I woke up with the sun rising brightly through the window, casting a beam of light to illuminate the dark room. I realized with relief I had no more nightmares the rest of the night. And for the first time in weeks, I felt refreshed.
I felt Olivia's head resting on my stomach, her arm draped around my waist, using me as a pillow. She looked so peaceful and happy in her sleep. A small smile escaped my lips.
I was glad that I had finally admitted to, not only myself, but Olivia as well that I had feelings for Scott. It felt as if the shame I've had every time I'd even look at him was melting away. I wasn't exactly proud that I'd accidentally developed feelings for Mo's boyfriend, but-
That's when the rush of emotion slammed into my brain. Loss, pity, betrayal, anger, guilt. It felt as though someone had stabbed me in the heart and was twisting my emotions everywhere. It was so strong, I felt my stomach cringing, trying to contain it all.
Olivia snapped awake in alarm as I squirmed around, trying to stop the whirlwind of pain. I took deep forced breaths as the pangs of emotion made my throat feel tighter and a deep sadness filled my body.
"Stella!" She grabbed me holding me still on the bed. "Stella calm down! Everything's okay! What's wrong?"
I shook my head, clearing my mind as the attack of emotions finally withdrew, leaving me confused and shocked.
It was Scott, that much I knew. I've touched his mind so many times, it was all too familiar. Something horrible must've happened for him to feel so strongly. What could possibly…?
"Stella! Talk to me! Are you hurt?" Olivia questioned urgently, scanning my body. All I could do was lay their blinking rapidly as my eyes adjusted once again to my surroundings. My breathing evening.
"Mo broke up with Scott…" I whispered as realization hit me. Olivia froze gazing at me. "What? Why would she do that?" She demanded, her concern soon returning as she grabbed my arm and examined the bandages.
"Olivia," I said, sitting up. "I'm fine seriously, it's just…" I trailed off. I never really realized how much she meant to him. A twinge of hurt ran through me. Why didn't he feel that way about me?
"He's heartbroken." I finished as Olivia continued to check me over. Her gaze slowly met mine as she realized I was dead serious. She shook her head.
"No, Mo wouldn't break up with Scott…would she?" She looked down, considering the possibilities. I let out a sigh. "I know she did Liv, but I don't have any clue why."
My mind wandered back to my conversation with Scott on my roof last night, his words replaying in my head.
It seemed as though…she was afraid of me. I tried to kiss her goodnight, but she wouldn't let me. Instead she basically slammed the door in my face and went to bed.
Was Mo afraid of us? Of him? Of me? I let out a deep breath, my mind reeling. "I'll talk to her at school." I told Olivia who was watching me with her eyebrows raised.
"What?" I asked feeling self conscious. She frowned slightly. "How do you feel about this?" I hesitated a moment, wondering what she was referring to. "What do you mean?" I asked not following.
She looked down at her hands, fingering the bed sheet nervously. "I mean like…how do you feel about Scott being…single?" She questioned glancing back at me. I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing happened.
How do I feel? Confusion at Mo's reasoning, sympathy for Scott's pain, and…hope? The hope of Scott actually noticing me the way he notices Mo.
What would that make me, a rebound? Another wave of longing hit me. Would he even move on from Mo? I let out a sigh.
"I feel conflicted." I admitted meeting Olivia's gaze. She nodded slowly. "Okay well, we have plenty of time to build on that, but right now we need to get ready for school." She said pointing towards the clock.
6:02 A.M. I nodded and stood up, thinking about why Mo would dump Scott all of the sudden. Something wasn't right about it, and I knew the reasons wouldn't be good.
I walked into the detention room hesitantly, wondering if Scott was already here. I felt horrible about last night, mostly because when he left I saw the same look in his eyes that I had when I saw him cheating.
But I knew I wouldn't be able to see him the same way after the revelation of him being a werewolf. I felt like I couldn't trust him anymore. He lied to me for the past year and when he kissed me last night…it didn't feel right.
I kept thinking about how easily he could bite me, how vulnerable I really was when I was with him. I didn't feel safe. Of course I knew he wouldn't but, just the fact that he could unhinged me. And thus now I'm single again.
I let out a breath when Stella and Olivia were the only ones present in the room. Of course the moment I entered, I wished I hadn't.
"Why'd you do it Mo?" Stella asked, her voice shaky. Her fists were clenched on the desk, her eyes closed as if she was trying to stay calm. My silence caused Olivia to glance at me worriedly before her eyes watched Stella once more.
"What do you mean?" I questioned setting my stuff down at the desk next to Stella. She took a deep breath, her jaw working. "You broke up with Scott…why?" Her voice sounded threatening and I sat in the desk hesitantly.
Was she mad at me? "Stell listen, I feel horrible for doing it but I couldn't date him anymore. He's been lying to me the past year and honestly…I don't feel anything but unease when he kisses me. I'm sorry."
Olivia gave me a nod of understanding while we both looked at Stella waiting for her reply. Slowly her hands relaxed and she opened her eyes. She avoided my gaze and looked down at her desk.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked regretfully. Stella closed her eyes once again, shaking her head. "No, it's just…I can feel everything he feels and its very…overwhelming." She said through gritted teeth. So Scott was mad at me.
Stella looked over at me slowly. "He really does love you." She said quietly. I didn't respond. Is she saying I should get back together with him? I thought I loved him once too, but…there was something else that kept me from being with him. Something I knew I couldn't stand in the way of. But what was it?
