A/N: After random-hibernation-mode terminated, I suddenly became aware of the heinous fornication of plot bunnies in the darkest recesses of my mind. Conclusion/Point Of Sentence: I scare myself.

WARNINGS: Swear words (oh noes!), mentions of various mental illnesses and homosexuality (duh).

Q: What do Naruto, Valium, Camp Lazlo and The Muppets have in common?
A: I don't own them.

As I stared at the spectacle before me, my desire to grab the nearest sharp, pointy thing and drive it through my eyeball (repeatedly) suddenly skyrocketed. As it was, I settled for closing my eyes and breathing deeply.

Worst-case scenario, I'd just curl into the foetal position and rock back and forth. I was legally crazy anyway.

I slowly opened my lidded eyes as I approached the circle of chairs. Glaring at everything in the room that offended me (such as anything that breathed) I took a seat in the nearest chair. Suddenly, a circle or Crazies stopped their conversations– or, in one case, dribbling– and stared at me.

The annoying nurse who had taken me on a tour of "my new home for the next six months (and the six after that if I fail the psych evaluation test!)" suddenly spoke up, brushing away her dark fringe from her face and adjusting her hideous pig brooch.

Think: Miss Piggy and the Mayor from Camp Lazlo's love child.

"Everyone, this is Sasuke. He'll be staying in your wing for at least the next six months. Why not make him feel welcome? You know the drill," the nurse said, her almost-cheery tone highlighting the awkwardness in the air. She gave a self-conscious chuckle before nodding pointedly at a pink-haired candy striper and leaving the room.

The angelic smile was plastered onto Pinky's face for a few more milliseconds before she turned her head to glare at me. "Name. Age. Reason for being here," she barked. "For example, I'm Sakura Haruno. I'm 17. I'm going to be a doctor when I'm older, so I'm racking up the hours at this shit hole to get closer to that goal. Now you go," she commanded.

So, she was an incredibly annoying and duplicitous bitch. We might just get along.

"Sasuke Uchiha. 17. Killed my brother– temporary insanity. Or permanent. I don't really give a fuck," I drawled, counting two gasps during my confession.

So, out of 16 people, only two were even slightly surprised I killed my own brother. Or admitted to being insane. I could already tell I would fit in here.

The guy sitting next to me– tall, blond, tanned, hot– turned to give me an appreciative glance. It was then I noticed the candy striper uniform.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Naruto. Get that fucking thing off and stop stealing female uniforms!" Pinky screeched. Several of the Crazies laughed at the blond's antics.

Outwardly I blinked and sighed, annoyed. On the inside I pretended not to be cataloguing that name, imagining it tumbling from my abused lips as-…

Fuck. These are not straight thoughts, damn-it-all-to-hell!

A girl with two buns plonked on either side of her head scoffed. "And they call me the clepto," she snickered, turning to me. "The name's Tenten. I'm 18. I like shiny things," she explained, poking the pretty-boy next to her in the ribcage with something that was, indeed, shiny. And sharp. He glared at her icily before clearing his throat.

"Neji Hyuuga. 18. Daddy issues," he dead-panned. Looks like another friend for me.

Joy unbounded.

"Yosh! I'm Rock Lee! 18 youthful years of age! I want to be like my idol, Dr. Gai! Star of the day-time TV show 'The Beast in Green Scrubs!' and doctor here at the National Institute for Mental Health!" the broccoli-on-acid shouted. I don't know if I was more shocked at the fact that he wasn't a patient or that green morph suits came that tight.

"Oh, ew. Sit down, Flubber, those suits were meant to be worn with underwear," a blonde girl said, swiping her long fringe away from her cerulean blue eye. Her hand was sickeningly bony, her face nothing but skin wrapped tight– too tight, inhumanly tight– around a skull. "I'm 17, Ino Yamanaka. Here because– as you can see– I'm death warmed up. 2 years of anorexia," she said. "Billboard brow over there," she gestured to Pinky, "calls me Ino-pig. She reckons I look like Tonton– that disgusting pig-badge Shizune was wearing." Again the Crazies laughed, and I joined in.

A guy with jet-black hair held up in a spiky ponytail sighed. "Fuck, this is troublesome. Well, I'm Shikamaru Nara. I'm 17 too. I've got chronic fatigue syndrome, in here for general depression, I guess," he droned.

