Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Buy Nothing Day! Not only is this fic my SECOND Thanksgiving fic (the other was the latest chapter of "The DysFUNctional Pirates"), this is also an entry in my Joy Luck Club parody one-shot series. This time, we're parodying the story "Four Directions" this time around! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Baccano! Durarara!, "Party Rock Anthem", "Friday", or The Joy Luck Club.
As the title of the fanfic implies, it was Thanksgiving in Ikebukuro. Everything was closed, except for Russian Sushi, where Shizuo, Simon, and Tanaka Tom were setting up for Thanksgiving dinner. Shizuo invited his brother, Kasuka, and his cousins, Tsugaru and Delic, and Tom and Simon invited Vorona.
"Thank God, we didn't invite the Flea," Shizuo said with a sigh.
"Don't say that. Then, he'll show up with tons of uninvited guests," Tom said. Then, a bell rang, signaling that somebody entered the restaurant.
"Shizuo, i'm here!"
Shizuo turned back, and he saw Kasuka.
"Hey, Kasuka, what's up?" Shizuo asked Kasuka.
"Get in the car. We're going to my place for Thanksgiving," Kasuka said.
"What? But, I thought it was going to be you, me, Tsugaru, Delic, Simon, Vorona, and Tom," Shizuo asked Kasuka.
"Well... You'll see," Kasuka said.
"You invited the Flea?"
Shizuo surveyed the scene in front of him. Currently, they were now at Kasuka's mansion, since Kasuka invited Izaya, who invited Masaomi, Mikado, Anri, Celty, Shinra, Walker, Erika, Saburo, Kyohei, Namie, Seiji, Mika, Tsugaru, Delic, Aoba, Saki, Hibiya, Roppi, Psyche, Vorona, Mairu, Kururi, Rokujo, and Rio.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Kasuka?" Shizuo asked Kasuka.
"No. Izaya invited himself, and he invited all of these people, including his sisters and his step-cousins," Kasuka calmly explained.
"Great, now I have to put up with SIX fleas? One flea was enough, but, six fleas is insanity! They probably came to trash-talk us!" Shizuo ranted before turning his anger to Izaya. "Flea, what the hell was your thought process when you invited Namie Yagiri of all people?"
"We didn't want to leave her out. Plus, I already invited her brother and her future daughter-in-law," Izaya explained. Shizuo facepalmed.
"This night will be the worst night of my life," Shizuo said to himself as the doorbell rang.
"Oh, yeah, I also invited some friends from New York," Kasuka explained as Mairu and Kururi left to go anwser the door.
"How many friends?" Shizuo asked Kasuka.
"Well... I invited most of the cast of the hit mafia-comedy-action series Baccano!" Kasuka explained. Then, Firo, Maiza, Isaac, Miria, Chane, Huey, Jacuzzi, Nice, Czeslaw, Ladd, Lua, Silzard, Ennis, Adele, Graham, Claire, Keith, Berga, Luck, Dallas, Eve, Monica, Gustav, Carol, Ronnie, Sylvie, Nick, Shaft, Mary, Elean, Dune, Elmer, Tick, Tack, Gretto, and Rachel entered. Shizuo facepalmed.
"I am in Hell!" Shizuo cried. Before Shizu-chan knew it, he was forced to sing karaoke with half of the people at this party while the others cooked the dinner, watched football, watched Chirstmas specials, or drank beer.
"We could've had it all! Rolling in the deep!" Nice sang. Shizuo sighed.
"Damn, bitch has a set of lungs on her," Shizuo thought to himself as he lit a cigarette.
"Sir, don't do that! Cigarettes are bad!" Carol scolded Shizuo, who gave her a death glare.
"You can't tell me what to do! I'm older than you!" Shizuo yelled. But, before he could go on a rampage, Izaya tapped him on the shoulder. "What do you want, flea?"
"Please sing this song, Shizu-chan!" Izaya said before he whispered something to Shizuo.
"I'm not singing that song! I fucking hate that song!" Shizuo cried. But, Izaya ushered him to the karaoke machine and shoved the mic into his hands.
"Too bad," Izaya said.
"I hate you, flea! I wish I could -" Shizuo said before the music began.
"Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody, just have a good time
And, we gonna make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good time," Shizuo sang. At the end of the song...
"Well, that wasn't so bad, now, was it, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked Shizuo, who was already picking the next song.
"This goes out to the flea, his sisters, and his lousy step-cousins," Shizuo explained before the music started.
"7 A.M, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend," Shizuo sang as badly as Rebecca Black. Then, the Gandors pulled out their guns and started shooting the karaoke machine. Izaya clapped.
"Well done, Shizu-chan! You have learned a lot from me!" Izaya said sarcastically. Shizuo facepalmed.
"This really sucks," Shizuo said to himself as he walked to the front door.
"Shizu-chan, where are you going?" Izaya asked Shizuo.
"Home," Shizuo anwsered.
"Dinner's ready!" Lua called out from the kitchen.
"Come on, Shizu-chan, stay for dinner!" Izaya pleaded.
