A/N: Angsty Klaine one-shot. After a post-graduation break-up Kurt Hummel moved to NYC and has been living there for two years missing Blaine everyday. What happens when fate intervenes and gives him a shot to reclaim the one that got away?
Kurt stares out of the window of the Boeing 747 as it makes its descent into Lima, Ohio. Kurt thought he had left Lima behind for good when he moved after graduation to NYC to attend NYADA, but after two years of life in the big apple he was hopelessly lost. He couldn't focus on any of his classes anymore, his auditions were lackluster and he couldn't remember the last time he had sung outside of class just for fun. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he had started to lose himself. It had just been a slow process that had begun a few months after he started at NYADA. He quickly discovered though that being the new kid in town was not in his favor of scoring the big roles he had hoped for in and out of school.
It was more than just missed roles for shows. If he was truly, deeply honest with himself, it had really started his graduation day when he had given up the only boy he had ever loved.
May 22, 2012. The day he was finally leaving McKinley and Lima behind for good. The day he and Rachel packed their things to move to NYC to make their dreams come true. Also, the day he had to do the hardest thing he had ever done in his eighteen years of life. He had to let go of his Blaine. He didn't want to, but he needed to for both Blaine and himself. As he walked off the stage with his diploma he saw Blaine waving to him and smiling out of the corner of his eye, but Kurt just stared straight ahead and walked back to his seat amongst the remaining graduates. This was going to be harder than he had anticipated.
It was late that night, after his friends had left his and Finn's joint graduation party that Kurt finally got the chance to talk with Blaine one-on-one. He had been avoiding the other boy's eyes all night, simply standing by and holding his hand one last time. It was bittersweet and painful the way Blaine's hand felt in his now. For the longest time, Blaine's touch had always brought him comfort and made him feel loved. Now, it filled him with dread and a numbness that was slowly seeping into his bones because he knew he had to do this. He had to convince Blaine that they would be better off without each other. He chanced a glance sideways as he walked Blaine to his car, and his breath caught in his throat knowing that this would be the last time he would ever talk to Blaine. This had to be a clean break for both of them. No further communication. No way to drag up the past. No chance of heartbreak.
Blaine turned to him when they reached his car and leaned in to kiss Kurt. Acting quickly Kurt turned his head, forcing Blaine's lips to connect with his cheek instead. They pulled apart and something in Blaine's eyes looked lost and confused. Kurt took a steadying breath and opened his mouth to make this quick. "Blaine, I-," he trailed off, Blaine hugging him fiercely before he could finish.
"I'm so proud of you, Kurt. I'm so proud of how brave you were last year, returning to McKinley and standing up to your bullies. I'm so proud of you for graduating today in the top of your class. But I'm the most proud of you for chasing your dreams. For having the courage to follow them, and I know you'll succeed, Kurt. If there's anything I believe in, Kurt Hummel, it's you.," Blaine said, eyes shining with emotion. Kurt took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Blaine, I need to tell you something.", and with those words he had sealed his fate. Blaine had been upset, but not shocked, Kurt could tell. It was almost as if he knew this was coming. He could feel the inevitability of New York and NYADA and Broadway coming between himself and Kurt. So he had let him go, with tears streaming silently down his face and whispered 'I love you's' shared for the last time, between the pair. The next day, as he was boarding his flight to New York, with Rachel in tow, he checked his phone one more time and saw the last text he would ever receive from Blaine Anderson. "Courage."
It had been two years since then and Kurt knew now that ending things with Blaine had been a mistake, and a pretty big one at that. He wanted to call or text the boy who would now be a sophomore at OSU, but he couldn't do that to Blaine or himself. Blaine probably wanted nothing to do with him, and he needed to move on and forget about his high-school sweetheart. But with the familiar sights of Christmas in Lima coming into view from his window seat all he could think of was Blaine and he singing together by a roaring fire in one of the study rooms at Dalton Academy.
Kurt hadn't been back to Lima in all of this time. The first Christmas break he had his dad, Carole, and Finn had all come to New York to visit him and see what NYADA was like. The next time, Carole and Burt went on a cruise for their long awaited honeymoon and Finn had spent the time with Rachel's family. Not having any reason to return to Lima and not wanting to spend the holidays watching his brother and Rachel Berry eat each other's faces he had opted to stay in NYC. All summers had been filled with auditions, part time jobs, and workshops to make him a better performer. In all honestly, he was ready for the welcome break being home would bring. He just didn't know if he was ready for the ghosts it would bring with it.
His father met him at the gate, enveloping him in a hug that knocked all the air out of him. He had missed his dad so much. This Christmas would be his chance to reconnect with his family and finally recapture the things he had let go of when he had left. "It's good to see you, kid," his dad said grabbing Kurt's luggage for him and rolling it to the waiting car. Kurt breathed in the smell of the town he had long given up on, feeling nostalgia pull at his mind before shaking it off and following his dad to the parking lot.
