"How large is the army," shouted a very angry Sigurn.
"About thirty thousand worms," DragonFace shouted back.
"Is that all," Sigurn asked, sounding very relieved, "We can take them!"
"No, I see reinforcements in the distance! And a tank!"
"Rhubarb, how far can that catapult fire?"
"Only about three thousand feet," answered the bulky worm.
"How far is that tank?"
"About half a mile away," answered DragonFace.
"That's about 2,500 feet, correct."
"Okay Rhubarb, take aim and fire at will."
Look at that rock go. How much does that weigh, 1,000 pounds?
"It actually weighs twice that," answered Blasted.
It's heading straight for the tank.
"I think that tank was carrying nukes," observed Sigurn.
Look at the size of that mushroom cloud.
"You do realize that it must have been carrying very small nukes," DragonFace pointed out, "The explosion didn't reach us despite the fact that we are only half a mile away."
I know, that was the world's smallest mushroom cloud.
"Ah well, the tank is dead," Sigurn shrugged.
Well there is more army than a tank.
"Oh, yes, Tomb! How are you doing over there?"
"The turret is fine, I'm fine, now shut up, I'm working," Tomb shouted back.
"Now why would they send only thirty thousand worms, last time they sent four times as much? Stupid cloning factories."
Will you start fighting back? They are aiming at me!
"Oh, right. Amoeba, what are the three biggest weapons in our storage?"
"We have a Concrete Donkey, several Holy Hand Grenades, and a modified Sentry Gun," answered the tiny worm.
"Modified how," asked Sigurn.
"It shoots Banana Bombs."
"Oh, give me, give me, give me!"
"Here you are."
Hurry up, I just lost an eyebrow!
"Let me just set it up. There we go, now start firing!"
It can't see any movement!
"Fine, I'll prod it forward slightly, *nudge*. There we are."
Yes, it locked on! Hey, it doesn't shoot Banana Bombs, it shoots Holy Hand Grenades!
"Even better. Hey Freya, this Sentry Gun is doing a better job of digging a moat than you did!"
"Oh, shut up," answered the stupid little worm.
"Tomb," DragonFace shouted.
"Shut up, I'm working. Don't make me turn this turret on you!"
I recommend that you do not upset the homicidal workaholic.
"Thanks for the tip," yelled DragonFace sarcastically.
"I am hungry," Sigurn announced, "I am also ordering. What does everyone want?"
"Pepperoni pizza," everyone declared simultaneously.
"Okay, 628-7858, is that correct? Yes? (That is not a phone number that I know about, I just typed random numbers) Good, yes, I would like an extremely large Pepperoni pizza for delivery. The address is 73956, Crow Base 1. Okay, thank you, have a nice day. It will be delivered in 5... 4... 3... 2... and… *crash*. Look! It crushed the army! Is that enough pizza for everyone?"
"No," Amoeba shouted, "I need seven of those!"
"No you don't, I have a Giant Watermelon right here."
"How big is that pizza," Blasted intruded.
"Normal human large," answered Sigurn, "So about a mile in diameter to us. Dig in, Bon appetite, Dinner is served, etcetera, etcetera."
"Shortest siege ever," complained Tomb, "Now what am I supposed to do?"
"You are supposed to eat, that is what the pizza is for. Do I need to spell it out for you? Tomb, eat, pizza. T-O-M-B, E-A-"
"Okay, Okay, you don't need to spell it out for me."
"Too late, I already started, -T, P-I-Z-Z-A."
"So you have fought off one army," laughed a mysterious worm, "So what? It's only one army. You will be dead before long, brother."
"How did you get here," demanded Sigurn, as he whipped around, but th worm was gone, "And how did you wake up?"
"Oh, it was simple," the mysterious worm continued to mock Sigurn, "I knew someday a fool would wake me up, it was only a matter of time."
"You can't hide from me forever," bellowed Sigurn, "You will not win!"
"Oh, are you sure of that," the voice grew more cheery, almost ecstatic, "What war brother? You will die eventually; this is more of an extermination. Killing off all little, annoying, pests."
