Cersei's eyes opened to a stream of blinding sunlight flowing into her room. Through the haze in her brain, it looked familiar to her; the sun was the same shade of Jaime's hair this morning.
Jaime. Cersei turned her face even deeper into her silk pillow, feeling the need to hide her face, worried that her blatant emotion for her brother would show, even if there was no one to see it.
He occupied her thoughts often lately. The way his golden Lannister hair would shine in the wee hours of the morning; his strong shoulders showing proud through his glinting armor. Her love for him only growing stronger with each moment her eyes fell upon him.
Cersei rolled into her back, tangling the sheets. She looked up at the ceiling above her, momentarily distracted by the intricately carved lions and stags adorned there. They appeared to be dancing when first considered, yet many also perceived the interactions between the lions and stags as battling. And any who knew of the goings on between Queen Cersei and King Robert knew which perspective held true.
Maybe that was why Cersei loved Jaime so. Even though they were twins and she was married to another, Jaime was the only thing Cersei had ever chosen for herself, the only one who had never harmed her or turned her back on her, though she had denounced him countless times.
Cersei remembered when her affairs with Jaime first began... They were young, constantly together and inexperienced. The Lannisters were at war with some nameless house of ill repute. It would be a short, inconsequential war, but Jaime's first. She had met him outside his room, only a few yards down the stone hallway from hers (they had insisted on being as close as possible, even as young children). Cersei remembered how nervous she had been, her small hands writhing in each other, sweating, and waiting for her brother to appear. It seemed like hours, but eventually his heavy wooden door creaked open and he stepped out.
He seemed an angel to her. They dawn's light had illuminated his chambers, and as the door open it had all tumbled out, bathing him in a glow so bright, Cersei almost had to shield her eyes. And even as the harshness abated some, its glow still surrounded Jaime, clinging to him as it always did, sending him awash with gold.
It was at that moment Cersei knew that the stirrings she felt for her brother were more than just a childish girl's fantasies of love. They were real.
"Sister!" Jaime called, his voice breaking in the way customary of a boy on the cusp of adulthood. His eyes were bright as he stepped forward, wrapping his gangly arms around her. Cersei buried her head in the small gap left between his neck and armor. She took his hug as an opportunity to breathe in his scent, another thing she loved about him. Lemons, he always smelled vaguely of lemons, not matter what the circumstances. Cersei pressed her nose into his neck and breathed in deeper, trying to imprint the smell into her memory, hoping it would comfort her in him absence.
Jaime's arms wrapped tighter around her for a moment before he released her, but not stepping away. Cersei looked up at him in surprise; he usually didn't take the initiative to be close to her. As Cersei looked into Jaime's eyes, she saw something she wasn't expecting: desperation. Jaime grabbed both of her upper arms in a tight grip, not bruising, but tight. His face moved downwards, closer and closer to hers. Cersei let her eyes slip closed in anticipation, dreaming that she would finally get the kiss she had so longed for in the darkness of her bedroom.
Immediately the pressure on her arms disappeared, and Cersei opened her eyes and turned in enough time to see the end of Jaime's auburn cloak disappearing around the corner. She fisted her hands about her chest, and waiting a moment, not daring to move until she was sure that Jaime was far enough gone.
After what seemed like ages Cersei moved, walking robotically into Jaime's room, and out onto the balcony she knew from experience would provide a view of the castle courtyard. The men gathered there under the banner of her house as they always did. She arrived in time to see her father at the head of the small army, guiding his horse through the entrance of their home, headed for battle.
Just as Cersei was about to turn away, she eyes we assaulted by the bright reflection of sunlight gleaming off of polished armor. Cersei looked down at the owner of the armor. It was Jaime. He had oriented his body in a way that caused the sunlight to bounce off his armor and hit her eyes. She looked deep into those bright blue orbs, seeing a part of herself looking back at her. Jaime smiled his coy smile at her the way he always did, before turning and spurring his horse onward, flying to the front of the men to ride beside their father.
A small smile graced Cersei's lips and she retreated back into the depths of Lannister castle, knowing her Jaime was still the same, and he would come back to her.
