Author's Note: Well, gang, this is it. The last chapter of The DysFUNctional Christmas until the holiday season of 2014. We may not have had as many chapters as last's years batch of Christmas crack, but we still had a pretty decent haul. Plus, this chapter makes up for the lack of Christmas crack. Why?

It clocks in at 13,311 words. With that many words, you know what that means for The DysFUNctional Pirates - A Yukijima story. Fasten your seatbelts, kids. It's a pretty good story.

Disclaimer: Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece. A.G. Moria owns Ashley. Luffykotheeevee owns Maeve, Jodie, Aoi, Bullet, Leon, Cube, A.A.A., and Aldwin. I own the Capricorns, Libras, Aries, Geminis, Aquarius, Leos, Taurus, Scorpios, Sagittarius, and any Dangan Ronpa OCs that make a cameo in this chapter.


It was a few days before Christmas, and our favorite pirates all got an interesting invitation.

"Fuck no! We are not going! That's not how you celebrate Christmas!"

"What about the implications of this place?"

"We're going. There's girls there."

"Meggie! Let's go to the thing!"

"We're not going."

"I'll go if there's boobies."

"Ain't nobody got time for that."

"Fact: Taylor Swift was originally considered for the role of Ariadne in the movie Inception."

"Usopp, deal with it. YOU KNOW Ajax is going to be there."

"Do we still have the police on speed dial?"

"No! If the Capricorns are going to be there, I WILL NOT be there!"

"Anton! You know if we all go there for CHRISTMAS, things won't end well!"

"I think I just got flashbacks."

"I've made a huge mistake."

However, there was only one person who was remotely interested in what the invite said - Foley Maeve.

"So... Looks like we're spending Christmas in Yukijima," Aoi commented.

"I don't know whether to feel afraid or... Excited," Jodie said.

"Well, at least it will beat last Christmas at Grandpa Garp's Bauhaus Ski Resort," Maeve said. Everyone shuddered.

"Never again will I trust Big Macintosh..." Aoi said.

"Why did the Libras do that hipster flash mob?" Jodie asked.

"Sacré Bleu..." Leon said to himself.

"Why is last Christmas such a Noodle Incident?" Bullet asked.

"Fact: Abercrombie and Fitch originally sold sporting goods and guns," Cube said.


Later that afternoon, the Taurus Pirates were checked into the Yukijima Marriott, and they were waiting for Artemis to get their room keys.

"Good afternoon, sir. Would you like to hear about natural gas and oil deposits that were recently discovered in the Calm Belt?" Pendleton asked Smoker. Smoker said nothing as he handcuffed Pendleton.

"You are under arrest for discussing the subject of fracking in public," Smoker explained. Everyone else laughed. "What? It's common knowledge that due to the controversy of the subject that you can't discuss fracking in public."

The Taurus Pirates laughed harder.

"You're Revolutionaries, right? Then, you're all under arrest for laughing at my attempts to arrest your friend for discussing fracking in a public place!" Smoker threatened.

"Language!"

The Aquariuses approached Smoker and the Tauruses.

"Thank God, back up!" Pendleton shouted, comical anime tears streaming down his face.

"What happened?" Meggie asked.

"Oh, we were discussing fracking," Annalease said casually. Meggie's jaw dropped.

"You WHAT?!" Meggie cried.

"You heard us. We were discussing fracking," Togo said.

"...You're only thirteen." Was all Meggie could say.

"I think I have some things to say about this fracking you speak of," Thorn said. Meggie pushed Thorn over to Smoker.

"Arrest my skeezy, second cousin for me, okay?" Meggie pleaded. Smoker facepalmed.

"Kids today and their iBoxes and XPods and their twerking and their cat videos..." Smoker commented under his breath.


"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Maeve opened the door in her room at the Yukijima Marriott, and the Libras were standing on the other side.

"It's the hipsters! I knew it was you guys when I heard Jin-Mao's cell phone ringtone!" Maeve said.

"He needs to get a new ringtone. Every time somebody even TEXTS him, I have to hear angry shouting in German," Edmund explained.

