A.N: ok, here's what happened. I'm BaileyRhapsody, someone hacked my account and it messed up and my fics are gone. I just want to apologize to all my readers who actually like my stories and have to deal with this BS. My LJ is locked, I don't know if I'm going to unlock it so if you guys want me to, I'll re-upload all my fics on here.
So drop me a review, let me know if you want me to re-upload my fics, or tell me about how you're doing, anything, just let me know what's up.
I'm a writer. And I believe in the very depths of my heart, all authors need feedback to strive towards more.
K, done with rant. Love you guys.
It was an almost inconceivable emotion, and yet, it was something that Rachel Berry managed to feel on a daily basis in one form or another. But this feeling, this amount of regret coursing through her veins and gnawing at her insides. It didn't even compare to all those other times.
With Finn's huge arms curled around her waist in a vice lock grip, the ugly emotion was never more accessible. She felt cold; disgusted with herself. Humiliated. Rachel thought she was ready, that Finn was perfect, her one and only.
It was only in the aftermath of throwing-yes throwing away her virginity, of giving it to someone who didn't even care enough about her to remember she was vegan that she could see clearly. As he penetrated her, violated her being with his sweat encased body, it was as if a shroud had been lifted from her eyes. She could finally see clearly now.
He was a mistake; in so many ways, the entirety of her relationship with Finn Hudson had been a mistake. She had settled, convinced, no, forced herself to believe that he was the one for her. That they were meant to be.
God, she had never been more wrong.
Tears stung the corners of her eyes as she attempted to untangle herself from his hard body. She felt claustrophobic, panicked. It felt like he was suffocating her, sucking her form into his until she disappeared and there would be nothing left.
And to be honest, that's how she felt all along.
Finn Hudson had slowly been killing Rachel Berry. His words were like a knife to her insides, hacking away at every cell that held her individuality until all that remained was emptiness. A Rachel Berry-doll. A Puppet. Something he could control and 'tame.' He cut out her tongue only to feed it to her. She devoured herself from the inside out-
Oh, God, she had to get out of here. She had to-she had to leave right now.
Finally, she tore herself from his body, landing on the ground with a hard thud. Her arms would surely be bruised in the morning.
Whimpering quietly, she held her breath when she heard a sharp intake of breath; silence, then a snort and a clamoring on the bed.
Funny that in sleep he resembled his waking form. Her absence, whether emotionally or psychically did not register in his psyche.
She let out a low, bitter laugh before standing on shaky legs and gathering her stuff. She dressed in a quiet manner but her movements were brimming with urgency.
A sob tore out of her throat when she was finally finished. She covered her face with her hands as she forced herself to be quiet. Her insides ached; it stung, down there. She never hated herself more.
Shutters racked through her body as she stumbled out of the room. The door slammed and yet, still, there was silence.
She couldn't get out of the horror house fast enough.
She walked until she couldn't walk anymore, until she ended up at a, shady run down run down diner. Open 24/7, welcoming the scourges of Lima, Ohio into its heart. Ironically, Rachel thought she'd fit right in. She was a scourge in so many ways now, after all. Her eyes stung once more at these words. How she would give up anything, do anything to be able to take back what's transpired within her. She would give everything up to stop herself from becoming this empty being that she was now.
Rachel ordered coffee; she contemplated asking for milk-after all, what did it matter if she consumed dairy products? She had already eaten meat-before catching herself at the last minute. Yes, she was broken inside but that didn't mean she should allow herself to accept that fact. Now that she could see clearly, she had no intention of allowing herself to be a puppet any longer.
The brunette's head snapped up at those words, brown orbs widening as they settled on the person next to her. His lips twisted in a smile as he leaned against the counter next to her. He was dressed in a black suit with a red shirt that contrasted nicely with the darkness. His eyes were hollow pools of gold and raven hair swept against his face neatly. She supposed he could be considered quite handsome.
