Uh oh.

by LuffySama

Pairing: Zoro x Sanji, Zosan

Summary: Sanji is forced to partake in a threesome with Zoro, but things take an embarrassing turn.

Warnings: HET but the ultimate pairing is Zosan.


"But we wouldn't really be-"


"What if we just-"

"God damn it Zoro, the answer is No!"

Sanji sighed with frustration as he whacked the cleaver onto the chopping board. Today had already been a rough day, having to rescue Usopp from a gang of raging villagers and Luffy from some tangled jungle vine. On top of that, the crew still expected Sanji to cook them dinner instead of going to one of the many restaurants, since Nami had restricted their spending money.

And now, Sanji was having to put up with Zoro and his ridiculous request.

He should've known that, apart from swords and booze, Zoro was also the first one to seek out the whore house on each island.

Unfortunately, this island didn't have a whore house. The only 'whore' Zoro could find was a very charming, beautiful looking lady in one of the bars, who had given the address to one of the inn's for a 'special night'. And by special night, she meant that Zoro had to bring along an extra guest. At first, Sanji swooned at the sight of the picture of this beautiful stranger, when Zoro waved the picture in his face.

And although he would welcome some sexual release, Sanji wasn't an idiot. They both knew what this lady wanted. Two men, at the same time.

"She's really into it," Zoro had told him. "She refuses to have sex unless she has two guys. That's just her kink, y'know? You've got to do it with me."

Sanji shivered.

"Look," Zoro sighed, equally frustrated. "I can't ask Chopper or Luffy for obvious reasons, and Usopp would probably freak out if I brought it up. You're the only one left."

"I don't care if I was the only man left in the world," Sanji spat. "I'm not getting into bed with you."

"Fine!" Zoro snapped. "Fine then. I should've known you weren't man enough to do something like this."

The swordsman stormed over to the door.

Sanji's eye twitched.

He threw down his knife and spun around abruptly on the heel of his foot.

"Now just wait a minute here," he growled, and the swordsman stopped to look over his shoulder. "I'm man enough to do it, I'd just prefer it wasn't with you."

"Well it doesn't bother me," Zoro said dryly.

Sanji swallowed.

He knew Zoro was being antagonistic on purpose, but he couldn't help rising to the bait.

"Alright," he said through gritted teeth, immediately regretting it. "I'll go with you."

Zoro looked momentarily shocked, which pleased the chef.

"BUT," Sanji continued abruptly. "You got to take a shower first. And you're not going to tell anybody about this. And under no circumstance are you allowed to touch me. Got it?"

It took a while for it to sink in, but Zoro gave a curt nod, showing that he fully understood.

"After dinner. At the Wailing Inn," he said, struggling to hide his smirk.

Sanji resisted the urge to throw a knife at him as he disappeared.

Sighing, he returned to preparing dinner. He should not have agreed to do this…

Sanji's heart was racing.

It had been racing ever since Zoro had left the dinner table, not even making eye contact and subtly 'leaving' without making an excuse – but Sanji knew where he was going. Oddly enough, the secrecy of it all made it all the more exciting. He could barely concentrate as he cleaned up the table, even forgetting to tell Luffy off for making a mess everywhere, or serving dessert up for Nami and Robin. Instead, he dumped all the dishes into the sink and made a feeble excuse that he would wash up later.

He unboarded the ship, and began to make his way through the town. The night was chilly, and the streets were beginning to empty as people disappeared into bars or went back home to sleep. It seemed to take seconds to reach the Wailing Inn, a dingy looking place with a cracked window and a broken sign. He felt his insides squeeze as he looked through the windows, quickly spotting the obvious green marimo head sticking out from the crowd.

It wasn't too late to change his mind.

Sanji felt the excited feeling he had slowly turn into fear. He tried to imagine what it'd be like, sharing a woman with Zoro. The very thought made his insides churn, but at the same time, he was curious. He sucked hard on the last remnants of his cigarette, and decided to take the plunge.

He entered the Inn.

Zoro spotted him immediately, and downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. He slapped some money down onto the bar to pay (Sanji mildly wondered if Nami knew the swordsman had cash), then jerked his head towards the staircase. The signal was obvious, and Sanji swallowed thickly, nodding.

Zoro went up first, leading the way.

He opened the door to one of the rooms and entered. Sanji followed close behind, mentally praying that no one had seen him go in. He shut the door quickly behind him.

The room itself was nothing grand. A simple double bed, a wooden side table with a tacky lampshade, a few arm chairs. Although they looked worn down, at least the room looked and smelled clean.

"Sanji, this is Phyllis," Zoro introduced gruffly. "Phyllis, this is Sanji, the one I was telling you about."

Phyllis laid stretched out on the bed, and purred at the sight of him. "You're right, he really is a looker," she complimented, her voice low and husky.

