Disclaimer: Teen Titans and its counterpart are not mine.
Reposting on my account for those that mightn't know about the contest.
Why can't you see?
Written by Kryalla Orchid
Winner of third place in the RobStar First Kiss Competition.
The problem with being an empath is not that I can't feel. It's that I feel too damn much, sometimes its hard for me to differentiate between what I feel and what others feel.
Today, I am a little bit in love with Starfire. Robin's been thinking gooey annoying thoughts about her all day as he ponders their date tonight. I hate having these sorts of feelings about her. She's my best friend and sometimes I catch myself wondering what it would be like to kiss her.
Today, I'm a little in love with Robin. Well, if I really let myself feel what Starfire feels, I'd be head over heels, all mushy and flirty and floating on air. But I know its not what I feel.
Today, I am in love with the car. Cliche, huh? Cyborg's just as machine as he is human, not that he'll admit it. He likes Jinx. He likes Bumblebee. He's got an ache for Sarah that can't be explained. And he loves his car. Non-sexually, I'd just like to point that out. The Waffle Iron would get jealous.
Today, I'm pining for Terra. And Argent's cute.
See, this is how I know my feelings are mine. Beast Boy doesn't think of me that way. None of the others see him the way I do. I'm not borrowing them from anyone else. They're one hundred percent mine.
And I don't like it.
I mean, it's Beast Boy. He's this annoying little kid. He pulls pranks, he jokes, he eats tofu, he's never washed his feet and I don't think he even knows what a sock is. His bedroom is a hyperbole of mess I'm actually amazed he can find anything, or can stand the smell when he sleeps. He's got an annoying laugh, this 'ah-ha-ha' that you can't help but notice, its loud and long and he really feels it when he laughs, right down to his overgrown toenails. He smells like catnip. And when he smiles, that tooth pops out and it's just the cutest thing ever.
I don't like him. I don't. No crushes for me.
Denial is a river in Egypt.
Is it any wonder I have to meditate as much as I do?
I mean, really. Does anyone honestly think I'd put myself in a situation where I could snark something to him and he'll laughed it off if I didn't like it? I take his nail clippers in the hope he'll try to get it back (yeah, it's gross that he clips in the common room but I've stolen them from his room before). I float behind them while he and Cyborg play games and pretend to read in the hope I can quip something and he'll smile at me.
Does anyone really think I like to watch him scoff down as much tofu as he could in a minute just to see if he could break his own record, then wait 'til he burps and the whole room smells of tofu, and while everyone holds their nose and complains I snark, "Nice."
Nice? Nice? Really Raven?
He'll laugh and me and smile and I'll feel like warm pudding inside.
I don't like pudding.
Crushes aren't supposed to make sense, you know. You like someone just because you like them. With Beast Boy... it's more. Because I know him. I know what he's like, what stupid things he does, how oblivious he can be, how powerful and amazing he is when he shifts, how he can use those animals so well that sometimes its like he brings a piece of them back to his core when he shifts back. I still like him.
Sometimes I'll tap into Robin and Starfire when their kissing and, in among thanking Azar that they've finally stopped dancing around each other, I'll wonder if I'll ever have that.
Before, I was trapped within the knowledge that my father was going to destroy the world when I turned sixteen. There was no way around it. Nothing to be done. I was born to be his portal, daddy's lost heir. Somehow it would have hurt more to have known romantic love with Beast Boy. Would have been harder to bear, knowing it was futile. So I closed myself off. Watched him love Terra and hated myself for being jealous. I consoled myself that it was all going to go away after Dad exploded the world.
Except it didn't.
And that opened a world of possibilities for me.
Problem is, I'm not your normal average girl. Apart from having this pending doom hanging over me my entire life, I don't know how to be your normal average girl who giggles with her friends over boys. I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I thought I'd have time. Take it slow, a gradual progression. Clue him in to how I feel, see if something sparks. I have been trying to nudge him, hints I thought were subtle. Apparently too subtle. It's starting to look like I may have to clobber him over the head and drag him off to some cave to get him to see.
But then this whole thing with the Brain and his goon Pinky and being away from the other Titans and all over the world and when we get back, he sees Terra. Or someone that looks like her.
And the pining starts all over again.
There are times, few and far between, that I can feel he does feel something for me that's not friendship and he's not sure what that is. Take, for instance, the secret werewolf he harbours inside. That thing has come out twice. Both of them to protect me. And the warm fuzzies are back.
I opened the small bar fridge I keep in my room to store my jam. I like jam. Jam is nice. A spoonful of the stuff is enough to mellow me out a little. The world is a better place with jam. Raven, the jam addict. Ha, I should've told Robin and the others to throw jam at my father, he'd be sucking it down like there's no tomorrow, eventually ending in a jam coma. Problem solved.
Yes, a demon's greatest weakness is jam.
It appears I've been hoeing into the jam more than usual. Three empty jars. Damn it again.
Okay... what else can I do to take my mind off things. A quick metal check... Robin and Star are making out. No surprise. Cyborg's making waffles. Beast Boy's... huh... well that's interesting.