He chuckled lowly as his eyes flickered to black before turning gold once more. Except, that couldn't be real. It wasn't possible for eyes to change at such a drastic rate, right? A trick of light perhaps?
His smile only widened as he gestured the hovering waitress away all the while keeping intense eyes locked on hers, "What brings you here, Little One?"
Sweat trickled down her forehead at the question. Her mouth opened but no sound exited her mouth. She closed it gently before glancing down at her coffee.
"How can that possibly be any of your business?"
A smirk replaced the mans blooming smile; he guffawed almost violently, "Yes, yes! The right response to the perfect question," he leaned in impossibly closer. Unease welled up in her heart as his eyes darkened to bronze, "Tell me, little one, what is it that you seek? Perhaps a remedy for your sorrows?"
Rachel scoffed at his condescending words as she took a sip from her scalding coffee. She barely felt the burn on her tongue. Palming her forehead, she shook her head as her eyelids slipped close. What would be the harm in answering him? It's not like her life could get any worse than it was. She had hit rock bottom a long time ago.
"Now, now, child, no need for dramatics. What is done can always be undone. Time is a fickle lord."
The brunette frowned contemptuously; her features became pensive as confusion entered her eyes, "How are you doing that? It's like you're reading my thoughts."
The man in black smiled once more before leaning even closer. He was almost at her ear now. His voice lowered conspiracally, "That's because I am."
Rachel jerked back the words, her body tensing as she subtly edged away from the now laughing man. She froze when he placed a hand on the small of her back.
There was a silence between them now. Her emotions wavered; she wasn't sure if she wanted to flee or stay rooted in the mans aura. It was almost comforting how disconcerting it was.
"Who-" her eyes shut gently as she begin to expel pained breaths, "W-who are you?" she asked chokingly.
Agony erupted suddenly in her body but she could not scream. Her vision wavered, head lulling as blood pumped into her skull. Nausea rolled through her as she broke out into a cold sweat.
He placed his lips to her ear; "Oh, dear, dear child, what a mess your life has turned out to be. You're lucky you've always been one of His favorites."
Rachel slipped away as her head slowly hit the edge of the counter. She painfully turned it to gaze up at him weakly, "Wh-what's happening to me?"
The man in black only smirked before leaning down until they were eyelevel. Rachel gasped breathlessly as she peered into pitch black eyes. Her throat constricted as black dots appeared.
She was going to pass out.
He swept back her hair with a gloved finger. Red. She hadn't noticed he was wearing gloves until now. The room began to flitter as it slowly unraveled before her spotty vision.
Finally, he answered her; "Why, Rachel. I'm only giving you what you begged for. A chance to do it all again. We're giving you the opportunity to make the right decisions by sending you back to a moment where everything mattered. Where there were two roads you could have chosen but you decided rashly and foolishly chose wrong. You can change it all."
Her eyelids flickered as he whispered the dark words in her ear. A soft kiss on her lobe was the last thing she felt as he breathed, "This is your chance to get it right. Don't disappoint Him, dear Rachel."
With one last kiss, she fainted.
It felt like she was moving, flying perhaps, even floating but that couldn't be possible because she had just passed out. It was almost like falling into a vicious slumber only to continually be roused awake by a sharp stabbing.
Her soul felt like it had been ripped away from her body. She was darting backwards full speed towards something. But what?
Rachel's eyes fluttered open in confusion only to slam shut in shocked pain. She grabbed at her head as agony pumped into her blood. The light; it was too bright, too consuming. The brunette felt sick.
Inhaling roughly, she allowed herself a few moments of rest before tentatively opening her eyes once more. Another jolt of confusion danced beneath her skin as she slowly looked around her surrounding area before glancing down at herself.
She frowned as she took in her outfit. A black sweater, a black and white skirt and black tights. It was such a Rachel Berry outfit. Totally her. But she didn't remember putting that on this-
Panic hit her square in the chest just then. Her memories of the day came crashing back to her. Rachel didn't understand what was happening until words drifted into her head.