The days that followed were a blur of food, presents, cooking, and preparing the house for Burt and Carole's Christmas party. Since they had moved into a big house after being married, the two took every excuse they had to invite over friends and neighbors for food and spirits. The parties were always fun and cozy with music and a fire to keep the winter chill at bay. The day of the party was hectic for Kurt, especially. They were expecting twenty guests, and Kurt had been put in charge of the food.
Guests were scheduled to arrive at 8, and Kurt was just taking his last batch of cookies out of the oven when the doorbell signaling the first guest rang. He raced upstairs to change, not wanting anyone to see him in his flour covered apron. He hurried to spray his hair back into place, and then raced downstairs to help greet their guests. He was pleasantly surprised to see not only his dad and Carole's friends, but also some of his old friends from New Directions. Sitting on their couch next to Finn and Rachel were Brittany and Santana. On the floor in front of them were Mercedes and Tina, laughing and giggling together, and then Artie and Mike were off to the side chatting amicably and catching up.
Kurt smiled and walked over to his old friends who immediately enveloped him in a hug that nearly crushed his bones. They were laughing and talking when the doorbell rang again. Kurt got to his feet, a little less than gracefully considering the position they had pulled him into, and made his way to open the door. When he opened it, who he saw waiting on the other side was not who he had been expecting. Blaine Anderson. And just like that Kurt's heart had slammed to a halt in his chest, and taking up new residence in his throat. He couldn't speak. All he could manage was a dumbfounded look and a few gapes of his mouth before he cleared his throat and came out with the only thing he could think of.
"Hi." Well that was articulate. Blaine smiled at the expression on Kurt's face and replied with a gentle, 'Hi' of his own. Kurt stepped back to let him into the house and closed the door softly behind them. He turned to face the other man who was standing in his entryway, removing his coat, and oh goodness Kurt had forgotten just how good a pair of jeans could make someone look. Blaine looked like he always had, just older and somehow impossibly even more attractive than when they were seventeen. Kurt was thrown directly back into his seventeen year old self, his heart fluttering wildly just at the sight of the man in front of him.
"How-um-how have you been, Blaine? It's been so long since I've seen you." Kurt stuttered through his question trying to feel out the tension between them to see if it was negative or positive. So far he could feel a little of both.
"I've been…good. How about you? How's New York?" Blaine was staring right into Kurt's eyes, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Good. Yeah, it's good." They were saved from further conversation when they heard a loud chorus of 'BLAINE!' from all of their friends assembled in the living room. He smiled at Kurt and walked away to talk to Artie. Kurt stepped back into the foyer breathing deep and trying to assess exactly what he was feeling. He definitely was happy to see Blaine again, but he wasn't sure if it was because he still had feelings for the other man or if he simply had missed him in his life. Kurt looked at him laughing easily with their friends and decided that it was probably way too early into the night to be thinking such things.
Kurt walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of champagne, quickly chugging its contents. He refilled his glass and proceeded to chug it before he could gather the courage to rejoin the party. Filling his glass again, he made his way to the group of former New Directions members and caught the tail end of a conversation about Nationals his junior year. He smiled remembering breakfast at Tiffany's and singing at the Gershwin. He was smiling at Rachel, who was retelling the story of meeting Patti LuPone, something he would always be jealous of, when he glanced to his left and he caught Blaine's gaze. He was smiling softly at Kurt, but didn't break eye contact when Kurt met his stare. Instead, he held it and Kurt could feel something warm and tingly starting in his stomach. The moment was broken when Carole announced dinner was ready, and everyone dispersed to grab plates of food.
He sat alone by the fireplace, and waited. He sensed rather than felt Blaine sit down beside him after awhile and turned to focus on him. "So, Blaine what brings you here…to my house?", he asks a little more forcefully than he meant to. He watches Blaine gulp down his bite of food and waits for the answer.
"Well, Carole invited me since she was inviting all of the old New Directions, and I didn't want to be rude so…I came.", he stated simply. Kurt nodded. That made sense, even though he couldn't help the small twinge of something that he felt when he realized Blaine had not come to see him.
"Well, how is OSU? You're a sophomore there right?", Kurt asked. He didn't know where they stood exactly, but he did know that he wanted Blaine back in his life in some capacity, even if that meant just as friends.
"OSU has been good, but I'm actually transferring next semester.", Blaine started. "I want to try living somewhere a little farther from home while I'm still in school. I'd like to be able to try things on my own for awhile."
"Where are you transferring?", Kurt interrupts. He's glad Blaine is finally getting away from Ohio. As much as Kurt misses his family and some of the things he had to leave behind, getting out of Lima had been good for him. It had proved to him that he could make it in the real world. Blaine deserved that confidence too.
"NYU.", Blaine said staring directly into Kurt's eyes. His breathing hitched and he was quiet for a moment allowing his brain to catch up to what Blaine had just said. NYU. In New York. Blaine is going to be in New York after Christmas break.
"Oh.", is all he can think to say. He looks back at Blaine who opens his mouth to say something, but they're interrupted when Rachel calls them over towards the baby grand in the Hummel family living room.
