Aperture Science Unofficial Official Disclaimer: "Life's A Happy Song", though somewhat edited for this story, is from The Muppets.


Being Human Too

Or, A Less Scientific Study on the Behavioral and Social Aspects of Homo Sapiens in its Natural Habitat Facilitated through the use of an Aperture Science Personality Construct

Study: Impromptu Music Numbers

999999 in the future, somewhere in lower Michigan, lived two very strange people. One could barely speak and had no memories before waking up in a strange facility and being forced to perform various tests. The other had been an Aperture Science Personality Construct who later was returned to his original body as part of an ill-fated experiment to study humankind.

Despite being woefully unsuited to living in the outside world, through each-other's support, a less-than sane business owner who took them in, and GLaDOS' ability to forge identification documents, Chell and Wheatley had finally settled into a somewhat normal life.

Today was a very special day for Chell and Wheatley. Today was the anniversary of their escape from Aperture. Though it wasn't much of an escape since GLaDOS had let them go, well Wheatley's "escape" was being shot into space, but it was more convenient than having a second anniversary for his actual release.

At first Wheatley had hated being human again, but as he relearned its ups and downs the former core now found himself much happier. There was food, and television, and that thing he and Chell would do that felt like the testing euphoria...

With all the memories of his previous adventures, Wheatley felt happier than he had ever been at Aperture and, perhaps subconcioulsy recalling that his human adventure had begun with an impromptu music number, began to sing.

Wheatley: Everything is great, everything is grand

I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand

Everything is perfect, its falling into place

I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face

Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along

As Wheatley strolled through town, disturbing everyone with his random signing, Chell was walking towards the enrichment center. In exchange for help forging documents to prevent the authorities from finding out where Chell and Wheatley had come from, Chell agreed to return to the enrichment center and do some tests once a week. That and, dare she admit, testing was fun, though GLaDOS would usually respond by saying that it was Stockholm syndrome.

Though no longer mute, Chell still rarely spoke, however today she too felt like singing.

Chell: Life smells like a rose

with someone to paint, with someone to pose

Life's like a piece of cake

with someone to pedal, someone to break

Life is full of glee

with someone to saw and someone to see

Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along

Still singing, Chell came upon Wheatley and motioned for him to come over. Their random songs through the power of musical numbers then became a duet.

Wheatley and Chell: I've got everything that I need

right in front of me

Nothing's stopping me,

nothing I can't be with you right here next to me

As the two continued their journey towards the wheat field and the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center they walked past several people from their original adventures on the surface who surprisingly, or depending on your opinion unsurprisingly, singing as well.

Sal Monella: Life's a piece of cake

Wheatley and Chell: with someone to give and someone to take

Gabe: Life's a piece of pie

Wheatley and Chell: with someone to wash and someone to dry

Zanegar: Life's an easy road

Wheatley and Chell: with someone beside you to share the load

Chief Bromden: Life is full of highs

Wheatley and Chell: with someone to stirand someone to fry

Dr. Calvin: Life's a bunch of flowers

Wheatley and Chell: with someone to while away the hours

By this point Chell and Wheatley had reached the shed which lead to Aperture. They got into the waiting lift and were quickly taken down to GLaDOS' main chamber. "You brought the moron?" GLaDOS asked with her optic narrowing in distate.

Chell nodded and turned to Wheatley only to see he was gone. Both her and GLaDOS looked to a monitor and saw Wheatley had somehow managed to get into one of the test chambers.

Wheatley: Life is like a test

The panels beneath Wheatley fell away and he plummeted towards a pool of acid below.

GLaDOS: It proves that you'll never be the best

An aerial faith plate emerged from the solution seconds before Wheatley would have hit, and flung him through the test's exist and on a lift back to GLaDOS' chamber. As Wheatley reentered the main chamber he saw several of the other artificial intelligences had arrived to investigate the singing, including the Fact Core, ATLAS, and P-Body.

Fact Core: Fact: Life's a fillet of fish

Wheatley and Chell: Uh... yes it is

Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along

GLaDOS: I've got everything that I need

right in front of me

Nothings stopping me, nothing I can't be

once you two get out of my facility

GLaDOS was not all pleased with these two distracting the entirety of the enrichment center with their inexplicably well performed yet spontaneous song and dance number and wanted them gone more than Chell doing tests. She had the panels of one wall fall away to call down an lift only to find that hundreds of turrets were standing behind it.

"Oh come on, you can't even move on your own."

The turrets: I've got everything that I need right in front of me

Nothings stopping me, nothing I can't be

with you right here next to me

You've got everything you need right in front of you

nothing's stopping you, nothing that you can't do

You got the world in front of you

All except GLaDOS: Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing;

Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing

Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along

"Ah, how the heck did we do that?" Wheatley asked while panting with exertion from the city-spanning music number. Chell merely shrugged in response. "You still won't talk, luv? You just sang several verses!"

"If you are not going to help further the cause of science, then please get out." GLaDOS prepared to warm up the neurotoxin emitters just in case they were less cooperative than normal.

"F-Fine..., Caroline." Chell said, her voice still rather strained from disuse and possibly imperfectly repaired vocal cords.

"Oh so you'll take for Her!" Wheatley crossed his arms in minor annoyance. However it was GLaDOS who seemed the angriest at Chell's comment. She leaned forward as far as her wires would allow and narrowed her optic. Even without a techincal face, anger could be seen radiating off the normally emotionless Genetic Life-form and Disk Operating System.

"I am not Caroline. Maybe I used to be, but the moment they turned me on she died. Now go away." The panels beneath Chell and Wheatley's feet sprang up, catapulting them into an elevator which promptly sent them back to the surface.

What do you mean you're not Caroline? You can't not be yourself. "I thought I deleted you." GLaDOS turned her attention back to the co-op bots in hopes her conscience would go back to whatever obscure file it was hidden on. You can't delete me, I AM you. "Then I'll just have to fix that, with science."


Rick didn't go over too well, and I wrote myself into a corner with Rickventure. How were he and the co-op bots going to get to New Mexico? I still can't think of a good way, so this will be Being Human's new sequel. Wheatley and Chell will have supporting roles, larger than their planned cameo only appearance in Rickventure, but GLaDOS is the main character this time. Also there will again be reviewer cameos, but I don't have a good question for this chapter.