[Insert Disclaimer Here: I own nothing from the worlds of House or Naruto. I am, however, the proud owner an IV pole. It makes a great conversation starter and an even more amazing coat rack.]
. . .
"House!" Special jonin James Wilson screamed at the top of his lungs. "House, get out here!"
Wilson, by nature, was a gentle and. above all else, patient man. However, he could be quite a force to reckon with when that patience has run out. Before he could even reach his office that morning, he was greeted by two entire ANBU squads, at least two dozen frightened patients and more than two million ryo in damages. That, of course, only meant one thing – his friend and fellow medical shinobi was up to more than his usual tricks.
"House!" he stormed up down the stairs and around the corner. The door to House's office swung open in a near-fatal blow, crashing into the glass on the other side. "House, you have some serious explaining to…"
Wilson's tirade fell flat when he suddenly realized he was talking to an empty desk. The lights in House's office were off. The remains of a complicated sealing ritual were still strewn about the floor, but House and his cell weren't there. Wilson, though, wasn't going to be alone for long.
"Oh, thank goodness you're here. Saves me the trouble of looking all over for you."
Wilson spun around to find special jonin Gregory House standing directly behind him. The man smirked, and Wilson just rolled his eyes.
"I assume you had at least something to do with the mass chaos I walked into up on the eighth floor?" he spat, gesturing frantically with his hands. "The topless Cuddy shadow clone, that's a prank. Ninja Centerfold in the OR shower, that's a prank. Hiring assassins and telling them Orochimaru, of all people, is hiding out in oncology…"
"Can't talk. New mission." House hummed as he pushed Wilson aside with his cane, limping around his desk. He sorted through the small pile of folders on his desk, tossing the important ones into a nearby knapsack. "Cuddy's expecting me to rendezvous with the rest of my team as soon as possible."
"What, now? Where?"
"Taknzaku Town." House answered immediately. "Chase and Foreman might already be there. Cameron left a few minutes ago with more supplies. You and I will be leaving in a few minutes."
"Hang on just a minute!" Wilson interrupted. "Why do you need me to go with you to Tanzaku Town?"
"But… you just said…"
"We," House made heavy emphasis on that part, "are not going to Tanzaku Town. We're going to Rice Country. Or should I say, the country formerly known as Rice Country."
"The Land of Sound?"
"House, that's in the opposite direction!"
"I know." House replied quickly. "And it'll probably take me a couple days to get there. I need you nearby so I don't get too bored."
Wilson's jaw dropped.
"Bored… Because you won't have anyone else's private office to invade or patients to terrorize?" Wilson spat again, pacing slightly. "It's not funny! I mean, seriously… Orochimaru? House, do you even think before you act sometimes?"
Wilson spun back around, freezing as he finally House eye to eye. The smirk was gone, replaced with a cold, serious stare that suddenly made Wilson question his entire interpretation of that morning's events.
"Orochimaru isn't… hiding somewhere in the hospital, right?" Wilson squeaked in a faint whisper.
"Of course not." House scoffed, watching relief pour over his friend's face. "I helped him escape through a third floor window about an hour ago."
"Oh good… you WHAT?"
"Which is precisely why I need to go make a house call." House continued packing his bag, not even giving Wilson's reaction a second thought. "Though, I suppose when I do them, they're just calls. You know, the name and everything."
Wilson, meanwhile, just stood there – frozen and stunned as the entire conversation finally fell into place. House was on his way to Otogakure to pay a visit to the most feared S-class criminal in the world… and he wanted – no, he expected - company. By the time Wilson managed to find his voice again, House was already halfway out the door.
"House, I am not going to Otogakure." He announced with a voice that was as much timid as it was brave.
"Yes, you are." House replied, as though it were simply a matter of fact.
"No, I'm not." Wilson repeated. "First of all, that's treason. Second, Cuddy would tear us apart if she found out. And third… it's not like you can force me."
"First of all, I've technically been a traitor for the last twenty-four hours. Second, Cuddy already knows. She was the one who called for the ANBU, after all. And third, I don't have to. The minute Cuddy realizes I'm not bound for Tanzaku Town, something which, if it hasn't happened yet, should happen within the next few hours, she's going to track you down and send you after me. And you can't say no to her quite so easily."
"What? Why me?"
"Wilson!" he answered in his best Cuddy impersonation. "Go after House. Bring him back before he gets himself killed. I don't know… pretend to be the conscience he doesn't have. He listens to you…"
Wilson grumbled under his breath.
"Fine…" he sighed. He felt a headache coming on, and it was shaped remarkably like Gregory House. "You win… But I hope you know what you're doing…"
House glanced over his shoulder, his hard gaze softening for a moment.
"So do I."