Disclaimer: Oh please; like I own anything but the OC's/Rainart. Yes, Rainart was my idea.
A/N: I love the Twilight series. I really do, but I had spent a lot of time making these silly comments, and finally a friend of mine told me, "Write it down. Make it a fic. Please, for the love of God, stop talking about it so much." So, I did what I was suggested to do and poof! Here it is. Yes, a lot of OOC (out of character) moments are in here and yes, I do poke fun at a lot of things, but I do love the series.
She was running through a dark forest, her Prince Charming running towards her as well.
Isabella Swan, or Bella, smiled. Finally, after writing letters and emails to each other for years, they were about to meet.
They both reached the small patches of sunlight, his face still in the shadows, as she tried to speak.
BEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP!
Bella gasped as she awoke. "No, that's not fair!" She said, hitting her mattress before lying back down and glaring at her alarm clock. "Why? Why do you have to go off now?"
The alarm kept going off as she shook her head in disgust.
The bedroom door flew open, and her father stood there, glaring in the clock's general direction. "Bella, turn that thing off. Please." It was very loud.
She rolled her eyes. "Got it Charlie- I mean, Dad." She said, turning off the alarm clock.
"I'm deaf, not old- I mean I'm old, not deaf." Charlie said, obviously tired. "I'll make breakfast." He said, stumbling away.
Bella sighed before climbing out of bed and closing the door again. She turned around and spotted Jacob Black typing away at his computer, concentrating on something.
Bella and Jacob had grown up together, their father's good friends. Somehow Bella and Jacob had not stayed best of friends though. Not that that stopped Bella from trying to be friends with him again.
Grabbing her lacrosse stick, Bella opened her window and poked at his window. Their houses were really close together. "Jake!" She yelled.
"Go away Bella! I have homework I really need to finish!" Jacob yelled, trying to ignore her.
Bella would not take 'no', or 'Go away Bella', for answer.
"Oh Jake. Jakey-darling. JJ. Talk to me." Bella said in a sing-song voice.
Jacob stood and stormed over to the window, throwing the window open.
"Hold this," Bella said, shoving her lacrosse stick into his room before he could answer and left the window.
Jacob sighed in annoyance, but waited patiently as she looked for something before returning.
"Want to hear the latest email He sent to me?" Bella asked him as he scowled.
"Aw Bella, no!" Jacob growled, pushing the lacrosse stick back into her room. "I don't have time for that!" He slammed the window shut and closed the curtains, trying to keep her from speaking.
It did not work.
" 'Dear Love Of My Life', he wrote, 'I wish that we could meet. Someday, my darling. Signed, Your Prince Charming'." She read loudly before sighing dreamily. "Isn't that dreamy?"
"NO! Go away! Don't you have to get ready for school?" Jacob shouted.
"Why? I am going to be married soon anyway. I don't care!" She yelled back.
Charlie overheard that and assumed she meant seatbelt laws. He ran upstairs, carrying a pan with a still-gooey pancake on it while the stove downstairs was left unattended. He, evidently, was clueless, not deaf or old. "Isabella… Something… Swan! I told you, you HAVE TO wear a seatbelt," he said, pointing the pan at her.
The pancake hit the pristine white carpet with a loud 'plop' as Jacob began yelling about how he was running away just to finish his schoolwork.
Bella sighed. "No, Charlie- Dad- I don't care about the seatbelt laws right now…" She stopped, seeing Charlie turn red. "Are you okay? You totally look like Mr. Cilanthroditaz does when I tell him I skipped my homework for math and instead am going to read a poem my," she did a dramatic pose before tripping over a sock on the floor, "prince wrote me." She groaned from the floor.
Her father sighed and shook his head. "Bella-"
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
While most fathers would be freaking out about the smoke detectors going off, Charlie thought it was Bella's cell phone.
"First your clock, now your phone? Bella, have you lost your hearing or something?" He shouted over the beeping.
"NO! BUT EVIDENTLY YOU HAVE ALL LOST YOUR COMMON SENSE!" Jacob yelled back.
Meanwhile, over at Jacob's house, his dad had had it. He had woken up to shouting, he had fallen asleep to shouting, he was always hearing shouting and yet there was never anybody in Jacob's room, save for Jacob. His son had lost his mind.
