Ficawesome Gift Exchange- 3some

Title: Dear Diary

Written for: lvtwilight09 (I hope I didn't mangle your prompts too much!)

Written By: mouse555

Rating: M (mainly for language and references to sex)

Summary/Prompt used: Alice moves in with the Whitlocks for six weeks. Read her diary for the scoop on how things can be so right yet go so wrong...

If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange visit the Facebook group: Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox.

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AN – Just so you know, although this is set in the US, Alice is a Brit, so will use British English. If there is anything you are unsure of, just drop me a line. Eg: College here is not university… but a step between school and university (So, she is about 17/18)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I'm sure we all know by now who does. I do, however, own tickets to see 100 Monkeys in December which may or may not end up with me passing out and drooling copiously over Jackson and his boots.

A HUGE thank you to Zen Mar for holding my hand throughout this... thanks to Melissa for the amazing banner!

Dear Diary,

God, you'd think that after all this time, I'd have a much cooler greeting than that!

I just wanted to say that I hate airports. Nothing to do, other than sit around, waiting... waiting... oh, and more waiting. What am I waiting around in the airport for? So nice of you to ask. I'm finally off to America (I'm doing a silent happy dance in my seat!) for six weeks. I never thought that my college would have arranged something like this to give a bunch of seventeen and eighteen year olds "life experience". I mean, it's not even a 'proper' exchange programme. No-one's off to the U.K. to stay in my house in return. I just get to go and stay with a family I have never met before. Oh crap, now I'm getting nervous.

Oh well, it's too late, flight's being called.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

You know in the movies, when a girl is met off her flight by a hot guy holding up a sign with her name on it? Well, only I could miss it when it actually happens to me. That'll teach me to look at my iPod when I walk into arrivals. There I was, the last one left waiting, feeling a bit lost when this guy taps me on the shoulder. He was fucking HUGE! I nearly peed myself and ran away until I saw the sign in his hands. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

So... Peter Whitlock... is fucking BEAUTIFUL! There is simply no other way to describe him. He's gorgeous, in that big, brawny rugby player kind of way. His hair glows like a bloody neon sign saying "Hey girls, look at me" it's so pale. I've never actually seen anyone with white blonde hair outside of a magazine before. Then there are his eyes... I may have melted slightly. beautifully wide and ice blue, almost colourless, but not in a creepy way. When he looked at me it was like he could see right into my soul. Urgh, corny much?

He grabbed my case as if it were lighter than paper, while laughing at me. His voice was all deep and rumbly. I have to admit, my girly bits tingled a little. Maybe I could make the most of these six weeks.

Sitting in his beast of a car was kind of awkward. He chatted away to me, mainly taking the piss out of my accent and my height. He actually called me dinky! The cheek of it. Then he told me all about the school I would be going to, giving me the lowdown on all the teachers and stuff like that. I really didn't know what to say without sounding like a total airhead. Eventually I stopped even trying to respond to him and spent the rest of the drive gazing at him sneakily out of the corner of my eye while he bopped his head to some R n B I'd never heard of.

We arrived at his huge house. When I say huge, I mean it was like a fucking palace, especially compared to our crappy three bedroom back home. The Whitlock house is all white and postcard worthy. The inside is just as amazing, like something out of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Wow, jet lag hits hard and fast! One minute I was sat on my extremely comfy bed, writing. The next, it's morning and my face is covered in ink.

Luckily, I woke up to find the house empty. There was a neat note propped up by the kettle explaining that the family had gone to church and would be back in time for lunch. It gave me time to shower, dress and reflect. My poor brain is operating on overload.

When Peter had opened the door to let us in yesterday, I was completely gobsmacked. His mum, "Please call me Kate", had laid on a welcome spread. We had just sat down to eat, when his dad, "Please, call me Garrett" and his brother walked in. I thought Peter was tall, but Jasper must've been oxygen deprived! I didn't see much of him cause he went straight to his room after we exchanged pleasantries.

Oh, they're back.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Garrett and Peter had decided, on their way back from church, that we were going to have a full on barbecue. They'd even stopped at a supermarket and bought a shit load of food which Garrett put straight into a marinade before going outside to the enormous brick barbecue in the garden to do whatever it was men did with those things.

