A/N: we all know who owns the show and characters, but I own this story. Also, the characters will be OOC a bit, if they were completely in character then, well, it wouldn't be fan fiction.
This is my first TBBT fiction, so read, review and, most importantly, ENJOY!
**** NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE STORY OR ITS ELEMENTS, JUST STOP READING. FLAMES AND NEGATIVE REVIEWS HELP NO ONE AND ARE HURTFUL. THIS IS FICTION, A HOBBY, AND JUST FOR FUN. ****
There will be perspective changes and third person changes, but they aren't hard to follow. It's meant for you to be able to get fully get inside the characters' heads as needed.
BTW, this was supposed to be a one shot so that's why it seems to change in tone later in the story.
Her voice pierced through the air in a way that made me cringe at the unexpectedness, but be comforted by the familiarity. It was Penny, again…in our apartment…again.
"Hey, you guys have any safety pins?" she asked, striding casually towards me as I sat at my computer.
"And good evening to you, Penny," I replied, sarcasm in my tone though I could see in her eyes it escaped her. I turned in my chair to look up at her, the smell of her perfume invading my senses.
"Yeah, good evening, Sheldon, whatever. Look, I'm going to a bachelorette party and we need safety pins."
"Well, we don't have any." My answer was to the point. I didn't feel the need to continue with the conversation.
"Oh, hey, Penny," Leonard casually greeted.
"Hey, Leonard. You have any safety pins? I'm about to leave with my girls to go to a bachelorette party and we're pinning things on a veil for her to wear all the night," Penny described, using her hands, and giggling at that particular notion.
"Pinning stuff?" Leonard asked, getting his jacket from the couch.
"Yeah, you know…like little rings and flowers and…," I could see her glance back at me through my peripheral vision before leaning towards Leonard to add in a whisper, "Plastic tiny penises."
"Oh," Leonard laughed, discomfort in his voice. "No, sorry."
"Dammit. We'll have to stop by the store," Penny pondered, as she started walking towards the door.
I turned my head, and had to ask, "Why in God's name would anyone want to wear a phallus on their head?"
Our perky blonde neighbor turned around, laughed shortly, and replied, "As a gag. It's technically her 'last night' as a single woman, her last night to get wild and crazy. You know, go to bars and strip clubs…"
"I still don't see where the plastic phallus would come into play. And I also don't see how you would consider the woman single since statically she is probably one of the only people in the group in a committed relationship. Furthermore, I don't see the appeal of a strip club with friends. It only causes one to be sexually frustrated, in a group of their peers, with a very small chance of either going home with someone else—preferably as man-to release their sexual inhibitions, or to have someone to go home to."
Penny just stared at me briefly, that dull glare that I knew all too well. "Because it's fun, sweetie." She turned her back again, but immediately swung around to add, "And Sheldon, you wouldn't know anything about 'releasing sexual inhibitions with someone else' if it was written in Klingon on the wall in front of you."
I heard Leonard chuckle, as he swung his coat over his shoulders. "Well, have fun, Penny."
"Thanks." She turned to me. "Good night, Sheldon," she said pointedly before leaving.
"That woman infuriates me. Saying I don't know anything about releasing sexual inhibitions. I will have you know I know everything about the topic. You know, when two people are aroused, it is the female who lets off—"
"Sheldon, please. I don't need a lesson on sex from you. Remember? I'm the only one who gets any in this apartment." Leonard grabbed his keys and walked towards the door.
I gasped at his rude comment. "Well, I certainly resent that statement, Leonard. There is a lot you don't know about me."
"Yeah, I bet," he responded in a dismissive manner. "Hey, I'll be out pretty much all night. We may stay the night at a hotel if it gets too late and we're, ya know…drunk."
Leonard was, of course, referring to Raj and Howard and this time they were travelling a good 2 hours from home for some 'amazing party' that promised 'a lot of ladies and a lot of drinks' according to Howard's description.
