Hey guys! I don't know if any of you are reading my other story "For the Love of Shoes," but if you are, a new chapter is on the way! I apologize for not updating for like, a month, but I sort of got writers block :( But it's not over yet!
But in the meantime have this story! Hope you guys enjoy!
Blaine hadn't always known that he was gay.
There was no big epiphany or big moment for him like in the movies, he had to figure out everything for himself. Along with the help of the internet and, of course, the coarse locker-room language of his fellow team mates, Blaine eventually found out what it truly meant to be a "cock-sucker."
It was a combination of a lot of little things he asked himself, and didn't really know the answer too. He just assumed he was a normal teenaged boy. Blaine had no idea that it wasn't completely normal for a heterosexual fourteen year-old male to be trying to catch peeks of other boys in the showers. He thought he was just curious (and boy, was he) and he thought that all boys did that; it was just human nature.
And the books said it was human nature, right? Humans were naturally curious, therefore all the guys obviously like to look at other guys. At the time this logic made perfect sense to Blaine, he honestly believed himself.
Although, after awhile, Blaine didn't just want to look, oh no. He wanted to touch. Up until then, Blaine had been please with merely the views of the handsome boys around him. But as junior high turned into high school, Blaine watched in awe as the boys slowly turned into men. Baby fat and round faces were lost and gave into more defined features and muscles.
Blaine wanted to feel the hard, hot muscles quivering under his fingertips, and in his more scandalous visions, he maybe even wanted to feel them under his tongue. He wanted to run his fingers through the a boys short hair, down their neck and across rough stubble.
In class when Blaine was bored he would look around the room at his boy classmates, his eyes always settling on the attractive boys, and played out ridiculous scenarios in his mind. Most of the time Blaine would end up with a single shiver running down his spine and goosebumps, then with a red-tinge to his cheeks, subtly sliding a textbook onto his lap.
While the other boys were jumping through hoops with their girlfriends just to cop a feel under her shirt, Blaine was in his kitchen, guiltily holding a banana in his hand, wondering it another boys cock would feel like this. And what would it be like to put it in his mouth? Blaine knew what a blowjob was, but he didn't really understand it, but he wanted to.
It wasn't until Blaine was almost sixteen until he was aware that other boys didn't look at each like that in the locker room. It was a wake-up call in the rudest way possible, and it was the starting event that locked the door and threw away the key to Blaine's metaphorical closet.
The summer right before his sophomore year of high-school he attended a summer football camp. Blaine had loads of fun playing the sport that he loved, but when he looked back on his experience at the camp (and he tried not to), all he could remember was James.
James was two years older than Blaine, an uprising senior. He was well-liked and popular, polite, and quite handsome with an excellent body. Blaine (along with the entire female population of Ohio) was completely smitten, and at first he couldn't explain why, or maybe he didn't want to. It was easier to be mindless attracted to James than try to put a label on what he was feeling.
Blaine found himself always wanting to be around James, always showed off whenever James was around. Blaine told himself that it was because he looked up to James, that he wanted to be just like him.
However, in the middle of the night when no one was awake, Blaine found himself nervously slipping a shaky hand into his pajama bottoms, his thoughts full of James dirty blonde hair toned stomach and Blaine's own stomach churning with something. He knew he looked up to James, but oh god what would it be like to have James inside of him? Usually those fantasies didn't last longer than a minute, ending with a sticky hand and a bloody lip from where he had been biting it, and it left Blaine feeling guilty for days on end.
Blaine explained it to himself as weird teenage boy hormones; Every boy must have these kinds of thoughts, right? And if that wasn't enough of an explanation, Blaine had been straining himself a lot at camp lately, it must be that.
This continued the entire summer.
On the last day of camp, the junior varsity boys were cleaning out their lockers. Blaine had purposely took a long time so that he was still there when the senior varsity guys came in after their last practice to shower and clean out their respective lockers. Blaine had felt his stomach do back-flips as he heard James cool voice carry through the locker rooms.
James' locker was almost directly across from Blaine's. He noisily stuffed his stuff in his bag while shouting and joking around with his team mates across the locker room.
Soon enough, most of the people exited the locker room and soon enough, it was only Blaine and James in the room. Blaine could feel James' eyes boring into his back, and he felt the room shrinking as he packed his stuff in his duffell for the third time that day.
Blaine felt his hands shaking and he could feel his palms and underarms sweating. He felt as if his entire body was electrically wired. Every single sound that James made, Blaine could feel running through his blood like an electric current.
