Thanks again for reading my stories. This little snippet is technically not a 'chat' with Simon (in fact, all of the Simon stories will not necessarily be 'chats'). I was trying to decide if I wanted to add another story between Hermione Chats with Simon and my next installment tentatively called An Afternoon with Simon, where Simon is five. I was thinking some small anecdote from when Simon was a toddler.
This story is based on something that honestly and truly happened at Worrywart's house when her son was potty training many moons ago. It is one of those stories tucked away and brought out to be told when I am sure my son's embarrassment quotient is low and needs refueling. Good thing he doesn't read Fanfiction (although his mean ole rotten aunt has told me she will email him to let him know)!
The only thing J.K. Rowling and I own in common is stories about potty training. Harry Potter and company is all hers.
Hermione pulled the covers over a sleeping Simon and kissed his forehead. As she turned to leave the room she sighed deeply when she saw toys everywhere. "Does the boy even know what 'pick up your toys' means?" she muttered.
"Apparently not." a deep voice answered from the doorway.
"He gets it from you, you know." Hermione snipped. "You leave your socks any place they fall." She placed a few stuffed dragons on a shelf and picked up the toy potions set Simon left on the floor placing it on the table. She then picked up the clothing he dropped when he got ready for bed. Elbowing Severus out of the way as she left the room, she muttered something under her breath.
"What was that, wife?" Severus called, assuming she said something about him.
"You said something under your breath." Severus said as he followed Hermione to the bathroom.
"Oh. Well. It was not directed at you." She dropped Simon's clothes in the hamper for the house elves to wash. "I was just noticing that Simon's boxers are wet in the front again. Not a lot. He is doing well on his potty training, but I don't think he quite finishes his work, if you know what I mean."
Severus looked blankly at her.
"You know," Hermione hedged. "He doesn't, um…, 'shake' when he's done."
"I mean right from the start, he wanted to stand at the toilet just like you, which made things incredibly easy. He is very good at not going all over the floor, and he only needs assistance with wiping his bum."
"So, what do you want me to do?" Severus asked uneasily.
"I want you to go in with him next time and tell him what he needs to do."
Severus looked blankly at her again.
"I mean, some things just don't come naturally, do they?"
"I guess not. I don't remember my old man ever telling me I had to 'shake'."
"Obviously you learned somehow, I've seen you do it." Hermione started to giggle as Severus sneered at her.
"Okay, okay. Next time I see him go into the bathroom, I will help him out."
"Thank you, love. Simon admires you so, and I am sure he'll learn very quickly if you show him."
Several days later, Hermione walked past the open bathroom door and noticed Simon was using the toilet. She stopped in her tracks when she heard his little voice.
"Tap, tap, tap." Simon said very quietly.
Hermione ran to her bedroom so that Simon wouldn't hear her burst out laughing. Severus found her wheezing on the bed a moment later. "What is going on, woman? Have you taken leave of your senses?"
"What did you….wheeze…tell Simon….snort… to do...gasp...when he was in the potty?" Hermione was holding her sides laughing hard with tears springing from her eyes.
"I told him when he was done tinkling, to shake his Willie…you know, a sort of tap, tap, tap." Severus was quite red with embarrassment. Composing himself, he folded his arms over his chest. "You told me I had to. Why do you ask?"
Hermione wiped her eyes. "Severus, please go in there and tell him he only needs to do it, not say it! Can you imagine if he was 16 in the loo at school and someone heard him say "tap tap tap?"
Even Severus had to chuckle when the image popped into his head. "Indeed."
Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers!