinned as he took a seat next to the woman he loved and barely managed to hide a worried frown as his eyes expertly took in the detective's form, examining her closely. The already slim woman had lost weight and he could tell from the way she was favoring her right side when she shifted on the chair that she was still in the middle of recovery, her every move stiff and cautious. The lack of sleep was also obvious on her delicate features, making her normally bright eyes seem darker than usual. "How are you?"
"I'm good." She told him softly, unable to take her eyes off him. She grinned when he flashed a bright smile at her, but she noticed with a twinge to the heart that his smile wasn't reaching his eyes.
"I'm glad. Are you here alone, or has your father let you and motorcycle boy the cabin all to yourselves?" Castle asked in what he hoped was a casual tone but by the way Beckett's eyes narrowed, he knew he had entered a touchy subject.
Beckett stared a few seconds before deciding Castle was genuinely curious and hadn't heard anything else from Lanie or Esposito. "We broke up. It's just me and my dad."
"Oh. When? I'm sorry, it's not of my business, you don't have to answer that." Castle apologized but his heart skipped a beat as Beckett smirked and raised an eyebrow, not believing him for a second. "About a week after...after."
"So you're father is here with you then?"
"He's out running errands. What are you doing here, Castle?" She asked another time, not fazed by the writer's tactic to stall to admit the reason to his visit.
The seriousness that washed over Castle's face made Kate regret her insistence and suddenly wished they had kept the level of conversation to a light chit-chat. "You weren't calling back."
"I had my reasons." Kate said calmly as she closed her eyes. The disappointment and annoyance radiating from the novelist's eyes were too strong for her to endure.
Castle sat straighter in his seat, determined to have this discussion whether Beckett wanted it or not. "I'm sure. But you said it'd be a couple of days, a week tops. It's been six weeks, Kate."
"I needed more time."
"It's been six weeks! That's forty-seven days I've had to wait not knowing how you were doing, if there was any complications or not...I couldn't wait anymore."
Beckett shot the man a soft look as her hands unconsciously played with the book. "You're mad. I didn't want that, I didn't think you'd care that much, I'm sorry."
Castle scoffed and jumped on his feet, annoyed. "You didn't think? How can you even think that? You're damn right I'm mad! I've watched you die in that ambulance, Kate! I saw the light going out of your eyes, I got drenched in blood, your blood! How can you even think that, after we've been together for over three years?"
"I'm sorry Castle, I really am." Beckett quickly amended, genuinely ashamed for having hurt him so much, even if it wasn't intentional. She pretended not to have heard his verbal slip about them being together and she pushed herself forward to get closer to Castle but the movement was too sudden and she fell back on the chair with a sharp gasp when she knocked her ribs against the side of the chair, her hand immediately rising to her still healing side.
"Whoa whoa, easy there!" Castle quickly kneeled before her and put a hand on her knees while the other reached the woman's shoulder. "It's okay, just take a deep breath. That's it, easy...easy." Castle spoke quietly and with a warm, comforting voice but he was shaking inside. His heart ached as he helplessly witnessed the painful strain contorting Kate's features, and smiled encouragingly when she opened her eyes and stared at him in a way she had rarely did. The only times she ever looked at him that way were when the detective had learned her mother's death wasn't a simple and random murder, and the day Castle had her pinned to his car while captain Montgomery was being killed in order to save her life: it was a look of pure misery. But, most importantly, it was a hint at the real Katherine Beckett, the one that was still vulnerable and wounded by her mother's death, the one that has been hiding a wall all these years.
"You okay, do you need to take any medication or anything else?" Castle asked as his hand softly ran from the woman's shoulder to her hand and he squeezed it gently.
Beckett exhaled more calmly and shook her head after having glanced at the novelist watch. "Not before another four hours."
Castle cringed in sympathy. "Do you want anything to drink, or eat? Do you want to go inside?"
Beckett smiled faintly but stubbornly shook her head. "I'm fine, Castle, I just moved faster than I should've had. I'm okay I swear." She reiterated, ignoring the pointed glare the man sent her and shivered lightly under the cold wind that had suddenly came from the distant lake.
The famous novelist frowned at the woman's obvious discomfort and at her subtle yet unsuccessful attempt to hide it. Kate's curious gaze followed him as Castle stood, removed his jacket and covered her with it. Relief was immediate in her eyes as the shivers receded, the already warm jacket spreading its warmth through her body. "Better?"
