Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
What was the point of having two boyfriends if neither of them wanted to pay attention to him? Jagan/Jarlos.
a/n: This is pretty much for my good friend Kre who mentioned in conversation that she loves Jagan and Jarlos so much and that a threesome would be great, if only there was no Cargan whatsoever. And I said "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED." And then I made it really sad and horrible and not nearly as fun as I'm sure she wanted. And Big Time Rush will never be mine.
"Will you make me a snack?" James slid over the back of the couch, catlike, to settle sideways on his knees next to Logan, purposefully leaning forward against him to try and distract him from the novel in his lap.
Much to James' disappointment, however, Logan didn't even flinch, he just kept his gaze downward, serious, eyes stuttering from left to right in their sockets as he read. James watched his lips move just barely with the words, wondering if he'd even heard him. He was going to say it louder and closer to Logan's ear, but when Logan came to the end of a phrase, he responded without looking up. "You have two legs and a heartbeat, make your own snack," he said, then he was reading again.
James groaned, pushing against Logan's shoulder, vying for his attention. He decided that he'd be happy with anything, a glance, an eye-roll, that he just wanted attention more than he actually wanted Logan to cede to him. "But Logan…"
"But Logan…" Logan mimicked in a theatrically annoying voice, his eyes never leaving the page.
James huffed and grabbed onto Logan's shoulders. Logan just allowed James to push on him, keeping focused on the book even as he was tipped onto his side on the couch. James forcibly turned Logan onto his back, but he just held the book above his head, seeming to take no notice of the fact that James was now straddling his hips. James glared down at the boy underneath him. He wanted to take that stupid book out of his hands and fling it across the room. At least then Logan would pay attention to him… But he shook his head when he found himself seriously considering the idea. Logan would be pissed at him then and then the attention wouldn't be worth it anymore.
"But Logan," he repeated, trying to sound sweeter this time as he leaned down and ducked under Logan's arm holding the book above his face to kiss at his neck. "It tastes so much better when you make it…"
"It's seriously not going to work, James." Logan's voice wasn't even scolding, it was just uninterested. Which made James groan again as he began to consider crying to get his way. "If you want a snack, get it yourself. I'm reading." James slumped against Logan, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. His earlier prospect of throwing that stupid book across the room was seeming more and more like a good idea.
But he couldn't do that to Logan. He even thought about saying something callous and childish like "You love reading more than you love me," but he couldn't do that, either. Logan deserved his time alone with his books just as much as James felt he deserved his time alone with his hair care products.
So James begrudgingly slid off Logan and onto his feet wordlessly. Instead of going to the kitchen, though, he slumped towards the bedrooms. Despite James' hopes, Logan didn't react, but James unfortunately hadn't actually expected him to. He just stayed laid back on the couch, mesmerized by his book held inches over his face and apparently unaffected by the lack of James' body.
As much as James wanted to be upset and throw a fit, though, he just couldn't. They hadn't been trying this whole "boyfriend" thing for long, but James knew he loved Logan, including the way Logan got so ridiculously wrapped up in his books. Logan's mind was incredible to James, the way he moved his lips around impossible words and ideas, how his eyes got wider to take everything in. Even if all that meant he was ignoring James, he knew he'd get Logan's attention back eventually, so it didn't actually matter. He would give Logan his space for now. Because he loved him. And that's what people did for those they loved. James knew that much.
After taking the moment to smile as he watched Logan try and flip a page while still laying on his back on the couch, gravity working against him, James shuffled down the hall towards his bedroom.
Because if Logan wouldn't make him a snack, he knew someone who was a better cook than him anyhow.
"Carlitos…" James whined, trying to look as pathetic as he could when Carlos glanced up for a second from the handheld game device in his hands. He smiled in greeting, but his eyes went back down.
James frowned. Why wasn't anyone paying attention to him today? That wasn't fair. He was James Diamond. His very existence practically meant he had to be paid attention to. People wanted to look at James. They paid cash to look at him. What was wrong with these people?
Being consistently convinced he could use his body to gain the attention he craved, James clambered onto Carlos' bed behind him, draping himself over the other boy's shoulders and nuzzling against his head to no avail. Carlos was stuck on his video game, unresponsive to James pressed up against his back the way he was. James groaned loud and unhappy.
What was the point of having two boyfriends if neither of them would pay attention to him?
"Carlos…" James groaned against his neck. "Make me a snack."
Normally, Carlos would jump up and do just what James had asked with a bounce and a smile, but now he stayed planted on the bed. "James, I'm so close to beating this level of Castle Smashers, just give me a—" Carlos cut off with a grunt, jerking to the side as he swung the game like it would help. All it actually did effectively was knock Carlos' shoulder into James' chin and toss him off. When James made a hurt sound—which came more from his pride than his chin—Carlos looked back at him apologetically, eyebrows raised. "Oh, sorry, James… Look, I'll make it up to you later." He leaned back to kiss James' chin quickly, and then, like Logan with the stupid book, he was back to his game and James just wanted to throw it at the ground and stomp on it.
