Hello again! I decided I would write this chapter as well. But a few words of warning; this chapter kind of got away from me in the middle and started writing itsself, so if you notice mistakes, it's because I was typing like a mad woman. If you notice a sudden change in the suspected direction of the chapter, it is because I started arguing with myself about one of the episodes I was rewatching :) sorry bout that! Once again Im not the most tallented writer so be kind in your reviews! (which I would love) and please enjoy the story!
Being near her is so complicated. If I'm being honest with myself I try to avoid it as often as I can without seeming rude. Of course that only lasts until I'm near her again. It's like just being in her presence crushes my resolve. As soon as I am anywhere near her -which I can sense as soon as I am- I start to wonder what she's doing. How her day is going. How she slept that night. Which is rediculous, because it's none of my business.
What's worse, no matter how hard I try to hide it, Diana always seems to notice when I'm thinking about Cassie. Diana may not always know it's Cassie that I'm thinking about, but she knows it's something that has taken my attention away from her. Hurting Diana hurts me. Diana is my best friend and I truly love her. Which is another reason I hate the way Cassie makes me feel.
But when I'm with Cassie, I don't hate it. In fact, I enjoy being with her. I often find himself laughing, or telling her something I never told anyone, except maybe Diana.
When I have to be with both Cassie and Diana at the same time -which is becomeing more and more often since they are becoming friends- it's almost like nuclear chemistry. I have to be careful not to offend Cassie when I take Diana's side and I have to remember to take Diana's side even when I agree with Cassie. Upsetting either of them could lead to a giant blow-out, and I'd be the cause of it.
Some days I decide I'm just going to accept that I feel.. whatever it is I feel for Cassie. But when I do that I start to let my guard down, and if I do that, I catch myself clenching my fists and grinding my teeth whenever Cassie looks in the direction of another guy. Or even worse, whan another guy lookes at her. Sometimes I have to pinch myself so I don't speek up and make a big sceen that would make me look like an idiot.
I'm not sure what I'll do if she starts to actually get close to someone. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I mean, Cassie is beautiful, I can't imagine she'll be single much longer. Eggh, even thinking about it now makes me angry. The thought makes me want to find her and see what she is doing, and who she is doing it with. But I wont, because then it might seem like I'm ckecking up on her.
I'm sure she feels like I do that a lot. More often than I'd like, I find myself in her kitchen late at night. Just talking. It kills me to admit it, but I really like those moments. Moments when we don't have to worry about what other people will think, because they are all asleep.
We talk and laugh, and I learn more about her and find out that I like what I'm learning. She is easy to be with. Not like we are practically strangers, but like I've known her for a long time. Like old friends catching up on time lost. And when we decide it's time for me to go home -a time I accept with reluctance- we say good-bye and I get in my car and I sit for a moment. I hate that moment that I sit there.
That moment is filled with so many conflicting emotions that I usually get a headache. For that moment I debate weather I should go back in, like the gut feeling inside me is screaming, or weather I should just go home and take care of my father, who I honestly don't want to deal with. Then I almost get out of the car, because the idea of going back to Cassie's kitchen gives me a warm, right feeling. But then I think about Diana, and the guilt comes.
So instead of getting out of the car, I start it, and go back to my dad and all the problems that I'd forgotten about while I was in her Kitchen. The weight comes back to my sholders and I have a headache from arguing with myself.
That headache gets worse before I even get home. Half-way there I get tired of the weight and I want to turn the car around. I hate myself for it but I miss her already. I crave her.
She is like a Drug. I feel the power swelling between us when I'm near her. It makes me feel good. But when I'm not with her the good feeling fades, and when it's gone I want it again. I wonder if she feels like that too?
Well there you have it! Does the ending sound familiar? It should ;) see what I did there? see what I did? yeah! well once again, sorry for mistakes and randomness and don't forget to review! thank you!