I offered to make a salad to make myself useful and Peter decided to 'help'. I swear, he could charm the knickers off a nun. He's one of those good looking guys who knows it, and blatantly uses it to his advantage. I can't even remember what he actually said to me, it was more the way he was saying it... and he is very touchy feely. It was almost as if he was trying to tell me something without actually saying it, or maybe I am reading him completely wrong. After all, he's a university student whilst I'm only in my final year of college (or High School here). Once again, Peter's brother disappeared pretty much as soon as they got back, mumbling something about needing to finish an assignment. Peter laughed at him and called him a nerd.

From what I can gather about Jasper (well, from what Peter told me about him) is that he's the same age as me which means he'll be in my year (grade as they call it here) at school. He's all about the studying. Yesterday, he pretty much disappeared after I'd arrived, so I haven't spoken to him much. I don't know if we'll have any of the same classes, I kinda hope we don't. He makes me feel a little... unwanted.

It's my first day tomorrow and I'm crapping myself. Peter goes to the university across the city which allows him to live at home rather than pay rent on campus and has offered to drive Jasper and me to school in the morning. Jasper's car is "in the shop" for a service and isn't sure when he'll have it back.

What if I don't fit in or make any friends? It'll be a lonely six weeks if I don't. Best go and sort my stuff out so I don't look a fool when I forget something, especially as the school sent me an epically long email telling me my timetable and what I would need.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I had a bit of an emotional phone call with my mum. I only called to let her and dad know I'd arrived and was ok, but she got a bit teary which made me feel a bit homesick, but time will fly... won't it?

Kate came to see me in my room before she went to bed. She's really nice and just wanted to check I was settling in alright. It's only been two days but I still feel a bit overwhelmed, especially after speaking to my mum. They've all been really welcoming, well, most of them. Jasper's barely been in the room long enough to actually speak to me. I think she's a bit relieved to have another woman in the house to counteract all the testosterone for a bit. She reminds me of my mum a little, just in the way she checks on everyone else before thinking about herself. I guess it's a mum thing.

Garrett even popped his head round my door (after knocking, why don't my parents do that?) to see if Kate or I needed anything. He's really nice too. It's lucky that he doesn't have any daughters, otherwise the house would be full of teenage girls swooning over him. With his long sandy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. As pretty as Kate is, the boys got their looks from Garrett.

Kate stayed for a little while, just chatting. She left me alone when she caught me trying to hide my yawns. Night.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

That was fun. If you enjoy being stared at and whispered about ALL fucking day!

It all started when Peter dropped us off. I mean his car is more than enough to get anyone noticed. It's insanely big... and loud. A bit like the man himself. He pulled into the school car park and let us out. Then he revved his engine, turned his music up and peeled away from the curb so hard and fast his tyres squealed. I couldn't believe it, how bloody embarrassing. Then, when I turned to Jasper so he could show me where to go, he had fucking gone and left me. I saw his back slip through the crowd near the main doors. Arse!

Eventually, I found my way to the office and got all my paperwork sorted out. Walking into that first classroom was horrendous. I thought I was going to throw up everywhere. Luckily (for me) the teacher didn't make me talk about myself and sat me next to this girl Angela who seemed pretty ok.

Angela was in my next class too, so we managed to chat a little as we walked across campus. She seemed to be impressed that I'd arrived with the Whitlock brothers. She then launched into a brief history of them.

As I'd worked out for myself, Peter was the life and soul of the party. Not the most academic, but a superstar at most sports which had earned him a full scholarship at Uni. Jasper, on the other hand was a shoe in for an Ivy League school, not really much of a surprise. What did surprise me was the tidbit about him hooking up with a cheerleader after tutoring her last year. Apparently, he and Maria were together solidly and publicly for about eight months before she moved on to greener pastures.

I had a free period just before lunch, so I decided to go into the impressive library to get a headstart on some of the homework tasks we'd been given. I didn't fancy having to lock myself away in my room for hours working as it would cut down on my Peter watching time. Sad, I know, but I'm seventeen and hormonal!

Lunch was... intimidating. It was nothing like in the movies where the guys queue up to talk to me cause I'm some kind of fresh meat. No, I sat by myself out in the sunshine with a packed lunch that Kate had made for me. I simply sat and watched American high school life pass me by.

Just before the bell rang out, I spotted Jasper sitting alone on a secluded bench reading what looked like a textbook. I debated going to join him, but then I remembered him abandoning me this morning. As if he sensed me looking at him, he glanced up and locked eyes with me for a split second. The sun reflected on his glasses as I looked away, blushing at being caught.

