A/N: Yo people, chapter 3 here and yeah, it's in 3rd person as opposed to Kanade's POV. It wouldn't work otherwise I don't think. Anyway enjoy. P.S. Sorry this took so long…I had many real life issues and I actually had to get round to finishing that work I mentioned D: it was horrible I tell you!
The End of a Small Sanctuary
Friday 13th February
Well I don't usually use this little diary to write my thoughts down in, but lately I just feel I have no choice anymore. Kana-chan has been refusing to talk to me for the past 3 days, which means I have no one else to confide in.
I understand she's embarrassed, but ignoring me isn't helping! I must admit I could have been a bit more sensitive on that night when she told me…her feelings, but she didn't have to run away! What's up with that? I can tell she's been reading way too much manga with that response -_-" so lame! This is real life, we should have talked about it like adults but nooo…anyway, I'm getting off topic. When she told me...I felt really scared. I mean she's my twin! I know I tease and flirt with her a lot, but I didn't think it would come to this. I mean I do love her…our bond is so strong that sometimes I do think we are more than just sisters but…I don't know... Anyway when she did her little disappearing act the other night, I went out looking for her. I searched for ages until I came to a park we'd been to a couple of times before.
Saturday 14th February
(…Oh dear, I've written so much it's gone on to the next day DX) She was sat on a bench when I got there just looking up at the sky. I wasn't sure what to do straight away so I just stood and watched her for a little while. After a few minutes I heard something that sounded like a banshee cry and I realised it was Sakuya coming down the path…well, to cut a long story short, they kissed! I couldn't believe it! But what I really found weird is that a part of me felt a bit betrayed by this and almost…jealous. I'm not sure I love Kana-chan like she loves me but, I don't think I could bare seeing her with someone else. I don't want to lose her.
I had a thought yesterday...I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do but I think I'll…Uh oh…I hear Kana-chan coming up the hall. I was going to write my plan down here before I actually did it… but I guess there is no time…Oh well, here goes.
Yukino quickly stashed the diary away in her top draw just as her sister came in through the door, soundless and avoiding eye contact with her sister, who was now trying to look innocent as she perched on the seat in front of her. It'd been the same for the last 3 days. The younger twin would silently remove her shoes, ignoring the greeting she received upon entering, she would then proceed to change hastily and finally slink into bed. But Yukino had vowed to herself that that would not happen tonight.
"Hey Kana-chan" she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. As usual, silence was her reply. It hurt Yukino that her sister wouldn't even acknowledge her with a quick glance or a grunt or…just anything. It was as though the younger twin had walked into an empty room and Yukino was just an unseen spectre, feeling so lonely and desperately wanting to live again.
As tough as she was though, the blonde didn't let this perturb her from getting a response, instead she tried again with a voice a little more composed and steady than her greeting, hoping this would get attention.
"Kana-chan…we need to talk"
It had the desired effect as Kanade faltered slightly as she pulled her pyjamas out of her clothes draw, pausing for the briefest second. It was a small reaction before she carried on with what she was doing, but it was a reaction nonetheless.
"You can't ignore me forever you know" Yukino persevered trying to catch a glimpse of her sisters turned face to tell what she was thinking "We live in the same room so the silent treatment won't get us anywhere"
Kanade showed no emotion at Yukino's words, though her brow furrowed almost unnoticeably. She carried on getting changed as if nothing had been said, secretly cursing her self for being such a coward but she knew this was a conversation she just couldn't have tonight. Her emotions were still too raw and she didn't want to hurt her twin.
"Kana-chan…please say something" Yukino now sounded as though she was pleading, her previous confidence cracking.
Still without looking at her, the brunette mumbled something into the air as if it wasn't meant to be heard for she knew it would only condemn the one it was meant for.
"I'm going to move rooms next week"
These were the first words Kanade had spoken to her sister since the fateful night 3 days ago. These words that were so simple yet held so many implications.
All at once, Yukino was shocked into silence. She had expected Kanade to be upset. She had even expected her to cry. But never had she imagined her sister would act so drastically as to cut her out of her life completely.
Yukino now realised she had no choice.
"Why are you punishing me like this Kana-chan" her voice was barely above a whisper yet it served as an air horn ringing in the younger twins mind, startling her to now look at Yukino with wide eyes. There were no tears in them, only fear and shame.
"I-I'm not punishing you Yuki-ch-…Yukino. It's for the best" Kanade sat down slowly on the side of her bed and put her head in her hands.
"It's best for who? Because it certainly isn't what I want! You are just running away again!" Yukino voice had become a little more sharp, though it still retained the calm quality that always seemed to be present in her unavoidably melodious tenor.
It made Kanade hang her head even lower with guilt before whispering "What else do you want me to do?" Her shoulders began to tremble faintly as if under some enormous weight "I don't want to hurt you…but…but I can't s-stay here knowing y-you don't…And that I…" Kanade's voice trailed off into choked gasps as the weight finally crushed her. She began to cry again even though she had told herself she wouldn't anymore. In that moment she truly hated herself for being so pathetic.
Yukino wasted no time in crossing the gap between them and embracing her sister in a fierce hug. There were some feeble attempts to struggle from the brunette, but they soon ceased as she wearily resigned herself in the warm arms, thinking it may be that last time in some years to come.
The eldest twin began stroking Kanade's hair in an attempt to calm her sobbing. A thousand thoughts were in her head about what she needed to do, she felt nervous and a little fearful but she realised it was inescapable.
They sat there for some time. Kanade's crying had gradually subsided and neither of them moved. Both too enveloped in their own thoughts to notice the minute hand track its familiar route several times on the face of the seldom used timepiece placed haphazardly atop the bed side table.
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. All too soon the hand hit ten and as if the clock had been representing a ticking time-bomb reaching its fateful moment of destruction, the mood suddenly changed. Kanade broke the embrace they were in, pushing her sister away with a stony face not paying attention to Yukino, who gave her a look of confusion at suddenly breaking the peace and security she had longed for these past couple of days.
"I'm sorry Yukino but…I've already made up my mind. I'm…I'm still moving out" She said in a tight voice as she stood up stiffly to pull back the covers of her cold, unshared bed. Hesitating in her task though her face softened ever so slightly "This may be selfish but…even if you forgive me Yukino, I can't forgive myself"
Nothing she says can change what happened.
There was a small uncertain silence as if Kanade was challenging her sister to test her thought. Hearing nothing from her sister however, she began to climb once again into her bed and resume ignoring Yukino…
"I love you!"
It was supposed to have been a universally meaningful phrase, yet it was blurted out in such haste it was barely audible.
Kanade froze in her ascent. She was certain she had heard correctly, there was no doubt in her mind about that… but she was not sure she fully understood.
Turning slowly she once again faced her sister.
"I know Yukino, you told me befo-"
"N-No Kana-chan. The truth is…I was afraid and- and before, when you told me…but…I…" Yukino cleared her throat. "I do Kana-chan, I love you too"
It was a lie. Yukino didn't love Kanade. She felt a little sick in her stomach and horrible derogatory thoughts niggled away at her conscience.
The blonde desperately tried to keep her breaths deep and even. It was as if any hint of a short, shallow gasp would give her away and her secret would be laid bare.
"Y-You do?" Kanade whispered, she couldn't believe what she was hearing…she almost didn't want to, lest it all be taken back and she felt heart break all over again. Yukino knew this as Kanade continued to stutter "I m-m-mean…are you sure? I thought-"
Realising she had to quell any suspicion in the brunettes mind, Yukino stood and with all the courage she could muster took Kanade's face into her hands. Staring her directly in the eye, she let whatever she had learned in her high school drama lessons be put into practice as she gave a small, sweet smile.
"I mean it Kanade, I'm so sorry for hurting you before. I love you." Kanade's eyes once again began to tear, this time from happiness as she beamed back at her sister and her supposedly sincere words. "I love you"
Liar, how could you do this? Liar, liar, liar, liar!
Ignoring her thoughts Yukino cautiously leant in and Kanade closed her eyes as if giving her permission.
In that brief second as the eyelids of the girl in front of her shut tight, Yukino allowed her true emotions to colour her face. Sorrow. Anguish. And most of all shame.
Tilting her head she eliminated any space between their lips as she sealed the deal.
There was no going back now. This wasn't a manga or some cheesy drama on TV. Despite the connection the two sisters had, Kanade had believed the lie. She had believed what she so desperately wanted to hear.
A single tear fell from Yukino's eye as she deepened the kiss.
She brought her hand up to caress her younger sisters side, eliciting a sharp intake of breath as the fingertips worked their way under the bottom of the pyjama top and danced across the surface of the soft skin under them. The air in the small dorm room seemed to heat up to the intensity of the inferno. Lust being the only thing driving Yukino now from breaking down now, she gently began lifting Kanade's shirt.
The young artist was taken aback by the bold movements of her sister but she did not stop them, thinking that Yukino simply loved her so much she couldn't control herself. Instead she returned them with as much fervour as her twin was displaying.
And thus began the night's entertainment.
Body against body.
Hot breath mixed with hot breath.
Earnest words of love replied with unearnest ones.
Lust and Love, both desperately trying to prove themselves, fell in to sync as the hours of the night fell away and surrendered to the dawning sun of the fresh morning. Only then did they finally resign themselves to rest…only then was everything still.
Kanade, with all her problems now nothing more than a distant memory, fell asleep instantly after the exertive acts they had just performed. Completely spent, she rolled over, resting her arm across the waist of her new lover.
A small amount of light shone mercilessly through the crack in the curtains of the room straight on to the face of the blonde haired twin, who was still very much awake.
It was a brand new day, yet Yukino still felt dirty and stagnant.
Not for what she had done with her sister. But what she had done to her sister.
The lie still weighed heavy on her heart.
She rolled over, throwing the sheets off of her body in frustration only to have it shiver in protest as it was attacked by the unheated morning air.
Willing herself to look at the girls face who was lying next to her, blissfully ignorant of the inner turmoil running through her head.
She whispered in voice no louder than the warm breeze on a summer's day "I'm so sorry, this isn't how I wanted it to be Kana-chan, but I just can't lose you" she brushed a dark lock of hair away from the sleeping girls face. The light contact caused Kanade to mumble something faintly and give a small smile.
Yukino could only stare in breathless anticipation as her sisters hold on her tightened.
Yukino could only stare as she realised that that smile, that slight and almost insignificant smile, made every sacrifice she was willing to make... completely worth it.
In sacrificing her body, she cured her loneliness.
In telling a lie, she restored her sister's happiness.
It may have been a twisted relationship, but as long as they were together, Yukino couldn't have hoped for more.
A/N: I'm feeling so Emo :P I focused so much on emotions in this story it all turned out a lot more angsty than I expected hahaha. But whatever, I hope it's at least a little believable. Perhaps not the ending you would all hope for but meh you can't just instantly fall in love with someone like that…hey, at least they are together.
This will be the last chapter other than an epilogue to let you know how the twins get on in the future…it could turn out good, you never know ;)
But yeah…*In an Irish voice* Would you kindly review dis cha'pter (-Bad attempt at mind control-)