A/N: Another Rory!fic, but this one has a side of Klaine to go along with it. Written for another angst meme prompt: "That awkward moment when you reailze the new irish kid has a crush on your step-brother. And the even more awkward moment when your stepbrother seems to be returning the feelings with realizing it." This wound up being more Kurt-centered than I intended it to be, but there is plenty of implied Finn/Rory in the background. You don't have to squint too hard. ;) Enjoy!
"Top o' the mornin', Kurt!" Rory says cheerfully.
Kurt turns from his locker to stare skeptically at his new friend. "Rory, you know you don't have to keep saying that, right? The leprechaun thing is over."
"Aye," Rory says. "But if I just say 'good morning,' people look at me all cross-eyed, like they don't know what I'm saying."
"Oh, don't worry. It's not you; they always look like that," Kurt assures him.
Rory grins. "Have you seen Finn today?"
"Not since we got to school," Kurt says. He thinks for a moment. "Try the vending machines. There's one that the bottles always get stuck in. And he regularly forgets which one it is."
"Good thinking!" Rory says, grinning brightly.
"You seem awfully excited," Kurt says with a smile. "What's the occasion?"
Rory looks around to see if anyone is paying attention (they're not, they never are) and leans in close. "Finn says he's got a surprise with him. For me!" he adds, with a twinkle in his eye.
"That's… interesting," Kurt says carefully. "It's very nice of Finn. And very unusual."
"I know!" Rory says, with a slight sigh. "Isn't he grand?"
"That's one way of putting it," Kurt says, side-eying Rory something fierce, though the other boy is oblivious to his gaze.
"See you at Glee!" Rory says, dashing off down the hallway.
"Bye," Kurt says, still deep in thought. Without really meaning to, he finds himself closing his locker and following Rory to the vending machines. He wants to meet Blaine before homeroom, anyway, and Blaine usually comes from this direction, so it's not like he's going out of his way or anything.
Sure enough, as soon as he steps into view of the courtyard where the machines are, Kurt spies Blaine heading towards him.
"Hey, beautiful," Blaine says, wearing that beautifully besotted smile that makes Kurt fear for his pulmonary heath.
"Hello, handsome," Kurt says with a smirk. He steps around Blaine, subtly maneuvering himself so that he can observe Finn and Rory through the windows and still talk to Blaine. Finn is down on the ground, his hand shoved uselessly up the vending machine's dispenser hole, trying in vain to pull the bottle out. The sight brings a little smile to his face, and he shares it with Blaine. "Have you decided what we're doing for date night tomorrow?"
"I've been thinking about it," Blaine says. "And I've got our possibilities narrowed down to two or three places…"
Blaine's voice sort of fades into the background as Kurt watches the scene on the courtyard. Just as Rory walks up, Finn despairs of ever seeing his precious Mountain Dew and pulls away from the machine, kicking it once for good measure and getting nothing but a bruised foot in return. Rory winces sympathetically and walks over to put a reassuring hand on Finn's shoulder as the taller boy pouts.
"…which serves Iranian cuisine, which I've never tried before, and I'd really like to… Kurt?" Blaine asks.
Kurt blinks back to reality. "Oh, right, sorry. Got a little distracted," he sheepishly admits.
Blaine turns around in time to see the show. Rory seems to be at the end of a pep talk, as Finn suddenly straightens up and steels himself with determination. He eyes the machine with righteous anger, backs up several steps, and then proceeds to hurl himself bodily into the foul contraption. It rebuffs his assault with ease, continuing to withhold his precious Dew. The two of them watch as Rory helps a despondent Finn off the ground and dusts him off.
"Is it just me, or are they kind of adorable together?" Blaine muses.
Kurt turns to him with wide eyes. "You think they're… together?"
"No," Blaine says. "Not together-together… just as friends."
"See, I'm not so sure," Kurt says. "I talked to Rory just now and he seems… very fond of Finn. Very, very fond."
Blaine turns to him and smiles. "That doesn't mean they're together. Rory is just happy to have a new friend. An American friend. Despite its treatment of him, Rory is in love with America, and Finn is… a shining example of Americana personified."
