It's now the last chapter. I feel so sad :( You guys have just been awesome, every single one of you, and I'm so glad I got to share this story with you :) You're all fabulous :) I actually can't believe that this story has reached over 800 reviews! I feel like I should pinch myself and wake up, because it just can't be real. I started this with no intention of ever finishing because I honestly thought this is a pile of lard and no one will ever read it. Guess I was wrong, ne? To the 40+ people who've favourited and never left a review, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume that you were just waiting for the last chapter, okay? I'd really love to hear from you, no matter what you have to say.
So, I suppose that this story is dedicated to two people. First of all, is my amazing friend Amy, who had better start getting well soon otherwise I'm going to go crazy! Love you, sweet heart :) Secondly, this was inspired by my old friend Hannah. That girl seriously means the world to me. Because no matter how bad she had it, she was always willing to extend a hand to a girl who didn't know how to trust, and I'll be forever in her debt. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for her :) And this goes for anyone who is going through or has been through any kind of abuse, whether it be mental, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, etcetera. No matter how big or small it was, it's still wrong, and seriously just talking about it to somebody makes you feel so much better. Believe me - I know :)
And to everyone who has been asking or would like to know: I am sorry, but there will not be a sequel to this story. However, some time in the future I will be (hopefully) posting another GaarHina story called Strength. So keep an eye out for it :)
Also, Vivycantu has drawn an amazing piece of fanart for this story, which I strongly suggest you go check out. It's seriously amazing, so please go check it out :) The link is on my profile :D
A thousand thank yous and cookies and ice creams and hugs to everyone who has reviewed, whether it be only once or almost every chapter. I can't say thank you enough :)
Its A Raquel Thing
xXThe Girl In WonderlandXx
Angelic-Demonite I really hope that whatever happened to you, it's firstly no longer continuing and that you have recovered. Please stay safe :)
Evangeline the fallen
Disclaimer: Nup, still don't own Naruto.
Dedication: In general, everyone who has reviewed or will review this story. You've all made it worthwhile :)
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.
- Fix you, Coldplay
Five Years Later.
The smell of cooking wafted past my nose as soon as I entered the apartment. Hinata was obviously experimenting again, and I wasn't sure whether to be excited or nervous. After seven months of healthy take out and heated up pre-made meals, she had gotten sick of it and insisted upon figuring out how to cook. She quickly developed a flair for cooking, and made food whenever possible. Unfortunately, she was a curious cook, and often used me to test her latest concoctions. Only half the time did it look, smell, feel and taste edible. She was going to poison me one day, I swear.
"Gaara, is that you?" she called out, and I replied with a casual, "Who else?"
Hinata emerged from the confines of the kitchen, apron on and glooped-up wooden spoon in her hand.
"You betcha," she replied, and gave me a chaste kiss.
"Try not to kill me this time, yeah?"
She giggled, and walked back to the kitchen. "No promises!" she called out behind her and, shaking my head, I followed her to the kitchen.
"I got you your potatoes and carrots," I said, watching her stir the food in the frying pan. She nodded her head in thanks, and continued stirring. "You sure that's edible?" I joked, to which she turned around, spoon in front of her.
"Give it a taste and tell me," she invited, and I backed away with raised hands.
"I'd like to live to see another day, thanks," I declined with a grin on my face.
She narrowed her eyes at me in mock anger, then turned around. "Fine, fine!" she exclaimed dramatically and picked up the pan. "I suppose I should just throw this away if it's so disgusting!" But she couldn't wipe that playful smile off her face.
I growled and clamped a hand around her wrist. "Don't waste precious food," I warned, and guided her arms and the pan back to the stove.
"Well if you insist…" She laughed and leaned up to kiss me again, though I wouldn't let her pull away, and quickly deepened it by sliding my tongue into her mouth. She hadn't let me do that until around three years ago, and now she admitted that she actually didn't mind it. Around twelve months after that she'd become more open to the idea of touching, and though we hadn't had sex, she didn't feel uncomfortable when our shirts were removed or her skirt was hitched up for other more… inappropriate things.
"I saw Sasuke and Sakura down at the shops," I said as I broke away, and let her get back to the food before it burned and she fainted from lack of oxygen.
"Oh? How are they? Have they set a date yet?"
I slid my arms about her waist and nuzzled her neck. "Yeah, they want to get married in the spring."
"Are girls still trying to get in his pants?"
"Did Sakura make out with him to show he was taken?"
Hinata giggled at my answer and kissed my cheek. Around a year ago, Sakura and Hinata had tried to heal their friendship, and it had worked to an extent. It could still be tense sometimes around particular topics, but in essence it was as strong as ever. It wasn't uncommon for me to come home and find them chatting on the phone.
