Two Months Later…
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this anymore. It doesn't fix anything. The people of South Park will always be stupid, and no matter what I do, things don't seem to get any better.
A dark figure was perched on the roof of Walgreens. Mysterion, the notorious hero of the city, kept vigilant watch over South Park as night fell.
I stop one petty crime and another one on a much larger scale happens across town. I'm beginning to think this city is just as cursed as I am.
Mysterion's scowl deepened as his thoughts strayed to his curse. He still had no explanation for his powers or why he was the one who possessed them. There had been no new developments in the mystery since the battle with Cthulu.
Mysterion clenched his hand into a fist angrily. Fucking Mint Berry Crunch, he thought to himself for the millionth time, maybe if he hadn't shown up…
Mysterion didn't have time to finish that thought, however. Down below on the street, a familiar young girl had stepped into the path of a car. She was obviously lost in such deep thought that she didn't notice the drunken imbecile heading her way.
The young hero leapt into action. He slid down a pipe on the side of Walgreens and sprinted towards the girl, tackling her away from the oncoming vehicle.
"What the…?" the girl gasped.
Mysterion looked down into the face of Wendy Testaburger and scowled. "I do hope that whatever was on your mind was worth nearly killing yourself over," he growled as he pulled himself to his feet.
Wendy stared at him, wide-eyed. "You're Mysterion!"
Mysterion lowered his head courteously. "Yes, I am Mysterion."
Wendy smiled at him warmly. "You just saved my life," she said gratefully.
Mysterion shrugged. "It was no big deal," he said off-handedly and then turned his back on her.
Wendy frowned. "Wait! Can we talk for a minute?"
Mysterion rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for that, the city needs me." With that, Mysterion took off, quickly disappearing into an alley.
Wendy groaned as she ran after him. "If you haven't noticed, the city is dead! There is literally no one else around!"
Mysterion ignored her cries. The town was South Park after all, so there was always some sort of trouble going on.
Just as Wendy made it to the alleyway, she saw Mysterion's cape just as he climbed onto the roof above her. With a sigh, she quickly clambered up the ladder after him. Once at the top, she witnessed the young hero jump down to the roof of the building adjacent to the one she stood on. She was becoming extremely angry at that point. Just how long would the chase go on?
Frustrated, Wendy ran for the edge of the roof, but quickly changed her mind once she realized how far of a drop it was. She barely slowed down in time to not go hurdling over the edge, but her toes were teetering on the side of the roof. With a startled yell, Wendy fell, but luckily a pair of fairly strong arms was there to catch her.
"Do you have a death wish or something?" Mysterion muttered under his breath.
"I just need to talk to you!" Wendy cried out desperately as he set her on her feet.
Mysterion crossed his arms and looked at her skeptically. "Fine. Talk, but make it quick. I have to do a perimeter sweep of the entire town, and it's on you if someone gets hurt or killed."
Wendy rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. Look, I need to talk to you about Stan."
Mysterion raised his eyebrows. "I seriously don't have time to talk about Stan right now."
Wendy pushed Mysterion forcefully, surprising the hero with her strength. "Look, Kyle, he's your best friend, so you'll make time, you hear me?"
Mysterion suppressed a chuckle. I almost forgot about when Kyle impersonated me and revealed himself, he thought amusedly. I guess no one ever filled her in on who I really am.
Wendy calmed herself, obviously taking Mysterion's silence as a sign that he was listening. "He has been acting really strangely lately. He keeps blowing me off to hang out with you guys, and I don't know, when he's with me it seems like he's hiding something. Do you have any idea what might be wrong with him?"
Mysterion sighed. "No, guys don't exactly talk about their feelings with each other. That's gay."
Wendy glared at him. "This isn't a joke, Kyle!"
"I'm aware that it's not a joke! I have no idea what's wrong with him! Stan is hypersensitive anyway, it could've been anything. Maybe he saw a squirrel get hit by a car or something!" Mysterion shouted angrily. "Why don't you go probe him about it instead? I have much more important things to do."
Wendy shook her head in disappointment. "He's your best friend, and this is how you react when something goes wrong in his life? Some friend you are!"