"I will stop you," Sigurn grumbled half-heartedly, "If it's the last thing I do."
"You can't stop me," chuckled that annoying, semi-deep voice, "That's exactly why I was put to sleep, so you wouldn't have to face me. Besides, you are facing the test of time; I have been asleep for 74 years, so I am in my prime. Sleep slowed my aging process, while you are 75, I am only about 30. Besides, how can you stop the three of us, brother," he hissed that last word.
"You," roared DragonFace as he squirmed in, "How did you get here, how did you wake up?"
"Why, hello brother, it is a pleasure to see you after so long."
"You will be stopped," DragonFace yelled.
"Oh, you too, over my dead body."
"That is exactly how I plan to do it," shrieked DragonFace as he launched himself at the mysterious worm. Unfortunately, the worm had disappeared.
"Who was that," questioned Tomb as he squirmed into the room.
"That was an evil worm," answered Sigurn in a daze, "To be precise, my evil twin. He has no name, so we call him Evil Sigurn."
"I heard him say, 'the three of us'," mentioned Tomb, "There are two others?"
"Yes," it was DragonFace who answered, "I also had an evil twin, in fact, our brother Dragon was the only one who didn't have an evil twin. Mine was named Dragonfist."
"What about the third," queried Tomb.
"That's the tricky part," replied Sigurn, "You also had a twin."
"Me," spluttered Tomb, obviously shocked.
"Yes you," started DragonFace, "You had a twin who we put to sleep at birth. We gave him a name, the reverse of yours actually."
"The reverse of mine," questioned Tomb, "My full name is Tombstone."
"Exactly, his name was Stone Tomb."
"The thing about these twins is that they know everything we know," stated Sigurn, "Everything we know about fighting, weapons, utilities, everything. It even goes so far down so they know what we had for dinner last week or the name of a crush we had 60 years ago. The only difference between us and them is they use what they know for evil. Not like the evil they use in stupid kids shows. Not petty little things. They use it for pure, unadulterated evil. They are not trying to destroy a nemesis or take over a city; they will destroy this universe right down to time. This universe will never have existed. After they are done with that they will go on to the next universe, and the next, until all reality is destroyed."
"But according to parallel universes, shouldn't all reality be destroyed even if we stop them here?" asked Tomb.
"No, we only exist in this one universe, the Law of Parallel Universes does not apply to us. They are also the only creatures in all of reality that can destroy it without making some complex machine and aligning a bunch of planets perfectly."
"What do you mean all of reality," asked Tomb as he was struggling to comprehend this.
"Everything, from the smallest atom outwards. This world will be destroyed, then the solar system, then the galaxy, then the cluster, then the super cluster, then the universe, the all the universes, all outward until the fabric of reality itself is reached. That will be torn apart like a wet paper towel so absolutely nothing can exist ever again. There will be nothing, try to imagine that. Nothing, the absence of everything, the vastness of it. There will not even be an echo because an echo needs something to carry it. Nothing, not light nor sound, time and space do not exist."
"I cannot imagine," conceded Tomb.
"Because it is incomprehensible, inconceivable, unthinkable, unfathomable, no color, no physics, nothing."
"They must be stopped," announced Tomb.
"Which means war. DragonFace, contact Einstein, I need to tell him something."
"Okay, let me just initiate contact… and here we go, Einstein on the big screen."
"Einstein, I need to talk to you!"
"I know," Einstein seemed worried, "Who visited you?"
"What do you mean 'Who visited you'," Sigurn asked.
"I mean who visited you, Stone Tomb just threatened me."
"My evil twin showed up, and I tried to explain nothing to Tomb."
"Which means who did Dragonfist visit?"
"I have a hunch, to the Great Pasture!"
About 10 minutes later, at the Great Pasture.
"Whew, it's warm here," sighed Sigurn.
"That's because this is very far north, there is only really summer," Einstein answered.
"Okay, where do they normally land?"
"Look for the giant round crater."
"Duh, why didn't I think of that?"