He was pretty and hungry, dammit, and if he was going to all this trouble to juggle two relationships, he thought he should be getting some kind of payout from it. Like someone should have been feeding him right at that moment, not wrapped up in their own silly, not-as-important business.
James already had to work hard enough for Logan and Carlos to think he was exclusive to each of them; he didn't think it was fair he had to work even more just to get a sandwich.
So he gave up. He begrudgingly laid back on Carlos' bed and curled against the pillows. If he wasn't going to get any sort of food in him, he figured he might as well just sleep and be a bother to Carlos for awhile. Logan wouldn't put up with him trying to sleep on the couch while he was reading, but Carlos would never kick James out of his bed. That was why James loved dating them both. When he couldn't get one thing from one of them, he went to the other.
Except when it came to snacks, apparently. Then he was out of luck.
As he snuggled down and felt Carlos shift back to sit next to him, touching his head briefly, James wondered why everyone didn't have two boyfriends. It was actually really convenient. Sometimes.
The only thing Logan was pretty sure he liked better than alone time with James was alone time with a good book. That wasn't to say James wasn't awesome, but… there was just something about books that made Logan warm from the inside out. Maybe it was the fact they didn't fall asleep on him, making it impossible for him to get up and go to the bathroom. Or maybe it was that they didn't change the channel while he was in the middle of a documentary and then pout and glare when he got angry about it. Or maybe it was that books didn't beg to have snacks made for them when they were perfectly capable of doing it themselves.
Logan knew he shouldn't be so harsh on James. None of that stuff actually seriously bothered him. Because he knew that underneath all of James' annoying tendencies was a loving boy who cared about Logan more than anything and would go to ridiculous lengths to take care of him.
James made Logan feel safe, even if he didn't always make him feel sane. And in Logan's chaotic little world, where nothing hardly ever made sense, the thing he felt he needed most was safety. Who was better to provide that than James, tall with strong arms and a body like a shield that kept Logan close and protected?
Logan sighed, setting his book on top of his face. He should have made a snack for James. He should have let James stay with him on the couch and keep him warm. And safe. From what, Logan had no idea, but he liked the feeling of James close to him and he hated himself now that he'd driven him away.
He sat up, ready to go put together a PB&J and take it to James' room, when Carlos came quickly and quietly from the hallway, going straight to the kitchen without a word. Logan hopped up and followed him, hurrying to join him at the refrigerator. "Hey, Carlos, what's up?" he greeted, ducking under his friend's arm to get the jelly from the fridge. Logan got down the peanut butter and bread and went to making a sandwich for James.
"Oh-ho-ho! Logan!" Carlos laughed excitedly, shutting the fridge and leaning on the counter next to his buddy, pressing his shoulder in close to him. "Guess what! I beat Level 16 of Castle Smashers! With the big beasty thing!" He bounced a little, his eyebrows raised in exuberance.
"That's great, dude!" Logan congratulated, tossing Carlos a smile as he spread the jelly and peanut butter, thick like James liked it. His smile faltered, though, and he raised an eyebrow. "Didn't Katie beat that whole game, like, the day she got it?"
Carlos shifted a bit, pushing off the counter to stand straight. "Katie—Katie rushes through games. I like to take my time! Get as many points as I can." He lifted his chin defiantly, nose in the air. Logan snorted and shook his head, and when he looked up again, Carlos was back at the fridge.
"You hungry, too?" he asked. Between James and Carlos, he was surprised Mrs. Knight was able to keep the fridge as stocked as she did. Those two ate for an army each, Logan was pretty sure.
Carlos shrugged. "No, not really, but James fell asleep on my bed and he said he was hungry before he sacked out. I dunno, just thought I'd wake him up with a snack."
Logan would have told Carlos he didn't have to bother with the snack, he had it covered, but something else made him frown and he turned around. "Why is James asleep in your bed and not his own?" he asked, trying not to sound suspicious. He and James were supposed to be a secret, after all, and besides that, it wasn't that unusual for any of them to pass out on each other's beds sometimes. It just happened.
Carlos shrugged again, grabbing the other jar of jelly from the fridge. "He was trying to bug me and gave up," he said, but he didn't look at Logan, and he quickly moved on. "James' favorite jelly is grape, right?"
"Strawberry," Logan corrected immediately. But then he suddenly wasn't so sure. He glanced back over his shoulder and down at the sandwich he'd already made. Strawberry was James' favorite, right? Not grape… Or maybe it was grape. Because grape jelly was purple and James liked purple better than red and James was definitely the type who would choose preferences in food based on their aesthetic values.
But Carlos seemed to concede anyway. "Hmm… okay," he said, but he appeared uncertain, and it made Logan frown. He wanted to snap that he knew his boyfriend well enough to know his preference in jelly and not only that but he'd already made a sandwich, but Carlos was already reaching around Logan to get the jelly and going to another space of counter to make a second sandwich.
