I was looking for something and I accidentally went on Lamebook
On there, I found something labeled ThanksGetAway
It was pretty funny when I read it, so it gave me an idea to write this!
When you read it, have an open mind, and you'll understand.
Disclaimer: I don't own the jokes or Adventure Time
"Marshall, come on! We've got to be heading out so we can meet up with Bubba and Bonnie for Thanksgiving dinner. If you make me late I swear you'll regret it!" Marceline threatened as she gathered all the food that she cooked for this special event.
Ever since college, the group (Marshall Lee and Marceline, Bubba and Bonnibel, and Finn and Fionna) always gathered together to celebrate Thanksgiving.
"Marshall Lee! Are you even listening to me?" Marceline asked rushing to get ready.
Marshall Lee was never too fond of these meetings because it was usually dull and boring. Marceline however always made him go. Nothing was amusing to him seeing Bubba and Bonnibel give each other googly eyes across the table, Finn and Fionna trying to kill the already dead food, and Marceline driving herself and him insane worrying about this day. Marceline continued running around the apartment they shared as Marshall read a book. Marshall was an avid reader, and no one was really surprised to see a book in his hands during the most chaotic times, yet no one would expect he would be reading the exact book he was reading now.
Marshall was tired of the same old Thanksgiving. He didn't care if they kept doing it, as long as he wasn't involved. Because of this, he began to form a plan in his head to make them stop involving him into this madness. Sure, some people would be mad at him, specifically Marceline, yet it was worth it.
"Come on Marsh! We're leaving." Marceline announced grabbing her coat.
"Alright. I'm coming." He replied hiding the miniature book in his pants pocket and heading out.
"What? No, 'I'm not leaving this house' or 'Count me out'? That's weird. I usually have to drag you out by your feet." Marceline stated looking at Marshall suspiciously.
"Psh. C'mon babe. You have no faith in me." He said as he kissed her on her forehead. However, Marceline failed to notice as he did so he touched his pocket. He then opened the door with an evil grin on his face.
The drive to Bonnie's and Bubba's was quite long and they probably wouldn't have made it in time if it wasn't for Marceline's persistent rushing. Marshall, for once, let Marceline drive which brought her spirits up. Marceline noted the book that was occupying much of Marshall's time yet she didn't see the title. More importantly, Marceline didn't care. She was suspicious of Marshall's activities since usually he would be complaining and begging not to go, however she didn't think that much of it. Marshall, however, saw Marceline's suspicion and made sure to not let her see the cover of the book.
Marceline decided to give up catching a glance at the cover and turned on the radio, hoping to both distract Marshall and to get an idea for a new song. Marshall looked up at Marceline at which she smirked. He, instead of doing the expected, rolled his eyes and turned back to his book. This brought back Marceline's suspicion. Marceline, upset she was ignored, ignored him back and decided to sing a long, no longer interested in Marshall or whatever he was reading.
After a tense hour ride, in which Marshall read his mysterious book majority of the time, they arrived. Marceline got out as soon as they arrived; still upset Marshall said nothing to her. Marshall took his time, glad he finally read the entire book.
"Marceline! Marshall Lee! What a delight to see you here! But, it seems you've come thirty minutes early…Oh dear! It seems that Finn and Fionna aren't here yet and we haven't finished cooking." Bonnibel announced.
"It's okay. I'll just help in the kitchen. Marshall will probably just go in the living room and watch TV." Marceline predicted.
Marshall thought about it and realized this was his chance to put his plans to action.
"NO! I mean, umm no. I'd rather, you know, help y'all out. That is, if you don't mind." Marshall Lee grinned scratching the back of his head.
Marceline gave him a suspicious glare at his outburst and was about to ask him what he was doing until she was interrupted by Bonnibel saying, "Of course not Marshall! The more the merrier!"
They all went to the kitchen and prepared food while Marshall watched vegetables in the sink. He regretted volunteering, because kitchen duty was as boring as it gets and he decided to wait 'til everyone was eating to begin his plan. Bubba then arrived in the kitchen. He made a bee line to Bonnie and kissed her on the cheek before he sat down in front of the kitchen island.
"What's cooking good looking..sss?" he added, which caused both Marceline and Bonnie to giggle. Marshall Lee rolled his eyes.
"Actually, we're done; we just have to make the salad." Bonnie admitted.
"That's if Marshall Lee would hurry up washing the vegetables," sneered Marceline.
Marshall turned around, surprised he was actually washing these vegetables for a specific reason. As he did so, the phone rang, which Bonnibel hurriedly answered.
"Hi Fionna! Oh. Is that so? I'm so sorry. It's okay. We'll see you next year then!" Bonnie said hanging up the phone. "Friends, it seems Finn and Fionna will no longer be able to join us. It seems Finn has broken four ribs."
Everyone stared at each other, secretly telling each other to ask the question that everyone wanted to know, but no one did. Bonnibel ignored the tension in the room and told everyone to get ready for dinner. Marshall Lee and Marceline both stayed in the kitchen to wash their hands.
"I don't know what you're up to, but I'm going to find out." Marceline stated as she dried her hands off.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Mar Mar." Marshall replied smirking.
