Title: Disappearing

Author: PiperDreamer

Rated: T

Disclaimer: If you think either of these is mine…you need your head examined.

It was a clear blue sky that greeted the crowd that surrounded the stone dragon. She stared up at it with dull eyes, wondering why it dared to be bright and beautiful when it should have been overwhelmed by dark clouds and rain.

Didn't the Nine know what had happened? Of course they did, Akatosh himself had come to Nirn by means of possessing her would-be Emperor. He should at least allow the skies to weep, or show regret for what he had taken from Tamriel.

From her.

Looking back down, she vaguely heard crying around her. At least these people had the good sense to lament, unlike the Nine.

This was a service, nothing more. There was no body to bury, no remnant of the man who she fought and bled to protect from the forces of Oblivion.

He should have been here. He should have been ruling Tamriel right now.

But that was not the case. Martin Septim, her Emperor wasn't among the living. She wasn't even sure he was among the dead, either.

He went out like a hero, unselfishly, courageously and gloriously. He saved them all from certainly annihilation.

Why then did she prefer the thought of Tamriel being wiped out by Mehrunes Dagon's hordes over the reality that was before her now?

Why, if given a chance to repeat this, she would have taken Martin far, far away and let the Empire fall to the Prince of Destruction? Or she would have gotten Martin first then given the Amulet to Jauffre and not joined the Thieves Guild, she would have ignored Lachance's invitation into the Brotherhood, she would have let Mannimarco take the Mages guild, she would not have stopped to help every single person who needed aide that had ultimately taken away time from her duty to Martin. Why?

Oh, she knew the answer to that even if she would never admit it even under torture.

He wise, kind, understanding and was to be her emperor. She was just a everyday nobody thrown into an extraordinary situation that led to becoming his Blade. She knew there was no chance of their relationship ever going beyond friendship dispite the fact he was her anchor in all the madness that had taken place in just a short year.

He would be known to all while she stayed to the shadows, watching over him.

Martin would be immortalized in history. She would have just disappeared. And she could have lived with that.

Damn Dagon.

Damn the Nine.

Damn duty.

She stood stoically in the back of the crowd, Octo was droning on about how brave Martin was and how he sacrificed himself, ect.

She knew what had happened. She was there. She witnessed her beloved would-be emperor transformation into the avatar of Akatosh when she should have tried harder to keep him safe. She saw him battle Dagon as she just stood there, to frighten to move. She heard his whispering voice before he completely left her.

She felt her heart shatter into ten thousand pieces when it finally sunk in that he was never coming back.

And now here she was, standing before the reminder of what she failed to save.

She lowered her head, staring at nothing in particular but having enough of this. She slowly wandered away, mind blank and unsure, or uncaring. Probably both.

She had to leave the Imperial city. It was suffocating her. Baurus had told her she could always go back at Cloud Temple but she wouldn't be stepping foot in that place ever again. Too many memories.

So where to go? She had no home, no family waiting for her. Sure, she knew plenty of people who would be honored to house the Champion of Cyrodiil. But why bother? She had no reason, no motivation and no goal and wanted nothing more then to disappear like Martin. It was all taken by a draconic god of time.

Walking past a couple of guards she stopped to listen to the latest rumor. It had often been the source of many of her quests and she did this out of habit only.

"Did you hear? An Oblivion gate has opened up in the Niban Bay!"

"What? Why?"

"I have no idea. But they say it's nothing like the ones during the Oblivion Crisis."

"How so?"

"It has three faces and everyone who goes in comes back out…wrong."

"Wrong? How so?"

"Like they have been addled. Personally I'm glad I'm not the one guarding it!"

She didn't listen anymore and continued walking as a glimmer shown deep in her eyes.

An Oblivion gate was open? She could work with that. Facing lava rivers, bloodthirsty daedra and sulfuric air was much more preferred then staying here. Perhaps if she was lucky she could find a way to close it with her staying in Oblivion.

If failing that, she would disappear. Like her beloved Emperor.

From a self-insert point of view, if I gone through all the main events in Oblivion and had gotten out of it in a semi-sane manner, chances are its only because I had something that was keeping me grounded. In this, my character had unrequited love for Martin and didn't know what to do now that he was gone. She had gone from invisible to legendary in a year and had pretty much saved the world...but she couldn't save the guy she loved. Why would she want to be remembered for what she saw as her greatest regret?

Just a thought into the possible reason to going to the Shivering Isles.

Well, I finally finished Oblivion. Onto Skyrim, my brothers!