Logan felt his eyebrows drawn tight together as he watched Carlos start making another sandwich and it felt wrong. It felt like he was letting Carlos service James in the ways Logan felt were his duty. He didn't think before grabbing Carlos' wrist, getting his attention immediately. "It's okay," he said, maybe a little too harshly. "I already made him one." When Carlos raised his eyebrows—and Logan felt his stomach sink a little because he could swear there was some ounce of strange hurt in that expression—he added on quickly, "He was complaining to me, too, so I made him a sandwich."
"Oh…" Carlos glanced at Logan's sandwich, then at the materials for the one he was going to make, then slowly took his wrist from Logan's hold and went about putting the food items away. Logan watched carefully, noting the dejected way Carlos' head hung and how he tried to move at a normal pace through the kitchen but couldn't seem to get above a slow shuffle.
There wasn't one person who could watch Carlos Garcia look like that and not feel like they were looking at a kicked puppy, Logan included. Even Logan, who prided himself on being rational and not wrapped up in his emotions, felt bad for putting Carlos into that sort of state. He sighed, leaning back against the counter. "Carlos, are you okay?" he asked, wondering what he'd said wrong. Carlos wasn't the type to go all mopey for no reason. There had to be something.
"What? Yeah, dude, totally!" Carlos hardly glanced over his shoulder at Logan and his response was less than assuring.
"Why'd you go 'oh' like that, then?" Logan asked, picking up a knife and turning back to the counter to carefully trim the crust off James' bread. James' dad had told him in childhood that bread crust would put hair on his chest and since then he'd been deathly afraid of it, even after Logan told him what bull that was. He was pretty sure Kendall was still telling him it was true, so Logan still indulged him by cutting the crust off.
Carlos shook his head, walking around to the other side of the counter so he could face Logan. "I just… feel bad, I guess."
Logan frowned, but didn't look up, not wanting to cut himself. "Why?"
"Well, I thought I should be the one to make a snack for James…"
That definitely caused Logan to stop cutting, because he had to look up this time. "Why…?"
Carlos met Logan's gaze with something between fear and trepidation and Logan had to wonder what it was that caused Carlos, daredevil extraordinaire, actual fear. Logan felt a sort of abject horror himself at what he desperately did not want the answer to his question to be. He caught himself actually praying that it was anything except what he suspected he might hear.
"Logan… I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but…" Carlos started, and Logan just wanted to snap at him, because this nervous, fidgety behavior wasn't getting them anywhere. Luckily, Carlos kept going before Logan could do anything he'd regret. "Well… I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't tell someone! James and I are… kind of… you know… dating."
That's all it took for Logan's world to crash down. He could swear everything just went silent. His eardrums blew out with the power of the word dating and he suddenly couldn't see anything. Well, no, he could see Carlos, only Carlos, perfectly fine. His best friend who he all of a sudden wanted to launch at across the counter and strangle right then and there.
Carlos was not dating James; that was incorrect, because Logan was dating James. He had hickies he'd been trying desperately to cover up to prove it.
Carlos' mouth was moving, but Logan couldn't hear any of it, and the only thing that finally got through to his mind was, "Please don't hate me."
Before he could even think about it, Logan's automatic response blurted out. "Why would I hate you?" Even though Logan could think of multiple reasons to hate Carlos right at that moment…
"For, you know, liking boys…" Carlos' voice sort of trailed to a quiet whisper.
Logan shook his head and he was glaring daggers at Carlos. He'd never felt so angry in his life. He felt like Carlos was ripping his heart out one shred at a time and he wanted to get it all back, every piece, and stick it back in his chest. "I don't hate you for liking boys, Carlos," he started, and felt the immediate urge to kill when he saw the relief in Carlos' eyes. "I hate you for liking James!" That relief was struck down and Carlos' face fell. He looked like he would cry and Logan wanted to scoff. Like Carlos didn't know what he was doing. Like he wasn't a sneaky little devil that was trying to get in between Logan and James' relationship. Like he hadn't been playing the innocent best friend for so many years only to show his true colors now as a life-ruiner.
"Logan…" Carlos' voice wavered and Logan squeezed his eyes shut, slamming his hand on the counter. He wasn't going to hear it.
"You can't be dating James, Carlos! I'm dating James!" he snapped, trying to quiet his voice, but he almost didn't want to. If this was what was happening, Logan wanted everyone to know the truth now. Everyone deserved to know that he was dating James.
Carlos frowned, looking more hurt than before. "That isn't funny, Logan…"
"It isn't supposed to be funny, Carlos, it's supposed to be serious. Not to mention, the truth, which still matters to some people in this apartment," Logan said, his voice harsh as he rounded the counter to face Carlos. Logan felt fury begin turning to pain. Carlos was supposed to be one of his best friends, not a backstabber. This honestly wasn't like the Carlos he thought he knew, but he couldn't stop himself from accusing. "What is this, Carlos? Huh? Did you find out about James and I and you're making fun of us now?"