As soon as they sat down, Marshall prepared himself for making everyone, including himself, uncomfortable. He once again touched his pocket which held the book Things You Can Only Get Away with Saying during Thanksgiving. It got him out of five bucks, but hopefully it'll be worth it. Marshall grabbed the hen he prepared and got himself some.
"Hey Bubba, would you like to try my meat?" Marshall wiggled his eyebrows which caused everyone to stop and look at him. Bubba choked on the dressing he was eating and looked at Marshall.
"Umm, no thank you Marshall." Bubba replied.
"Come on Bubba! Just put a little in your mouth. You might like it." Marshall insisted as he winked.
Bonnibel began coughing profusely and Marceline face palmed herself.
"Well, if you insist Marshall." Bubba answered uneasy.
"Good. Just give me time to pull the legs apart. Tell me Bubba; are you a breast man or leg man?" Marshall grinned.
"Uhh, Uhh..." Bubba hesitated as he blushed and looked at the women around the table.
"Don't be ashamed Bubba! I, myself, am a leg man. Just ask Marceline!" Marshall reassured which caused Marceline's face to go red.
Marshall cut the leg off since Bubba never answered. He was about to give it to a red faced Bubba until he stopped and said, "It's a little bit of dry…do you still want to eat it? I mean, plus it's a bit tough."
Bubba hurried and got the plate from Marshall before he could embarrass him any further. Everyone went back to eating until Marshall noticed Bubba was having a bit of trouble with getting the meat off the bone.
"Come on Bubba boy! I know you can do it! I'm pretty sure you jerked off bigger and better things than that small piece of meat! I remember that one thing…I forgot what it was, but I'm pretty sure I remember your description of it…Oh yeah! It was large. Oh so very large! I think I might've seen it once." Marshall admitted.
Bonnibel looked at Marshall shocked, and Marceline looked down confused whether to laugh or be angry. Bubba looked mortified and put down the piece of meat.
"Just yank the bone a little bit. It will cum." Marshall encouraged, at which Bubba just gave up trying to eat at all.
Marshall was congratulating himself in his head on a job well done. Suddenly, Bonnibel got up from her chair.
"I think it's best for everyone if I serve dessert." She said as she went back to the kitchen.
"Oooh, this is so nice and moist. Marceline this meat is so tender. Tell me, how long did it take for you to beat it?" Marshall asked.
"Not as long as it will take for me to beat you." She said, not understanding her words until she already said them.
"Really Marceline? Well, don't worry that can be arranged." Marshall replied, ignoring Bubba and snaking his hand across the table to touch her leg, until he was stopped by a foot kicking his knee.
"Next time, it will hit the target." Marceline threatened.
Marshall fell back and looked at Bubba. He then said, "Ready for seconds? I sure am."
Bubba hung his head down in defeat, forever scarred by the words Marshall said. Marshall grinned as Marceline glared at him from her seat. Marshall looked around and knew he could do better. He spent at least three hours reading all of the stupid jokes, and he knew he hadn't drawn the line yet. Bonnibel came in and set the pumpkin pies on the table. Marceline knew something bad was about to happen so she stared at Marshall communicating with him with her eyes telling him he won; he didn't have to come again. Marshall saw this, but ignored it.
Marshall decided to be quiet for a while. Everyone then grabbed a plate of the pie and began to eat.
"Whoa! Look at Bubba lap up that whip cream! Don't worry, it won't go anywhere. To be honest, I don't know how you can eat anymore! I need to undo my pants or I might burst! Oh, who am I kidding? I'm pretty sure I can fit three in my mouth!" Marshall said, digging in. He then saw some whip cream on Bubba's mouth in which he cleaned off with is finger and licked it seductively. Bubba's face became even redder, if that was possible.
"Bonnibel…you and your house have gotten so beautiful." Marshall complimented.
"Oh really? Thank you Marshall! I tried my very best to make sure everything was perfect."
"Yes, yes. I am sure you did. However, I'm just wondering, did those melons get larger? I mean, last year they were a healthy size, but now they're just humongous!"
Bonnie's face became confused and everyone set down their fork. Marceline was angry, but Bubba was obviously angrier. He stood up from his chair, quite dramatically in Marshall's opinion, and left the kitchen. Bonnibel followed him and left Marshall Lee and Marceline at the table by themselves.
"MARSHALL LEE!" Marceline yelled.
"What? I was talking about those melons!" he laughed pointing at the melons in the bowl in the middle of the table.
Marceline bid a farewell and apologized for Marshall's behavior. They then took their leave while Marceline put Marshall on silent treatment the entire ride.
"You win some, you lose some." He thought to himself.
It took two weeks for Marceline to start back talking to him and a month for Marshall to be able to sleep in their bed again. If you asked him though, he would say it was worth it
"Marshall! Come on! Get dressed! We've got to go." Marceline yelled as she rushed around on Christmas Eve.
"What? Where are we going?" Marshall Lee asked confused.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. We're going to your mother's for Christmas. I also invited Bubba, Bonnie, Finn, and Fionna. Hopefully you won't pull some stunt like you did at Thanksgiving, which I'll be sure to tell Martha. My father said he even might come." Marceline replied, an evil smirk playing on her lips.
All of the color drained from Marshall's face as he looked at Marceline. He then face palmed and whispered to himself, "Not again."
link: lamebook dot com / thanksgetaway / thanksgetaway