"Aww man, lighten up. This place is great. Free food, free entertainment, hot nurses," the brunet stopped his speech to wink at a dark-haired nurse with the same eyes as Daddy's Boy. She blushed and rolled her eyes. The brunet turned to look at me, giving me a full view of his tattoos. "I don't know why he says everything's a drag. I'm Kiba. Kiba Inuzuka. 17, I'm in for… separation anxiety, you could call it," he said. I heard a soft whine from under his chair and saw what looked like a white, furry horse.

"I thought I told you; no dogs allowed in the common room," the raven-haired nurse reprimanded quietly. She glanced at me and blushed, saying, "I'm Hinata Hyuuga. I-I'm 16, birthday's in three weeks. I'm basically here to train for my family's b-business– we manufacture ph-pharmaceuticals," she almost whispered.

"Chouji Akimichi. 17. I guess you could say I'm in for addiction– used to be alcohol, then drugs, now food," he said through a mouthful of chips. "Kinda lame, I know, but if you take my last chip– or last anything– I'll fucking drop you." He continued stuffing his face with chips.

"And if you value your life, steer clear of the 'f' word," another blonde girl said., mouthing the word 'fat' afterwards. Her wild hair was tamed into four ridiculous pigtails, yet she still seemed badass. "Temari. 20. Aspergers. This is Gaara," she motioned to a redhead beside her, before continuing, "17. Slightly homicidal and generally fucked up." Gaara nodded slightly before returning to his Death Glare War with the wall.

"I'm Kankuro. 19. Arrested development," he declared, a grin spreading across his face. "Play with fucking puppets and you're declared insane," he yelled, causing everyone to laugh.

"They clearly want the youth of today off the streets and under surveillance. The government has probably planned the deaths of everyone in this room," uttered a jacket-clad guy. He was engulfed in about 3 layers of coats, with glasses over his eyes and a scarf over his mouth.

I'll admit, his impersonation of a camping tent was pretty damn good.

"That's Shino. He's 17 too. They call him schizophrenic, but he's really just a conspiracy theorist. He doesn't like to speak or show his face too much– reckons the governments keeping him under constant surveillance," the dog-boy (Kiba, was it?) chuckled. Happy Camper turned his head slightly, but other than that showed no emotion.

"He's a dickwad. But at least he has a dick, unlike tranny over there," a pale-ass guy cheerily explained, fake-ass smile distorting his face unfavourably. "I'm Sai, 17 years old. I pretty much don't have emotions. You look gay. Are you gay?" he asked, still fucking smiling.

He'd be lucky if he were able to even blink once I'm through with him.

"Sai, shut the fuck up, alright? I have a dick, and he's not gay. And I'm not a tranny," the blond–the holy fucking fit, tanned, blond– yelled, a bit too loud to be healthy.

But fuck it.

He turned to me, immediately pissing me off when my heart decided to flat-line at those sparkling, cerulean-fucking-blue eyes, opened oh-so wide to stare at me.

Jesus, even I'm surprised that sentence didn't end with "into my soul".

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! 17 years old, here for multiple personality disorder! Really I only have one other personality, and it's a fucking fox, man, but still. Crazy is crazy," he observed. Once again the room darkly chuckled, and I pretended not to savour the deep, breathy chuckle of a certain blue-eyed God next to me.

"So, what? You basically all admit to being crazy?" I asked. It wasn't exactly commonplace in the penthouses of Manhattan; usually we just popped a bottle or two of Valium and continued our charade.

"Pretty much. Denying it isn't normal, right?" Naruto joked, his lips stretching over (lickable) pearly whites. The Crazies, now including me, laughed, returning back to their original conversations now introductions were over with.

As I looked around the room and met the gazes of everyone just like me, with no judgement or fear, I could tell the next six months here could actually be beneficial to me.

But as my eyes locked with the forget-me-not blue pair beside me, I knew the next six months could also be hell. I could tell from the weird constricting in my chest, the aching in my throat and fire in my stomach as he smiled and turned away.

And I was supposed to be fucking straight…

A/N: Love, hate, anger, passion, fear, jealousy, hunger... whatever you felt, drop a review? Flames are understandable :|