Hello Everybody! :D Before I start, I just want to say this is my FAVORITE story to tell. As long as you can ignore the death threats, it happens to be great for parties, bus rides, car rides, and anything else! Please enjoy~
"Ve~ Doitsu, I'm so BORED!" Italy announced. All the members of the G8 were on a bus for some "bonding time". It was America's boss who came up with this idea. So now America, Italy, England, Japan, Germany, France, Russia, and someone else were in a van, driving to one of Italy's beach houses.
"Italy, be quiet. You're giving me a headache." Germany yelled from the driver's seat. At least Italy and America weren't singing that song about beer bottles anymore.
"Please, Italy-san." Japan said, clutching his stomach. "I'm not feeling well. Please don't yell or sing anymore!"
"Dude! Don't through up in here! It's a new van!" America said, looking out one of the windows. They had been driving for hours, and there was no end in sight. Suddenly, America had an idea.
"Hey, Iggy! Tell a story!" America gave puppy dog eyes to the Brit sitting next to him.
"No!" England looked up from the novel he was reading.
"Angleterre. Please do something to make America stop complaining! I can't get any beauty sleep!" France complained, taking off his sparkling blue eye mask to mimic the look America was giving.
"A story! Germany tells the best stories!" Italy said, only for his idea to be rejected.
"Nein. Italy, I'm driving. Have someone else tell a story." Germany responded, not taking his eyes off the road.
"America, since it was your idea, why don't you tell a story, da?" Russia said, smiling innocently at America.
"I didn't think commies wanted to hear stories that came from America." The American retorted.
China just rolled his eyes."He's not communist anymore, aru!"
"Whatever. So do you want a story or not? Cuz I can always go back to eatin' my absurd pile of hamburgers."
"Just tell the bloody story already!" England yelled, growing impatient.
"I bet he'll tell a Disney story." Canada whispered.
"Who are you? Do you like pasta?" Italy asked. He could become friends with this person! And then they could eat pasta together!
"Canada! When did you get here, bro?" America said, wrapping an arm around the Canadian for a quick hug.
"I've been here the whole time..." Canada responded, hugging his brother back.
"Anyway, comrade, are you going to be telling the story?" Russia asked, taking out his pipe.
"Yeah, sure." America began the story. "Okay, so a LONG time ago, there was a guy. And he had nothing except the clothes on his back. So one day, he was totally walking through a forest. His feet were going all 'pit pat pit pat' cuz he only had on small moccasins But he wasn't naked, because he had clothes AND moccasins So, he's walking in the forest, and suddenly, he sees a HUGE mansion. It's just there. So he goes in-" America stopped his story when he saw Italy's hand in the air.
"How did he not see the mansion, ve?" Italy asked. America just shrugged his shoulders and continued the story.
"Yeah, he goes in and inside the house is a little old monk man. Since monks are all good and stuff, he asks the monk if he can stay for the night. The monk said yes, and that he could stay for breakfast too. Soooooo the beggar man was all 'OMG I get to eat in the morning'. So he happily went to bed. But he couldn't fall asleep, because there was a strange ticking noise. It was all like 'TIIIIICK TOOOOOCK'.
"America-san, is this necessary to the plot line?" Japan asked. America just shrugged and continued.
"Sooooo the next morning the monk man was all 'How did you sleep'? And the guy was all 'Not well, because of the strange ticking noise. What WAS the strange ticking noise'? And the old man was all, you need to be a monk to find out. So the beggar man underwent like nine years of monk training. He came back and was all bald and had robes and stuff. So he asked the old man what the ticking noise was, but the old man was all like 'CLIMB THESE STAIRS TO FIND OUT'."
"Is this story almost over, Amerique?" France yawned. "I need to get my beauty sleep." America could only shrug and commence with the story.
"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to a door. So there's a mahogany door. It's sooooooo thin, when the beggar man opens it the door falls off it's hinges! And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs.
So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door is made of bronze. It's a little thicker than the mahogany door. And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs."
"Is there any point to all this, aru?" America only shrugged.
"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door is made of silver. It's a little bit thicker than the bronze door. And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs."
"Wait! Does he eat pasta~" Italy asked. America shrugged again, which pissed England off.
"Why the hell are you shrugging, you bloody git!" Our favorite American just ignored him and continued the story.
"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door was made of solid gold. The man was all 'If I sell this, I'll be rich!' but then he was all 'Wait! I went through nine years of monk training JUST to see that ticking noise! I will see that ticking noise if it happens to be the last thing I do!' Soooooo the gold door was a little bit thicker than the silver door. And when he opened the door, there was another flight of stairs."
America's story continued like this for around an hour, until he decided to end it. By this time France was sleeping, Japan was throwing up, China and England's eyes were twitching, Russia was koling and emitting strange auras, and Italy was joining America for the chorus. All the while, Canada and Germany were tuning them out. After years of living with Italy and America, it wasn't very hard to do.
"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. And there was ANOTHER mahogany door. It was as thin as the first door, and when the monk man tried to open it, he ripped it off its hinges. And when he opened the door, there was a short flight of stairs. All he had to do was eat, sleep, walk, and play his ukelele in celebration. And at the top was the source of the ticking noise! Do YOU want to know what the ticking noise is?"
All the nations besides Italy turned to glare at America. "So what is the ticking noise, eh?" Canada asked.
"You want to know what the ticking noise is?" America said, using a voice one would use to speak to a child.
"Ve~ tell us!" Italy said, smiling in anticipation. England simply rolled his eyes. He could tell the answer would be really, really stupid.
"I can't tell you, cuz your not a monk!" America started laughing, and so did Italy. All the other nations besides Japan looked like they were going to strangle America. Japan was too busy concealing his emotions and throwing up to glare.
Russia pulled out his pipe, and gave America an innocent smile. He made his way over to America, pushing England out of his seat. England let out an undignified squeak as he fell to the floor. Russia turned to America and smiled again.
"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol" Russia started to pet his pipe.
"Dude! That's so creepy, stop that!" America said, recognizing the look on Russia's face. Using his strength he pushed Russia over, causing the need for Russia to be restrained by China, France, a sick Japan, and even Italy. After about ten minutes of breathing exercises led by China, Russia finally calmed down from the levels of sociopathic killer to just really angry.
During all the breathing exercises, all hell broke loose. England, taking back his seat, started to punch the American. France woke up from all the noise and tried to drag England off the younger nation, failing epically.
"Hey! England, calm down!" America shouted, attempting to pat the smaller nation's head.
"I will not calm down, git!" The last word was spoken with venom. "You wasted an hour and a half of my time! I will not bloody calm down!" France finally managed to subdue the Briton.
"Angleterre, don't you think your over reacting?" France said. "And Amerique, you should apologize for wasting our time." He dropped England, leaving him on the floor of the van.
"Your right, I'm sorry." America said, faking innocence.
"That's not fair! You're supposed to be the one that acts like a colony!" England screamed. Trying to act mature, England sat back down into his seat. He pulled out a volume of the collected works of Shakespeare and started to ignore the obnoxiously loud group.
After calming down Russia, China had something to say. "America, a couple thousand years ago I underwent monk training. Therefore, I am a monk and the oldest so I demand an answer, aru!"
America had no answer. "Sorry dude. I'm not a monk, so I don't know the answer myself. You can make one up or something." Satisfied with this, China left the topic. Pulling out his Shinatty-chan doll, he quickly fell asleep.
"Ve~ Germany! I'm bored again!" Italy whined, leaving Germany with a huge headache.
And that's it! I hope you all enjoyed it, and I have an idea so I might add something onto this! Thanks again everybody!