Daddy, Get the Crossbow

This is my first time writing Harry Potter, I hope I managed to get everyone in character, for they deserve no less :)

Luna's OOC'ness is because of her mood swings :D

Continuity wise, this is more closer to the films than the books, mostly because It's been a while since I read the books and I can't be bothered to re-read a 700+ page book ):

This 'would' be rated T but I think a certain joke in here qualifies it for an M rating


"Albus Sev-Albus Severus!" she spluttered, her voice dripping with disbelief "You want to name our child after the man who actually arranged your death and a sadist of a teacher?"

"I know but-"

"I know the story!" the blond girl snapped, her usually dreamy, distant looking silver eyes narrowed at the glasses wearing man

Harry grumbled, she had already rejected the names "James Sirius", "Lily" if it was a girl, and now "Albus Severus" was off the plate too, the first two for being too normal and the latter for the reason above

It was times like this that he wondered what drove him to get married to Luna Lovegood…

His relationship with Ginny…well, there's no other way of putting it, went down the shitter after 2 months

he seeked refuge with his closest friends, Ron and Hermione, but sadly they were too busy taking it up the arse to do anything to help them so that led him to the nearby Lovegood home

FLASHBACK

"When you say they were…'taking it up the bum'…you meant…Ron to Hermione, didn't you?" Luna asked as she finished taking a sip of her tea

Harry merely shot her a devastated look

"Oh my…"

"She had a strap-"

"Thank you, thank you, I got the image" Luna interrupted

"Who knew he was into that" Came Xenophilius' voice from the other side of the room "Mind you, when your mother was alive, we-"

"Don't finish that sentence Daddy" Luna seemed to plead

END FLASHBACK

So he ended up crashing with Lovegood's for a few nights, Xenophilius said it was the least he could do to apologise for the 'incident' with the Death Eaters a few months back, Harry started seeing more of Luna everywhere and less of the Weasley's, he still considered them family but seeing Ginny there just made his stomach turn. As the months passed, one thing led to another and suddenly he was dating Luna…

And then two years later, one proposal, one wedding and one post-wedding shag and Luna was up the duff

Which leads us to our current situation

Luna's pregnant belly was clearly visible beneath her yellow sundress, her appearance was mostly the same as he time at Hogwarts, save from her dirty blond hair being a considerably lighter colour than is used to be ("Must be the Nargles, maybe they've developed fingers and have been dying my hair in my sleep", "Are you sure you just haven't been spending too much time in the sun?" Harry asked, "No, Nargles" she replied, "Are you-" "NARGLES").

Her personality was the same as always, dreamy and always talking about Nargles and Crumple Horned Snorkacks

But pregnancy and mood swings had added a violent turn to that…

Last week, she grabbed a baseball bat (or a 'Muggle whacking stick' as she called it) and proceeded to (or rather attempt to) hunt down a pack of crumple horned snorkacks

The week before that in Diagon Alley, she proceeded to take on an (imaginary) pack of Nargles that resulted in the destruction of many stores, where she got that crossbow from was a mystery…

And before that was an incident that shall be forever known as "Pin the non-believers on the the moving javelin", the doctors said Ron could take the eyepatch off in 6-8 weeks

"How about Kazuhiro?"

"What?" Harry asked, snapping out his daydream

"It's japanese" she beamed at him "It means peace"

"Luna…love, a Japanese name? We're english…even though you have an Irish accent for some reason"

"Oh, so the japanese aren't good enough, is that it?" Luna asked with a hint of a growl, Xenophilius proceeded to duck behind the kitchen counter…just incase

"No, no, it's-"

"RACIST!"

"No, Luna…love" Harry sighed, rubbing his temple, the headaches luna gave him weren't quite the "Throbbing Scar" ones he used to have but they were getting there "Can't we name him something…normal?"

"Uh oh" Xenophilius gulped, glad he had ducked down

"DADDY, GET THE CROSSBOW!"

"NO! NO! PLEASE GOD NO!" Harry pleaded "I didn't mean it like that love, I just-"

"No, you're right" she said, shifting back into her dreamy personality thanks to an another mood swing ("More like Mood Whiplash" Harry grumbled) "It is odd isn't it…even more than mine or daddy's name"

"I like your name" Harry stated as he placed his hand on her shoulder, even though he disagreed with Kazuhiro being weirder than Xenophilius or Luna, before an Idea struck him "What's the Latin word for peace?"

