-My first shot at Faberry! Tell me what you think! Caity, this is for you ;)-
My One Perfect Thing
I'm angry. I'm always angry, and everyone knows it. I'm angry that Puck got me pregnant. I'm angry that I had to give up my baby. I'm angry that I can't get her back. I'm angry I lost Prom Queen to a boy, I'm angry those people hurt Kurt. I'm angry that my father won't speak to me. I'm angry that Coach Sylvester doesn't want me near her Cheerios anymore. I'm angry that I lost everything. I'm angry that I cheated on Finn. I'm angry I cheated on Sam. I'm angry that Finn broke up with me and hasn't spoken to me since the funeral last year. I'm angry that Mr. Schuester gave me the most hypocritical speech I ever heard. I'm angry that no one bothered to wonder why I acted the way I did over the summer and dyed my hair pink and started smoking.
No one asked because no one cared. Everyone wants to tell me what to do. Puck, Shelby, Finn, Mr. Schue, Santana, everyone. And I hate them. I've hated them for three years.
I'm angry at everything and everyone because I can't have her. She's always been so close, right within my grasp but I can't have her. I've missed my chance every time. I'm angry because I have these feelings that I've never had a chance to let out.
I'm in love with Rachel Berry, and it pisses me the fuck off.
I'm angry because I had to hang onto Finn so he would stay away from her. I felt it at Prom. She looked so beautiful, dancing in those lights, singing that sad song of hers. I wish she'd sing for me, just once. It breaks my heart when I hear her sing, and it's for him. It's always for him. He has her now and he doesn't treat her the way I would. I would make sure the first thing she does everyday is smile. I would treat her like the princess she is. I wouldn't let a single soul hurt her, and if someone did I would end their life.
I can say this easily enough now because I'm used to it. I'm used to feeling this way about her. It's tugged and pulled at my heart for so long that I don't even notice now. I get a pang every time I see her, a tear when she kisses Finn, a flutter when she sings or smiles.
I would be so good to her, and I'd show her if she didn't have Finn around. I really would.
But for now, I sit here in the choir room as usual, watching the light hit her hair, watching her smile and gab away in that stupid sweater and those stupid tights that are way too adorable for any human being and suffer in silence.
That's what I do.
"Alright, guys, who wants to go first?" Mr. Schue said, clapping his hands together.
"I'll go."I turned when I heard Quinn's soft voice. She stepped down daintily in her cotton dress, purple cardigan buttoned halfway, hair wrapped in a headband. Perfect as usual. She sat on the stool, hands folding in her lap. There was a small smile on her delicate lips that faded when the music started.
"When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful.
Every hour spent together lives within my heart.
And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears.
And when she was happy, so was I.
When she, loved me."
Finn frowned, glancing at me. I didn't meet his gaze. I was too busy staring at Quinn, whose eyes never left mine, locked there. She was about to cry.
"So the years went by
I stayed the same.
But she began to drift away…" Her gaze shifted to Finn, just for a moment.
I was left alone.
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say 'I will always love you.'
Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me
And held me
Just like she used to do…" A tear fell to her cheek.
Like she loved me
When she loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful.
Every hour spent together lives within my heart
When she loved me."
The song ended with her wiping her eyes. Before anyone could move or dare to speak, she ran out, crying.
I didn't care that the whole Glee Club knew. I didn't care that the school would know by the end of the day the second Santana found out. I ran out of there crying because I may have just ruined Rachel and Finn's relationship because I had to act out like a selfish child. I did it with Finn before, I did it with Beth and now I'm doing it to Rachel.
"DAMN IT!" I slammed my fist into the tile, falling against it, sobbing. The assignment for the week was confessions. It's Mr. Schue's fault this happened. Him and his stupid assignment and that stupid song for being so damn perfect…Rachel for being so damn perfect.
The bathroom door opened but I didn't move.
My throat went dry and closed, refusing to let me speak. My brain shut down and I couldn't move.
She was coming closer. Her hand gently touched my shoulder. "Quinn, can you talk to me?"
"About what?" I managed. "The fact that I love you or that I just made Finn break up with you?"
"He didn't break up with me," she said softly. That hurt worse. "He got up and left too." I glanced at her briefly.
"Stop looking at me like that," I gulped.
"Like what?" She sounded scared.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I shouldn't have done that in front of everyone. I shouldn't have sang a song where somewhere in my mind you loved me, just for awhile. I'd settle for one day…" I shook my head. "I didn't need to do that. You don't need this right now, you have school and Finn and your dreams to worry about. You don't need me screwing up your life." There was a lapse of silence before she spoke again.
"You could never screw up my life, Quinn." She was so quiet I could barley hear her.
I looked at her, my eyes so blurry with tears I couldn't see straight. "What are you saying?" I breathed.
"I-I mean…" She swallowed, wringing her hands. "I mean that I might love-"
"Don't tell me this unless you're serious," I warned. "If you're not sure, or if you're just caught up in the moment then don't say it."
She sighed, her expression determined. "I might love you too, Quinn."
My chest hurt. I wasn't sure if it was from crying or what she'd just said. She said she might love me too.
"What about Finn?" I choked.
"I…I don't know yet," she said honestly, staring at the floor. "But I wanted you to know that. I want you to know that I have feelings for you too. I just don't know what to do about them, yet."
She took my hand. I stared at her, trying to get this pathetic expression off of my face. "I'll let you know the second I figure it out, okay?" She spoke gently. There was no accusation in her voice, no blaming, no yelling. There never was. She'd never yell at me. Rachel would never ever hurt me. Not on purpose.
I was crying all over again. I felt a tissue dab my eyes with her cute little hands behind it. "Shh… It's okay."
"I thought you'd hate me," she said. "Or freak out, or…"
"I guess we surprised each other," she smiled. I half-smiled back. "I'm gonna hug you now." She was soft and warm, just like I always wanted her to be. "I'll call you later," she assured, still holding me. "I have to go talk to Finn, okay?"
I nodded. "It's okay if you choose him."
She stared at me, pain I never wanted to see in those big brown eyes. She squeezed my shoulder and left, looking back before the door closed.
-Song "When She Loved Me" Sarah McLachlan, Toy Story 2 soundtrack so Disney doesn't sue me either. Feedback please!-