"Clearly, you haven't been listening to Franz Ferdinand in a while," Nigel said.

"So, Maeve, where is your crew?" Kazura asked.

"In their rooms. Why?" Maeve asked.

"Want to go play Bingo with us? It's not that mainstream, Maeve," Kazura asked.

"Sure! Let me ask Nami!" Maeve said.

"You can go, as long as you don't Koi no Yokan the bear," Nami said as she walked by. The Libras sweatdropped.

"Koi no Yokan? Bears? What?" Edmund asked.

"It's a long story. There's a reason why I can't hug Bepo anymore," Maeve said.


A few hours later, Maeve was returning to the Libras' hotel room at the Hampton Inn Yukijima.

"...And, then I told Maeve, after we both refused to Cafune the bear, 'I'll only make-out with it if it looks like Dan Auerbach'," Jodie said, finishing up a story. The Libras sweatdropped.

"Fact: Scientists from Norway have theorized that Rudolph's red nose was caused by a parasitic infection in his respiratory system," Cube said.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Everyone sweatdropped as Jin-Mao pulled out his phone.

"Hello? Okay. What time? Sure, we can make it," Jin-Mao said before he hung up. "We have to be in one of the meeting rooms at Maeve's hotel in a couple of hours."

"For what?" Yukari asked.

"This better be freakin' important! Is the meadow on fire?!" Maeve asked.

"What meadow?" Kazura asked.

"The meadow in all of your hipster, photo edits!" Maeve yelled as they entered the room, where Aldwin was waiting. "...Aldwin, what are you doing here?"

Aldwin then turned red.

"Oh, crap! Anton gave me the wrong room!" Aldwin yelled before he ran out of the room. The Libras sweatdropped.

"Fact: The third dream level in Robert Fischer Jr.'s dream in the movie Inception was inspired by the James Bond movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service," Cube said.


That night, the Capricorns, Libras, Aries, Geminis, Aquariuses, Tauruses, Leos, Scorpios, Sagittariues, and Straw Hats were gathered in a meeting room at the Yukijima Marriott. Aldwin, Anton, Basil, Ren, Jade, Alissa, Shen, Tashigi, Smoker, the Supernovas, Monet, and Shanks were also in attendance.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..." The crowd of pirates said in unison.

"So... Come here often?" Aldwin asked the two people sitting on either side of him - Arvin and Locke. Locke then looked up, a la that reaction gif of Bert from Sesame Street.

"I think this is a bad place," Locke said slowly. A.A.A. then walked onto the makeshift stage that was in front of everyone.

"Testing, one, two, three..." A.A.A. said into the microphone.

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?" Flannery asked from the audience.

"No, Flannery, mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horseradish is not an instrument either," A.A.A. said.

"Is this the part where we start kicking?" Pomponia asked.

"No, Pomponia, that's a chorus line," A.A.A. deadpanned.

"Kicking?! I want to do some kicking!" Zoro yelled before he kicked Aurelia. A dark aura then surrounded Aurelia.

"It's time..." Aurelia said before she dragged Zoro outside. Several minutes later, Aurelia and Zoro returned, with Zoro's heard being stuck inside of a mailbox.

"Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on," Zoro said before he walked back to his row and sat on Sanji's lap. "Oi! Who took my seat?!"

Sanji then kicked Zoro so hard, Zoro flew into the ceiling and got stuck in it from the waist up.

"That's what's up," Sanji said, brushing off his hands. Everyone grew silent, save for crickets chirping.

"Beal, take your crickets outside," A.A.A. said. Beal pouted as he picked up a small cage of crickets and took it outside of the room. Everybody grew silent.

"Make this quick! Cheer Perfection is going to be on in fifteen minutes!" Linus yelled.

"We know you watch that for the girls in cheerleader uniforms!" Cima shouted back.

"Burned!" The rest of the Geminis yelled.

"Shut up!" Linus sobbed. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Anyway, I am getting married on Christmas Day. You are all forced to attend - I mean, invited - to my wedding," A.A.A. said. Everyone grew silent.