"Blaine, right?" James had asked. He set his bag down on the ground and leaned against the metal lockers, arms crossed.
Blaine jumped and turned around at the sound of his name being said by James. Blaine felt as if his head was made of air, he couldn't think properly, the only think going through his mind was JamesJamesJames. Blaine finally managed to nod his head, and James grinned.
It was so charming and was more than enough to jump-start the butterflies in Blaine's stomach into overdrive.
James then chuckled and stepped over the wooden bench that had been separating them. Blaine felt his heart beating faster and faster as the distance between him and James closed inch by inch. James was so close Blaine could see the light freckles on his nose and the barely there stubble on his chin and jaw. He was beautiful.
"I saw you watching me.." James dipped his head near Blaine ear and whispered this. Blaine felt all the air leave his body and he felt deflated, yet he still felt like he was going to float away any second.
James leaned in even closer, his body heat radiating off of him and onto Blaine, who felt it all through his body, including his dick. Blaine let out a noisy breath, and James chuckled lightly, bringing his fingertips to Blaine's jaw and stroking the smooth skin of Blaine's cheek. The temperature in the room felt like it had shot up about twenty degrees and Blaine felt faint, a warm flush creeping through his entire body.
In a brief bout of courage Blaine lifted his eyes from the floor and found himself immersed into James intense stare. James eyes were the faintest blue with little specks of a darker blue, his eyelashes were thick and paired with his blonde hair and freckles, Blaine couldn't think of any other word than dreamy to describe James.
James smiled again, and Blaine awkwardly returned it, feeling his heart expand to what he felt was an abnormal size. It felt as if the blood in Blaine's body had been multiplied by ten and his heart was thumping twice as hard to pump it through his body.
James kept smiling, and all Blaine could see were his lips. Very pink, not too full, stretched over dazzlingly white teeth.
Blaine started to lean in, his eyes still focused on James' mouth, and the thoughts were running a mile a minute through his mind. Oh my gosh, what if this is my first kiss? Will he be my boyfriend? Do I even want him to be my boyfriend? Will James take off his shirt?
But then without warning James hand flew down and grabbed Blaine's crotch, his fingers closing tightly over Blaine's dick, which was obviously aroused. Blaine gasped sharply, slamming his head into the lockers behind him with a loud clang that echoed throughout the deserted locker room.
Eyes watering in pain, Blaine watched as James picked up his bag and exited the locker-room with a bounce in his step. "You fucking owe me twenty bucks!" yelled James. And through the propped open door of the locker-room, Blaine heard some guys laugh and cheer and some groaning over the loss of their money.
"Told you he was a fag, now pay up!"
The voices faded as the group made their way out the gym and they were completely silenced with the slam of the gym door behind them. Blaine stood rooted to the spot for several minutes as sluggish thoughts ran through his head. What exactly had just happened?
It made him feel sick, and he had a sudden urge to go take a shower. And to make himself feel worse, Blaine was still inexplicably turned on by the way James had touched him. Half of Blaine wanted to scream and punch everything in sight and the other half just wanted to get off and be touched by someone, anyone. He wanted James so bad...
The clock ticked quietly in the corner, it read quarter past one. His parents would be wondering where he was if he didn't come soon, he knew that they would come looking for him. Blaine slowly gathered up his things and exited the locker room slowly, not looking back over his shoulder.
Blaine walked quietly so he could hear if there were other campers still hanging around. Luckily, Blaine made it to his parents car without meeting a single fellow camper. Blaine yanked open the side door and threw his stuff in with maybe a little bit more force than necessary, then climbed into the passenger seat. His dad was driving.
"Hey, Blaine. How was the last day of camp?" He asked, then looked over at Blaine, when he saw the strange expression on Blaine's face, he looked concerned. "You alright?"
No. I feel humiliated and dirty and cheap. Football sucks, James sucks and I hate that I think he's still sexy, and everybody else sucks. There's also no getting around at the fact that I like boys. I'm gay, Dad.
Blaine nodded his head, "yeah, I'm fine. Just a little light-headed; I don't think I drank enough water at practice today."
"Well, I'll make sure to get you some water when we get home, champ." Blaine's dad ruffled his hair and put the car in reverse. And that was the end of that conversation.
And after that day, Blaine vowed that nobody would ever know that he was gay.
The shrill bell signaling the end of another school day at McKinley High School rang and the kids of Blaine's US History class immediately starting packing up, ignoring the teachers last attempts of shoving information down their throats.
Blaine haphazardly threw papers into his binder and then shoved it in his bag. He grabbed his phone out of the side pocket, and shouldered his bag and followed the line of students out the classroom door.
He turned his phone on as he walked through the packed hallway. Blaine was patiently herded through the tight hallways, taking the chance to look around at this classmates.
Blaine caught the eye of a couple of his football teammates, giving them the customary nod, and if they were close enough the handshake.
"'Sup, dude," said Puck, a fellow senior and team mate. The epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, Puck had no problem of getting the ladies. Although, lately it seemed as if he had settled down with one lucky lady by the name of Lauren Zizes, who Blaine personally loved from afar.
Blaine had a few classes with her, and he was constantly amused by her take-no-shit attitude and snarky comments. He heard that she had joined the Glee club in return for a make-out session with Puck, but Blaine had no idea if this was true, it was just hearsay based on the contents of Ben Israels blog.
"Hey, Puck." Blaine reached over a freshman, who hurriedly scurried away, and fist bumped Puck. "You coming to the party tonight?" Puck asked, pulling out his phone. They pulled themselves out from the sea of people and leaned against the lockers as Puck texted someone.
"Nah, I can't. I got a history project that I gotta do." Blaine said lamely, he knew there was no use in lying, so he told a half truth. "If I don't do this, I fail history and I'm off the team." Another half-truth. Blaine had actually already finished the project and needed to do the extra credit portion of it, or else he would just get an A in his history class instead of an A+. But Puck really didn't need to know that.
"That blows, dude. Well hopefully next time. Now I gotta tell all the cheerleaders you're not gonna be there. Seriously, dude, Ellie has like a reservation for you in her panties, you need to get on that." Puck punched Blaine's shoulder and took off, shouting a "see you later, dude!" over his shoulder.
Blaine stood leaning against the lockers, feeling a little bit lost. People were still shuffling noisily by him, some of them waving or sending a "hey, Blaine" his way. He half-heartedly returned their waves and smiles, his mind churning what Puck had said over and over again.
"You need to get on that." Did Blaine really? If he didn't get on that would the guys think he was gay? Blaine really hoped that wasn't the case. Ellie was a sweet girl, with long pretty brown hair and long legs, but really wasn't Blaine's type. As in, she didn't have a dick.
Blaine had previously considered getting a girlfriend to use as a beard or whatever, but he always talked himself out of it. What if he went to have sex with her and he couldn't get it up? What if he moaned a guys name?
No matter who he slept with, whatever mortifying thing he had done would make it around the school within minutes. McKinley High didn't get many scandals, so when they got one, it didn't blow over within a few days, it would stick with Blaine for the rest of his high school career.
Blaine pushed himself back into the flow of students and found himself right behind Kurt Hummel, his best friend's step-brother. He swallowed thickly and tried his best to keep his eyes off of Kurt's ass. Blaine wasn't like, in love with Kurt or anything, he just thought he was attractive. Insanely attractive. And Blaine allowed himself privileges to look at Kurt in that way because Kurt was actually gay, it's not like he was looking at straight guys.
Trying to be subtle, Blaine took out his phone and pretended to text, while he was actually looking past the screen and at the way Kurt's hips shook and how every time he took a step his pants would tighten around his thighs and ass, and wow, what would Kurt's ass feel like under Blaine's fingers- and okay, this was getting into dangerous territory.
Blaine pushed Kurt out of his mind, because he was not going to perv out of Finn's step-brother in public. But fate seemed to hate him, because all of the sudden Kurt's ass turned into to Kurt's crotch and he was totally caught staring.
Blaine quickly pretended that he had been texting and looked up at Kurt, who was looking at him expectantly.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
Kurt raised his eyebrows, "I said Finn went home sick today and he left his phone in his locker, so you probably shouldn't come over today, he looked really bad." Kurt spun the lock with slender fingers, and Blaine tore his eyes away, trying not to envision how much fun he could have with those fingers.
"Oh, okay. Thanks for telling me."
"Yup," muttered Kurt, who was now focused on grabbing his stuff from his locker as quickly as possible.
"Well, bye." Blaine cleared his throat awkwardly and hurried off, but, for some reason, he took note of Kurt's locker number. 256. Blaine made a mental note to maybe pass this way more often during class changes.
256. Blaine reached into the side pocket of his backpack and dug out a pen. He had to test it a few times on his hand, but it finally worked. Blaine opened his hand, and in the center of his palm he wrote the three numbers. Two, five and six.
Okay, this was obviously just a background kind of chapter. I will have another chapter up tomorrow, and it will have more substance I promise :)