"What?" Carlos gasped, and now his eyes were definitely wet with tears. "Logan, I don't… I wouldn't ever… I don't understand… you're saying you seriously are dating James?" He really was crying now, tears flowing fast and easy down to his chin where Carlos didn't even bother wiping them away. "I can't… Logan, I'm being serious, James and I have been going out for a couple weeks and I…" He choked, letting his chin fall to his chest and he pulled his t-shirt up to hold against his face.
Logan felt the guilt slam him right away. Carlos was sensitive. And Logan knew better. If Kendall had been there, Logan would have gotten the worst tongue-lashing he'd ever seen. But what was he supposed to think? It wasn't like James would be dating him and Carlos at the same time. He knew better than that.
…except Logan knew for a fact that James didn't.
Logan grabbed a few paper towels from the counter and pushed them at Carlos' face. He tried to sound gentle when he spoke, easing himself down from the rush of adrenaline that had fueled his rage. "Carlos, stop it, please don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I… started speaking before I thought and… I'm really sorry. Please stop crying?" Carlos crying really wasn't that unheard of. Carlos cried at his mother's telenovelas that he hardly even understood a word of.
Carlos sniffled and took the towels, holding them to his eyes for a few moments as he spoke. "Are… are you really dating James, Logan?" he said, trying to compose himself. Logan nodded solemnly as he tried to figure out how to handle this. "How—how long?" Carlos asked.
Logan looked away. Speaking of his world crashing in… He couldn't believe this was happening. He'd always known James was dumb, but he'd never thought this would happen. "Uhm… three or four weeks… almost four weeks, I guess." He said "I guess," but he knew for sure, definitely. Logan was too good with numbers to not know that it had been three weeks and five days since he and James had become "official." He didn't ask how long James had been seeing Carlos. He didn't think he could stand to hear that they'd been dating longer. "This is just like James…" he said quickly so Carlos couldn't say that he'd been dating James for three weeks and six days. That would just make this all worse.
Carlos didn't say anything. He didn't agree or disagree and Logan figured he was probably thinking the same thing Logan was; that he'd been hoping for once, James wouldn't be so James.
At least the tears had stopped.
Finally, Carlos did speak, and it was so quiet and soft Logan might not have heard it if it weren't for the dreadful silence he'd caused by yelling. "Do you really hate me, Logan?"
Immediately, Logan felt like such an ass… How could he have said that? He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut again for a moment and waving his hands a little dismissively. "No… no, Carlos, I could never hate you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, and…"
And now Logan wanted to cry. He didn't know his heart could hurt this much. Camille had hurt him, yes, but that had been an accident. Supposedly. Involving James, of all people. Surprise. And this time it was clearly no accident. You didn't date people on accident.
So instead of crying, Logan did the only thing he could think of to stop himself. He got angry. "He can't do this to us, Carlos. We need to talk to him," he said sternly, pointing for emphasis.
Carlos nodded, slowly at first, then with more fervor. "Y—yeah. Yeah, let's go talk to him." He seemed to have a calm, confrontational idea of the next scene in mind, but Logan wasn't having any of that. He stomped toward the hallway, leaving the PB&J sandwich on the counter, fully made and getting soggy with two sides naked from the crust.
"James! We need to talk!"
"James! We need to talk!"
Carlos watched, dumbfounded, as Logan stomped off toward the bedrooms. This wasn't at all what he wanted, to storm in, all marching battalions and blazing guns. James was asleep, after all, and this was no pleasant way to be woken up. Carlos had thought they'd go in and gently shake him awake and have a calm, rational talk about this. He'd thought that rationality part would really get Logan on board, since he seemed to like the word so much.
But apparently Logan's rage was getting the best of him. It scared and genuinely concerned Carlos to see Logan like this. He'd seen the things an angry Logan was capable of and damage to random household objects was among them. Between scale models of Venus and axe guitars, Logan had proven himself to be a dangerous force in the past, especially when it came to his relationships.
Which was why now Carlos was running after him down the hall to his bedroom, trying to get to the door before Logan. He managed to grab the door handle before Logan could and tried to give him a calming look before they went in. It really didn't have much effect, because Logan just raised his eyebrows expectantly at Carlos.
Carlos wanted to say something to Logan before they went in. Anything. He wanted Logan to take a breath and turn his brain back on, but the thing was that Carlos understood why Logan was angry. He had every right to be. Carlos honestly should have been mad, too, but, well, that wouldn't have been very Carlos-like of him in his opinion. The problem was that he didn't really have anything to say to Logan that would make this better. The truth was that James had been cheating on both of them for some time and Logan was not going to come down off that anger easily.
So he opened the door, slowly, leaning around the frame to see if James had woken to Logan's yelling. He hadn't and was still peacefully curled around Carlos' pillow, knees pulled up and his hand close to his mouth, reminiscences of sucking his thumb as a child until the dentist told him it would cause an overbite if he continued. Carlos remembered consoling James that night as he cried himself to sleep. For a second, he forgot he was confronting James.
