This is the final chapter. I'll admit that it is rushed and condensed, but I wanted to get these two scenes in and I'm just not feeling this story anymore. I may have an epilogue, but I'll just have to see if it works out!
Now, for all of you wondering who the Mysterious Dark-Haired Man is:
The director of the CBI, Gale Bertram, was sulking. The blinds in his office were closed so nobody could see him, the lights were off and he was playing Adele's latest hit single over and over again. Everything had gone wrong! All of his brilliant plans! Not only had he failed to isolate Jane from the rest of the team, as he had planned, the team was now closer than ever! They had their own detective agency, for crying out loud! How was he supposed to get Jane out of the picture so that he could have Lisbon all to himself?
The door opened with an ominous creak. Bertram looked up. A mysterious dark-haired man entered the office. He wore a blood-red sweater. The man sat down and gazed imperiously at the CBI director. "The Master is very displeased."
Bertram rolled his eyes. "The Master is always displeased. That's why all our fellows keep getting killed off."
The mysterious dark-haired man thought for a moment and then nodded. "You're probably right. Who is the Master, anyway? I mean, I know he's Red John, but who is he? Is he even a he?"
"How am I supposed to know? I'm just a lackey."
"Oh." The mysterious dark-haired man hesitated a moment. "Do you know who I am?"
"Great." The mysterious dark-haired man cradled his head in his hand, moaning in dismay. "So I'm just a mysterious dark-haired man in a red sweater who steals roses from women doped up on morphine? That's all I am. What is my purpose in life?"
"You were also a mysterious dark-haired man in a red sweater that sits beside a fake Red John in a mall," Bertram reminded the mysterious dark-haired man comfortingly.
"Right. I forgot about that. I got to sit beside a fake Red John so that Jane would shoot him. Sooo glamorous! You're lucky. You get to be the annoying powerful figure in this game of... whatever this game is. I get to steal roses." The mysterious dark-haired man sighed. "What did you do with those roses, anyway?"
"None of your business!" Bertram snapped, his bald head going red. "Just deliver your message and go!"
"All right." The Mysterious dark-haired man shrugged. "The Master just wants you to know that he's displeased and that if you don't get your act together you're going to be in big trouble."
"What's the use?" Bertram sighed. He opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a collage of pictures of Lisbon that he had made when he was being a creeper and stalking her before he joined the CBI. "I will never have the one I love!"
"Give me a break," the mysterious dark-haired man rolled his eyes. Neither one of them noticed the cupboard shifting nervously.
Meanwhile, at the CBI detective agency:
Jane woke up from his nap. It had been a good nap. Restful. Peaceful. He hadn't had a nap that like since the previous day! He loved naps. He sat up and stretched. Maybe he'd be able to sneak in another nap before bedtime, but maybe not. Naps were great, but too much of a good thing... He looked around the office and saw that all the desks were empty except for Lisbon's. She was typing on her computer, her beautiful eyes riveted on the screen. She looked up and smiled at him as he yawned exaggeratedly to get her attention.
"Where is everybody?" he asked.
"Cho and Summer are meeting a suspect and Rigs and Van Pelt went out on a date," Lisbon replied.
"Dates," Jane snorted. "Dating is only useful to see if you love each other enough to get married. Well, I guess if you're not planning on getting married it has other uses but those don't count. Dating is stupid, anyway."
"You never dated Angela?"
"I'd known her my whole life. She knew me and didn't hate me. Why would I need to date her?"
Lisbon shrugged. They two sat in silence for a moment. Lisbon typed on her computer, and then stood up to stretch. She walked over to the window and gazed out at Jane's paper airplane on the roof across the street. A blue car was parked illegally on the street below. Lisbon frowned. That blue car had been there for a long time. She shrugged and turned back to Jane.
"So should I get a dress right away or wait until we get Red John?"
Jane joined her. "Do you want a dress?"
"Not really. We could just go to city hall in jeans and sneakers."
"Hey! I'm wearing my suit."
Lisbon shrugged. "Okay. Whatever you want. Should we tell the others?"
"After we get Red John."
"All right," Lisbon sighed. "But let's renew the marriage license again right away, just in case we get him tomorrow."
"Of course." Jane nodded. "I'm glad you understand, Teresa."
"Of course I do."
"I love you."
What they didn't know is that Red John was watching them from the blue car on the street. Eyes fiery with indignation were narrowed at the window where Teresa Lisbon put her arm around Patrick Jane. How dare she touch him! Jane wasn't for the likes of her… Jane wasn't for anybody… Red John turned back to the road, knuckles white on the wheel in fury. That idiot Bertram, messing up the best of plans! Why had he thought that splitting them up at work was the best way to isolate Jane? No- he was thinking of Lisbon. The disgusting bald man always has a ridiculous crush on the brunette agent. What did he see in her, anyway? Breathing deeply to dissolve the anger, Red John flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder, put the car in gear and drove away.
I hope that you enjoyed this crackfic and thanks all who have made this such a lovely journey for me! If you're interested, I've posted my very first every mentalist fanvid here: watch?v=TX-qib1Ji2Q It's set to Florence and the Machine's "Howl", about how Jane is becoming more and more like Red John. Spoilers for the season 4 finale.