"Yes, well, have a good night." I turned back to my laptop, continuing to type out my latest paper.
Leonard finally left and I sat back, sighing. What Penny said really bothered me, but I didn't know why. Why should I care what a community college drop-out thought of my sexual experience—or lack thereof as she stated? Her Klingon reference was amusing though.
Did she really think I was so devoid of sexual desires? Simply not so. I am not like Leonard, who wears his heart on his sleeve and has, in fact, been with her before. Or like Howard who wears his penis on his sleeve and ogles her as though it would manifest into a reciprocation of desire for him. Or like Raj who doesn't speak at all around women—what about that? No, I mask my feelings altogether. Penny will never know that my perfect peripheral vision has cascaded down her slender legs, viewed her body as her breasts manage to stay perfectly in place in a tank top without a bra, or watched her bend over to kiss Leonard goodbye in the days that they were dating. I bit my tongue to keep from notably swallowing until after she would leave at which point swallowing would not have been recognized as an uncomfortable reaction to suppressing arousal.
Penny just didn't know.
It was 1:47am. Leonard's cell rang out in a most obnoxious ringer, a setting Penny had put on his phone for when she texted. He never changed it after they broke up. Sheldon trudged out of his room to get it, annoyed that Leonard forgot his phone. He saw that it was a text message from Penny.
'Drunk as hell. Coming over in 20 minutes. Be ready to get sweaty lol.'
Sheldon dreaded another 'booty call' as Penny tended to be louder than usual in bed. His noise cancelling headphones didn't work miracles. Besides, Leonard wasn't home.
He began to text back to let Penny know that Leonard forgot his phone and wouldn't be at home that night, but paused a minute. A smirk graced his face as he indeed responded to the message…
I looked at my phone multiple times to make sure I didn't miss Leonard's text. It was so loud in this club! I had way too many drinks…and I'm pretty sure one of my friend's friend slipped us a drug of some sort in our drinks because I was feeling a little high…
The phone vibrated and I looked down, smiling.
'Been out with Raj and Howard, meet me in my room when you come. I will just shower and meet you there.'
I shrugged to myself and slipped the phone back in my tiny purse, satisfied I would be getting some action tonight because I was so in the mood. And no, I don't care if I orgasm as loudly as I did last time. Though hearing Sheldon's belly aching about it the next morning was a serious joy kill.
I really wondered if he has ever seen a woman naked, like a real woman, not something he chanced upon online while looking for geeky game stuff or something he saw in a text book. I know he's touched at least one boob…mine…when I dislocated my shoulder. But really, what was his deal?
My head tingled and I gently swayed with my eyes shutting slowly and opening again. My mind drifted to Leonard but somehow shifted to Sheldon again. I have seen the man in his underwear, his tighty whities (he really needs to get some boxers going on) and I must say he looks like he is packing something there that's a hell of a lot bigger than a hot dog….
And he ain't kidding anybody when he tries not to stare at my boobs when he comes to see me sometimes in the morning. I guess I could wear a bra when I answer the door but I always think it might make him uncomfortable enough to leave sooner…now that I think about it, it might be the reason he keeps coming back.
In a crazy way, though, his gaze never really bothers me. His blue eyes seem to be genuine and honest for the most part, and I certainly prefer them over, say, HOWARD'S GAZE. (Gross.) And I would never admit this to anyone I know, but I actually had a tiny crush on him the first time I met him. His awkward stance, his slightly tossled hair in the days before he opted for shorter, his slight smirk when he talked about his science. I even tried to flirt a little but it went all over his head. Then he started talking…and the crush died away within a week. Don't get me wrong, Sheldon has his moments. Like when he tried on his black suit for the award's dinner where he received an award for his work. My heart stopped when he walked out of that dressing room and I was sure he could see my flush, but he noticed nothing except how foolish he thought he looked.
Just then I heard the magic words of the night, "Ok, let's go." I jumped out of my daydreams, downed the rest of my cocktail, and followed the girls out to the limo that was waiting for us.