"James…" he tried gently, coming to his bed and kneeling on the edge. He refrained from adding a pet name, babe, sweetie, cielito, things he was used to calling James, but felt would be entirely inappropriate right now with Logan right behind him. "Hey, James, wake up, we need to talk—"
Logan clapped his hands in front of James' face loud, causing him to jump up, kicking and flinging his arms violently and he looked around, terror in his eyes for a moment, before he blinked at Logan and Carlos. He looked confused until he settled on glaring at Logan. "Logan! What was that for?" he shouted, throwing his fists down unhappily on the mattress.
"You know exactly what that was for," Logan snarled back, crossing his arms. His tone had a serious effect on James, who recoiled slightly and looked questioningly at Carlos.
Carlos gave Logan a tight-lipped look, but he couldn't be angry about his methods. After all, they was effective… "James…" he started, reaching to touch James' hand, but he could practically feel Logan's gaze on him and the hurt in it. That was what Carlos needed to take into account. How Logan was angry because he was hurting so bad. The thought was putting Carlos on the brink of more tears. "We need to talk," he repeated, unsure of how to really breach the subject.
James raised an eyebrow, and Carlos was truly surprised at his ability to pretend he didn't know what was going on. Because what other reason would bring Logan and Carlos into his room together like this? "About…?"
"Stop playing dumb, James!" Logan snapped again, and Carlos gave him another look. He didn't want this to turn into a yelling match, because for one, he knew it would turn into a battle between Logan and James and Carlos would get no say.
"You've been dating both of us. At the same time," Carlos finally said, his voice a little louder to gain the attention he needed. He raised his eyebrows, but otherwise waited patiently for James to respond.
James didn't really react, though. He looked between Logan and Carlos for a few moments, his expression blank. Then he just shrugged and said, "Yup."
Then Carlos did feel himself start to get angry. How could James sit there and see how upset they were and know that he'd been caught and just have yup? How could he be not care? Carlos stood up off the bed and next to Logan to frown down at James. "You can't do that, James," he said sternly.
"Uh, I am, though," James rebutted, shrugging and swinging his legs over the bed to sit on the edge and face his judges.
Logan made an incredulous noise and Carlos glanced at him. He was worried for a second Logan's head was going to explode, his face was so red. "Not anymore, you aren't!" he shouted. "What, are you dating Kendall, too?"
James scoffed, looking offended. "What? No, that's weird."
"James, this is weird," Carlos said, feeling actual pain in his chest. He'd thought James understood that. He thought they'd gone over this with Lucy, that two people couldn't date one person.
"I'm through," Logan said, holding out his hands with a sense of finality, and started for the door.
"Logan, wait!" James and Carlos both grabbed Logan's arm, and he yanked out of their grasps, but turned back around.
"Why?" The word was drawn out and dripping in venom. Carlos thought maybe he should tell Logan to go ahead and leave. He was getting more and more scared of what he might do.
James stood and took the couple steps to reach Logan, placing both hands on his shoulders. Carlos swallowed and wanted to look away, but he couldn't. "Because," he started, leaning down closer to Logan. "Let me show you why it's awesome having two boyfriends…" He kissed Logan's neck, high, next to his jaw, and Carlos' stomach sank watching Logan's eyes flutter shut and his throat move slightly as he swallowed.
"I don't want two boyfriends, James…" Logan whispered, and now Carlos did look away and dropped to sit on his bed. What did James think he was doing? And why was he doing it? "I want you…"
"And so do I…" Carlos muttered, looking at down his hands. They were much more interesting than watching James make out with Logan's neck…
He felt the bed sink down and looked up to see James crawling to him now. He swallowed, shifting slightly, and he glanced up to see Logan watching also. Carlos wasn't sure what was going on, honestly, and he didn't know what to do. So he just didn't move.
"But that's the thing," James started, getting close enough to touch Carlos' waist and lean in to whisper against his lips. James was always good at being seductive and even when they weren't in front of Logan, Carlos always got a little nervous and felt his face get hot. James was the first person Carlos had been intimate or physical with at all, and he still wasn't quite used to it. "You can both have me."And James sounded so sure and confident, like this was the simplest idea in the whole world, and Carlos wanted to believe it was when James kissed him.
Carlos couldn't pull away until he heard Logan's voice, and he sounded weaker than before. "James, stop it, please…" Carlos didn't love Logan like he loved James, but that didn't change the fact Logan was his best friend. Logan was safety in reality and numbers and solid things and he made Carlos feel safe in the way that Logan continually convinced him the ground wasn't going to open up and swallow him. Forget how James was treating Carlos himself, he couldn't let James hurt Logan like this.
He broke off the kiss, leaning away and looking seriously at James. "You can't do this, James." Past James, Carlos could see Logan watching them sadly and knew that he'd watched James kiss Carlos and Carlos imagined it felt like being stabbed.