"Pacis" Xenophilius piped in

"Nevermind then" Harry sighed

"Lysander"

...

"Huh?" Harry asked

"Lysander" Luna echoed

"Lysander…the spartan general?"

"No silly" she giggled "The Shakespeare character"

"It's a rather interesting name, princess" Xenophilius stated as he handed his daughter another cup of tea

"It's Unique" she smiled at her father "Who else do you know that's named after a shakespeare character?"

"Hermione" Harry piped in

"Not so Unique after all…" Luna grumbled before she took a swig of her tea "…Lorcan"

"Lorcan?" Harry asked

"An Irish and Gaelic name that translates to Little Fierce One" Xenophilius beamed

"…We'll put it in the maybe pile"

"Rolf?"

"NO!" Harry snapped "We are not naming our child after him!"

"Have I missed something?" Xenophilius asked

"Rolf Scamander was a magizoologist and the grandson of Newt Scamanader, the author of 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them'" Luna began to explain "On a trip to Sweden a few years back after someone claimed they had spotted a Werewolf/Dragon hybrid, there we met Rolf, he was attracted to me, that much I could tell, one night he kissed my cheek, Harry didn't like that so he did something that means Rolf may never reproduce"

"What?" Xenophilius asked as he turned to face his son-in-law

"Reducto to the joy department"

"Blimey…"

"I still think that was an overreaction" Luna said "Rolf was nice"

"ROLF'S A DICK!" Harry snapped

"Suit yourself" Luna shrugged as she took a sip of her tea

but then she dropped her cup

"Princess?" Xenophilius asked as his daughter clutched her stomach, a look of pain written on her face

"Luna! Luna sweetheart, what's wrong?" Harry asked in a panic as he got out of his seat and ran to his wifes side

"I-IT'S COMING!"

"What!" Harry screamed

"Uh oh…" Xenophilius panicked as he ran over his fireplace

"I CAN'T FLOO, I'M IN LABOUR!" Luna snapped at her father

"Then what do I do?" Xenophilius screamed

"Something useful!" Luna snapped

Xenophilius proceeded to scream like a little girl as he ran around the room in a panic. Harry, seeing his Father-in-Law wasn't going to be of any help in this situation, decided to take it upon himself to calm his wife down

"Calm down love"

"FUCK YOU!"

So much for that

"Love-"

"Don't 'Love' me Harry Potter!" Luna screamed in his face "You did this to me!"

"Lu-"

"YOU FUCKING DID THIS!"

"I know but in a few hours you'll be thanking me!" Harry pleaded with her

"UNTIL THEN YOU SHALL FEEL MY PAIN!" She screamed at him as she reached for her wand and aimed it at his…joy department "THIS IS FOR ROLF!"

"Oh God No!" Harry pleaded "Luna Don't!"

"AHHHHH!" Luna screamed

"AHHHHH!" Harry screamed

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'm fine"

"What?" he asked as his wife as she lowered her wand, Xenophilius stopped running and screaming to face his daughter

"False labour" she said as her trademark dreamy look returned and she returned to her tea "I'm 8 months pregnant, get used to it"

...

"I need to sit down" Xenophilius panted as he pulled up a chair

"Blimey Luna…" Harry sighed

Harry sighed when Luna's mood swings came into play, she could a fierce as a Lion…

Lion

...

And then it hit him

"Leon…"

"What?" Luna asked

"Leon…it's fierce, I mean it's only one letter apart from Lion…but it's a name"

"Leon…" Xenophilius echoed before his face twisted into a smile

"Leon…Potter" Luna echoed too, a similar smile on her face "I like it…"

"So…Leon Potter, it is?" Harry asked

"No…" Luna said as she turned to face her husband "Leon Xenophilius James Sirius Potter…"

Harry smiled as he approached his wife, leaning down to catch his wife's lips, Xenophilius smirked before he turned around to give his daughter and son-in-law a small moment

"Harry look! a crumple horned snorkack!" Luna shouted as they broke their kiss

"Yes love…" he sighed

"Kick its arse!"

"Yes love" he sighed as he picked up the baseball bat and headed for the door

"Daddy, get the crossbow and help him!"

What a strange family this was

But it was one full of love, as Leon Xenophilius James Sirius Potter would find out soon…

END