On the courtyard, Rory is excitedly explaining something to Finn, gesturing wildly and talking quickly. To the normal observer, it would seem that Finn is paying attention. Kurt, however, easily identifies the vacant look in Finn's eyes that indicates that he has no idea what's going on.
Kurt smiles back. "You're probably right," he says. "Besides, Finn is straight as an arrow. If Rory does like him, it's probably just a harmless one-sided crush. I know how those feel."
"And you also know that there's pretty much nothing you can do to change his mind," Blaine says.
Kurt gives him a look.
"I used to have the biggest crush on a jock at my old school," Blaine sighs. "The guy could've bottled his sweat and sold it as a testosterone supplement. I'm pretty sure his blood was mostly anabolic steroids. He was disgusting and sweaty and stupid and God I wanted him like nobody's business. And no one could dissuade me. I had to get over it on my own."
"Just like me and Finn," Kurt says. "I guess Rory will have to do the same. If only we could spare him the heartbreak."
"Well, if we can't, we can always help him pick up the pieces," Blaine grins. The 'get to class' bell rings. "See you in third?"
"See you in third," Kurt nods. They share a brief hug as they part ways to go to their separate homerooms. Kurt is almost out of sight of the vending machines when a bit of movement catches his eye.
Rory runs over and slides on his knees to the vending machine, sticking his arm in the slot. He rustles around for a moment, and seems to find something, beckoning Finn over. Finn bends down and wraps his arms around the slightly smaller boy's torso. In unison, they count to three, and Rory braces himself. Finn then heaves the two of them backwards as hard as he can. The end result is Finn on the ground and Rory on top of him, holding the bottle of Mountain Dew aloft like the head of a conquered medusa.
Both of them are laughing like crazy as they sit up. When Rory hands him the soda bottle, Finn's happiness overwhelms him, and he pulls the smaller boy into a hug. Rory's face, already red with laughter, turns even redder.
And several big, loud alarms begin to blare in the 'Gaydar Control Center' of Kurt's mind.
Finn starts to open the soda bottle, only for it to spray him in the face. He quickly caps it again, and Rory giggles—giggles –at his misfortune. Finn gets a predatory gleam in his eye, and before Rory realizes what's about to happen, Finn sprays him right in the face. Before Kurt knows it, Finn is chasing Rory around the courtyard and spraying soda at him, the two of them smiling and laughing the entire time as the second bell rings, meaning they are all technically late.
Finn and Rory keep right on smiling.
Kurt frowns. Suddenly, Rory's one-sided crush seems a lot less one-sided.
And a lot less harmless.
He manages to put the thought out of his mind until the next time he sees Rory at Glee practice. Those Irish Eyes are definitely smiling. Beaming in fact.
"You seem awfully excited," Kurt says.
"I am!" Rory says, digging into his pockets. "Finn gave me his surprise. Look here…"
For one terrible second, Kurt is irrationally afraid that he's going to pull out a ring.
Fortunately, he pulls out a small piece of paper instead. "Tickets?" Kurt asks.
"To a monster truck show!" Rory says. "Tomorrow night!"
Kurt blinks. "Do they not have monster trucks in Ireland?" he asks.
"Oh, they do," Rory says. "But not like the ones here."
"I'm pretty sure all monster trucks are the same," Kurt says.
"Suppose I'll be finding out tomorrow, I will," Rory says with a wink. A wink.
"Yes," Kurt says neutrally. "I suppose you will."
That wink sticks with him all through practice. What does it mean? Why would he do that? Exactly what kind of wink was that? Was it an 'I know about your crush' wink? An 'I'm so going to get some tomorrow night' wink? A 'look at me, I have what you never can' wink? Is Rory taunting him?
He's distracted all throughout Glee practice, his eyes rooted on Rory and Finn as they whisper to each other constantly. Their lips say… well, he's not really sure. He's not a lip-reader. But their eyes say they have a secret, and Kurt wants to know what it is. He has to know. He leans closer, trying to listen in, but there's this annoying whispering sound in his ear that won't shut up. What is that?
"Kurt?" Blaine says. "Can you not hear me?"
Oh, right. His boyfriend.
"Yes, of course!" Kurt says, hiding his embarrassment with a smile. "I agree completely."