"Don't Stell. I've made my decision. He deserves someone who knows for certain how she feels, not someone who doubts." I told her hoping she would drop the subject. She gave a quick nod before turning away and closing her eyes again. She took a deep breath.
"I suggest you don't talk to him today…I'm afraid he'll breakdown more than he already has." She said gently. I held back a twinge of guilt as Scott himself walked through the door. I didn't want to look but I couldn't stop myself.
He looked awful…His hair stood up in tuffs, which was weird because I couldn't see an ounce of gel in his hair. His clothes were wrinkled and his collar poked out of his jacket, looking ruffled and messy. There was a certain slump to his walk, moping with his backpack dragging on the floor from his hand.
But the thing that alarmed me the most was the wild look in his eyes. They were blood-shot and a hurt expression was visible on his face.
I turned away quickly, unable to take what I did to him. Oh God Scott…I'm so sorry…
The rest of the morning went by in a blur. I couldn't stop thinking about Mo, about what I lost. My heart ached and everything I did felt worthless and numb. Nothing I did would bring Mo back to me. Nothing.
We were walking to lunch, with me in the back. I couldn't even bring myself to stand anywhere near her, it hurt too much. I wasn't even paying attention to my surroundings, so when I felt a grip on my arm yank me into the near by closet, my heart nearly stopped.
As the door shut securely, a light flicked on in the small space. My heart beat rapidly as I saw Stella leaning against the door, I pained expression on her face.
"You need to get a grip, Scott." She started meeting my gaze. I saw no interest any longer as my mind recovered from the surprise and wandered back to Mo. I looked down as I felt my chest tighten with grief. What was the point anymore? Why should I get a grip?
"Scott, look at me!" She demanded, frustration clear in her voice. Slowly my eyes met hers. The harsh tone I heard in no way matched the sympathetic and worried face I was looking at.
"She's moving on Scott." Stella said gently. "And I can't stand to see you like this." She admitted looking me over. "You're always there for me, and I'm helping you through this." She stated her voice lowering.
"I feel everything you feel and I know that she means everything to, but this isn't the end of the world. Mo made her decision, and you of all people know that no matter what happens…it will get better." She said encouragingly.
As her words hung around me I realized that she was right. "Mo isn't the only girl in the world. You'll meet someone who loves you no matter what. And you have to keep your head up to the future and stop dwelling on what was." She finished looking at me waiting for my response.
I understood what she was saying and I knew she was right, but I couldn't let go that easily. All I thought about was Mo and it wasn't going to stop anytime soon.
"I can't get rid of it, Stell." I whispered looked away again.
She let out an exasperated chuckle. "Have you tried howling?" She asked watching me with a gleam of amusement.
I sighed embarrassed. "I've…I've never howled before…" I confessed risking a glance at her. Her eyebrows rose. "Really? Aren't you supposed to be the experienced one?" She questioned teasingly.
I couldn't help the small smile escape from my lips.
She beamed at my reaction. "Meet me in the clearing at 9. I promise if you come, the hurt will go away." She urged hopefully. I let out a nod and looked at her admirably. "Thank you Stella." I whispered as I hugged her tightly.
I don't know what I would do without her. I pulled away reaching for the door knob. "Ah, ah, ah!" She exclaimed blocking my arm. "First, we need to fix all…" She looked me up and down pointing everywhere. "this."
Once again I felt the smile forming on my lips. She reached up, grabbing the messy tuffs of my hair and patting it down. She kept on rubbing it but it wouldn't stay down.
She stepped back examining my hair thoughtfully. "Maybe this will work." She said reaching up once again. This time she pushed my hair up, working with it instead of against it. After a few minutes she retreated triumphantly. "There."
I went to feel my hair with my hand. It was in Mohawk style like at our Madison Square Garden performance, except it felt more natural without all of the moose and gel. I reached in my pocket, looking at the reflection in the black screen of my phone.
Wow. It looked…good. I put my phone away, my satisfaction showing. Stella took that as a sign to continue. She grabbed my shirt, fixing my collar and moving my jacket around on my shoulders until it looked more presentable.
As she worked, I couldn't stop watching her. The way her face scrunched up thoughtfully as she considered the possibilities to fix my poor appearance. Her eyes shining as her gaze moved over me. Her skillful hands working their way around my clothing, smoothing down the ruffled fabric.
"And…there!" She declared successfully, her hands returning to my collar, adjusting the folds of my shirt. "Now you can go out in public without looking so…" She trailed off as her head slowly lifted, her eyes meeting mine.
I couldn't look away as I suddenly noticed the situation we had created. Her hands gripping my collar firmly, holding me against her and her eyes boring into mine.
"so…" She tried again without success, completely loosing her train of thought. All the thoughts of Mo completely vanished. Right now it was just me and Stella. Me and Stella…Me and Stella…
My mind started slowing down as I felt myself leaning towards her our faces inches apart…
Suddenly the door swung open, Stella and I turned startled to see Olivia standing in the door way. "There you guys are! We've been looking everywhere for yo-" She cut off abruptly as she looked between the two of us her eyebrows raising.
"Um…am I interrupting something?" She asked surprised.
"No! Uh…Stella was just, fixing my…er…my…" I stuttered flustered as I glanced back at Stella.
"I was just…fixing his collar." Stella explained, once again patting down the crumpled clothing as she released her grip and backed away.
Olivia's eyes narrowed. "Right…well um, we have a table waiting so…" She trailed off pointing behind her towards the cafeteria.
"Yeah, of course." I said as Stella nodded in agreement. The two of us walked out of the closet, leaving behind a smirking Olivia.