Mysterion got up in her face. "I just saved your life twice in the last ten minutes. I have saved countless citizens of this town, and I have done nothing but sacrifice for my friends. You have no idea what I have done for them, none of those assholes do either! So don't lecture me on being a good friend, because I would die for them if I had to, in fact…" Mysterion hesitated and then pulled away from Wendy. "Nevermind, just forget it, just fucking forget it, I have a town to protect."
Before Wendy could say anything, Mysterion threw himself from the roof of the building and into the night, leaving the young girl alone.
"Wow…" Wendy said breathlessly, a smile slowly creeping onto her face.
The next morning, all four boys stood at the bus stop waiting. Stan eyed Kyle out of the corner of his eye warily, burdened with the secret of his move. Cartman and Kyle were debating over developments in China, and Kenny looked like he was about to pass out from exhaustion.
"You're being paranoid, fat ass! China is not trying to take over Australia; they are buying land and mining companies to expand their corporations and resources!" Kyle shouted.
"That's what they want you to think, Kyle, but they're Chinese. They're sneaky, smart bastards that are pulling one over on America!" Cartman declared passionately.
Kyle sighed. "Even if you were right, obviously America isn't oblivious; Obama is sending troops to Australia. Why do you always have to assume the worst of people?"
Cartman laughed. "Of course you would say that Kyle. Jews are the worst race of people in existence, so it's natural to assume that we normal people hate everyone to make you feel better."
Kyle frowned. "What the fuck? You do hate everyone!"
"Oh look," Stan said nonchalantly, "the bus is here. Thank God."
Kyle brushed by everyone and quickly climbed into the bus. Cartman followed him, muttering angrily under his breath. Stan made to step on the bus himself, but he noticed Kenny still standing still, asleep.
Stan grabbed Kenny's arm and shook him awake. Kenny rubbed his eyes and followed Stan onto the bus and sat next to him near the back.
"Dude, Kenny, are you okay?" Stan asked worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Kenny replied.
Stan watched him skeptically as his eyelids began to droop again. "Did you get any sleep last night?"
Kenny shrugged. "Not a whole lot, but it's no big deal."
"No big deal? You look like you're about to pass out!" Stan exclaimed.
Kenny just shrugged again and looked over at his friend. "The question is, are you okay?"
Stan stared at him in surprise. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Kenny frowned. "That's not an answer. Something is up with you, man, why can't you just tell me?"
Stan smiled shakily. "Because talking about feelings is kinda gay," Stan said.
Kenny rolled his eyes. "You're avoiding the question."
Stan sighed, suddenly appearing as tired as Kenny. "Can't we talk about this some other time?"
Kenny looked away, fully realizing that what Wendy had been saying the other night to Mysterion actually was credible. Stan had issues. But like Wendy had been saying, Kyle should be the one handling the situation. The two of them were closest. Kenny did care about Stan's wellbeing, however, and if he could help, he would certainly try.
The bus pulled up outside South Park Elementary School and let all of the children off. Cartman dashed off ahead of the others, leaving Kyle glaring after him with contempt.
"You and Cartman have been fighting a lot more than usual lately," Stan observed. "What's up with that?"
Kyle frowned. "I don't know man. He always starts it…something is up." He sighed as he, Stan, and Kenny walked into the school. "And whenever Cartman is involved, there is always trouble, and a lot of it."
Kenny and Stan nodded in agreement. In the hallway as they made their way to their lockers, the trio came face to face with Wendy, Bebe, and Red. Wendy looked down at her feet awkwardly, and Stan did the same. Kyle rolled his eyes at the tension in the air.
"Hey Stan," Wendy said quietly.
"Yeah, hey," Stan replied.
Silence followed. Neither group said anything for a while, Bebe and Red exchanged confused glances, and Kyle looked between Wendy and Stan with a concerned look on his face.
Eventually, Wendy looked up and met Kyle's eyes. She blushed and looked away quickly. "H-hey Kyle," Wendy greeted nervously with a smile. Her cheeks were as red as tomatoes.
Kyle quirked an eyebrow, "Um, hey Wendy," he replied confusedly.
Wendy looked at him and gave him an even wider smile before quickly walking past the three boys with her friends in tow.
Kyle stared at the place where Wendy had been standing with a frown on his face, oblivious to the fact that Stan was glaring at him. Kenny chuckled to himself, having a feeling he knew exactly why Wendy had behaved so oddly.
"Dude, what the fuck was that about?" Stan shouted.