I managed to find my final class of the day with few problems (yay me!). I was interested to see how an American teacher was going to teach European history, something I'd studied til it came out of my ears. I walked in, and just my luck, the only empty seat was next to Jasper. Great!

Thankfully, the topic was new to the whole class which relieved me as I wouldn't be playing catch up for the whole time I was here. Unfortunately, when the teacher wrote "The Holocaust" on the board, I realised I'd be studying something I'd done umpteen times before. At least I'd pretty much get an easy A.

Anyway, I'm wiped, will continue first day fun times later.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I guess as first days go, it could have been a hell of a lot worse as I think about it some more. It was the last class of the day which was the worst. As I said, I was sat next to Jasper. Uncomfortable much? As the teacher gave the class a background lecture about the holocaust, I watched as Jasper took the most meticulous notes in the neatest handwriting I have EVER seen. I think I may hate him for that alone. Boys are supposed to have handwriting that looks like a spider fell in ink then tapdanced on their paper. He didn't speak to me at all throughout the lesson, but he did share his textbook which I didn't really need, but I guess it's the thought that counts.

As usual, he headed straight up to his room when we got back to the house to do his homework. I hovered about in the kitchen, but when there was no sign of Peter joining me, I did the same. When I'd packed up my laptop I had, without thinking, chucked a few USB memory sticks in with it. I found one, on which I had an old essay about World War Two and the Holocaust on it. I thought back and remembered that I'd been given an A for. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go and let Jasper have a look at it (if he wanted to). It might help, but from what I had seen, he probably didn't need it.

Dinner's ready.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I swear, I nearly had a bloody heart attack this evening. Those damn Whitlock boys.

Dinner was nice, all five of us sitting around the table together for more than five minutes, just chatting about the day. I didn't offer much to the conversation unless I was asked a direct question. I still felt a little out of place regardless of how welcoming the Whitlocks were.

After eating, I went back to my room to make some sense of my first day and where I featured in the grand scheme of things for the next five and a half weeks. Peter strolled into my room (without bloody knocking), flung himself on my bed and just started chatting about random shit he did at Uni. I actually giggled at his stories about the others on his course. I know I'm seventeen, but I am not a giggler. I can't stand girls like that. It must be some kind of fucked up effect he has on me. I hate it. Sort of...

After about an hour, he left me to crack on with my homework. I'd just started to make some headway into it when there was a quiet knock on the door which Peter had left wide open. I invited Jasper in, a bit shocked. It wasn't as if he'd gone out of his way to be a social butterfly since I'd arrived.

Having him in my room looking all lanky and nervous was weird; weirder than Peter making himself at home. It suddenly hit me, being in such close quarters with him, that Jasper was actually really good looking. I don't why this surprised me, but it did. His hair is a much darker blonde than Peter's, and his eyes are the colour of a stormy ocean behind his thick framed glasses.

I tried my thoughts as I listened to him stumble over his words as he apologised in his deep voice (oh my, swoon much!) that I would never have believed possible cause of his thin frame. He apologised for leaving me stranded and for ignoring me. To put him at ease, I told him I understood that it must be just as hard for him to adjust as it was for me.

Eventually, he sat down on the chair by the desk. I noticed he was holding my memory stick in his long fingered hands (oh lord!). He told me that he'd been impressed with my essay. I don't know why I was shocked, I knew it was good. I just couldn't believe he was complimenting me after not paying me any attention since I'd arrived. I almost missed his hushed goodnight as I watched him stand up, run his hand through his messy curls before ducking his head and walking out of my room, silently closing the door behind him. What a weird evening.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I am so sorry I've neglected you for so long. The past three weeks have been a bit crazy around here. I'm lucky it's practically the middle of the night and no-one can disturb me. This is gonna be a long entry.

After those first visits from each of the Whitlock brothers, they both began popping in to talk to me at various times of the day. Peter was always brash and full of sheer exuberance. Whenever we talked, it was about parties that he went to and what was happening at the uni. There was always a lot of laughter and joking around. Then one day, he invited me to one of the parties. More about that later.

My time with Jasper was very different. I felt that, after a while, I was finally getting to know him as a person. It all started when we were paired up for the European History assignment. The first thing I found out about him was his utter passion for history. Anything that happened more than twenty five years ago, he loved it. It was the only thing he wanted to do when he finished school. I really admire him for that; I'm still clueless about what I want to do when I 'grow up".