"Here we are, look a drunken worm. Crap, he's stumbling through the crater. Get out of the-"
There was great whooshing sound as an enormous flying saucer dropped out of the sky. It did not land all graceful, like in Mars Attacks. It came down at very high speeds and collided with the ground, sending dirt flying and burying itself to the rim. The poor drunk was crushed beneath it. Sigurn squirmed up to the door and knocked.
"Hey, open up!"
"What do you want," complained an alien as he squirmed out (his voice sounds like on Worms 3d).
"Did a mysterious worm visit you Stergenoff?"
"Not me, a mysterious worm did visit Zribly though."
Now just in case you were wondering, these aliens learned to speak English at some point and they look like the aliens on Worms 4 Mayhem (not the blue ones). The names are strange because they are a rough translation to English.
"So I hear you were visited by a mysterious worm Zribly," interrogated Sigurn.
"Yes, a strange worm calling himself 'Dragonfist'," answered Zribly.
"Bad, very bad."
"Him and two others are going to destroy reality."
"So we need to stop them?"
"They also have some advanced aliens working with them."
After Sigurn said that all the blood, or um, liquid drained out of Zribly's face.
"That's not good. Not good at all," Zribly was talking faster and faster, "How could they get here. It's impossible," He started slipping back into his native language, which I am unable to type.
"Get a hold of yourself," shouted Sigurn as he started to shake Zribly.
"We have been running from them for many years."
"Running from who Zribly?"
"They destroyed our home planet!"
"Now they will destroy us!"
"Damn it Zribly! Who," Sigurn yelled.
"We don't have a name for them. They are a group of highly advanced, very evil aliens."
"Great, now we are involved with two alien races," complained Sigurn.
"They are blue-skinned, their head is pure bone until the brain, and they have horns. Other than that they look like you."
"Clearly we need more help. Einstein, contact Psychopath."
"No!" yelled Einstein, "Not him! He hates us! He has been alive for 500 years and he still hates us! I do not want to ally myself with such a ruthless dictator!"
"He may control 86% of the Mainland, 23% of the Island Chain, the Arctic Circle, Antarctica, 98% of the ocean floor, and the Sea of Tranquility, but he doesn't want all of reality to end either!"
"Is there anyone else?"
"I am sure there are more, but I cannot think of any. We still must go to him."
"Why?" Einstein cried.
"Bring Zribly. We are going to the end of the world."
Two hours later, on the Mainland.
"Here we are," mumbled Sigurn, "At least it is still warmer than Crow Base 1."
"Stop complaining about that. Zribly, you need to wear a Top Hat to hide those antennae."
"Fine, (grumbled in native language), there, happy now?"
"Of course not," Einstein said indignantly, "We are going to meet an immortal dictator who hates our guts."
"He's not only immortal, he's immoral," said Sigurn.
"Your language confuses me," grumbled Zribly, "Immortal and immoral sound so similar but mean different things."
"It should be only a few minutes before we are surrounded by Military worms," Einstein said, clearly unhappy about this.
A few minutes later.
"There they are," announced Sigurn.
"Take me to your leader," yelled Zribly, "I've always wanted to say that."
"Who is the leader among you," questioned Einstein.
"That would be me," said a large, commanding worm.
"We have to visit the dictator," announced Einstein, addressing the leader.
"You have no need to visit him, we were given orders to kill you."
"Aim your weapons," yelled Einstein.
Sigurn held up a 10 gauge shotgun, Zribly held up what looked like a ray gun, and Einstein revealed what appeared to be a, um. I don't know what it looked like so I will describe it. It was white, the barrel appeared to be a sort of dish, and there was something sticking out of the center of the dish.
"We can take your army General," scoffed Einstein.
"How did you know my rank," the General became a bit worried.
"I have an IQ of 256, I know everything. Well, almost everything, I still don't know how to lo."
"I'm sure Psychopath would want to see you. Let me just contact him. Psychopath, these three are going to see you whether you want to or not."
"Don't use that tone with me," the voice came screaming through.
"I'm not using any tone, they would kill us and then see you. So we have no choice."
"Fine, send them over."
"Follow," commanded the General.
Along the way the three started mumbling amongst themselves.