Blaine blinks and raises his eyebrows. "You agree that I can't decide where we should go on our date tomorrow night?"
"…yes," Kurt says casually. "I agree that you are very indecisive."
Blaine rolls his eyes. "Alright then. Perhaps you'd like to help me? There are a couple of places that I'm hearing good things about, and I'd really—"
"Monster trucks!" Kurt says suddenly.
Blaine looks at him as though his head just opened up to give birth to a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater. "You want to go see monster trucks?"
"Yes!" Kurt says, quickly spinning out a cover story. "Did you not know? I just love… monster trucks. I mean—my dad works in a garage. It makes perfect sense that I would have an interest in automotives."
"An interest that you have never brought up before," Blaine points out.
Kurt adopts an offended expression. "What are you trying to say, Blaine? Do you presume to know everything about me after having only known me for a year? Am I that simple?"
"No, no!" Blaine says, shaking his head. "Not at all. I'm just… surprised. That's all. I'm sure I can get us tickets—"
"I'll handle the tickets!" Kurt interjects, before adding in a slightly calmer tone. "I… have more experience with this kind of thing."
"Great," Blaine says uneasily. "That's… great. This is great. Alright." He wipes his hands on his jeans. "I'm sure tomorrow night will be…great."
Down on the rows below, Finn seizes up and goes rigid with silent laughter. He actually falls over into Rachel, who looks quite nonplussed by the whole thing and starts massaging his scalp as she continues to listen to Mr. Schue. Rory grins innocently.
"It will certainly be interesting," Kurt says through clenched teeth, trying not to be too obvious about the death glare he is sending a certain Irish exchange student…
That night, Rory is on everyone's mind and at the tip of everyone's tongue.
"Rory's great!" Finn says at dinner. "He's totally my new best friend. He's like Puck, only less violent, and less sleeping-with-my-girlfriend."
"Well, I think it's wonderful," Carole says. "I'm glad you've found a new friend, and I'm sure Rory is happy to have you. You're showing that boy all that's good about America. I'm proud of you."
Finn grins with his mouth closed, so as not to dribble mashed potatoes everywhere.
"You should invite him over for dinner sometime," Burt says. "Rory sounds like a great kid. I've love to get to know him."
"Ugh," Kurt says loudly. "Rory, Rory, Rory! Can this family not talk about anything else? I'm sick of Rory!"
The other occupants of the table look at him carefully.
"Dude, we've only said like three sentences about him," Finn says carefully.
Kurt clears his throat. "I know. That's what that meant. 'Rory, Rory, Rory.' One 'Rory' for each sentence. Ergo, three Rories. Well, four now. Five, maybe even six when you count me." He throws his arms up. "Oh, great. Now you've got me doing it. You know what? I need to be excused. Thank you, Carole, dinner was delicious, but I think I'll be going to bed now. Goodnight, all!"
And he's gone before anyone has a chance to call him back. On his way upstairs, he takes a detour into Finn's room. It isn't too hard to find his ticket and discern which seats he has booked. From there, it's a simple matter to get online and book seats a few rows above them.
Of course, that's not all the preparations he needs to make. Blaine and Kurt will stick out like sore thumbs at an event like this. They'll need disguises, both to keep Frory… Rorfinn… what should he call them? Rory Flanagan, Finn Hudson… Finnagan! Right—they'll need disguises to keep Finnagan from recognizing them, and to preserve their safety in an event that is bound to be populated by the backwoodsiest of the backwoods folk in Lima.
He's still going over his plan in his head as he falls asleep that night…
He is in the middle of a vast, dreamy landscape, misty green hills and forests all around. For whatever reason, he is riding a unicorn, and Finn is walking beside him.
Suddenly, a shockingly tall leprechaun prances out of the mists and takes a jaunty pose. "Top o' the mornin'!" he says. Then he blasts Finn with his rainbow magic.
"Holy crap, I'm gay now!" Finn says excitedly.
"I know!" the leprechaun says. "Isn't it grand?"
"Hey!" Kurt says. "You can't do that! You can't just—"
But the leprechaun cuts him off with a burst of rainbow power, knocking him off his unicorn. By the time Kurt gets back up, Rory and Finn have climbed onto his unicorn and taken the reins. Rory winks at him and they ride off into the mists.
