Landon went to home that night feeling like things had fallen in place. Medical school was on its way-just around the corner. He was happy he told Jamie's father about it but something still hurt him inside about everything. If he could tell Jamie's father than why was he not allowed to tell Jamie. Why did the cancer take her life? She was the kindest person who gave everything to help others so why was she the one that had to lose against cancer? Why? There were so many questions he had and so many that there were no answers to.
He walked into his new apartment-room for two. He remembered the first time him and Jamie were there together-they laughed about how the paint was coming off and all the work they were going to have to put into it. It was okay, though. Life was simple and as long as she was alive, it was good. He looked by the bed where she used to sleep beside him. Although it was 4 years ago, it still seemed like she was there. All her stuff that she brought in when they moved to be closer to his college was still in their exact spots. He then went out on the porch which was the one thing they had to have! There was no way around that because they had to look up at the stars every night. It was 'their' thing. He sat there and watched the stars for a while-just like the old days. He looked up at the star that he named after her back when they were in high school-when things were a lot easier. Life was a game and dating was fun before he knew.
He thought about that night when he found out about the cancer. They were walking and he had asked her what her plans were past high school. She didn't answer and then she told him right then and there. She had leukemia and she was living every day like it was her last. Life was just a matter of time for her. He remembered feeling like he had been hit with the worst news ever. He was angry and devastated but who was he to take it out on? Who could change what was already set in stone?
Man, he missed her. He missed her every day, every time he walked in the house, every time he looked at the stars-all the time. He had been on a few dates but nothing much because he couldn't find the right girl. No one would ever compare to Jamie-ever.
He went to bed that night thinking about Jamie more than usual because tonight-it had been 5 years since she died...
'Landon, I'm pregnant.' Jamie said wearily desperately waiting for an answer from her husband.
'REALLY? No word of a lie?' He went pale.
'Honestly, no lies.'
'That's fantastic! I'm going to be a dad! I can't wait! Are you sure?' He was thrilled!
'Yes, I went to the doctor today. 3 weeks!' She was so happy!
'Then we must celebrate! I'll take you out to your spot where we first looked at the stars back when we were in high school.' He couldn't wait to be a dad-it's what he really wanted!
That night they went to a restaurant-where they went many years ago. It was just like the old times. So fresh in their memory was it still.
Then, they went home and he held her hand as they walked into their house. Their tiny house with little room. He pulled her in and kissed her gently on the lips. 'I love you', he whispered.
He wished he could hold onto that moment forever and ever he loved the way her lips felt against his and the way she liked to hold his hand with only a pointer finger. He loved the way she talked about life as if it was endless. He kissed her again; how he loved her more than she could know. That night, they talked endlessly about everything. From their work to what they would name the baby. Then they went through old photographs from their marriage, their parents talking and anything. They spent time laughing together, crying together, dreaming together but anything they did was together. It wasn't just one night either; it was forever...they were always together. It was the way it would stay and it was the way they both wanted.
People say that there's nothing that lasts forever but they were the exception. Landon felt like he had died every day just waiting for something. Something that would last; that would be great in his life; that made him want to move forward but there was never anything. He lost hope more often than he could count and took his anger out on anyone-until he met Jamie. Everything changed and he could never forget her.
He held her close touching her belly for what would soon be a baby and wondering what was happening inside of Jamie right now. He created a baby with the most wonderful person he could meet. They kissed more and just held each other close. She gently kissed him once again until she slowly pushed herself away and walked out the door.
He was left clueless and ran after her as fast as he could. Where did she go? How did she leave so fast? Why did she leave? He chased after her in any direction with no such luck. He was getting teary eyed and wondered how he could live without her. He just screamed. What else was there to do? ...
DING DING DING DING!
Landon woke up out of his bed partially waking from screaming and partially from the alarm. He felt saddened inside because who would he realized nobody will come close to her as Jamie did. No one can ever take her place. Inside, he was sad but as he stared at the picture of the two of them and looked down at his gold wedding right, he knew things will be okay because life goes on. He knew if he sat there wallowing in self-pity forever that life will stop but Jamie would want it to go one. Up to the day she died, she lived in the moment. He needed to let go of it and push forward. Then he got up and looked in the sky to see if any stars were left at 5 am. There was only one floating in the sky...