"I'm surprised you haven't taken to space yet," Zribly said.
"We are almost there," replied Einstein.
"What does that thing do Zribly," Sigurn asked.
"It is a charged particle beam projector. Or a death ray to you. This one disrupts the heart of Earthborn creatures."
"What about yours Einstein?"
"This silly old thing, it is a prototype. It's not even a weapon. It is supposed to turn anything earthborn, besides plants, fungus, protists, and bacteria, into a worm, I do not think it would work on an alien. I have to test it eventually. It actually emits a shockwave that changes the DNA structure to that of a worm, shrinking them down in the process."
"Anyway, what do you suggest we do when we get there," asked Sigurn.
"Why are you asking me? I thought you had a plan," complained Einstein.
"We should probably wing it then."
"Here we are," announced the General.
So they entered the building. Maybe that sentence was too boring. They passed into the threshold of the monstrous work of modern architecture. That was better, eh.
"We have to talk to you Psychopath," announced Sigurn.
Psychopath swung around in his giant chair way at the end of the hallway.
"Please, step forward."
"That's a lot of walking," whined Sigurn.
"I don't care what you think," yelled Psychopath.
So they stepped forward. Too boring again. The group strode onward towards the homicidal, immortal, immoral totalitarian. How was that eh, probably got me killed if he heard.
"I heard that! Do not worry, I won't kill you. Yet. Muahahahahahahaha."
"We have," began Sigurn, only to be silenced by Psychopath.
"Wait… Now state the reason you have approached me where you are not welcome."
"We have come to request your assistance."
"They have awaken."
All the blood drained out of Psychopath's face. That has been happening a lot recently.
"I accept your request, but only until they are killed."
"We thank you."
"Now before you go, why did you bring an alien?"
"How did you know about that?"
"I know all, well almost all, I still don't know how to behold."
"Hey, Einstein doesn't know how to lo."
"So between us we can lo and behold. Now leave my lair!"
"Wait! Don't you want answer?"
"Why we brought the alien."
"Oh, sure," Psychopath didn't seem to care anymore.
"There are advanced aliens."
All the blood drained out of Psychopath's face, again.
"Stop with the bad news! It coagulates my blood!"
Suddenly an alarm went off. I need to start making sentences more exciting. A siren started blaring unexpectedly.
"One of my bases is being attacked," announced Psychopath.
"Where is it?"
"Just step onto my teleporter! It should take you there," Psychopath was yelling now, "You need weapons!"
"No we don't, we are armed."
"I have a ten gauge and seven thousand rounds of ammo. Zribly has a death ray. And Einstein has, that thing."
"Fine off you go, and tell me what is attacking."
And on to the teleporter they went.
"Yay," exclaimed Sigurn, "No snow!"
"We are in the middle of a battlefield," Einstein pointed out.
"You don't actually have a weapon."
"Who cares, I haven't seen this much action since PurpleLite went on a blind drunken rage!"
"Looks like the work of Stone Tomb."
"Hey," exclaimed Einstein, "I'm getting a message on my watch. Hello, Einstein here."
"It's me, Psychopath."
"What is it, I'm busy."
"Two more bases are being attacked, I need you to split up."
"Deal," decided Sigurn.
"But I don't have a weapon," whispered Einstein.
"Here, use mine," mumbled Sigurn.
"But what will you use?"
"Me? The U.S. government has labeled me as a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Besides, I'm an airsmith, I can make guns and ammo using air."
"Fine, give it here."
"Sigurn, Zribly," began Psychopath, "step onto the teleporter."
"So I get stuck with Stone Tomb's work. Okay army feel the wrath of a ten gauge!"
So Einstein rushed into the fray, guns blazing. Not really, he hadn't shot a shotgun in years. There was a very large army attacking the base with only a few of the Military capable of defending it. Einstein took careful aim at the first worm, who was attacking a private with a machete. He pulled the trigger and was knocked over by the recoil.
"Whoa, forgot the power of that. Oh well, it got the job done."