Bastards! Unicorn thieves! How dare they steal his…
The next day…
"Top o' the mornin', Kurt!" Rory says as Kurt enters the school.
"Oh, blow it out your bagpipes, haggis breath!" Kurt snaps, stalking past him.
Finn stops to stand with Rory, and the two of them stare after him.
"What's got into him?" Rory asks.
"Beats me," Finn says, glancing over at him. "Do you really eat haggis?"
Rory shakes his head. "That's more of a Scottish thing, y'know?"
By the time evening rolls around, Kurt has everything ironed out and ready. He has disguises for himself and Blaine, he has his binoculars and various other reconnaissance equipment in his car, and he has his tickets for the show.
There is just one snag in his brilliant plan…
"You want me to wear what?"
He… sort of forgot to mention it to Blaine.
"Come on, Blaine," Kurt sighs. "I know you're all about the out-and-proud, and believe me, on a normal day, I'd be right there with you. But we are crawling into the very heart of darkness, here. The stinky, sweaty armpit of American culture! If we don't at least try to blend in, these people will take deep into the woods and sacrifice us to their God!"
"Gee, you sound like you're looking forward to this so much," Blaine deadpans.
"Oh, I am!" Kurt assures him. "I just… don't want our experience interrupted by idiots. Please, Blaine?"
Blaine sighs. "Alright," he says, picking up the spare mustache from the Hall and Oates performance. "But after tonight, I am burning this thing. I never want it on my face again."
"I can go for that," Kurt says with a smile.
They show up to the Monster Truck Rally decked out in full flannel, sporting matching mustaches and seriously skewed hair. Blaine's smile is queasy, and Kurt can't really blame him. He's pretty sure the air here is about fifty percent sweaty human funk.
They take their seats, and Kurt pulls out his binoculars as Hrothgar the Demolitionator starts eating smaller cars or whatever. Blaine seems at least moderately interested in the automotive destruction, leaving Kurt free to scan the crowd for his mark.
It's not too hard to figure out where Finn and Rory are sitting. Or at least, where they are supposed to be sitting—Rory is sipping on a soda in his seat, but Finn is strangely absent. Kurt scans the crowd and finds Finn carefully stepping around people's knees as he shuffles down the row. When he reaches his empty seat, he grins at Rory and pulls out an American Flag baseball cap. Kurt can't hear him, but he's pretty sure Rory just squealed like a human bottle rocket in excitement. Finn grins even wider and… oh, dear god. He puts the cap on Rory's head. He even crouches down to adjust it and make sure it sits just right. Now that Kurt has a better view of him, he can see that Rory is decked out in all kinds of American merchandise. He looks like the bastard child of a drunken one-night stand between Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty, covered head-to-toe in star-spangled spooge.
Did Finn buy all of that for him? He's pretty sure he hasn't spent that much money on Rachel over the entire course of their relationship.
"I really like that truck with the teeth," Blaine says.
"Uh-huh," Kurt replies. His eyes are on Finn as he subtly steals nachos from Rory. After the first few, Rory notices Finn's sneakiness and pulls his food away. Finn pouts.
"Do you think the flamethrowers affect the gas mileage?" Blaine says.
"That's nice, Blaine," Kurt says. Rory is unable to resist Finn's pouting and picks up a nacho, saying something to Finn. Finn responds by sitting up and opening his mouth. Rory then proceeds to toss the nachos at him as Finn tries to catch them like a dog.
If Kurt clenches onto his binoculars any tighter, he's pretty sure they're going to break. Fortunately, they are saved when they unexpectedly fly from his hands. "Hey! Wha—"
Blaine puts the binoculars to his eyes, following Kurt's line-of-sight, and it doesn't take him long to spot Rory and Finn a few rows down. "What the… Kurt!" Blaine says, glaring at him. "Were you spying on them?"
"…maybe?" Kurt says with a slight wince.
Blaine looks completely flabbergasted. "I don't believe this. That's why you came here, isn't it? You don't care about monster trucks."
"There is something going on between the two of them!" Kurt insists. "I just know it!