Anyway... the party. It was on campus, in a frat house (yeah, I went to a frat house. Yes, they are as messy as in the movies... urgh!). Angela, the girl I met on my first day, had become somewhat of a friend and was going to come with us as her boyfriend Ben was a frat member. Peter even managed to talk Jasper into coming too. The pair of them completely blew me away after they got ready. Peter still wore his trademark jeans and trainers along with his sports jacket, you know, the ones with letters on them, but wore a 'proper' shirt instead of a t shirt. He looked amazing. From his artfully mussed hair down his extremely buff body. Then Jasper appeared... Wow! He'd swapped his glasses for contacts which really showed off his eyes. I think I actually forgot to breathe.

I blushed like a crazy woman as they both complimented me, but I thought they were just saying it because I was 'living' with them and they had to be nice to me. Then when we arrived at the frat house (I still can't believe I was in a frat house!), guys tried to hook up with me and Angela.

Ang stayed with us for a while, but I knew she was desperate to go and be with Ben, so I told her to bugger off. Jasper and Peter both stayed with me, taking it in turns to go and get drinks. I felt like I was being babysat and I couldn't help but notice I was being shot dirty looks from the girls who were checking them both out. In the end, I escaped by telling them I was going to the bathroom, just so I could get some peace.

I ended up being dragged onto a makeshift dancefloor by Angela who had been abandoned by Ben in favour of drinking games. I was really starting to enjoy myself until someone grabbed me. It was Peter and he looked really angry. With me.

Can you believe that he had the utter cheek to drag me away and then start telling me off like he was my bloody dad? He tried to make out that I was making myself look like a slag. I must've just lost it, cause the next thing I remember was sitting in the car with a quiet Jasper, while I nursed a really sore hand.

Someone's at my door.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Yeah, that was Peter. Ever since the party, he's been... er... coming to 'visit'.

After I punched him in the face for being a total arse, Peter came to see me once he thought I'd calmed down. I really wasn't interested in what he had to say, until he informed me that he was jealous. That threw me for a loop. Why the hell would he be jealous? He launched into this whole spiel about how every bloke at the party kept looking at me while I was dancing like I was a kebab on a barbecue (yeah, nice analogy huh!). Before I could finish telling him that he was imagining things, he kissed me.

Full on, causing me to stand on my tiptoes and lift one foot like a Disney Princess kiss. When he pulled away, I was completely breathless. Then I was pissed off when he simply turned on his heel and walked out, closing the door behind him for the first time. I pretty much collapsed on to my bed, my face starting to ache from the grin.

Every night since, Peter has come to my room late at night and we lay on my bed and just kiss. All on the sly of course as neither of us thinks that it would go down well with Kate and Garrett. So we try to keep the noise down as much as possible, but Peter has a tendency to get a bit excited and start moaning. This makes me feel good, but I also get a bit paranoid in case anyone walks in or hears us. I mean, I'm not a virgin or anything, but I don't fancy being caught heavy petting by his parents or his brother.

I feel bad that I can't be open about what's going on between Peter and I, it's not as if I'll be here much longer so I should be able to make the most of it... shouldn't I?

Peter actually told me last night that he wants to take me out for the day. Just simple sightseeing stuff which would give us time to be alone. I told him I'd think about it. It makes me nervous, not because that was the night we went as far as we could without all out fucking, but because I don't want his parents to find out and be disappointed in me.

Night.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I agreed in the end to spend the day with Peter. To make things less suspicious, he invited Jasper to join us, knowing that he'd say no. So we set off in his car, which still scares the hell out of me. After an hour of us walking around and him pointing out random stuff, I asked what else there was to do around here. His face lit up as he began to pull me back to the car all the while telling me that I was about to experience a teenage must for all High School students.

Yep. I had sex under the bleachers at the High School. I swear, this exchange is one big movie cliche for me. Not that I was complaining, Peter certainly knew what he was doing. He managed to give me two orgasms, one with his mouth and the second with his finger and thumb while he pounded into me from behind while I was on my hands and knees.

