Epilogue (Co-authored with Mr. Buch)

Mock Effect - Where Are They Now?

After Commander Shepard, her brother and their allies saved the Galaxy by destroying the Collector Space Station and the unfinished Reaper therein, they went their separate ways.

Jane Shepard was eventually overwhelmed by the guilt at the loss of innocent life in the Bahak system and turned herself and John in for the greater good. John, vehemently opposed to the idea, tried to escape by growing a goatee and claiming to be the mousetrap inspector. After this incident, and one involving a cheese grater, escaped monkeys and an Admiral's wife, the Shepherds were put on house arrest, accompanied at all times by an overeager marine named Freddie Vega.

Miranda Lawson lost her faith in Cerberus and the Illusive Man, and escaped with her sister Oriana into the wilderness that is the Citadel stand-up comedy circuit.

Jacob Taylor decided to investigate his family tree in order to find someone to look up to. Tracing the line six centuries, he found he came from a long line of unlucky ship captains, including the captains of the Exxon Valdez, the Mont-Blanc, and the Titanic. Hoping to redeem his family name, he has published memoirs of his days as a privateer, corsair, emotionally-torn terrorist soldier, savior of the Citadel and finally right-hand man to Commander Shepard. The book, Eyes on the Prize was a roaring success, recommended as a sleeping aid by doctors across the galaxy.

Garrus Vakarian, at peace with the universe with his revenge complete, opened a school to share the skills that he'd learned with the Shepards and on Omega. The name of the facility: Archangel's School of Badassery. Garrus has graduated many aspiring superheroes with his syllabus of classes including 'Choosing your awesome secret identity', 'How to type while standing up', and 'Bulletproof Upholstery: it may save your life'.

Mordin Solus has been employed as researcher for Ben & Jerry's Salarian wing. Their newest creation: "Hold The Lime!" In his spare time, he is writing a new galaxy wide encyclopedia, teaching 17 doctoral classes, and composing an operetta based on his adventures.

Zaeed Massani returned to the Blue Suns mercenary group. Working as a trainer, he has revolutionized their fighting skills with his introduction of the "Hide-behind-goddam-stuff" technique.

Jack (Subject Zero) got bored waiting for the reapers to arrive and set off on her own. She changed her name, grew her hair out, and has embraced the dark side on Dantooine. She now shouts "I will F****** destroy you!" at neighborhood kids that get too close to her sacred grove.

Urdnot Grunt returned to Tuchanka, where he was welcomed as a hero by the Krogan horde. They were somewhat less enthusiastic when they discovered he had come back to open a library. It's not as popular as libraries on other planets, but it holds the record for most items returned on time.

Kasumi Goto disappeared with her secret. In other news, several high priced hotels on the Citadel are claiming to be haunted.

Thane Krios has moved to the Citadel to spend more time with his son. After failing at board games (Kolyat fell asleep repeatedly waiting for Thane to move), sports (their unbuttoned shirts kept getting in the way), and movie marathons (the only trilogy they hadn't both seen was the Matrix, and they agreed to keep it that way), they found an activity they could both enjoy: trolling "Keep Thane Alive" fan threads on the Bioware forums.

Samara left for Asari space to seek more Ardat-Yakshi. Her life story was adapted by Urdnot Wrex and turned into the enormously popular TV show "Busty the Vampire Slayer." He won an Emmy for the musical episode "Titanium Zipper."

Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya was tried by the flotilla for treason. They allowed her to speak in her own defense. Three days later, she was acquitted so the admiralty board could get some sleep.

Legion, the only geth platform outside the veil, defeated the heretic geth by tricking them into saying one word: "Exterminate". Shortly thereafter, the base exploded. A blue box was reported in the area, but no one has verified the story.

Socially-awkward-archaeologist-turned-mad-with-power-information-broker Liara T'soni used her computer-hacking skills and manipulative personality to track down the Shadow Broker and replace him. (For how, you'll need to purchase 750 Johnstonware points and spend three hours waiting to download the additional content) After some initial mishaps (resulting in a few minor wars) she ended up controlling the galaxy from a secret starship base hurtling endlessly through a thunderstorm. She's presently looking for an assistant. Easily seasick need not apply.

TIM (The Illusive Man) has not been heard from since his angry conversation with Jane Shepard on the Normandy. There are unconfirmed rumors that he has committed his forces to a suicidal war against Call of Duty & Gears of War fanboys with a multiplayer endeavor in the next section of the trilogy.

The remaining crew on the Normandy took on new opportunities. The Engineers Gabby & Scotty, having lived through Tali in their engine room, realized their need for each other and got married. Psychologist/ Personal Assistant/ Cerberus Fangirl Kelly Chambers tried out for "Earth Idol" and made it to the quarter final round before someone asked her about her love life. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, assured of his inclusion in the sequel due to his celebrity status, spends the majority his time fooling around with play dough.

The End. I hope you've enjoyed Mock Effect 2. Please feel free to comment wherever I've posted it. Barring some horrific instance where the Reapers appear in real life, work on Mock Effect 3 will begin in September 2012

Clint Johnston