Blaine struggles in vain for something to say, before tossing his hands up in surrender. "Kurt, I have no idea what is going on in your head, and I cannot possibly hope to figure it out here. This place smells like a combination of every family reunion I have ever attended, and I'm pretty sure the guy next to me eats his own skin flakes when he thinks no one is looking. I was willing to put up with it for your sake, but now? I think I'm going to go wait in the car."
He stands up, rips off his mustache and places it in Kurt's hand. "When you come to your senses, feel free to join me."
And then he exits the stadium in a truly admirable flounce.
Kurt feels a little guilty.
Then he looks down and—oh, what the fuck? Now Finn is feeding Rory nachos. He's not even throwing them—he's placing them in Rory's mouth. With his hands. This is not normal behavior. This is not heterosexual behavior. Do they not even realize they're in public? Do they have no clue what kind of publicthis is? Any minute now, the rednecks are going to spot them and sound the Big Gay Alarm, and the militias will show up and he will have to watch as Finn and Rory are pelted to death with Bibles.
He's almost thankful when he hears a loud crash and several screams from the other side of the stadium…
Blaine smiles at him as he gets into the car. "Finally," he says. "I was starting to wonder if you were coming."
"I didn't have much of a choice," Kurt says. "A tire popped off one of the trucks and bounced into the crowd. Other than a few lost teeth—a rare commodity most of these people cannot afford to lose more of—there were no serious injuries. Sadly, the show was canceled anyway."
"…oh," Blaine says. "Well, nevertheless, I'm glad you're here. The night is still young. We might be able to save it if we…"
Kurt can't help it. It's like he sees the two of them together and all other sensory input becomes white noise. As they exit, Finn's arm is around a miserable-looking Rory, gently reassuring him in the wake of the canceled show. They talk for a few more moments, when Finn suddenly makes a suggestion that causes Rory to brighten immensely. Finn fondly punches him in the shoulder, and the two of them race to Finn's car.
"…and then I at his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti," Blaine says flatly.
"That's nice Blaine," Kurt says. Suddenly, his mind catches up with him. "Wait, what?"
Blaine rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "That's it. I give up. You can keep stalking them if you want to, but I want no part in this. Take me home."
Kurt sighs. "I'm sorry. You're right, I'll…"
Finn and Rory drive by, singing at the top of their lungs.
"…I'll get right on that."
"This is not home," Blaine says flatly.
"Don't worry," Kurt says, staring out his windshield at the diner Finn and Rory have stopped to eat in. "You'll get there eventually.
Blaine shakes his head and looks at the heavens. "Whatever," he grumbles, and pulls out his iPhone to entertain himself, finally leaving Kurt alone to his machinations.
Inside, Kurt sees Finn approaching the counter. He buys two milkshakes, one for Rory, and one for himself. Because Finn is a human food funnel, he finishes his in record time, somehow managing to avoid brain freeze, possibly due to lack of brain. He is saddened by his loss of ice-creamy goodness. Rory notices Finn's downtrodden nature, and he…
…you have got to be kidding.
He smiles and pushes his milkshake to the middle of the table. Finn asks him something, and he nods. And then, Finn is taking his straw and putting it in Rory's cup and they are sharing a milkshake.
Kurt is going to vomit himself inside out.
"Blaine, are you looking at this?" Kurt says, incredulous.
"Nope," Blaine says evenly, eyes rooted to his iPhone.
"Well, look at it!" Kurt says.
"Sorry," Blaine says. "This is way hotter."
"What's way hotter? What are you doing?" Kurt asks.
"Sexting with Sebastian," Blaine deadpans.
Kurt nearly chokes on an air bubble as he snatches the phone from Blaine's hand, glancing at the screen to find… a game of Angry Birds in progress.
Blaine gaze looks a bit like pity, but there is something behind it. Something more. A bit of insecurity, and maybe just the slightest touch of hurt. "Kurt," Blaine says quietly. "I need to ask you something. Please be honest with me."
"Okay," Kurt says.
Blaine sighs, pausing for several seconds. "…are you still in love with Finn?"
Kurt's response is instant and enthusiastic. "No! God, no. What gave you that idea?"