"Yes, thank you." Beckett's smile was sincere but it quickly faded to uncertainty as Castle reached out with his hand and softly brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping away a tear she didn't know she had shed. "Castle..."
Castle felt they had entered into a dangerous territory; there was a small sparkle in Kate's eyes, the man wasn't imagining it. But fear was also clear on her features so the writer slowly and carefully pulled back, practically giddy about the progress they had just made and desperately wanting to avoid destroying it. "So, I see I interrupted you while reading one of the best sellers of 2009?"
"Huh?" Kate snapped back to reality and looked over to Castle, who was watching her intently. "Oh. Yeah, my dad picked up a bunch of books for me to read in the hope I wouldn't go crazy too fast here." She said as she looked down to the first Heat novels.
"I think they're your best books so far."
"Sure. Of course you aren't biased in any way regarding that opinion." Castle smirked, his smile brightening when he was rewarding with what he thought was the most beautiful smile Kate had even graced him with.
They spent the next moments in a comfortable silence, both peeking at each other but never meeting their more than for a fraction of a second. It was ultimately Kate who, after taking a deep breath, broke the silence. "Castle? What are you really doing here?"
Castle sat back in his seat but stayed close to the woman, making sure her eyes were on him. "I came for you."
The heavily loaded words hung in the air between them for what seemed to be hours. They stared at each other, both acknowledging Castle's confession for what it really was. "Kate, what do you remember of that day?"
Kate visibly closed-up at the question, her body stiffening and her eyes suddenly averting the writer's. "I don't remember anything."
Hope deflated in Castle's blue eyes but he quickly masked his disappointment. "You don't...you don't remember me tackling you?"
"No," she lied. "I don't remember much of anything. I-I remember being on the podium and I remember, everything just going to black." She had no idea why she couldn't tell Castle the truth. It would be so easy to simply admit remembering about his love confession, but it would also mean having to admit her own feelings about the man and, for the time being, Kate was in no way capable to voice anything more than a saddened sigh.
Castle absorbed the information, not pleased about the woman's revelation but unwilling to let it temper with his mood too much. Something in Beckett's face was off but Castle decided to not push it. At least not until he knew more about it. "Oh. I guess it's just as well then."
"Yeah."
"Katie?" Beckett's father's voice echoed inside the house, startling them both.
The writer swore he could see a glimpse of annoyance flash in the detective's eyes upon getting interrupted but, once again, he acted as if he hadn't notice anything. He grinned at Beckett as she let her father know they were outside, the patio door opening a few seconds later to reveal a worried man. "There you are! You okay pumpkin? Oh, Mister Castle, hi."
"Mister Beckett, it is nice to see you again." Castle welcomed the man, noting with relief that he didn't seem to mind seeing the writer with his daughter. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going to have company, but I'm sure we have enough for three if your friend wants to stay." Beckett Senior offered kindly but Castle declined politely, doing a mental happy dance at the brief disappointment he read on Kate's face. "I have to go back, Alexis has a recital tonight."
Mr Beckett left without another word, letting the partners alone. Kate watched Castle expectantly as he got ready to leave. Remembering she was still wearing the man's jacket she began shrugging it off her shoulders but Castle was quick to stop her. "Keep it. Give it back to me when you'll come back."
Kate eyed him curiously but, once again, the novelist could have bet his Ferrari the detective almost seemed bummed about his departure. "You won't be coming back?"
"You still need time." Castle crouched before her and, agonizingly slow, leaned forward and, tenderly, placed a hand behind her neck and pressed his lips close to her mouth, the feel of her silky skin on his warm lips making their both hearts skip a beat.
Her eyes having closed when she felt Castle's strong hand on her, Kate reopened them when he pulled away, leaving her colder than she could have ever expected. "I will wait for you." Castle softly whispered in her ear, answering the young woman's silent fear.
Beckett watched him go and kept staring into space for several minutes after the man's departure, her mind reeling. She was still deep in thought when her father came out to get her for dinner. "Mister Castle is gone?"
"Yeah." Her voice was serious, although a small grin was gracing her lips. As scared as she was, knowing that Castle's departure wasn't definitive and that he was willing to wait for her brought a sense of peace and quiet to Kate's tormented mind and, for the first time in months if not years, her heart felt lighter, hopeful.