Kisa had crossed countless thresholds, knew the warmth of many beds, and collected his clothing off innumerable carpets, tiles, and tatami mats. He was only too familiar with the song and dance of awkward morning-afters and late night flees. There came a rush of adrenaline with some and a rush of regret with others, enough so that he often questioned why he went through the trouble in the first place. The sex was good enough to make it worth it, he supposed, and left it at that.
Kisa preferred not to dwell on the prospect because he wasn't sure what ugly truths about himself he might find there. An inclination to do something wildly inappropriate after spending the day being ordered around. A slight addiction to the heat of another's body. Worst of all, he hated to acknowledge that egotistical thrill in his chest, sneering out "that's right, you want me" because they had to come to his door, had opened theirs up to him. They sought him out and wanted for his body like they desired nothing else in the world. He let them fall right into bed with him, between his lips and his legs.
A part of him wanted to be toxic. He wanted the men he fucked to fall in lust with him because that would mean in some way they had let him into their lives. For anywhere from fifteen minutes to an entire night, he'd consumed them.
Kisa would allow that invasion of each other's lives but made sure no one touched his heart. It was off-limits, making it that much easier for him to pursue whomever he wanted. And then came along one Yukina Kou. He was the source of all the blushing, stuttering, and averted gazes it took to stop Kisa in his man-eating tracks.
Yukina was nothing Kisa thought he ever had the possibility of attaining and everything Kisa was never sure he wanted, that is, until it was his. He gave little thought to how masochistic he was before his mornings began with the blinding sight of his Prince Charming snoozing away half-naked under his sheets. The sun always seemed to hit Yukina just right, so Kisa had to shield his eyes – and miss the sight of Yukina's arm flying out to pull his Kisa-san back to him.
Instances like that made Kisa wonder if the walls around his heart ever stood a chance. He had constructed them so very carefully yet Yukina tore them down like he'd pulled out the perfect Jenga tile and watched the consequential crumbling with baited breath. Yukina moved in and consumed him, though he knew this was much different from before. They had become a part of each other's lives. Because Yukina wasn't just another fuck. He didn't come with a time limit. And Kisa was proud of himself, that he had come far enough that he could allow himself to think that and believe in it. He was glad he let Yukina into his heart, debatable as it was that he "let" him in rather than Yukina barged in head first.