I have to admit, I felt cheap, but there's not a lot I can do about it now, is there? Besides, I DID enjoy it. After we'd cleaned ourselves up, we went to grab a bite to eat. It was a simple diner type place, but Peter made sure that he paid me enough attention which helped to calm me down enough so I didn't start to freak out on him. He gently stroked my thigh under the table while we waited for our food to arrive. It felt nice, intimate, which is strange considering what we had just done.

By the time we got back home, he had managed to put my mind at ease and I wasn't feeling too much like an easy lay. We lounged around in the den (I thought it was the front room, but apparently not) watching DVDs for a bit. I was soon yawning my head off, so I headed up for an early night.

Peter never showed up for his nightly visit.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Peter has seriously been avoiding me. Everytime I walk into a room, he suddenly has an 'elsewhere' to be. Jasper is the only one who has noticed, but I can't bring myself to tell him what happened between Peter and I, I didn't want the rest of my stay to be any more uncomfortable as it is.

Actually, Jasper and I have been spending a lot of time together, which I am really enjoying. He doesn't look it, but Jasper is funny as hell. Once you get past the whole "study study study" thing, there's a lot more to him. It's very different from the time I spent with Peter. That was all about the flirting, and as I now know - him trying to get me laid; me and Jasper are beginning to actually build a friendship.

It started when we sat up late putting the finishing touches to our assignment the day before it was due to be handed in. He ended up telling me about Maria. His deep voice was so soft while he spoke, but it was tinged with anger and regret. It was obvious that he'd really and truly cared for her, maybe even loved her, but she'd hurt him. Used him. I told him about idiots I had dated back home and we really created a bond.

Whenever we were at school, especially when we sat together at lunch, I watched Maria a lot. The stereotypical cheerleader as portrayed by Hollywood. He never looked at her; he was always looking down at something else. This made me sad and angry, but I was glad he never saw the way she and her friends looked and laughed at him.

Bitch.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Angela and I are going to the cinema tonight. She wants to see some new film that I've never heard of, but it'll be nice to go out with her. She's really become a good friend over the last three weeks. I'm probably going to miss her the most when I have to go back home, but we're definitely going to keep in touch.

I'm debating telling her about the whole Peter situation, but am scared of looking like a complete tool for falling for his wily ways.

Gotta go, she's here.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Peter was at the cinema with his cronies. He smiled at me as we passed, and that was it. I was just relieved they weren't going into the same film. As soon as he had disappeared, Angela pounced. I promised to tell her all about it after the film.

I actually enjoyed the movie, a bit too cheesy for me, but the male lead was kinda hot. We decided on pizza for eats and as soon as we'd had our order taken, Angela grilled me about Peter. So I told her...

Can you believe it? I fucking cried. Like a sappy teen flick heroine. Angela sat patiently while I sobbed out my story. When I told her about having sex with Peter and then him completely blanking me she didn't looked surprised.

It had happened before. A few times... various girls had fallen prey to his charms and good looks only to be fucked and dumped. A string of heartache and tears were scattered around the high school. I was both furious and ashamed. How could I have fallen for it all?

Angela was sympathetic, one of her friends was one of Peter's bedpost notches and had begged and begged him to give them a chance together. He'd been really shitty to her, talking down to her in front of his friends while at school, laughing at her when she cried and pleaded.

I was disgusted. And I had to go and share a house with him. It was going to kill me not saying anything to him. I didn't know how much Kate and Garrett knew about how he was treating girls, but I wasn't going to be the one to fill them in.

After our pizza, Angela took me home. I invited her in for a bit, but she said no as we watched Peter pull up and saunter inside. I couldn't blame her. I hovered on the porch watching her drive off, desperately wishing I could do the same.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Peter had the cheek to come see me in my room last night. He was all smiles and charm as he made himself comfy. I just stared at him for a bit. Just as I was about to start yelling at him, Jasper stuck his head round my door. I quickly invited him in. I really didn't want to be alone with Peter knowing what I knew about him. As soon as Jasper came in, Peter mumbled something and walked out. Jasper looked at me weirdly, his eyes full of questions. I have my suspicions that he knows... how could he not? It's his brother, even if they're not close. We made idle small talk before he left me so I could get ready for bed.

