Title: Dear John

Author: starjenni

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Pairings: Sherlock/John gen.

Warnings: Angst, grief.

Rating: T

Spoilers: Post-Falls timeline.

Summary: On his Hiatus, Sherlock writes John letters. Well, half letters.

Dear John,

There is no reason why I am writing this. You are never going to see it. Even if I come back (and I cannot guarantee it, you know me John, I won't promise something I can't -

Even if I come back, you are not going to see this.

I just wanted to let you know

I just want to let you know

It hurt me too, John.


Dear John,

I am in Russia, but I can't tell you where or why. Moriarty

It was Moriarty, John, I

Dear John,

I had to continue what I had started. Moriarty's death was not the end, it was the beginning. There is so much left to do, so many crimes to solve, and you know me, you know me -

I think I am doing it because of you. I am not sure I would have bothered before. With the smaller crimes, I mean.

Or maybe I am doing it because I cannot let Moriarty go. Maybe I am determined to hunt down his ghost for as long as possible. You would tell me that is the reason, I'm sure.

You would never believe you were worth so much.

I don't know what I

Dear John,

Your gun would have come in handy today. Don't worry, I'm fine.

But you won't be worrying.

Because you don't

Oh, that's strange.

John, I think I've become used to you worrying about me.


Dear John,

Mycroft visited. He is thinner - you would say it was nothing to do with any sort of diet.

He said you are not doing very well, and he gave me a fierce look when he said it.

As if I am meant to

I wouldn't, even if I could. No matter how much I

This is important, John. This work is important.

You would understand.

I think you would understand.


Dear John,

Narrow escape this month. Woke up in hospital and was told that it was a miracle I was alive at all.

And I thought

If I had died, you wouldn't have known. Or maybe you would have, and you would know that the last thing I ever did to you was leave you.

I think if I died

If I really died

I would rather you thought I fell off a cliff with Moriarty than in a hovel in the snow

Because then at least you would still think I was wonderful

Rather than a

Rather than what I am.


Dear John,

Apparently, you are married.

I should have been there to stop you, you have terrible taste in women.


Dear John,

Mycroft showed me your wedding photo. Mary is blonde, what a surprise. I liked Mrs Hudson's hat. I will never forgive you for inviting Anderson, though.

I miss you so much I

Dear John,

I don't think this will ever end.


Dear John,

I walked six miles to deliver that last letter through the sweltering heat (India, can't tell you where), before realising how ridiculous it was.

How could I send a letter like that?

Only I could ever understand what it means.


Dear John,

What if something happens and we both die?

I wake up every day wondering if you are still alive.

I can't bear the

Dear John,

Don't die.

Oh god, please don't die.

Dear John,

I heard about Mary. Mycroft told me.

Funny to think there was someone in your life who entered it, and left it, and did not know me at all.

You would say I am being selfish, to say that.

I would give anything to hear you yell at me.


Dear John,

I want to go home.

Home. It's home.

What have you done to me?

Before it was nothing but the case.


Dear John,

I don't

I don't think I know how to

Dear John,

I'm coming home. I've done enough.

I hope

I hope I've done enough.

I don't care anymore, I

John, I'm coming home.


Dear John,

Please hang on, because I will find you.

I will find you, I promise.

And you know I never make promises I can't keep.


(Found on John's table the next day)

Dear John,

Thank you.


No. Just:

Thank you.