"How was uni today?"
I shrugged, and placed a kiss on her collarbone. "The professor gave us another assessment that's due in a week. I'm sick to death of working."
"I can imagine."
I didn't reply, as my hand had slowly started to creep up her shirt and cup her breast over her bra and my lips were exploring her neck.
"Gaara," she whined, and I smirked against her skin. "Not now, I'm… I'm cooking…"
I stopped what I was doing, then leaned forward and turned the stove off. "Problem solved."
She gave an exasperated sigh, and turned around to tell me off, but before she could get the chance I smashed my lips on hers and lifted her up to place her on a free bench. Gods, she was driving me crazy.
"Mmph!" she protested weakly, though she did nothing when my hands started to drift up the sides of her skirt and rub lazy circles on her outer thighs. I felt her hands creep in to my hair, and I pulled her closer towards me so that we were basically melded together.
"Hinata," I groaned, feeling my pants begin to tighten. Damn those stupid freaking hormones and this woman in my arms who I couldn't seem to get enough of! I never pushed her into something if she didn't want it, and I knew that she wanted to wait until after marriage to have sex again, but that didn't mean she didn't mind us going further than kissing. Of course, the moment she said enough, I would stop. But it would leave me with a certain predicament which she did not feel comfortable with helping me relieve. It wasn't uncommon for me to take really long, really cold showers. But, in a way, that was a part of the attraction. I wanted to wait for her. She was worth waiting for.
My lips attacked hers furiously, whilst my body tried to get as close to her as possible without becoming completely naked. But the whole while I made sure to stay in control of myself. There were still things that set her off. I couldn't pull her hair; otherwise she'd freak out, as I accidently found out one time around a year ago and had gotten a bit carried away. I never wore a belt, as she hated the sound of a buckle being undone, and I'd never called her 'sweetheart'. There were just some things I couldn't do to her, just like she couldn't say to me 'I hate you,' whether jokingly or not. But we were happy now. And I loved her, like she loved me. It was crazy to think that, in the end, we'd both found our happily ever after, if that's what it can be called. But I couldn't think of being with anyone else. The idea of someone else's lips on mine, or someone else's hands tracing the contours of my stomach and chest just felt wrong.
Because she was Hinata. She was my Hinata. And I loved her for just being her. Insane cook, constantly blushing, stutter or no stutter and crazy music knowledge. That's what made Hinata Hinata, and I wouldn't trade her for the world.
"Gods, you drive me crazy," I groaned into her ear, and lifted her up to carry her back to our room, where I dumped her on the bed and walked out.
"Gaara?" I heard her confused question echo into the hallway.
"Just stay there a second, I've gotta do something."
I went back to my jacket, and retrieved a small box, feeling my pulse race in my ears. What did I have to say again? Slipping the box in to my pocket, I took a deep, calming breath and turned back to where Hinata was waiting.
I walked back into the room and leaned against the doorframe, watching her from where she was sitting on our bed, looking at me completely perplexed.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to move with a hard on?" I said, watching as she flushed bright crimson at my blunt comment.
"Well, uh… obviously no, but uh… I imagine that it… uh… it would be… uh… hard?" I stared at her for a moment, before chuckling at her attempt at humour.
"Pitiful," I informed her and she huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Still smiling, I shrugged off the frame and walked over to the bed, crawling over her, unable to take my eyes away from hers as she shrunk back down on to the covers. "Y'know," I began, my voice a low whisper, "these clothes are getting kinda hot. Should we take off a layer or so?"
She nodded dumbly and helped me to remove my shirt, before sliding her fingers down my chest and stomach. I wasn't buff and completely muscled like Naruto or Sasuke, but I wasn't too bad. I had wiry arms and a lightly muscled stomach. I knew that I was stronger than I looked.
"You're looking a bit hot too, love. Did you want to keep your clothes on, or take something off?" It was up to her. And she knew that I wouldn't try and force her to choose the second option.
"It's pretty hot in here," she agreed breathlessly, and allowed me to remove her shirt, though her bra stayed on.
"Better?" I asked, and was surprised when she shook her head and slowly, achingly slowly, moved her fingers down to the hem of my jeans.
"They look uncomfortable," she said, her voice so soft I had to strain to hear it.
I was so shocked I stayed frozen for a moment, before I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "You sure?" I asked, and she nodded a little more confidently. "Don't do this for me," I told her.
"I know," she replied, then watched as I slowly started to undo the button and zipper. And gods did it feel so fucking good to not be restrained by that damned material anymore! I almost groaned as I kicked off my pants, now only clad in my boxers. "This too." She tugged at her skirt, and I helped her to remove it. Clothed only in our underwear, I slowly started to kiss her, gently laying my body over hers, waiting for her to freeze up and say no. We'd never been this naked before, and it was as unnerving for me as it probably was for her.
