Disclaimer: Not mine.
I groaned, trying to open my eyes against the harsh light streaming through the window. Where was I? My foggy brain slowly came to life when a leg moved against my own.
No. Not again. Panic flooded my body. I felt sick as I lulled my head to the side and caught a glimpse of the man occupying the other side of the bed. I took in his features, realizing I had no fucking clue who he was. A quick survey of my body let me know, I knew him pretty well last night.
Tears threatened my eyes as heat crept up my face. I slowly slid to the edge of the bed and lowered myself to the floor as quietly as possible. My body ached. My face throbbed like I'd been punched in the nose, and my throat and chest burned like I'd smoked a carton of cigarettes.
I surveyed the pieces of clothing strewn across the room, snatching up the ones I recognized as my own, before slipping them on as quickly as possible.
I had to get the fuck out of here now.
A scruffy beard and blonde hair stuck out from under the edge of the blanket causing a sense of dread to settle in my stomach like concrete.
Why did I keep doing this to myself?
I was so fucked up. Heat flooded my face once more as I struggled not to let tears spill down my cheeks in shame. I wanted to curl into myself, shut out the rest of the world and―God I just wanted it to stop. I wanted everything to stop.
I clutched my shoes to my chest and crept out the door, closing it tightly behind me. Almost free. I looked up and down the hallway. The place seemed pretty nice. At least I didn't fuck a loser this time. I made my way towards the brighter end of the hallway, hoping it would lead to the exit, just as the door ahead cracked open.
I held my breath, not sure if I should keep going or turn back. My eyes darted quickly between the doors in front and behind me before I decided 'fuck it.' I wanted to get out of here now.
I tiptoed forward quickly, hoping to scoot past the door before the occupant came out, but instead ran straight into a warm body.
"Shit!" the girl in front of me gasped. I looked up into a pair of dull blue eyes ringed in red. She looked as fucked up as I felt. I sidestepped around her shaking my head.
"Sorry," I whispered, glancing behind me to make sure we hadn't woken anyone. She followed my gaze before letting out a chuckle.
"Fuck and duck, huh?" she asked, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms over her chest.
I shifted uncomfortably, wanting to bypass this chit chat bullshit and get the fuck out of here.
"Yeah, something like that," I sighed running a hand through my hair. She looked me over and nodded before motioning her head behind her.
"The front door is straight down the hall and to the left."
"Thanks." I hesitated, not sure if I was supposed to know her name or not. She cracked a grin and shook her head.
"Right," I nodded, walking walked around her.
As soon as I rounded the corner, I sprinted to the front door, yanked on the handle, and burst in the hallway. As it clicked shut behind me, I let out a huge breath, thank fuck. Slipping on my shoes I patted my pockets for keys, money, a fucking clue, anything to give me an idea about what I'd done last night.
I pulled out a twenty, ID, and house keys from my back pocket, and a receipt from the front. I walked towards the elevator and unfolded the paper that only had the name of a bar close to my apartment, and a phone number with the letter E scribbled under it.
I balled up the paper and tossed it in the trash as I waited for the doors to open. I was blissfully unaware of what happened last night; I didn't need anyone trying to jog my memory.
"I'm hurt," a voice called from behind causing me to jump. Jesus. I spun around to see a guy sitting on the floor across from the elevator. His back was pressed against the wall, his knees drawn to his chest with his forearms draped across his knees. His hands lay limp between his legs as he stared up at me. Fuck, he was hot. And I was a hot fucking mess.
He slowly raised a brow at me, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. I cleared my throat uncomfortably, realizing I was standing in the middle of the hallway just starting at him.
"Excuse me?" I asked, trying to regain my composure. He inclined his head towards the trash can and rolled his body to the side, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket.
"You threw my number away," he answered, lighting his cigarette before offering me one. I shook my head, I could barely fucking breathe as it was.
I looked from him to the trash can, scrunching my face up as I tried to remember when I had met him. Noticing my confusion he pulled his brows together and opened his mouth only to shut it right back and shake his head.
"Figures," he muttered, taking a long drag from his cigarette before exhaling loudly. He was staring at me in a way that made me extremely self-conscious. It also didn't slip my attention that I had one guy's number in my pocket, but woke up in another's bed. The concrete in the pit of my stomach hardened as black spots danced in front of my eyes. I had to get out of here.
I took a step closer to the elevator, wondering what the fuck was taking so long. His shoulder jerked at my movement and his body tensed.
"It doesn't work," he said, his voice flat as he turned his head away from me.
I felt disconnected from my body, nervous and fidgety. I tapped the pad of my thumb to the tip of each finger over and over again. It was a nervous habit I'd had for as long as I could remember. The repetitive motion was soothing and distracting, a rhythm of music in my head.
I felt dismissed and insignificant. I didn't like it. I knew I was worthless; I didn't need some dickhead I didn't even know making me feel that way, too. My throat felt thick as I fought off emotions I wasn't prepared to deal with right now.
I turned and walked towards the stairs. As my hand grasped the cool metal knob, his voice rang out in the empty hallway, closer this time.
"So that's it?" His voice was surprised.
I shifted around, unnerved to find him mere inches from me, his eyes boring into mine. They were a vivid green, probably more so because they were outlined with the same bloodshot glaze as the girl's inside. The same as my own.
Was he with us last night? Did I embarrass myself in front of him? Of course I embarrassed myself in front of him. It wouldn't be a party if I didn't make a fucking fool out of myself.
I shrugged and looked down; not willing to admit I had no clue what he was talking about. He let out a disbelieving laugh and ran his hand through his hair.
He bent his knees so his eyes were level with mine. "I don't know if you not remembering anything about last night should make me feel better or worse."
