Title: Dear John
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Pairings: Sherlock/John gen.
Warnings: Angst, grief.
Spoilers: Post-Falls timeline.
Summary: On his Hiatus, Sherlock writes John letters. Well, half letters.
There is no reason why I am writing this. You are never going to see it. Even if I come back (and I cannot guarantee it, you know me John, I won't promise something I can't -
Even if I come back, you are not going to see this.
I just wanted to let you know
I just want to let you know
It hurt me too, John.
I am in Russia, but I can't tell you where or why. Moriarty
It was Moriarty, John, I
I had to continue what I had started. Moriarty's death was not the end, it was the beginning. There is so much left to do, so many crimes to solve, and you know me, you know me -
I think I am doing it because of you. I am not sure I would have bothered before. With the smaller crimes, I mean.
Or maybe I am doing it because I cannot let Moriarty go. Maybe I am determined to hunt down his ghost for as long as possible. You would tell me that is the reason, I'm sure.
You would never believe you were worth so much.
I don't know what I
Your gun would have come in handy today. Don't worry, I'm fine.
But you won't be worrying.
Because you don't
Oh, that's strange.
John, I think I've become used to you worrying about me.
Mycroft visited. He is thinner - you would say it was nothing to do with any sort of diet.
He said you are not doing very well, and he gave me a fierce look when he said it.
As if I am meant to
I wouldn't, even if I could. No matter how much I
This is important, John. This work is important.
You would understand.
I think you would understand.
Narrow escape this month. Woke up in hospital and was told that it was a miracle I was alive at all.
And I thought
If I had died, you wouldn't have known. Or maybe you would have, and you would know that the last thing I ever did to you was leave you.
I think if I died
If I really died
I would rather you thought I fell off a cliff with Moriarty than in a hovel in the snow
Because then at least you would still think I was wonderful
Rather than a
Rather than what I am.
Apparently, you are married.
I should have been there to stop you, you have terrible taste in women.
Mycroft showed me your wedding photo. Mary is blonde, what a surprise. I liked Mrs Hudson's hat. I will never forgive you for inviting Anderson, though.
I miss you so much I
I don't think this will ever end.
I walked six miles to deliver that last letter through the sweltering heat (India, can't tell you where), before realising how ridiculous it was.
How could I send a letter like that?
Only I could ever understand what it means.
What if something happens and we both die?
I wake up every day wondering if you are still alive.
I can't bear the
Oh god, please don't die.
I heard about Mary. Mycroft told me.
Funny to think there was someone in your life who entered it, and left it, and did not know me at all.
You would say I am being selfish, to say that.
I would give anything to hear you yell at me.
I want to go home.
Home. It's home.
What have you done to me?
Before it was nothing but the case.
I don't think I know how to
I'm coming home. I've done enough.
I hope I've done enough.
I don't care anymore, I
John, I'm coming home.
Please hang on, because I will find you.
I will find you, I promise.
And you know I never make promises I can't keep.
(Found on John's table the next day)