The worm slumped over his head missing in action. A worm yelled out, "There's more on the way!" That was not good because that meant the cloning factories were up and running. More worms started flooding through the gates. Einstein took careless aim at the flooding worms and prayed that these were scattershot ammo. He pulled the trigger and to his satisfaction saw multiple worms explode, he was again knocked down from the recoil. Next shot he braced for the recoil though and was not bashed by the gun. He was starting to feel young again. Unfortunately he forgot one important rule, always watch your back, unless you are backed up against a wall. He was struck by a worm carrying a baseball bat and was knocked out.
"Yep, this looks like my evil twin's work."
Sigurn launched himself into the fracas. Several worms took one look at him and burst out laughing, he wasn't wearing armor, he had no weapons. The first worm he killed was almost crying from the sight. Sigurn strolled up to him, grabbed his hand, swung him around, and hit him against the ground so hard the worm disintegrated from the force of the impact. Sigurn glanced around and saw that all worms laughing at him had either vaporized or ran away. He reached his hands up as if he was grabbing a gun off a shelf, formed it a bit, decided he wanted a shotgun, and pumped it. He squirmed into the nearest building and caused several worms to fall over laughing, there he was "pretending" he had a gun in his hand. He aimed at the first worm and pulled the trigger, there was absolutely no sound, one of the advantages of air. A large hole opened up in the worm and he died. When I say a large hole, I meant the lower half of his body had all but disintegrated. All the other worms stopped laughing immediately and a look of pure terror spread over there faces. He shot four of the five remaining and then heard a click.
"Hmm, only a five-round gun," he observed. The last worm started to look relieved, but then Sigurn started to approach him and he relieved himself. He started scrambling to get away but was unsuccessful, Sigurn hit him with the butt of the gun, killing him. He then decided to discard the gun and subsequently grabbed a new one, this one was a .45 handgun. He squirmed out of that building and into the next one, and again everyone started laughing. He shot everybody in sight and moved to the next building. He pulled the trigger and there was that click. What a bad time for that. All the worms that were laughing suddenly straightened up and freaked out, they thought he was pretending. He threw away the gun and punched the first worm right in the center of his face. That worm went flying and took out another. One of the worms called for back-up and was immediately killed, but had called successfully. The place was soon overrun with enemies, a bad place for Sigurn. He threw another punch and took out an arc of worms around him. No matter how many he killed, a few always landed blows so he was growing weaker and weaker. He decided he needed sometime to think so he suddenly disappeared and reappeared outside. He made a few grenades out of air and lobbed them into the building, killing most worms inside. He then grabbed another gun out of thin air and strolled inside to finish off the rest. After that was done he squirmed back outside and saw that the army was retreating. He appeared on the wall of the base facing the retreating worms and formed a turret out of air. He shot all the retreating worms in the back, put up a sign that read: Warning, there is a turret right here made out of air. It has about 60 boxes of ammo around it. Do not shoot it, it will make a very large explosion despite the fact it is made out of air, enjoy.
After putting up the sign he decided to see if Zribly was finished.
"Why did I get stuck with the army of the one who threatened me?"
Zribly looked around a bit then leapt into the quarrel. He realized that this should be a piece of cake for him, his death ray had unlimited ammunition, it ran on electrons. He wove back and forth, shooting anything that moved. Worms fell, lawyers laughed. He had worked his way about halfway into the base when his gun stopped working (*Gasp*). He looked at it and saw that it had run out of charge, then yelled something that I am incapable of repeating. He resorted to hand combat, something he hadn't used in a long while. He wasn't as good as he thought, as his punches weren't knocking worms out. He met one worm in a fierce battle. He threw the first punch, the worm dodged and threw a punch right back, it knocked Zribly sideways and off his tail. He started to get up and was punched back down. He was rolled over and punched in the face, knocking his top hat off. His attacker said gasp and fainted. Zribly put his hat back on and decided he might need help. He retreated into a building and attempted to put a charge back into his gun. He attempted for about five minutes when he heard a voice outside.
"We have successfully taken over this base! For Dragonfist!" The voice cheered.