Cersei waited. During the day she sat in Jaime's room, comforted by his belongings and scent, and doing her needle work on his balcony. She would glance up over once and a while, looking out over the horizon, hoping to see a maroon lion encrusted banner flying in the wind, held aloft by a galloping horse. A night she tossing and turned in bed, dreaming dreams of death, and blood, and Jaime's body being returned home on his shield. She awoke in a cold sweat every night.
One night however, eleven days after Jaime left, Cersei was not awoken by a nightmare, but a persistent knocking on her bedroom door. "Just a moment!" she called, rolling from bed, squinting as she lit a candle and walked to her door. Cersei barely had time to open the door before it nearly burst from its hinges, slamming into the stone wall and reverberating with a thunderous noise. Cersei dropped the candle, almost surprised as it clattered to the floor, adding to the cacophony in the room. She jumped in fear before she was yanked against someone's chest. Cersei braced herself to fight off her attacker until a smell assaulted her senses. It was masked by blood, sweat and rot but it still came through; lemons.
Cersei let her body relax and she leaned against the arms she knew belong to her Jaime. The man, now revealed as Jaime grasped she arms all down Cersei's back, needing to reassure himself that she was real, before burying his face in her shoulder, trembling. Cersei let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding before wrapping her arms tightly around Jaime's shoulders. They stood there for a moment in the threshold of her chamber, just holding each other before, just like last time, Jaime pushed her away. Cersei's face contorted with pain before she met Jaime's eyes.
He was looking at her with an intensity Cersei had never seen before. And just like last time, Jaime grabbed her arms. Cersei didn't even have time to think before his lips assaulted hers.
Cersei went stiff with surprised as Jaime kissed her, eyes going wide and lips going slack. Jaime pulled away after a moment, looking disappointed at her lack of reaction. She regarded him silently for a moment before jumping at him, wrapping her legs around Jaime's waist and crushing her lips against his. Jaime laughed in that masculine, throaty way of his and walked them into the room, closing the door soundlessly with his free arm.
He walked them to Cersei's bed before throwing her onto it, and discarding his clothing. Jaime came to her them, pressing his body on top of Cersei's plaint one and their affair began in the dark of night.
Cersei was pulled from her memories at a polite knock at her and her husband's chamber door. She moved to get up before a shooting pain erupted in her abdomen. It seemed that she still wasn't quite recovered. Cersei pulled herself into a sitting position with a wince, before settling back into her pillows.
"Come in." She called, recline even farther. Cersei had to prevent herself from flinching when Jaime entered her and Robert's chamber. He bowed, murmuring a quiet "my queen," before approaching her bed. Cersei scoffed at his formality before becoming more serious. Jaime leaned down, kissing her forehead in a brotherly fashion before pulling us a chair beside her.
"Robert has been parading him around court all day." Jaime spoke, gauging Cersei's reaction.
"Is that so?"
"It is." Cersei turned toward her brother. "And?" she said in an almost scathing tone. Jaime raised an eyebrow at her.
"And, I couldn't help but notice his hair."Cersei looked away. She had seen the boy when he was first born; she knew what color his hair was. But, even before then, she knew who her beloved son belonged to.
"And that matters why?" Cersei asked, still beating around the bush. She knew what Jaime wanted, but she wasn't going to give it to him without a fight. "Because, we both know what your and Robert's children look like." Cersei visibly flinched. Jaime was one of the few people who had met her first darling boy before a fever took him. Jaime almost looked guilty for bringing her first born up, but Cersei knew better that than to believe he actually felt bad.
"Why are you here Jaime?" Cersei was getting irritated. If he was just here to point fingers she wanted him to leave. They considered each other for a while before Jaime looked away, got up, and walked to the door. He opened it and went to leave before something stopped him. Jaime half turned toward her before speaking.
"What is his name?" Cersei looked down at her hands before meeting her brother's desperate gaze.
Jaime nodded before fleeing the room. The door closing soundlessly behind him like it did so long ago. Cersei closed he eyes before nestling deep into her blankets, and knowing nothing between her and her twin would ever be the same again.