I lay there for hours, unable to get to sleep, the anger and fury at being taken for a fool. I was starting to get angry more at myself than at Peter. I pride myself on being a good judge of character, but I had been completely sucked in, simply by his good looks and charm. Well, I was done. He was nobody to me. I just want to enjoy the rest of my time here without drama. If I can.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

The last week has been crazy. Jasper and I got great marks on our assignment so Kate and Garrett took us all out for a meal. It was so nice, apart from the fact that Peter came too. And he sat next to me. I wanted to move, but that would have given it away that I hated him with my entire being. Jasper kept shooting us weird looks from across the table, but I did my best to ignore his gaze. The one time I did look at him, he was looking at his brother with sheer and utter hatred. There was something going on there.

Kate and Garrett were their usual chatty and pleasant selves. Telling stories about the guys when they were younger and asking about what I was like when I was growing up. I was glad my mum wasn't there to completely embarrass me. She would have provided visual evidence and everything. That would not have been good.

When we got back to the house, it hit me that I only have just over two weeks left before I have to go back home. Back to the humdrum of real life. I was looking forward to seeing all my friends again, Facebook and email just didn't cut it, but I was really going to miss everyone here, well, almost everyone.

Angela asked me if I was going to confront him about how he treated me, but I really don't know if I will. I want to, but what would it achieve?

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I can't believe I go home in four days. I kinda don't want to. I really like it here. I feel settled (finally) and have made a couple of good friends in Jasper, Angela and Ben. Don't get me wrong, I miss home, but I feel 'right' here. Does that make me sound weird?

Kate and Garrett went to their cabin last weekend, leaving us three 'kids' at home alone. I was dreading it, thinking it was going to be really awkward, but Peter went to some party, leaving me and Jasper alone to fend for ourselves.

We soon decided on DVDs and popcorn. We took a run down to the rental place and picked up five films, and about a kilo of popcorn. Heaven. I got a serious fit of the giggles when Jasper picked up a copy of 'Strictly Ballroom'. I never pegged him to want to watch a film like that! I love it, but I'm a girl. He threatened to lock me in the garage if I didn't stop. Git!

After losing three rounds of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' in a row, I was on drinks and snacks duty while Jasper set up the immense TV and surround sound. Two huge bowls of the stuff and a gallon of hot cocoa later, I was snuggled up on the sofa under a light blanket while Jasper sat at the other end completely relaxed.

He fell asleep before me, which set off the giggles again. I sat up and shuffled over to him and removed his glasses before he rolled over and crushed them. I'd never really looked at him properly, he really is beautiful. Smooth skin (bastard), thick and long eyelashes (arsehole) and the most plump and full lips I had ever seen (I hate him).

Just as I started to move away to watch the rest of the film, he grabbed my wrist gently. I nearly shit myself. Before I could say anything, he kissed me, and I melted.

We kissed for ages... then he gave me the best orgasms I've ever had! Slow, languid and oh so good. He was only the second guy (yeah, we'll not mention the other one!) to go down on me and I actually screamed the house down. Thank Christ Peter wasn't there. That would have been uncomfortable.

After he unwrapped his arms from me so I could go clean up, the guilt hit me. How could I have slept with both brothers? Was I a total slag? I could feel tears prick my eyes, but I had to stop them from falling because Jasper decided to join me for a shower...

So, now I'm alone in bed and have tears streaming down my face. I hate myself. I hate that I fell for Peter, and I hate that I slept with Jasper after his brother. I just hope he never finds out, I don't think I could cope with him looking at me the way he looks at Peter. I don't want to make him feel the hurt that Maria caused him to feel.

Peter came back the next morning, still drunk from the night before and sat with me in the kitchen. We actually spoke for the first time. It was meaningless chit chat as both of us avoided what hung between us like a bad smell. I wanted to bring it up, but decided to just leave it. I'm going home soon, it's not worth the hassle.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Once again, I'm in an airport waiting. My flight back home is delayed for three hours, so all I'm doing is sitting here thinking. I can't help but think about Peter, about Angela, about myself and mostly, about Jasper. The last four days of my time at the Whitlock's went by ridiculously fast. Jasper and I spent a lot of time together, just talking.

I asked him what his beef was with Peter, but he flat out refused to tell me saying it was in the past and needed to stay there. I respected that and didn't bring it up again. I respected him too much to lose his friendship just because I pissed him off over something that happened before I got there.

The day before I left we went for a drive. We didn't go anywhere in particular, but it was nice simply being able to send time with him. We pulled into some roadside diner place for food. jasper sat next to me in the booth and held my hand. He told me he was going to miss me and asked if we could keep in touch. I got so emotional I couldn't help but cry at how nice he was being. He wrapped his arms around me and I had never felt so warm.