He wheeled his wheelchair down the hall and then realized he was downstairs.
"Oh, blast it. JACOB! STOP SHOUTING! WE DON'T SHOUT IN THIS HOUSE!" Billy shouted before he heard a door crash open.
"I'm going to school." Jacob said sullenly, leaving the house.
His father frowned, looking at the clock in the kitchen. "But it's early!" He yelled, wheeling after him. "I thought kids hated school!"
"WELL I LOVE IT, DAD!" Jacob yelled from next to his car in the driveway.
"DON'T SHOUT! IT'S RUDE!" Charlie yelled from his house.
"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, CHARLIE- DAD!" Bella yelled at him.
From across the street, a strange young man watched from his house. "Yesssssssssssss." Mike Newton hissed, turning to a cacti with a hat on. "Soon, they will all be gone and the neighborhood will be quiet once more…"
"Mike!" His mother yelled, albeit more softly, from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready!"
"Come, Rainart, let's go eat something…" He hissed, grabbing the cacti before slinking away.
"…Mike? Are you going to eat breakfast in the kitchen, or take something from that stash of junkfood in your room again?"
The slamming of a door answered her before Mike spoke like a normal human would. "MOM! I'M OUT OF CHEESE PUFFS!"
She sighed, annoyed. "Why did I choose to become a mother? I should have become a hippie, like my mom did."
Meanwhile, across town, in a house that had a poorly taken care of lawn, save for a rose bush that looked like it was part of a shrine, two young men ate breakfast while their 'mother' lectured them.
"I am getting tired of being called your mother!" Esme, the social worker for the boys, yelled. "Which of you idiots came up with that idea?"
Edward pointed at Jasper, who had given up on defending himself from false accusations. Besides, neither of them had actually come up with the idea. The people of Forks came up with their own ideas- Like the idea that the chief of police's name was 'Charlie-Dad'. Well, it was kind of understandable as to why they thought that…
Esme gave Jasper the evil eye as her phone rang. "Furthermore- Oh, let me take this. Hello?" She answered, sweetly.
Her husband, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, had no idea just how she acted when not around him.
Not like she knew where he really worked, either.
Carlisle had a cigar between his teeth, a sword in one hand, and his phone in the other. "Honey, I will be late for dinner tonight," he said, eyeing the ninjas that surrounded him.
Esme giggled. "Oh? Work keeping you busy?"
Carlisle grunted, swatting away ninja throwing stars with the sword before glaring at a ninja. "Yeah, busy."
Esme giggled again. "Okay sweetie-pie. I'll see you soon! Esme loves you!"
Carlisle grunted again. "Love you too." Before hanging up his phone and stuffing it in a pocket of his vest.
With a growl, he leapt into a battle with the ninjas…
Esme snapped her phone shut and glared at the boys, Jasper, again. "Furthermore- I am trying to no longer be considered your social worker."
Edward gasped and jumped to his feet. "That's not fair!"
"Sshh," Jasper hissed. "That's a good thing."
"It is not!" Edward said with a stomp of his foot. "We should embrace death and let it overcome us!"
"Edward…" Jasper warned. Edward's attention span was that of a… Small insect…
"Oh, Edward," Esme said, going around the table to him and pinching his cheek. "You are just so cute sometimes!" She gushed.
"I thought you just said you wanted to stop being our social worker." Jasper muttered, his hopes sinking fast.
"Oh, la!" Esme said, laughing. "That was a joke, Jasper. Can't you take a joke?" She asked through her laughter.
Jasper's head hit the table as he groaned. "Why?" He moaned. "Why me?"
Edward looked between his laughing social worker and groaning brother and, well, shrugged, before continuing eating his cereal. "I wonder what my princess is up to this morning." He said.
They were truly a match made in Heaven.
Yeah, there's the first chapter. It took me forever to finally get everything I wanted down on the computer (try 2 years), and even longer to keep myself from having one 10,000 word chapter starting the whole thing off…
…Then again, that could have been fun… Maybe. XD Review if you like, don't if you don't want to. Flamers will be ignored.