Kyle jumped in surprise. "I-I don't know! Girls are weird, man!"
Stan crossed his arms. "She was totally blushing because of you! What is going on between you two?"
Kyle rolled his eyes again. "You know I would never go after Wendy, she's your girlfriend! You're my best friend Stan, I would never jeopardize our friendship over a chick!"
Stan stared at him for a while, but then relented with a sigh. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I've just been really on edge lately."
Kyle watched him with a worried expression. "Is something wrong?"
Kenny, who had been busy musing about Wendy's apparent crush on Mysterion, finally tuned into the conversation going on between his two friends. Maybe Stan was about to have a breakthrough.
"I, uh, I…no, everything's fine," Stan mumbled unconvincingly.
Kyle placed a hand on his friend's shoulder while Kenny groaned in frustration beside them. "You're a horrible liar, Stan, but whenever you feel like talking, I'm here for you, dude."
Stan smiled. "I know, Kyle."
There was a cough behind them. Cartman leaned against the lockers with three of the foreign exchange students around him…and Butters. "Fags!" Cartman called out to them with a grin. His group laughed hysterically, save for Butters, who just stood there awkwardly.
Kenny cast a glare in Cartman's direction and herded Kyle and Stan towards the classroom. Inside, Mr. Garrison was speaking privately with one of the new girls.
"Ah! Kyle! Just the kid I wanted to see!" Mr. Garrison said, beckoning him over with his hand.
Kyle looked at Stan and Kenny and shrugged before joining his teacher and the new girl.
"I don't know if you two have formally met, but Kyle Broflovski, this is Kai Steiner, one of the foreign exchange students from Germany. She's been having a little trouble with U.S. History since Germany doesn't really teach their students the important subjects, so I was hoping you would be willing to tutor her," Mr. Garrison explained. Kai glared at him for his comment about German education.
Kyle looked at the girl. She was a stereotypical German in appearance: blonde-haired and blue-eyed. He shrugged. "Sure, I guess."
Mr. Garrison smiled. "Great, now why don't you two exchange contact information while I set up for today's lesson?" As he walked away, Kai and Kyle were left together, staring at each other awkwardly.
"So, uh, hi," Kyle began, uncertain.
"Hallo," Kai replied with her German accent. She pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Kyle. "Zat is my phone number and home address. I vas hoping zat ve could begin tonight, how does zat vork for you?"
Kyle looked at the paper. She had absurdly perfect and strict handwriting that it looked almost as if it had been typed on a computer. Only the slight smudging of the graphite said otherwise. "Uh, yeah, that's fine."
"Great," Kai replied and walked off to her desk.
Kyle continued to stare at the paper, thinking that the address looked familiar, until he heard a voice behind him. "Just be careful not to step into her gas chamber."
Kyle whirled around to glare at Cartman. "Shut up, fat ass! The Holocaust was ages ago!"
Cartman shrugged. "All of that anti-Semitism had been stirring around all of Europe decades before Nazi Germany. What makes you think it all stopped just because of the Holocaust?"
Kyle frowned. "I just, thought that-"
"Well you can keep living in your fantasy world, Kyle, but hate doesn't just go away. Trust me, I would know. Besides, all of those civilians in Germany could've done something, but did they? They just let your people suffer, how does that make you feel?" Cartman asked sincerely.
Kyle looked down at the floor. "I…I don't know…"
Cartman sighed. "I feel for you Kyle. And now you have to tutor her, a girl that comes from the country that so brutally massacred your race."
Mr. Garrison returned to his desk and noticed the two boys talking. "Isn't she such a nice girl, Kyle? You know, she picked you specifically to be her tutor."
Cartman nudged Kyle and gave him a pitying look before taking his seat. Kyle glanced back at Kai, who was watching him, and then quickly took his seat as well, nervousness and fear building up within him.
A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out, I had exams and projects to do, and also I felt so stuck on how to write this chapter…the way I was doing it originally felt so bland. Anyway, here you go, it shouldn't take as long for me to update next time. In fact, with all of this sudden free time, it might be a LOT sooner.
P.S. I am going with the assumption that that deleted scene from the episode "The Coon" where it is revealed that Kyle took the fall for Mysterion is canon. It probably isn't since it was a deleted scene, but oh well, I think it'll make for some interesting story material.