"For Dragonfist! For Dragonfist! For Dragonfist!" More voices cheered. Suddenly and luckily his device started to regain it's charge, very quickly. It was at full charge in seconds. Zribly burst the door open and yelled, "Thank you for gathering in one place! It makes an invasion so much easier!" The worms took one look at the lone alien and became overconfident.
"You think that you alone can kill all of us," one of them shouted.
"No," he shouted back, "Half of me could kill all of you!" He then proceeded to open fire. Worm after worm fell, they were stunned by their overconfidence, in a way. When you don't expect much and then get a lot, it surprises you. The worms didn't react for about a minute then the last worm remaining freaked out and was killed. Zribly squirmed over to the teleporter and was surprised when Sigurn appeared in it.
"Surprise," he yelled, "Am I late for anything?"
"Yes," came the answer, "I am the only one alive because my battery died."
"How does that make you the only one alive?"
"Turns out I'm horrible at hand combat so I hid in a building for five minutes."
"Oh, lettuce go help Einstein."
"Why did you say lettuce instead of let us?"
"Because I feel like it!"
Einstein, Sigurn, Zribly
"Do you see Einstein anywhere," called Sigurn.
"No," came the reply.
So they set off to find him. They searched everywhere, there was absolutely no life anywhere. It was deserted, pure common sense told Sigurn that it was a trap.
"This is a trap," said Sigurn.
"I know," answered Zribly, "They would not just desert a base they were attempting to take over." As if on cue worms started flooding in from everywhere. Sigurn pulled an assault rifle out of air and Zribly drew his death ray. They opened fire simultaneously and stood back to back. No worm got closer than three feet to them. Every time Sigurn ran out of ammo he pulled another clip out of air. Every time Zribly's gun ran out of charge Sigurn rewrote reality so it was at full charge. Wave after wave of worms descended upon them. Little did they know they were all coming straight out of a cloning factory. There was over 9 million of them. About thirty miles away Einstein was creeping up on the cloning factory. He pulled out a nuclear grenade, pulled the pin, and tossed it down the chimney. He then used a preset teleport and appeared back at the base. The mushroom cloud was seen 160 miles away.
Meanwhile, in the human world.
"What was that," a man exclaimed. He had dark brown hair and was wearing a suit with a brown had seen the mushroom cloud and ran that way, followed by a young blond woman.
"I have never seen anything like that before! An explosion just came out of nowhere!" They ran towards it. About halfway there the man stopped and sniffed the air.
"Stay back! This place is covered in radiation!"
"What's wrong," asked the young woman.
"This makes no sense! Reality is falling apart, explosions are coming out of nowhere, and the radiation just vanished."
"Have you seen this before?"
"Never, I just saw another explosion! This way!" The man took off running again.
Back in the worm world
"Einstein," yelled Sigurn, "I am glad to see you! Look at all these worms!"
"Yes, we can exchange pleasantries later. There was a cloning factory over there, I threw a nuclear grenade into it."
"One of those ones that has short-lived radiation?"
"Yes, that one" Suddenly Einstein was attacked from the side. He managed to struggle out of it and accidentally pulled out his prototype. He glanced at the gun and realized his mistake. He struggled to put it back but was not fast enough. The worm who had attacked him shot at him. Einstein saw the bullet in slow motion. He looked over and slightly up and saw a human man running this way, followed by a woman. He looked back at his prototype and saw the bullet hit it. Everything went purple as the bullet made the prototype explode, engulfing everything around it, even the two humans.
To Be Continued…
(In another story)
The ultimate cliffhanger! Not really. You read right, this story will be continued in another story. I case you are wondering it will be continued in a crossover, big hint. I was so excited about this story. I was not expecting this to happen when I started the story, I was not even expecting this when I started the chapter, I do not plan ahead. 10% planning 90% improvisation. I realized the potential for a crossover when I noticed that this war engulfs all of reality. No, I will not tell you what this is crossing with. That is a surprise. Time for questions!
Where did Sigurn learn to disappear?
Does anyone know any accents I haven't used?
Why are all the good worms so naïve?
Why did Psychopath accept them so readily?
Who were those two humans?