"This!" he says, gesturing to their current situation. "Why else would you be doing this? Why else would you be stalking him like a jealous ex-lover when we're supposed to be on a date?"
"I am doing this because…" Kurt says, struggling for a reason. "Because… I… care about Rachel! I don't want her to get hurt, and if Finn is cheating on her with Rory, then I think she deserves to know. Yes. That is the reason."
Blaine's eyes are sad, and his voice is quiet. "If you can't be honest with me," he says, "then I think I have all the answer I need. I'm sorry, Kurt." He reaches for the door and starts to open it. And suddenly, just like that, Kurt realizes that he is this close to breaking up with his boyfriend over this.
He reaches out and grabs Blaine by the wrist. "Don't go," he says quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied, I just… I don't know how to say how I feel right now."
Blaine looks at him, his eyes so soft and sweet even when he's hurt. He sits back down and pulls the door closed. "Try," he says. "Please."
"It's…" Kurt pauses, collecting his thoughts. "It's Rory. I mean… just look at him. Pale, creamy skin, vivid blue eyes, the voice of an angel…"
"So it's not Finn you're interested in, it's Rory?" Blaine asks, without being accusatory.
"No!" Kurt says emphatically. "I'm just…" He shakes his head. "I'm… trying to figure out what he has that I don't. Besides an Irish brogue."
Blaine blinks at him in confusion.
Kurt clarifies. "Look at him, Blaine. In another life, we could have been brothers. He looks like me, he sings falsetto like me—"
"No one sings falsetto like you," Blaine says softly.
"Then why?" Kurt asks. "Why would Finn turn gay for him and not me? I crushed on him so hard, Blaine. I tried, for so long, to get him to see how I felt. When I finally realized he couldn't like me back because he was straight, I was okay with that. Except now he might not be straight. Which means… he could've liked me back. I just… wasn't good enough."
Blaine's face softens. "Kurt…"
"I know, I know," Kurt says. "It's ridiculous. It's stupid, and irrational, but it's how I feel. I'm sorry."
Kurt can't even stand to look Blaine in the eye right now, so he turns back to watch Finnagan. They're just talking, now. Rory is smiling and Finn is smiling, and they're going back and forth in a steady rhythm, quick, yet calm. They're both pretty physical speakers, lots of little hand movements. They look so happy together…
After a few moments, Blaine puts his hand on top of Kurt's. "Rory," he says softly. "Is nothing like you."
Kurt huffs out a disbelieving laugh.
"I'm serious," Blaine says. "Those things you listed… his appearance, his singing, his accent… they're all superficial. None of them has anything to do with Rory as a person. And the same is true for you."
"What are you trying to say?" Kurt asks.
Blaine rubs his thumb over Kurt's knuckles. "I'm trying to say that it's not a matter of being 'good' enough or not. If Finn did turn gay for Rory and not you, it's not because you weren't good enough. It's because you weren't right for him. You were trying to fit a unicorn-shaped key into a lock meant for a four-leaf clover."
Kurt snorts a little laugh. "I guess… some people just don't fit together."
Blaine squeezes his hand. "And some… do."
Kurt looks at him, amazed at how quickly Blaine can turn all of his insecurities to dust and just… blow them away. He can't believe he's been ignoring this to play amateur sleuth with his stepbrother and his Irish non-boyfriend. "I'm sorry," he says. "I've completely ruined date night, haven't I?"
Blaine shakes his head and smiles. "Not at all. You seem to have driven us to a nice, rustic American diner. Here's a thought—why don't we go inside and have a meal together?"
"What if they see us?" Kurt asks, nodding to the potato-head pair.
Blaine shrugs. "Double date?"
And that's how they end the night—Kurt and Finn on one side of a booth, Blaine and Rory on the other. Rory happily points out that 'Blaine' is a Gaelic name, and Blaine helpfully informs them that he is, in fact, half-Irish himself. He even lived there for a little while when he was a boy. Finn eagerly asks the two of them questions about Ireland, while Rory asks all three of them questions about America.
In the end, it turns out, they're not so different.
As they talk, Kurt reaches across the table for Blaine's hand, marveling at how well it seems to fit his own.
Across the table, Rory winks at him again.
This time, Kurt winks back.