James, though, looked more confused than hurt. He looked between Logan and Carlos and finally sighed, reaching to grab Logan's hand and pull him to sit on the bed. Logan conceded and fell onto the comforter on his knees, but he still didn't look pleased. All the fire had gone from him and he just looked upset. Carlos couldn't take the overwhelming levels of sadness in the room. He really just wanted to get up and drag Logan out with him before they both drowned in it.
"Guys," James said, and Carlos knew he still didn't see the problem. "You don't get it. Because…" He leaned in to kiss Carlos again, quick. "I can show you both how good this is…" He did the same to Logan, kissing his lips quickly before he could deny him. "At the same time."
Carlos frowned, glancing at Logan, who was also frowning, but looked much more concerned than confused. "What do you mean?" he asked, fiddling worriedly at the blanket underneath him.
"I mean," James said in that melodic little patronizing voice as he leaned in towards Carlos again. He heard Logan gasp and had time to look and see James' hand running over Logan's crotch as the other boy's eyes shuddered closed. "Threesome." James said the word so nonchalant that Carlos almost didn't catch the meaning, but then his lips were back on Carlos' and Logan was making a weird, quiet noise that Carlos couldn't quite place.
"Threesome?" Carlos mumbled when James pulled away after a few moments.
"James, we can't…" Logan said, but it was very clearly half-hearted as it was followed by a moan and Carlos could see James' hand rubbing Logan's jeans graciously. He was surprised when Logan suddenly grabbed James by the hair and yanked him in to a rough kiss. Carlos was oddly intrigued. Was this what James and Logan's sex life was like? Rough with rubbing and grabbing, not sweet and slow and tantalizing like it was with James and him.
Suddenly, Carlos felt like he had Logan to compete with, like he had to get James' lips back on him, because Logan was very clearly a really good kisser. The way he had James glued on him was nothing short of erotic, obviously moving his tongue against James' lips and James pressing against Logan's growing erection, thumbing at the button of his pants. Carlos couldn't let Logan keep James on him like that.
He pressed against James' body, licking from his collar bone up his neck and sucking the lobe of James' ear in between his teeth. This was something James had done to Carlos plenty of times, but Carlos had never been bold enough to return. He continued mimicking things James had done, too, by quickly undoing James' jeans and dipping his hand into his boxers. There was an immediate reaction from James, a moan into Logan's mouth as Carlos stroked along his length and tongued at his ear.
"Oh, my god, Carlos…" James whimpered past the moan, because this was unheard of for Carlos. He didn't just dive in to things like this, he was romanced and coaxed and definitely gave as much as he took, but only after a lot of heavy petting. Logan seemed not to enjoy James saying Carlos' name, though, and shut James up by kissing him hard again.
In his mind, Carlos knew this was wrong. It wasn't going to fix anything, and not only that, but he didn't have any desire to have sex with Logan. At all. In fact, he had a lot of desire to not have sex with Logan. But they'd already gotten to this point and Carlos knew from experience it was impossible to stop a vehicle in drive with your bare hands.
Suddenly, James was slipping off the bed, pulling on Logan's pants as he did so. Logan and Carlos both watched him move, confused, until he was on the floor by the bed on his knees. Then he turned to Carlos and watched him with big, lustful eyes as he began undoing Carlos' pants, pulling them down underneath him. Carlos would have been embarrassed about being exposed and half-hard in front of Logan if his gaze wasn't stuck on James there on his knees in front of him. Not to mention he saw Logan tentatively work his own pants off in the corner of his eye. James' own jeans had slipped down his thighs and Carlos could see him touch himself now as he leaned down to take Carlos in his mouth, his eyes never breaking their contact.
Carlos moaned, his head falling back at the wet warmth around the tip of his cock, and Logan's own groan followed. Carlos chanced a look to see Logan had begun to slowly stroke himself, watching James move his mouth. It suddenly occurred to Carlos that James had had twice the practice Carlos had previously thought he had and that thought caused him to grab James' hair, pushing his head down on him.
Carlos wanted to get angry. He wanted to force James to make him feel the best he ever had, to give him the best head he'd ever given, to make him come hard. He wanted James' full heart in it. Except he knew that wouldn't happen.
Especially as James' mouth left him and went to Logan, licking along his dick, from the base to the tip, drawing lines with the tip of his tongue and Carlos just wanted to throw himself back against the bed. He didn't like James having to split his attention between them. Instead, though, he shifted closer to Logan on the bed, something he didn't necessarily want to do, but James immediately got the hint and his hand was on Carlos' cock as he sucked his mouth down Logan's.
And so this exchange went on for a few minutes, Carlos' chest heaving as James' moved between them, stroking one while he took the other into his throat, back and forth graciously. Logan moaned louder and longer than Carlos, he noticed, and he wondered if James liked that more than Carlos' short pants and whines.
He was getting so distracted watching Logan and considering copying his needy moans and the way Logan threw his head back that he was caught off guard by James getting up off his knees and leaning in close to Carlos. His voice sounded a little raspy when he whispered, "I want you to fuck me," then kissed Carlos. James' mouth tasted different.