A quick soul shift up to the roof to view Beast Boy doing yoga. Or trying to. Somehow he's gotten the feathered peacock pose mixed up with the crane and has managed to knot himself.
"Halp!" he moaned as he saw me.
I bent at the waist, leaning over. "How did you manage that?"
"I thought when it said a crane, to turn into an actual crane. Turns out, they don't bend that way."
I glanced down at the yoga book he's reading, the pages flapping in the wind.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm an idiot. Insert snarky comment, now can you help?"
It took a little bit of untangling. Hands in places that were mostly non platonic, but that couldn't be helped. I tried not to enjoy it too much.
"What were you trying to achieve?" I asked.
"Inner peace?" he said, hopefully.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't rub it in." He stretched, his limbs finally free. "Ooh. That smarts."
Feeling particularly daring, I placed an hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. "It's alright now, in fact it's a gas."
He stared at me. "Inner peace is a gas?"
"Yes. So every time you burp, you're really at peace."
His face lit up in this big, toothy grin. The pudding feeling was back. "Raven, that's pretty funny! I'm so going to use it."
"I can do funny. When the situation calls for it."
He smiled again, then it dropped of his face and he looked out at the water. "How do you do it?"
"How do I do what?"
"Have nothing to care about?"
I blinked. Frowned. That remark hurt. "I care about things."
"If you don't care about things, nothing can hurt you," he said. "I wish I could be like you."
"No you don't," I snapped.
"If I was like you, it wouldn't hurt so much that Terra didn't want to remember me."
"One of us in the Tower is enough, Beast Boy."
I sighed and shook my head.
"I should just keep trying," he said. "She's bound to fall to my charms again. She did the first time."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. That's what she fell for."
"You're just jealous of my dashing good looks and ability to make moped riding look good." He was back to being optimistic. Perhaps that's what drawn me to him, he never lets anything get him down for long.
"Yup. Totally jealous."
"I knew it," he crowed.
"It's the ears," I said, flicking one of the points. "I've heard chicks dig them."
"True dat!" he said. "It's a good thing you're not a chick, you'd have fallen for my charm long ago."
I blinked. Robin's basketball which had been idly sitting on the court imploded. "What?" I asked in a dangerous voice.
Beast Boy, oblivious as always. "Huh?"
"Are you really that deluded?"
"What'd I say?"
I grabbed the front of his uniform and yanked him to me. "For your information, I am a chick, I dig the ears and-" I kissed him, hard, just for a second. Mashed my lips to his. "I do emotions just fine. And you're an idiot of you can't see that."
I released him, shoved him away and left him opened mouthed on the rooftop as I soul selfed back to my room. With a flick of my hand I summoned my candles to me, set them alight and floating in a circle around me. I folded my legs and sat on air and attempted to meditate.
Stupid. Stupid. Shouldn't have done that. Just his cracks about not feeling and not even being a girl hurt. I just wanted him to see me for once. Me. Not Terra. I've been here all along, I've never betrayed him. Always been here. We've had our moments too, you know.
Why can't he see? I'm doing my best. This is all I have. I don't know any other way.
"What was that?"
I cracked open an eye, seeing Beast Boy standing in my room, staring at me. "I think you of all people should recognise a kiss," I said and resolutely shut my eye.
"Yeah... but not from you."
"I'm not incapable of feelings," I snapped, hurt and embarrassed and wondering how I was going to resolve this. "I just don't wear my heart on my sleeve. Take it or leave it."
"Take what, exactly?"
I hesitated and opened my eyes. He was closer than I expected. Very close. His expression was odd... hopeful maybe? Daunted definitely. Daring too. Reluctantly, I tapped into him, trying to judge.
He was massively confused, it overshadowed everything, but deep beneath it all, carefully hidden was the hope I was looking for. The want that maybe I meant what he thought I meant.
I guess a lot of people don't know what they feel until its pointed out to them. Til they're beaten over the head with it and its there. A flick of a switch, a pivotal moment and the friendship shifts to more and it can't be denied. Sometimes love has a chance to grow, a slow burn. Sometimes it explodes all over the place and makes a mess. Beast Boy just exploded.
Beast Boy placed his hands on my knees and closed the gap between our faces. My eyes slipped shut as he tentatively brushed my lips with his. It was nice, quiet, a peaceful kiss, a slip from from friendship to something more. It was short, but so very nice and one of my candles burnt through its wick so fast there was nothing but wax on my carpet.
Beast Boy pulled away to grin at me. Then, very cheekily, he opened his mouth and burped. "Guess I'm finally at peace."
Gosh, I missed BBRae, soso much.
So... what do we have:
1590s Venice AU - ahh... nope. Sorry.
References to both past Rae/Star and BB/Argent - check. Kinda.
One count of the phrase 'it's alright now, in fact it's a gas' - check (snicker)
Three empty jam jars - check
At least one character is a Secret Werewolf while another is a Lost Heir - check.
BBRae first kiss with Raven being the one to take the initiative - hopefully?
1000 words - epic fail.
Well, menamebephil, not quite what you asked for, but I hope you like it! Congrats again!