Next chapter is here! Yes, it has been ages since I updated, but better late than never right? I plan to write Glorfindel's diary before attempting to write Haldir's TTT diary.

A huge thank you to all those who have reviewed over the last few weeks!

Disclaimer: Even though it has been several months, I am no closer to owning LotR, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, or Cassandra Claire's VSD's than I was before.

~*~ The Very Secret Dairy of Thranduil, Wood-king Mirkwood ~*~

**Day 16,072** Am shocked. Son Legolas has been summoned to a secret council and I have not. Is actually Elrond's latest bash, but writing secret council is more fun. Is v.boring being Wood-king.

No doubt party will be dull anyway, not like the good old days, when everyone would come in drag and we would play 'Monopoly- Valinor edition'.

**Day 16,076** Have taken to writing poetry. Therapist suggested that it would be good way to get out all my 'bottled emotions'. Here goes.

There was once an elf named Nimray Who was convinced that Sauron was gay Was a slut a heart So dressed like a tart And took Sauron for roll in the hay

Rather good I thought. Am working on second verse.

**Day 16,095** Have received letter from son:

~"Dear daddy, Party canceled. Instead, have volunteered to go on quest to destroy horribly tacky ring. Is highly perilous journey, involving many fashion- freaks who wish to have the ring for their own bad fashion collections. Am unlikely to return. Luv Leggy. P.S. Your order of strawberry-scented bubble bath will be late, seems they're all out here. P.P.S. Remember not-king guy? Well, not only is he still not king, am thinking he prefers ring-bearing hobbit over me. Oh well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything, that will teach him a lesson."~

Humph. He has all the fun. Am very disappointed about the bubble bath though. Will have to settle for salt-scented bubble bath from Lake Town.

**Day 16,102** Am constantly worried about son Legolas. Seems unnaturally obsessed with his hair; suspect he also fancies that not-king dude.

Don't have anything against gays myself. I once had a friend who spent all his time conspiring to shag Glorfindel of Imladris.

Wait a sec, that was me. Was v. boring being Wood-prince.

-Later- Have been thinking. Attempt to shag Glory was not such a bad move. After all, ended up in rock band along with Celeborn and Elrond, both of who ended up being Lords. Now there's a story to tell the grandkids. Though, probably won't get any if Legolas continues to insist he's 'fairest of them all', and if the rumor about him and that Gimli fellow are true.

**Day 16,109** Was very bored, being Wood-king v. boring, so decided to flip through old Playelf magazines. Found model that looked disturbingly like Galadriel. Was disgusted. Can you imagine the scandal if M.E. found out that Radioactive Elf Queen posed *naked* beside Idril 'Silverfoot', in a set that looks freakishly like Gondolin??

Decided it would be fun to see the scandal if M.E. found out. Sent e-mail to Haldir, subtly suggesting that Galadriel being ex-playelf model sounds plausible.

And no, will not feel one bit guilty for leaking story. Am stuck in 2000- year-long catfight with that blonde witch. The nickname Radioactive Elf Queen? I came up with that.

Is v. boring being Wood-king. Way too much time on hands.

**Day 16,115** Received Internet mailing list from Haldir of Lorien. Local Goss includes:

"Fellowship too into each other to save Middle Earth- the world is doomed!"

"Galadriel's mirror is really a futuristic communication device built for the purpose of contacting aliens- local law enforcement is investigating where funds to built it came from."

Mailing list is highlight of week. Is v. boring being Wood-king.

**Day 16,121** Is v. boring being wood-king. No guests in years, with the exception of the whole 'Gollum' incident, which I won't get into now.

Last guests were bunch of dwarves who were so unhappy with accommodation they left, hiding in barrels no less.

They were our v. best rooms, was under the impression that dwarves liked 'deep, dark places'? Perhaps this is really just a metaphor for something less innocent.

Will ponder on this for many days.

**Day 16,124** Received new letter from son. Didn't have much to report, just the usual stuff.

~"Daddy, Gandalf fell into shadow. Am now in Lorien. Galadriel is psycho hairstyle- thief. Suspect Haldir blindfolded us and made us run into trees on purpose. Having great time, wish you were here. Luv Leggy. P.S. Aragorn had bath. V. sexy now."~

Sigh. Legolas is the daughter I never had. Complete with long blonde hair and scented pink stationary.

Will miss Gandalf. Pointy hat trick was most entertaining. Is v. boring being Wood-king.

**Day 16,134** The 'Middle-Earth Press' featured v. interesting article today. Have taken the liberty to write it down in case am bored later and decide to read over own diary entries.

"Ringaholics not-so-anonymous welcomes new member Boromir. Founder Tom Bombadil still insists way to keep cravings at bay is by singing really annoying songs.

Boromir son of Denethor states that he is not a ringaholic and simply thinks the group meetings would be a good way to meet people.

This reporter thinks group meetings would also be a good way to capture The Dark Lord, who is also apparently lonely. Nobody listens to this reporter though."

**Day 16,139** Thank god for Haldir's Internet Mailing list. Was beginning to get bored. All-new news from Elf-central includes:

"Countdown to Elrond's next Beauty Pageant is on. Competition is expected to be fierce, as contestants will include Legolas of Mirkwood and Rumil of Lorien."

"Next Middle Earth Olympics to be held in Mordor. New events include 100m eagle fly-and-drop, and pin-the-finger-on-the-hobbit."

Cannot wait till Pageant. Am considering entering myself. Am not too bad looking, after all, Legolas did get all pretty looks from me. Though am not so obviously insecure about it myself.

**Day 16,142** Press Release on TV today. News reporter says Boromir son of Denethor is dead. Also reported kidnapping of two halflings, with the suspected kidnappers being freaky hybrid version of orcs. He said some other stuff too but had lost interest by then.

Am thinking that perhaps there are worst things than being bored Wood-king. For example, would not like to be in Mordor right now. I should try not to complain as much.

-Later- Am running out of diary room. V. serious situation, diary is usually only entertainment of day. Is v. boring being Wood-king.