"No further tonight," I said to her, and she nodded in agreement, before we lost ourselves in each other when our mouths reconnected. My dick was pressed against her core, and it took all my strength to not give in to instinct and rock against her to create the wonderful friction I needed. But it was up to her. If she wanted to, then she had to make the first move. She knew that, and I knew that. But holy crap I was trying so hard to remember that. The pleasure took my breath away, and I could only imagine how it would feel if I were inside her… feeling her warmth around my dick…
"Fuck," I ground out between clenched teeth, fighting to push those thoughts back and failing miserably. My hand had seemingly strayed of its own accord to her waist and was gripping it quite hard as sense and instinct fought. While one side was saying no, the other side was begging to pull her hip up and position her so that I could grind myself against her.
A strangled moan escaped my lips as she hesitantly bucked her hips against mine, and the vice I held on her waist got stronger.
"You're driving me nuts," I said to her, my breathing ragged. I desperately clawed at the haze of lust that fogged my brain, though I knew I was fighting a losing battle. "I want you," I rasped into her ear. "I want you so freaking bad right now. More than absolutely anything. And if you do that again I don't know what will happen. I want to make love to you, Hinata. I want to be inside you, and I want to feel you around me. I'm trying so fucking hard to not take you right now it's killing me. And if you do that again, I can't guarantee that I won't stop. I need you to know that and I need you to understand that, and if you want to stop then say so now before we go any further, because I don't want you to regret me. I know you want to wait until after you're married, so if you still want to do that then say so now and I'll stop and go take a shower or something. But if you want to keep going then know that I might not be able to stop."
I could see uncertainty, lust, love, fear and trust clashing in her eyes. She knew what I was saying, and I could see indecision raging inside of her. There was nothing but our heavy breathing to fill the quiescence for a few moments, and I exerted a strenuous amount of effort to keep myself in place, until finally, after what seemed to be aeons, she kissed me softly on the mouth and murmured, "Stay."
It was all the invitation I needed.
My hands explored her body, memorising each part of it until I knew it as well as my own. She stiffened and stopped breathing when I touched her unclothed breast for the first time, and when I removed our underpants. Lust fought for dominance, but I somehow managed to fight against those carnal desires and take things as slowly as I could with her. I wanted her to be comfortable around me, and know my body too. I didn't want her to be afraid.
When I'd finally freed myself of my boxers, I took her hand and ran it down my chest, my stomach, past my waist, and eventually over my penis. I felt her breath get caught in her throat, and my hand stilled around hers, waiting for her to pull away.
But surprisingly she didn't, and after a few tense minutes she reached out her fingertips to brush my length again. I groaned at the contact, her fingertips sending sparks of heat through my body, and I jolted as ecstasy threatened to engulf me. I buried my nose in the crook of her neck, fighting hard to not plunge inside of her.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted softly to myself, feeling my release building up inside me even after those few light brushes. "Holy fucking mother of God."
She did it again, this time a little bit more confidently as she watched my reaction. A growl ripped itself from my chest, and I instinctively moved closer to her hand and her touch. I wasn't going to last much longer if she kept that up.
Using the hand that wasn't propping myself up, I trailed my fingertips slowly up the inside of her thigh, going completely on instinct for what I was about to try. I slowly touched her lower lips, and heard her gasp as a shot of pleasure seared through her body. Her groans were used as my signals as to what she liked and what made her uncomfortable, and I eventually found her clitoris and her hole, into which I could comfortably insert two fingers. Her back had arched clean off my bed when I did that, and she was left a panting wreck as I timidly moved them in and out, slowly building up speed as I became more sure of myself. I could feel her muscles convulsing around me, and in that moment I felt quite… powerful, really. No one else had ever made her feel like that. No one else had ever pleasured her like I was doing. And she had never trusted anyone else to do this to her, nor did I think that she ever would trust anyone else. I watched emotions of pure euphoria play across her face, while her moans got louder and her breathing more strenuous, until a particularly loud moan fell from her lips, her muscles contracted about my fingertips and a lot of fluid gushed out of her. I watched in confusion for a moment, before, idiotically, I realised that I had just made her orgasm.
And suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. Something within me snapped, and I pulled my fingers out of her, only to place the head of my cock at her entrance instead.
"Hinata," I said, and she looked at me through lust-ridden eyes. "Can I…?" The still sane part of my brain had to make sure that she was alright with this, and that she wouldn't hate me afterwards. She nodded slowly and closed her eyes, tilting her head to the side. "Hinata," I said again, and she made a noise to show she was listening. "Look at me. I don't want you to be afraid of me."