On the way back home, he held my hand the whole time, just reassuring me that we would always be friends. He even started talking about him coming to the UK to visit. The idea of him doing that for me made me smile. I could just imagine my friend's faces when they saw him. Most wouldn't see past the glasses like I hadn't at first, but most of them... I dunno. Maybe they never would get past the geek, would never understand why he is such a great guy.

It's time to board and head back home.

Ax

Dear Diary,

I never thought I'd hate being at home. I can't stop wishing I was still in the U.S. with Ang and Jasper. I've spoken to them almost every night since I'd got back, but it just wasn't the same. I loved my parents, but they didn't seem to realise I'd changed and were still treating me as if I were fifteen still. I'm surprised they let me go in the first place.

My first Saturday back was the first that I didn't want to go out for ages. My friends were worried about me, but dragged me out anyway in the hope that I would enjoy myself anyway. I hated every minute of it. The first chance I got, I said I wasn't feeling well and went home. I hated feeling as if I no longer belonged at home, felt out of the loop with my friends.

I could tell mum and dad were worried about me, I didn't tell them anything about my time in the States other than to say I'd enjoyed it. I just want to go back, I really do. I feel like I left a bit of me behind.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

My mum kept telling me that I would readjust to being back home, but almost two weeks later, I still feel the same. There's a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away. I usually wait until the middle of the night, and then speak with Ang on Skype; I always end up crying and I hate myself for it. She's the only one who knows everything that happened between me and both Whitlock boys. She never judges me, just supports and keeps me up to date with how they are, especially Jasper.

The two of them have become good friends, which I am so happy about. He needs someone to talk to, to help him have a life away from studying. I can only manage to speak to him once or twice a week and we speak for hours. But I miss just being near him.

My friends have started giving up on me. They never ask me to go out anymore. I'm so over the whole 'go out to get trashed and pick up a random guy' weekends that we used to have. I'm sure they think I'm crazy, but they just don't know how alive I felt in the states. Yeah, cliche, but it's true.

And no matter what I do, I can't shift the nauseousness that I've been feeling the last couple of days.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

The sick feeling still hasn't gone away. It's been about a week now. I just constantly feel like I'm going to throw up. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it, dry biscuits, no dairy, everything, but it doesn't go away. I'm thinking about trying to get in to see the doctor. Maybe I'm just 'homesick' which sounds ridiculous because officially, I AM home.

I can't help but feel that I left a part of me behind in the U.S. when I left. In only six weeks I felt so relaxed and accepted without question. Maybe it's simply because I was like a novelty or something, but apart from the whole Peter thing, I felt like I belonged there. Nothing here feels right anymore.

I got chatted up at the bus stop the other day, rather than be flattered (or possibly grossed out), all I could do was compare him to Jasper. I really want to see him again, and not on a computer screen. I want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me I was being crazy.

I'm going to have a sleep.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

Well, mum made me go to the doctor today. I've been feeling rotten for nearly two weeks now. They did a load of blood tests. Anyone would think I had some kind of tropical disease the amount of blood they took out of my arm. I should have the results in a couple of days. Mum said it's probably something like anaemia. She had it when she was about my age and said she constantly felt like crap until they put her on iron supplements for a couple of months.

Angela said I look awful (yeah, thanks) when I spoke to her last night. She, of course, looks wonderful. She and Ben are still going strong... and she thinks he's going to propose soon.

I hope he does, because I have never seen a couple more perfect for each other in all my life.

I admit, I got a bit weepy while I was talking to her. I felt like a fool, but she managed to calm me down. I think I'm going to try and move out there when I finish at college. Maybe apply for the University over there. I doubt mum and dad will go for it, but I reckon I can convince them it'll be the best all round.

I kind of wish I'd never gone out there in the first place.

Ax

~DD~

Dear Diary,

I... I...I...

Let me try to start again.

I mentioned to mum and dad about me moving to the U.S. to study, and they were actually all for it. I think they realised it would make me really happy. They were going to work out money and stuff like that, as I doubt I'd get a scholarship. They're going to research all that too.

I was so happy, I sent off an email to Ang and Jasper telling them about it, and then I went to the doctor.

I. Am. Fucking. Pregnant.

Ax

~DD~