Carlos' eyes shifted towards Logan as he kissed James back. He was watching, his expression a little dark as his gaze glided along James' body, curved over the edge of the bed, leaning over Carlos. He looked like he wanted to eat James alive, and whether that was out of lust or malice was entirely unclear.
Carlos had always been the one to top James, he'd never had James inside him. James had always been wary of hurting Carlos that way, but never concerned about being fucked himself. Now Carlos wondered if that was because Logan had already taken his virginity.
He shook his head, pulling away from James. "No," he said decisively, surprised by the hardness of his own voice. "I'm gonna… ride you." Carlos' lips went tight and he caught Logan looking at him, but he tried not to acknowledge it. The surprise in James' expression was unmistakable. They were stuck in a moment of quietness, no moans or pants or whines, just three horny boys stuck in a triangle.
Finally, when Carlos thought nothing was ever going to happen ever again, James pulled off his shirt, kicking his pants and boxers onto the ground, and got on the bed again, this time fully naked. Carlos' first instinct was to cover him again, because he still felt unsure about sharing James with Logan, but James was taking Logan's wrists and pulling him close, onto his mouth again. He had Logan between his knees, the image of eroticism, their dicks so close that Carlos felt that sink in his stomach again, the urge to get between them and take James over completely.
When James caught him staring, Carlos' felt his face get even hotter than before, and he was so glad a blush had never quite been obvious on him. James jerked his head slightly in the direction of his dresser, and Carlos got the idea. He knew what was in the top drawer of James' dresser. He hurried off the bed, ditching his pants and shirt as he went. It didn't take him long to find the lube, and when he turned around again, James had Logan naked, too.
It was weird. Of course Carlos had seen Logan naked before, but he hadn't seen him… exposed. Vulnerable. Straddling James' lap. His tongue down James' throat.
Carlos shook his head fast. He kneeled back onto the bed and as he did so, James began kissing down Logan's chest, laying back slowly and pulling Logan with him, making him shift further and further up his torso. Carlos watched with mild fascination until Logan's knees were over James' shoulders and his dick was resting next to James' mouth. Next to Carlos' boyfriend's mouth.
He needed in there. He didn't like the idea of just watching James suck Logan in this position. He didn't like the idea of watching Logan do anything.
Carlos dove down on James' dick, giving it a gratuitous lick, same as James had done to him, and felt immediate satisfaction from the noise James made, even with Logan's dick in his mouth muffling the sound. He sat up and squeezed some lube into his palm, not bothering to warm it between his hands like he often did for himself before slicking James up. If James could handle two relationships, he could handle a little cold lube on his cock. Carlos then swallowed, reaching under himself with slick fingers as he tried not to think about how uncomfortable this situation should have made him.
Logan was moaning loud again, saying James' name as he rocked against his mouth. Carlos felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted to say James' name like that. Again, he wondered if that was what James liked, hearing his name said over and over. Of course that was what James liked… What was Carlos thinking? This was James. He loved hearing his own name over and over…
Carlos decided he really didn't love the feeling of his own fingers inside him. It was strange, foreign, and he wished it was James doing this to him, but James' hands seemed busy holding onto Logan's hips near his chest. From where Carlos was, he could see when James' hands snaked around Logan's hips to his ass, grabbing at him, fingers trailing from low between his legs up to press at his entrance. And there was the jealousy again. And the rarely-felt anger. Carlos glared at James' hands on Logan, and James was wrong. There was nothing awesome about him having two boyfriends.
Carlos positioned himself over and guided James' dick into him faster than he realized he should have. This time, Carlos didn't even have to think in order to mimic Logan's moans; he couldn't help but throw his head back and give a yell at the feeling of James inside him, and he decided, yes, James did like loudness, because he automatically thrusted up into Carlos, pushing himself as deep as he could. Suddenly, Carlos couldn't even see Logan, it was like he didn't exist, and he was sure this was what it felt like for Logan, too. Nothing else existed. Just James.
It burned, James stretching and pushing up into Carlos, and he didn't move for a few seconds. He just breathed. And considered how James thought he could just do this. Typical James… He'd always felt entitled. He couldn't help it. He was spoiled growing up and intended to be spoiled now. James never did have one of anything, why should he have ever thought he would only have one boyfriend? It wasn't James' fault everything was going to hell. Not entirely.
This wasn't going to work and Carlos knew it.
He moved after a few moments and it still hurt, but he moved. He wanted to help the feeling, so he began stroking himself as he shifted slowly on James' dick, pressured jerks that certainly made the sensation better. What made it actually worth it was a particular moment when James bucked his hips and Carlos felt this rush, his heart stopping, his head going dizzy. "Oh, god, James, do that again… oh, my god…" he moaned and wondered immediately if James did this with Logan and that was why he knew how to make such loud noise. James obeyed, hitting the same spot in Carlos over and over.