Sanji immediately felt his pants tighten.

"Likewise," he replied politely, still feeling stunned.

It was hard not to be aroused. Phyllis was hotter than she looked in her photograph. Silky red hair, deep green eyes. She was dressed in a tight, skimpy looking bra that seemed only to cover her nipples. A wafer thin, silky fabric draped around her waist like a sarong, and was light enough to see through to her equally skimpy underwear. For once, Sanji was thankful that Zoro had convinced him to come along. Seeing a girl like Phyllis wasn't an ordinary thing in the Grand Line.

Distantly, he heard Zoro undoing his swords and putting them aside.

"So, has Zoro told you about my fantasy?" She asked with a small blush.

Sanji blushed harder. "Yeah."

Phyllis patted the bed, as if to say 'what are you waiting for?' She smiled lusciously as Zoro sat down on the bed, leaning over to give her a kiss.

Sanji, who was shrugging his suit off, felt his mouth go dry.

Zoro slid a hand around Phyllis's slender neck, cupping the back of her head and tilting her back so that he could deepen the kiss. His eyes were closed, but he moved instinctively, sucking on her bottom lip and delving back into another soft kiss.

The sight of Zoro kissing… completely surprised him, least to say. He hadn't thought the man was capable of anything other than napping, boozing or slicing people up with his swords. Zoro must've sensed his uneasiness, because his dark eyes opened to give him a questioning look. Sanji shook his head, remembering not to let Zoro get the better of him.

He went over to the bed and sat down, bed creaking slightly under the new weight.

Zoro released her, and she hummed with delight as she transferred over to Sanji. Sanji happily obliged, giving himself into the soft lips. He moaned as he was reminded how much he loved to kiss, reaching up to run a hand through her silky red hair. Her hands gripped his hair passionately in return as she moved to sit on his lap, lips still locked. Sanji sighed happily as she rubbed her soft body against his, and he allowed his hands to roam up the sides of her body.

Phyllis began to fumble with his trousers, swiftly unzipping him and rubbing her soft hands on his erection. Sanji tilted his head back as her tongue began to work on his neck. His eyes closed as her hands pulled him free and began to stroke his length – the feeling wasn't sensational, but he was loving it anyway. Her hands were squeezing precum from the tip of his cock and spreading it under her hands.

Sanji decided to return the favour, but Phyllis was shifting again. She turned on his lap so that she was now leaning back against Sanji's chest. His lips automatically kissed her neck as his hands now fondled her breasts softly, pinching the nipples through the fabric.

"Mmm, keep going," she moaned, as Sanji renewed his kisses against her neck.

He had almost. Almost. Forgotten that Zoro was there.

"Baby," Phyllis hummed, reaching a hand out to Zoro as if they shared some mind connection.

Sanji opened his eyes.

Zoro had stood up, and was smiling down at Phyllis. It took a few minutes to realize that Zoro was stripping for her, oh god, oh god, oh god. Sanji lowered his gaze and tried to focus sucking on the smooth flesh of Phyllis's neck, refusing to acknowledge that the swordsman was getting naked in front of them.

However, it was inevitable that he glanced up once more.

His lips parted from her neck as he simply stared, dumbfounded and mesmerized.

Zoro had just finished sliding his shirt off his body, letting the fabric dangle on one hooked finger before letting it drop to the floor. His hands slid down the muscular expanse of his young body, fuck, until he reached the top of his pants. Those long fingers clicked the buckle off with practised ease. It was just enough to let Zoro's hand reach into his pants, and Zoro was stroking himself in there, biting his lip seductively.

"Mmmm!" Phyllis's thighs squeezed against Sanji's legs. She was obviously enjoying the tease show.

Zoro finally pulled himself out of his trousers, revealing his length.

Sanji reddened and he immediately looked away. He couldn't force himself to look at Zoro's cock, or at the Zoro's face – he didn't know where the hell to look.

Phyllis reached out, grabbing the man by the hips and pulling him closer.

"You're huge," she exclaimed, sounding pleased.

Zoro 'hn'ed under his breath, as if unphased by the compliment.

Sanji held his breath, heart skipping a beat as his eyes slowly drifted back, settling on the full view of Zoro's cock. He was big. The pink tip was prodding gently at Phyllis's lips, who was kissing it lovingly. Sanji couldn't help but rake in the sight with his own eyes. It was Zoro's cock, but it was a hot sight – Phyllis was letting the length slide between her lips as she began to suck, making noises of appreciation.

Sanji groaned as he realized his own manhood had gotten even harder, and was digging into Phyllis's thigh.

Phyllis released Zoro's cock for a moment. "Fuck me," she said with breathless excitement. "Like this."