I didn't break eye contact with her as I slowly pushed myself further inside of her. My self-control was stretched to its limits as I forced myself to not plunge straight into her. At one stage she began to whimper and a tear escaped her eyes, and though it killed me, I stopped what I was doing and pulled her close to me, wrapping her in my arms and kissing the ghosts away with muttered comforting nonsense, reassuring her that it was me, and that she didn't have to be afraid, and that I loved her. Finally, she relaxed, and nodded for me to continue, which I slowly did, until I was fully sheathed inside of her.
Those next few minutes were pure bliss, and after being a virgin and participating in foreplay, I honestly could not last longer than a few minutes. But gods, if I thought her fingertips had been good, then it was nothing compared to her body. Once I'd sunk into her, I couldn't distinguish myself anymore. There was no me, and there was no Hinata. It was just two separate beings changing from two halves into one whole. I had no control anymore and I, almost selfishly, pushed and pulled in and out of her, desperately trying to attain the highest point of heaven. The fire inside my belly burned hotter and hotter with each thrust, and the coil that had begun to wind up from the very beginning wound tighter and tighter, until it snapped, sending us both over the edge.
I came down from my high, shaking and panting, covered in sweat and basking in the afterglow of Her. Somehow, I found the strength to roll off her, and gathered her into my arms to bring her close beside me.
There was such a look of wonder in her eyes it nearly brought me to tears, but instead I just kissed her sweaty brow and moved a few stray strands of hair off her face.
"Are you alright?" I eventually managed to ask her. "I didn't hurt you did I? Was I too rough?" She slowly shook her head.
"It didn't hurt," she said, seeming shocked and surprised by her words. "It didn't hurt at all. It… you… it felt good… really good, I… I'm so confused…"
I merely smiled at her, and kissed her mouth slowly and passionately. "That's the difference, Hinata. I told you that I would make love to you. I love you, and that's why it was different."
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you my virginity," she apologised without warning, and after a moment of surprised stupor I cradled her closer to my chest.
"What they did to you… What happened to you wasn't right. And you didn't want it. Virginity, although being physical, is also a choice. That wasn't the first time you'd had sex, but it was the first time someone had made love to you. It was the first time you'd given yourself to someone with consent. I didn't get your physical virginity, but I got everything else. I love you, and that's all that matters. We can figure out everything else as we go along, because while we've got that, everything else is just details. I think a lot of people forget that."
There weren't really any words after that. I held her close to me as she slowly drifted into sleep, with my heartbeat lulling her eyes closed.
But then, a memory returned, and before I forgot it I reached over to my discarded pants and pulled the small box out of one of the pockets and turned to face Hinata.
"Hey, stay awake for a moment love; I need to ask you something."
One of her eyes opened slightly, then both as I handed the box to her.
"What's this?" she asked, and I prompted her to open it. She did slowly, and gasped upon seeing the silver band inlaid with a small circular amethyst. Her eyes found mine, and I couldn't get that stupid, happy, love-sick grin off my face.
And she smiled.
I'd love to thank the absolutely gorgeous people I've come to know throughout this story. You made every little word worthwhile, and I'm so glad I got to know you :) And that goes to say for anyone else; wanna chat? Send me a PM or add me through facebook (link on my profile) and I'll be more than happy to have a chat with you :) I really like meeting new people and though I will be pressed for time throughout the next few months due to school taking a psychotic rampage, I'll still get on here from time to time :)
Okay, my places of reference are stated below:
(book) Daddy's Little Girl - Julia Latchem-Smith. Information on child abuse, foster homes system and recovery.
(book) The Road of Lost Innocence - Somali Mam. Child rape/abuse and recovery.
My father and uncle. Respectively, a police officer and a lawyer, information on the legal system.
Close friends and my own personal experience. Rape, depression, self harming, abuse. (Before anyone asks, I have never been raped or sexually abused, thank all the merciful heavens.)
Just a little note: guys, look out for your friends. Sometimes, the ones that seem the happiest are the ones that are dying inside. Just listening and not judging can save a life. Never judge a book by its cover. The person that listens to heavy metal and wears the black clothes could be the nicest person you'd ever meet. See a kid getting pushed around? Sticking up for them, even if deemed 'uncool' could be the most rewarding thing to happen. Every little thing you do counts, and no matter who you are or what your past is, it's never too late to change a future :)
So, for anyone who decides to grace me with a favourite, please also grace me with a review. They're the chocolates of fanfiction, and I would love to hear from you :) To everyone who has taken the time to read this story, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
Thank you all so much, and much love to everyone :) - SapphireRivulet xoxoxoxoxoxoxox