Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.
Does anyone wants to BETA this one-shot?
-Miss Tsukino has suffered a very traumatic experience. She is facing the risk of getting herself into a depression and…
The psychologist's words died in my mind. I was floating above our heads, supported in the cleaning and organized ceiling of the man's office.
Next to me, my mother was shaking nervously, drinking every word of the psychologist like he had the gift of predicting the future.
In that moment, I could only thought of morbid stuff. Buildings of high floors, falls, broken glasses, blood… a lot of blood…
Months ago, I would have shaken of gross just imagining that stuff. But now it's different. Now it looks like stuff of the every day. And it actually has its fun. Who would say that silly, naïve and joyful Usagi Tsukino could have such strong dark humor? If you would have asked me months ago, the answer would be clear. Now, I can still surprise the most skeptical person.
My teacher doesn't complain with me anymore, about not doing the homework or being late. Instead, she sends me a pity look, like I had being the one to fall from the building's balcony. Like I had being the one to die…
My mother ordered me to close the curtains of my room. Even sleeping on the first floor and, if I jump, the fall would hardly hurt me, she fears that can I get ideas. Like that was possible. I had more important stuff to think about, instead of trying to put an end of my own life.
Why did she do it? Our world has always been joyful, yellow. With shades of pink. I knew her since I was a little girl, I knew everything about her. I'd slept in her home so many times that I actually own a couple of blanquettes in her room, ready to receive me. It was the same in my place. And, in that day, I had gone to sleep over there. We talk about the English test, which I failed again, boys, a bracelet her mother gave her, food… well, teenagers stuff. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she jumped. It was like she had waited for that moment in which I left the bathroom to look me in the eyes and allow me to see her shame, fear, sadness, the goodbye…
To me, it didn't make sense that Naru would laugh without worries in one moment and the next, she would jump from her balcony. It didn't have any sense. Maybe she lied to me. Maybe her giggles were hiding a dark shadow in her eyes or expressions. A shadow I didn't notice at all, being so naïve and stupid.
-Usagi? – I heard my mom call. I turn to her, trying not to show my distraction. But the bastard of the psychologist notice and he was sending me a warm smile. I control my sudden need of throwing the paperweight to his head just for offering me that smile, so full of pitting and understanding. But he didn't understand. I had seen my best friend committing suicide! Things would never be the same, as much he would tell me otherwise. Because I changed.
Worse, I didn't realize the change until now. I can't smile like I used to. Something inside of me changed. Pink was gone.
E, as time would flow, also would yellow.
My mother asked me what I wanted for dinner. I shrug, without answering. She bit her lip and, looking over my shoulder, enter the shop in a rush. I stay outside, looking to the opposite wall. There, there was a blue cat with a band aid in its forehead. It looked confused. Well, I was also confused. As stupider as I was, I would have known if Naru had problems. I would know what reasons she had to put an end to her life. But there was nothing. Everything was fine. It was our yellow and pink world.
She cried before jumping. And whisper one only word before gravity taked her far away from us, so we could never see her again. Till today, I still couldn't understand its meaning.
I didn't tell any of this to the police. I pretend to be shocked, but the true was the shock had gone when I heard the sound of a body crush into a car parking outside at the door. I stand myself on the balcony, seeing my best friend's body being found by the doorman and the car's owner, who called the ambulance. I didn't move, thinking of what I saw and what she said. I wasn't myself that night. And I'll never be.
The psychologist had said that, with the depression, I have the risk of suffering an obsessive-compulsive disorder. He was wrong. I already had it. Every time I saw blood, I remembered Naru and the absence of shock. I felt only pain. And I became something like a masochist. I wanted to grab the last memory I had of Naru, performing actions that disturbed particularly my parents and family. Even Shingo trembled whenever he saw me looking at a knife.
The problem was … is that they don't understand me. They want to heal me. But they can't. Something killed Naru. Something forced my best friend to jump from the balcony. Something that wanted to hurt me.
And it succeeded. The yellow was gone.
It was all black.