I jerked my head back, startled. "Yeah, well, considering how I woke up this morning, I can't say I'm terribly upset about the memory loss," I snapped.
Get out, get out, get out, repeated in my head like a mantra. I spun on my heel toward the stairwell door, only to be grabbed by the elbow and yanked back around. Before I could protest, I was pushed backward until my back hit the door with a thud. The guy in front of me pressed his body against mine and placed a hand on either side of my head, trapping me.
"It wasn't supposed to end like that," he hissed, his eyes dark and angry.
Fuck this. I didn't know this guy, and he was freaking me the fuck out.
"Fuck off," I growled, raising my hands to his chest and shoving him backward. He stumbled back in shock and held up his hands in front of him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "it just sucks you don't remember and I do." His voice was softer, colored with remorse. My shoulders drooped slightly and I exhaled.
"Look, I don't know what went down last night, but I do know I fucked some random guy whose name I don't even remember. So forgive me if I fail to understand why you are standing here wasting your time trying to talk to me."
He flinched at my words, almost like I'd hit him, before straightening his back and squaring his shoulders. His face washed clean, a blank canvas.
"And I fucked his roommate right down the hall from you." His voice was flat and devoid of emotion.
It was my turn to flinch, my shoulders hunching inward slightly, the weight in my stomach physically pulling my body toward the floor. Why did I care? I didn't even know this guy's name.
"That," he said, gesturing toward me, "is why I am wasting my time out here talking to you."
He took a deep breath and stepped closer to me. "One minute you and I are at the bar laughing, talking, and unable to keep our hands off one another. You went to the bathroom while I tabbed out and the next thing I knew you were sandwiched between those two in there." He hooked his thumb towards the apartment. "You said we were going back to their place for an after party."
He pulled another cigarette from his pocket. "After that I don't know what happened, it was like you didn't even know me. I tried to talk to you, get you to leave, but you told me that you weren't going anywhere. I went to the bathroom and when I came back out, you and the douchebag were gone. I was pissed. So I sat on the couch with Tanya and drank until I was drunk enough not to care that her hands were down my pants and my tongue was in her mouth." He shrugged, his face unapologetic.
Oh my God, what was wrong with me? I bent over, gasping, as flashes of last night flickered through my mind. Edward.His name was Edward. We were at the bar just like he said, making plans to leave. I was so wasted, but I needed to pee. I stumbled to the bathroom and ran into the girl from the apartment. She giggled and pulled me into the bathroom.
"Hey," she giggled sniffing. "You want a bump?" She held out a vial filled with white powder.
"Fuck yes." I smiled and took the vile from her outstretched hand.
I turned toward the sink and unscrewed the cap, bringing the small scoop to my nose and inhaling sharply. She came up behind me, pressing her breasts against my back and running her hands up and down my sides.
It felt so fucking good. She leaned in closer, rubbing her nose along my neck then reaching up and cupping my breast. My whole body was a live wire, shock waves of pleasure pulsing through me.
"There's plenty more where that came from," she whispered, licking the shell of my ear and causing goose bumps to erupt across my skin. "Come back to our place?"
I nodded in response, a smile breaking across my face.
"One more for the road?" She grinned and held the scoop to my nose before pulling me out of the bathroom and toward the exit.
I stopped, remembering Edward and turned only to find a blonde guy on the other side of me grinning. He threw his arm over my shoulder just as Edward came into view.
"Is that your friend?" Tanya asked, nodding towards Edward.
"Well, bring him too."
I lifted my head to look at Edward, unable to recall anything else from last night, and honestly relieved the memories stopped there. I had a feeling things got much messier once we got back here.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my eyes burning with the effort it took to hold back the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
So fucking weak, Bella.
"At least you found out from the beginning that I'm a fucking worthless mess, now you can skip the regret of figuring it out later."
No one wants you, Bella, you're fucking worthless.
"I think I'm old enough to make decisions for myself. So if you don't mind, I'd like to forget last night happened and maybe ask you out, where we both stay sober."
I stared at him in disbelief. What was wrong with this guy?
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." I shook my head and moved away from him.
He reached toward me and I happened to catch a glimpse of his watch.
"Fuck! I have to be at work in a half hour and I don't even know which part of the city I'm in." I was so fucked. I was going to get fired this time for sure.
"Relax, we're only a couple of blocks from the bar we met at last night. You said your place was close to there?"
"Yeah, that's right. Listen, Edward, I'm sure for a few fleeting moments, last night was great. But really, you don't want to get mixed up with someone like me. I'm damaged goods." I tried to make sure my warning was clear, even as my voice broke at the end.
"What did he do to you?" His voice was low, his eyes soft.
I stared at him in confusion. Him who? It sure as hell didn't have anything to do with the guy from last night. He took in my confused expression before deciding to enlighten me.
"Whoever the guy is who fucked you over so bad, you feel like you are a worthless piece of shit." His eyes lit with a hint of fire and it did nothing but make the color drain from my face. No, no, no. I was not having this conversation with a complete, or basically complete, fucking stranger.
"I have to go." I frantically ripped open the stairwell door, taking the steps two at a time. He didn't come after me this time, and I wasn't sure whether I was relieved or not. What I did know was I had twenty minutes to get my ass to work, or I'd be looking for another job.
Just a quick note before you press that next button! This was my first story, and I didn't have a beta. There are TONS of grammatical errors and face palms moving forward. Unimaginative Olena was amazing enough to beta the chapters as she read, but I haven't had the time to make the changes and upload the new chapters. Just please keep that in mind as you read. Hopefully I can get some beta'd chapters up soon! Enjoy!