You can change it all.
But, God, what did that mean.
Mr. Schue entered the room as if he was an answer to her unsent prayers. He was carrying a set of folders and something pricked at her heart. This scene seemed so familiar.
"Two things guys; First, our competition at sectionals are our classic stool choirs. Great voices, but they don't move. Now, if we're gonna beat them, we need to do what they can't: dance. Which is why I decided to feature Brittany and Mike Chang's sweet moves in our performance."
Rachel's heart instantly stilled at those words. She knew how she was supposed to respond then but she stayed frozen in her seat. Her breathing came in short as her head throbbed. This scene wasn't just familiar. It was the exact moment where everything came crashing down for Rachel.
She stayed silent as Mr. Schue continued speaking, "I was thinking that the winners of our duets competitions would take the leads."
Blinking rapidly, she inadvertently raised her palm to her forehead as sweat trickled down her cheek. What the hell was happening? She couldn't be-there's just no way-
"Look, I'm all for pumping up the team…"
Right, this was when Finn entered his two cents. Her stomach tightened as nausea twisted her gut. Oh, God. How was this even possible?
What happened at the diner…was the last year and a half just a dream or something? There is absolutely no way that-
"You are such a hypocrite, Finnessa. "
Nope; this was definitely happening.
Finn glanced at her as if he was expecting her to speak up for him. She kept frighteningly silent and bowed her head. The brunette was well aware of what words were about to tumble from the Latina's mouth.
The spiky haired boy scowled in her direction before glaring back at the cheerio with a constipated expression, "Like you even know what that means."
Santana rolled her eyes in exasperation as she crossed her arms, "Oh, and you do? You are so full of crap, Giant."
Finn hastily stood at those words as he pointed a finger at her in anger, "You know what, I am sick of you getting on my case, Santana. When are you going to get that you're not worth it."
The Latina's eyes narrowed as she tilted her head menacingly, "Oh, really?"
A beat. Rachel's eyes slid close as she exhaled shakily before glancing up towards her supposed boyfriend. She saw how the pasty faced boy paled even further when he realized his mistake, "San-"
"'Cause that's not what you thought last year in that motel room," Santana turned her amused sneer onto Rachel, "You hear that, Yentl. Your sweetheart, he's been lyingto you. Cause he and I totally got it on last year."
"Okay, enough already!"
Rachel tuned out the rest of his words because she already knew what he was gong to say and how this was going to end. Santana would be getting her solo and Quinn and Sam would be singing a duet. There was nothing she could do to change it then and she was unable to change that now.
Surprisingly, she found that she didn't really mind that she once again had to relive the humiliation of sectionals. She had much bigger things to worry about, oh, like say, figuring out how in the hell this had happened.
It was like the man in black had said. Rachel had traveled back in time to an important moment in her life. The moment where Finn once again let her down, acted immature and then broken up with her for doing the exact same thing he had done last year. She almost laughed.
Rachel could change it all especially considering she didn't even want to be with Finn anymore; she could rightfully break up with him and be done with it. She did laugh this time, hysterically almost. The brunette held her gut as she doubled over in her chair and laughed.
She could feel everyone's eyes on her but it was Quinn's voice that broke her out of her inane laughter, "What in the world are you so happy about, Berry?"
The young ingénue snorted indelicately as she wiped tirelessly at her eyes because she could finally say, with certainty, that she felt something again. She was still a virgin, and she wasn't tethered to Finn anymore. Rachel was free to do what she wanted without worrying about Finn Hudson's goddamn feelings.
No more moping or crying over him. No more feeling useless because he let her down or told her she wasn't enough.
Rachel ignored her question by laughing again as she grabbed her bag before standing and walking towards the exit, ignoring the calls of her soon to be ex-boyfriend and their music instructor.
Her wish had come true, and man, she thought she had a lot to be happy about.