Her hips lifted, and Sanji was quick to help guide his cock underneath her. He bit down on his lip as she sank down onto his cock, her wet hole easily taking him in. Fuck, he thought to himself – she knew what she was doing, and she knew what she wanted. He pulsed his hips lightly, rewarded with small moans.

His eyes, however, were still fixed on Zoro's wet cock.

Phyllis had gone back to sucking it again with enthusiasm, mouth forcing to take in as much as she could before she gagged and had to pull back again, leaving the cock wet and gleaming with saliva. Even with half of his length in her mouth, she could still grasp an extra hand around the left overs, pumping it eagerly. She tried to take in more of his cock, and Sanji felt his balls tighten as he saw Zoro's hand gripping her hair and forcing her down an inch more down his length, holding her head still for a moment then letting go. Phyllis pulled back with a gasp of air, cock springing from her mouth with a string of saliva.

Sanji moaned.

This was wrong. He shouldn't be enjoying the sight of Zoro's cock being sucked on. He shouldn't be enjoying the sight of Zoro's cock, full stop. But try as he might, he couldn't rip his eyes away.

He dropped his head against Phyllis's shoulder, groaning as he thrust his hips up into her roughly, the image of Zoro's wet, thick cock dripping in his mind. Phyllis was moaning louder, squealing slightly at Sanji's heightened pace. He slowed down to grinding against her. Zoro was still face fucking Phyllis gently. Slowly, hesitantly, Sanji raised his face to look up at Zoro.

He had expected the swordsman to be staring at Phyllis. But he wasn't.

His heart pounded as their eyes connected. Zoro's gaze was steady. Lusty. Dark eyes gazed down at him, lips slightly parted and panting softly.

Sanji shook his head. It's all in my mind.

Zoro was looking at Phyllis. He leaned down, tilting her head up to give her a tongue thrusting kiss. With one hand on her shoulder, he encouraged her to lie down. Sanji had to oblige, pushing himself back onto the bed until he was laid flat on the covers, with Phyllis leaning back on him.

His cock had slid free during the movement, and he gasped when he felt a rough hand grasp his cock, giving it a delicious squeeze.

"Fuck," he hissed, in half anger and half pleasure.

I told him not to touch me.

Phyllis's hand took over as she guided herself back down onto his cock.

"I want you both," she breathed, sounding euphoric.

Zoro crawled on top of them, and Sanji noticed that Zoro was now completely naked. He was still dressed in his shirt, pants, and shoes for god's sake. Thing's were moving too fast, but there was no escape now.

The swordsman was rubbing the tip of his cock against her clit, where Sanji was snug inside. He could feel Zoro prodding against his length, and although he knew it should repulse him, he found himself getting even harder at the repulsive thought. He groaned as Zoro began to press inwards.

Fuck Fuck Fuck, he hissed under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

Phyllis was moaning loudly, covering his own sounds of pleasure as Zoro managed to squeeze himself in. At first, it felt stiff and tight. Phyllis was wet enough to accommodate them both, and Zoro was holding himself still to allow her to adjust to the new sensation.

"More," she moaned.

Sanji bit his lip as Zoro gave an experimental thrust. Stars shot to his eyes.

"Oh god!" he breathed.

His hand's had long ago stopped pleasuring Phyllis's body, and were now feebly grasping onto her waist for dear life. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't open his eyes.

Zoro's length was sliding against his cock, so deliciously close. They were being squeezed together tightly with Phyllis's walls, and no matter where he shifted his hips, Zoro's cock would grind against his own and make him lose his breathe again. Distantly, he could hear Phyllis crying out with pleasure and Zoro picked up the pace.

The swordsman had moved himself to get a better angle, arms leaning on either side of Sanji's head. Sanji's eyes flickered open a little and he could see a flash of green hair – Zoro was kissing Phyllis's neck, hips thrusting hard and fast, cock sliding in and out against Sanji's.

"What's the matter Sanji?" Zoro asked huskily, smirking slightly. "Not going to move?"

Sanji turned his head away, unable to form a response.

Zoro changed his pace again, this time grinding his cock long and slow against their bodies. Sanji felt his eyes wetting. The sensation was too good – he couldn't move. He didn't have to move. He was going to cum if Zoro kept up the way he was moving his hips. It was when Zoro leaned down to breathe hot air across his neck, that toppled him over the edge. Hot shivers coursed through his body as he felt his balls tighten.

"F-fuck," he moaned. "St- fuck – stop, st-stop, Zoro - " his voice stumbled.

It was too late.

Sanji came with a throaty groan, head flinging back against the bedsheets as his hips pulsed up. Zoro ground his cock down relentlessly as Sanji felt himself spurting inside of Phyllis.

The euphoria lasted several long seconds.

"Fuck," he whispered one final time, before passing out.


Poor Sanji lol.