Hello everyone. I was looking through the Sly Cooper fandom and realised there were no self-insert stories. I intend to fix that ^_^ (although it's way more of an OC than an SI). So, this story will have everyones favorite thief pulled out of his dimension into ours. Cliched as hell, i know, but i promise i'll make it interesting. (I hope anyways).

Any suggestions, ideas, and criticism will be accepted. Meaningless flames will be burned in hell with the people who wrote them. OK then, let's get started.

I do not own Sly Cooper or any of the songs, games, movies, tv shows, books, or other stuff I mention.


"The right man in the wrong place can make all of the difference in the world." (Half-life)


You know…I never did quite understand people. We're an interesting species to say the least. We have the ability to create great things, and yet many of us choose to destroy. We have the capacity to understand almost anything, yet many choose to remain ignorant. We could easily fix many problems, yet we choose to avoid them at all costs. I found myself asking why for many years and the only explanation I can come up with is simply that…we're primitive.

We may be intelligent, we may be powerful, but when you get right down to it, most of us are no better than simple cavemen. After all these years, we are still make fire just for the hell of it, we still enjoy watching people hurt each other, and most of all, we still shun anything different from the norm.

When confronted with something unusual or strange, no one's first thought is to try and understand it. It's always "Terminate…execute…KILL!" So what happens when YOU'RE unusual? What happens when YOU'RE different? Will they give you a chance? Accept you for what you are? Or will they mark you as an outcast?

…Well…what the hell do you think?

People avoid me before they even know me, and why? Because of some stupid scar? Are a few burns really all that big of a deal? I didn't think so when I first got them, but have you ever tried telling that to a bunch of high school students? Believe me…it's not fun.

If they knew how I got the scars…the story behind the marks…why I'm proud to bear them…they might feel differently. But, they never even gave me a chance to explain before they started ripping me to shreds.

Now, being a senior, I finally know how it works. If I cover up the burn marks to the best of my ability and don't talk to anyone, they leave me alone. So, that's exactly what I've been doing. For the past three years, I haven't talked to anyone at my school other than the teachers. Sure, it gets lonely, but it's a hell of a lot better than the angry mob that makes up the student body.

Who cares about them anyways? All I need is my house, my guitar, and my big bro. Well, at least…that's what I used to think…before HE came along.

GOD do I hate him. His stupid sense of humor, that cocky, arrogant smirk, and that overly optimistic attitude that just makes me want to punch something. And yet, through everything, he STILL manages to find a way to make up for all of that.

In just one month, he appears out of nowhere, drags me on the biggest adventure of my life, becomes the best friend I've ever had, and then disappears forever. Even though I expected something like this from the get go, I'm not gonna lie, I miss him already. After all, it's not every day you befriend an interdimensional kleptomaniac.

…ok…I imagine that a question mark is probably forming above all of your heads right now, so I think now is a good time to start explaining. My name is Thorn. If you're lucky, I might let you call me Rose, but until I say otherwise, you don't get to use my real name. I live with my older brother in the windy city of Chicago.

To answer the questions i just created, No, I don't live with my parents, no, they are not dead, and no, I'm not going to explain it right now because that's not what I'm here for.

What I AM here for, is to give you the full, uncut, uncensored version of what happened during this past month. I will not change anything, however embarrassing it may be, nor will I sugar-coat it to make it sound better. This is the full truth, shortened for length of course, but everything important is still in here.

So without further ado, here it is. My name is Thorn Thompson, and...I guess...this is my Thievius Humanus.


Alright, I know it was short, but it WAS just the prologue, the real story begins after this.