Carlos thought he was going to burn up from the inside. He took his hand from the bed where he'd been supporting himself and reached in front of him. His hand found hot skin, and when he looked up, he saw his dark fingers splayed against Logan's pale back. All he thought about for one whole second was that Logan felt hot hot hot, like touching a stovetop, and Carlos could feel his heart beating so hard it reverberated to his back. But after that one second, his hand shot away, because it felt entirely too wrong to be touching Logan at all.
In the next few moments, Logan was moaning loud, and Carlos could see him reach around, between his legs to finish himself off. Carlos squeezed his eyes shut as he kept moving, kept angling just right so James was hitting that weird, awesomely pleasurable spot, and he could imagine Logan's cum on James' mouth, his chin. Except Carlos didn't imagine it was Logan's. He could replay a time it was his own, the first time he and James had fooled around, before they'd become "official," and how James still looked good with semen on his lips. James was that kind of boy.
Carlos tensed up with a gasp as he slowed moving, but pumped his hand harder along his dick, coming hot and fast over his own hand. He forced himself to move some more, though it was tough the more his muscles tightened up, and that was when James arched his back against him, coming hot inside Carlos.
As he settled back down, unable to move off of James quite yet, Carlos wondered if this would be the last time he would feel that hot sort of rush through his veins.
James licked his lips, thumbing at some wetness on his chin and licking it off his fingers. He liked the taste, though he knew it wasn't the most flattering thing to enjoy. He probably looked incredibly slutty laying on Carlos' bed, still naked, still sheened with sweat, still wet with other fluids in some places.
He didn't want to get dressed, though. He wanted to relax, to bask. He wanted Carlos and Logan to do the same with him, but when Logan had gotten off him to find his clothes, Carlos had quickly followed suit, although it seemed to be more of a chore for him than it was for Logan.
As Logan was buttoning his pants, still shirtless, and Carlos was pulling on his boxers, James sat up. "Come on…" he said, gently, reaching out to draw a finger down Logan's spine. "Lay down for a minute…" Logan stopped moving and James felt a little bit of hope. "Please?"
Carlos was at the foot of the bed and staring at James. His eyes seemed a little sad, maybe a little deeper in thought than James had ever seen him. Nonetheless, he kneed onto the bed, crawling up the length of it to lay next to James, pressing himself between the wall and James' body. James smiled, petting a hand through Carlos' hair, then looked at Logan's back again, his shoulders rigid and spine stiff. He pulled on the back of his jeans, trying to pull him down, but Logan turned and swatted at James' hand. "Don't pull on me," he said, his voice strict, and the dry, venomous tone was back. The one that made James actually feel bad.
Logan stared at them, his eyes boring through James, right to his core. James thought he did a pretty good job of seeming like he wasn't bothered by Logan's refusal, like he was taking all this very lightly, but something told him Logan saw through it all. He saw how James was terrified right now, sure he was about to lose everything, and wanted just one last moment to hold on to all he had.
Just when James thought Logan was ready to storm out of the room, shirtless or not, he did the opposite, sitting on the edge of the bed and carefully laying back into James' other arm, nearly hanging off the edge of the small twin bed. "One minute," he said quietly, but still very harshly.
It was a time bomb. A death sentence. One minute until James had to let go of everything.
So for that one minute, he held on to everything. He pulled Logan in tight around his waist, his other arm wrapped about Carlos' shoulders. Carlos' hand rested on his chest and he could feel fingers wiggling slightly under his back, feeling his skin. Logan stayed distant, angry, and James wished he wouldn't. He only had a minute here, dammit, and he wanted Logan to love him for that minute. He turned and kissed Logan's head, nose in his sweat-damp hair, and Logan didn't jerk away. Instead, he slowly put an arm across James' stomach. The action may have been more pity than love, though.
"That's… that's a minute," Logan whispered, quieter and gentler than before. He sounded like there was something in his throat, and he tried pulling away from James, tried getting his legs off the bed, but James held onto him.
"Was not!" he argued, keeping his grip tight. "That wasn't a minute, Logan, no. You're cheating." He tried holding tighter, but Logan pushed against his stomach and slipped out of his arm. James hated seeing him get up and bend down to pick up his shirt.
Then it was just Carlos. James looked at the other boy in his arms hopefully. Carlos avoided his eyes and just laid there another few moments. James thought he might stay, but then he, too, started sitting up. James made another attempt to keep hold of him, but Carlos was quicker, having expected it. He got up and went for the rest of his clothes. When he had his pants on, he looked at James, finally, and his eyes were still sad, if not sadder. "This isn't over, James."
"No, I think it is," Logan cut in. He was dressed, and he didn't bother looking at James again before he excused himself from the bedroom.
Carlos and James both watched him go, James' mouth hanging open a little.
After a second, Carlos coughed, then slipped his shirt on. He went towards the door, but stopped and glanced at James again. There was a hopeful feeling in James' chest in the way Carlos hesitated, the way he blinked like he might turn around and get back on the bed with James. But what actually happened killed that feeling forever. "Uhm… could you… strip my bed? Just… toss the sheets in my laundry basket…"
Then Carlos left, too, leaving James in the room alone.