"No. This is a soul-crushing party," Shizuo explained.
"Shizu-chan, if you leave, i'll force you to go see Breaking Dawn with me," Izaya said. Shizuo sighed.
"Fine, i'll stay. And, it's because I refuse to see a Twilight movie," Shizuo said. A few minutes later, everyone was seated for Thanksgiving dinner. Fortunately, Shizuo and Izaya sat far apart from each other.
"This is so damn awkward. If this keeps up, i'm turning to booze as my last -" Shizuo thought to himself before Mikado snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Hey, where's our food?" Mikado asked everyone. The people cooking gave out a nervous laugh.
"Yeah... About that..." Namie said with a nervous laugh.
"Namie set the kitchen on fire and burnt all of our food," Simon blurted out. Kasuka's expression didn't change, because you can't read his, can't read his, no, you can't read his poker face.
"Excuse me?" Kasuka cried.
"Relax, bitch, we told everyone to bring food in case this happened," Namie told Kasuka.
"Well, in that case..." Shizuo said as he pulled out a boxed of Fish Eye-brand boxed wine. "Ta-da!"
Everyone grew silent.
"Boxed wine?" Huey questioned.
"Are you on crack? Nobody drinks that stuff!" Namie sad.
"Put that back, Shizuo!" Gretto said.
"Oh, shut up!" Shizuo said as he poured himself a glass of wine.
"I can't believe our Shizu-chan drinks such trashy beverages!" Izaya commented out loud. Shizuo - in mid-sip of his wine - gave him a death glare.
"Ooh! Burned!" Masaomi commented.
"Excuse me, but, we're still waiting for our food," Anri said. Simon pulled out some Tupperware containing Russian sushi.
"How about some Russian sushi? Russian sushi makes everybody happy!" Simon said. Tom opened one of the Tupperware containers, but, closed it when the sushi smelled bad.
"Simon, how old is this sushi?" Tom asked Simon.
"Well, I found it in the trunk of my van, so, I dunno," Simon said with a shrug. Two hours later, there was still no food, the guests were getting very bored, and Shizuo was drunk on boxed wine.
"You're waiting for a train. A train -" Huey said before Masaomi cut him off.
"Inception!" Masaomi shouted, as the two were playing some sort of movie guessing game.
"Czeslaw, is dinner here yet?" Carol asked Czeslaw.
"No," Czeslaw said blankly as he made origami with his napkin.
"This whole Thanksgiving dinner is going straight to Hell, and it's glorious!" Shizuo slurred. Anri sighed.
"Maybe we should just call it a night and go straight to the mall to do some Black Friday shopping," Anri suggested. Ladd banged his fists on the table.
"No! Not until we get fed! Nobody is leaving this mansion until we get food in our stomachs!" Ladd shouted.
"You know, Anri, we can eat the bad, Russian sushi and get out of here, despite the fact that we're going to get food poisioning and possibly die," Mikado suggested. Ladd put a gun up to Mikado's head.
"No! We're eating fresh food! Only the best for my Lua!" Ladd said as he put his arm around Lua.
"Honey, please stop. Innocent people are going to be -" Lua said before Ladd put a hand over her mouth.
"Shut your pretty mouth," Ladd said. Some of the guests sweatdropped.
"Wow. I can't tell if that's love or relationship abuse," Monica commented. Shizuo, seeing something, calmly got up.
"Shizu-chan, where are you going?" Izaya asked Shizuo.
"Smoke break," Shizuo said before leaving the dining room. In reality, he grabbed his coat and left the mansion.
"Worst Thanksgiving ever," Shizuo thought to himself as he lit a cigarette. He was so going to call a taxi to get him out of this Thanksgiving party from Hell. Three hours later...
"We got a turkey and all of the trimmings!" Celty and Shina - dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus - announced as they entered the dining room. Shortly after Shizuo left the party, Celty and Shinra went into town to buy some food.
"Tank God! We're starvin' ova here!" Firo said, picking up his knife and fork like an excited kid as Celty and Shina began to set the table.
"I'm gonna let my smoking-hot girlfriend carve up our turkeys. Chane, the floor is yours," Clarie said. With a nod, Chane began to cut up the turkey.
"From the casts of Baccano! and Durarara!, Happy Thanksgiving!" Everyone said before helping themselves to some dinner. This Thanksgiving scene would've looked heartwarming and happy, if Izaya didn't open his mouth.
"Hey, guys, where's Shizu-chan?"
Ending Note: I can't decide who had the worse Thanksgiving - my One Piece OCs or the casts of Durarara! and Baccano! Everything was going... Uh... Fairly well for my OCs, until they had the great idea of putting all of the dinner into a small toaster oven and accidentally left it alone until it set off a fire. As for the cast of this fic, their dinner got burnt to a crisp (along with Kasuka's kitchen) and they didn't get fed for five hours. Even though they got dinner, Shizuo wasn't fed and missed out on the fun.
Review if you want to see more Baccano!/Durarara! antics.