"Guys, come sing carols with us!", she pleads. They both force a smile and join the group already gathered. They sing backup as Mercedes gives an amazing performance of "All I Want for Christmas is You" and sing along to "Silent Night" and "Jingle Bells." Kurt thought they were done after that, but Blaine turned to him and grabbed him by his elbow pulling him close so he could whisper in his ear.
"Want to give them a performance they'll never forget?", and Kurt nods silently pushing down the heat that had swelled low in his stomach at the feel of Blaine's breath in his ear. He followed Blaine to the piano, and sat next to him on the bench. He smiled at hearing the familiar opening notes of a song that brought him back to his junior year, a fire, and some serious eye-fucking over a biography of Charlemagne.
He sang the opening line of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" hoping that his voice didn't sound to scratchy from the emotions he was struggling to choke down. When Blaine echoed back the next line, he struggled to remember the rest of the lyrics because his voice was just as beautiful as always and it had been so long since he had heard it. They finish and there are tears in his eyes and he excuses himself to the bathroom for a moment. He locks the door behind him, and his façade is broken. He misses him so much, this simple sweet boy, who had given him love and who he had loved enough to let him go. He didn't want to pretend anymore though. He was going to put his heart on the line for Blaine that night, right there.
He exits the bathroom and returns to the living room searching for a familiar head of gelled curls. He frowns when he doesn't spot him, and turns to find Rachel directly behind him instead. "He left.", she says. "He thought he upset you, so he left. He left this though." She hands him a small slip of paper that has a familiar scrawl across it. Memories of scribbled lyrics and sheet music, notes passed in math class, and sweet simple love letters are brought to his mind, and the tears are refreshed as he reads the note.
Kurt, I'm sorry. I wanted to fix things, to try again, but I understand that that is no longer possible for us. I didn't mean to hurt you. Merry Christmas, Kurt. Love always, Blaine.
Kurt spends the rest of his break in the house walking around like a ghost. It feels like after graduation all over again, but this time it had all been a misunderstanding. He wanted to call Blaine, to talk to him, but every time he tried to figure out what to say he chickened out. He spent New Years' alone on the couch drinking champagne and watching Snooki in a giant ball drop, which he wasn't entirely sure wasn't just a side effect of the alcohol.
He returns to school and his routine. Classes, auditions, part-time work, and papers fill up his time, and he wonders about Blaine and how he's settling into NYU, and whether he's made any friends or met any guys. He finally can't take it anymore one Saturday night and walks in the crisp night air the thirteen blocks to NYU's dorms from his and Rachel's apartment. He has no idea what he's doing or even where to go once he gets there, but he just keeps walking and praying for a miracle.
He looks up at the tall dormitory buildings. They're dimly lit, and imposing from his vantage point on the street and he has no idea how to get in or even which room is Blaine's. He's about to give up and leave when he hears behind him, "Kurt?"
He turns and it's Blaine. He smiles, waves tentatively, and steps forward not breaking eye contact. "What are you doing here?", Blaine asks. He sounds confused, but Kurt is too. He doesn't know what to say what he's thinking so instead he launches himself at Blaine, connecting their lips in a kiss that was cold from the January chill in NYC and rough from Blaine's chapped lips. He's putting everything into it, but starts to worry when Blaine doesn't kiss him back. He tries to pull back, thinking he's clearly made a mistake when Blaine finally grabs his face in both of his hands and deepens their kiss. It's timid and questioning and Kurt just wants this forever, but all too soon Blaine is pulling away and breathing deeply.
"I came for you. Blaine, the party, I was upset, yes, but not for the reasons you thought. I've missed you, Blaine. Ever since graduation I've missed you. I wanted you then Blaine, and I want you now, and I'm sorry it took me this long to reconcile my heart with my head." It tumbles from his mouth and Blaine is kissing him again, harder, more tongue and teeth this time.
They stay like that for Kurt doesn't know how long, just soaking in each other, remembering. Eventually, they walk to a nearby coffee shop and sit down, hands locked over the table and medium drip and non-fat mocha in hand, feeling like them again. Blaine explains that he had decided on NYU because he wanted to be with Kurt again too, and had hoped the Christmas party was his chance. Kurt confessed that he had wanted the same almost immediately after he had decided to end things two years ago, but had thought that going to New York alone and unattached would be the best thing for them both.
They cried, they laughed, but most importantly they were they again. Kurt and Blaine. They walked back to Blaine's dorm, hand in hand, and Kurt's eyes lit up when Blaine asked him to stay with him. That night was new for both of them. They had only had sex a few times before the end, so this night was a journey for both of them. It was rediscovery and love. It was passion and joy, mixed with tears and heartache. Kurt lies awake later that night, listening to Blaine's soft snoring, and smiling because here finally, with the lights of New York out of his window and this boy by his side, he was himself, and he was home.
I hope this was an ok one-shot. I've actually been working on it since September, but have just now finished it and at an appropriate time of year too. Feedback? I would love to know what you all thought!