"What the actual fuck?!" Heathcliffe cried.

"What in the Sam Hill?!" Miller cried.

"Woah! Mindfuck! Mindfuck! MINDFUCK!" Bullet yelled.

"I'm not sure what to think of this, Triple A-san," Robin said.

"I... I need an adult!" Togo yelled.

"Whut?" Showtarou asked.

"I don't want to live on this planet anymore!" Indie cried.

"Is this real life?!" Edmund cried.

"Can you not?!" Yvonne asked.

"I need to stop drinking!" Shanks yelled before he threw his bottle of beer at the wall.

"Is she pregnant?!" Ludovic yelled.

"Fact: Okay, now he was close, tried to domesticate you. But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate you," Cube sang with no emotion. Everyone sweatdropped. "I mean - Fact: Christmas trees usually grow for fifteen years before they are sold."

Everyone grew silent.

"So... Who are you going to marry?" Maeve asked.

"Don't say that!" Everyone else yelled.

"I will be marrying A.A.A. on Christmas."

Everyone turned to the stage, where Thorn was standing, with his arm around A.A.A. Everyone in the audience grew silent as they pulled out their weapons.

"Let the bodies hit the floor..." Nigel said darkly before everyone began to fight. The fight was so intense, the Panic! At the Disco song Let's Kill Tonight was playing in the background.

"How are people not dying?" Maeve asked Jodie, Aoi, Bullet, Leon, and Cube. Jodie said nothing as she ducked to avoid Heathcliffe's scythe, which ended up lodged in the wall behind Jodie.

"I have no clue!"

Aldwin then ninja-rolled over to Maeve.

"We have to do something about this!" Aldwin yelled. Jodie then snapped her fingers, and the music stop. Thus, everyone stopped fighting.

"Jodie, what's going on?" Maeve asked.

"My name is Jodie Walker. Welcome to Jackass," Jodie said. Then, the music started as the room began to shake.

"What the hell?!" Everyone cried as a wave carried everyone but the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin away. The goat-seal from Charlie the Unicorn 3 then floated into the room.

"How is this possible?!" Stella-Rondo cried as a Gyarados carried her, Miller, Kazura, Edmund, Yukari, Aurelia, and Mason around the room.

"What the hell?!" Aldwin cried as the goat-seal swam up to him, despite swimming in air.

"When you're feeling all alone,
The worlds a drone,
And nobody's shown,
Any love to you
When your heart is cold as stone,
Just change your tone,
Get rid of that grown,
And the world will too

Because swordfishes -" The goat-seal sang.

"Love you!" A swordfish sang as he swam by Aldwin, Maeve, and the Libras.

"Jellyfishes -" The goat-seal sang.

"Love you!" A group of jellyfish from Spongebob sang as they swam past.

"Starfishes -" The goat-seal sang. The starfish from Charlie the Unicorn 3 and 4 then popped up in front of the Libras, a knife in its hand.

"I love you!" Starfish sang as he waved his knife around. Several of the Libras screamed.

"Get us out of here!" Everyone but Maeve cried as the starfish swam away.

"Catfishes -" The goat-seal sang.

"Love you!" A catfish sang as he swam past.

"Cuttlefishes -" The goat-seal sang.

"Love you!" Feferi from Homestuck sang as she ran past.

"Blowfishes -" The goat-seal sang before Starfish popped back up.

"Starfish really loves you!" Starfish yelled before he swam away. The Libras and Aldwin screamed louder.

"- In the ocean blue!" The goat-seal sang. Maeve said nothing as she ran from the room.

"You'll never take me alive, Ezra Koenig!" Maeve yelled to the Libras before she passed out.


When Maeve awoke, she awoke in a room backstage.

"Where am I?" Maeve asked.

"Remember when we put on Moulin Rouge for Odacchi? Now, he wants us to put on another play."

The Straw Hats, Capricorns, Libras, Aries, Geminis, Aquariuses, Tauruses, Leos, Scorpios, Sagittariuses, and Aldwin approached Maeve.

"What play are we putting on?" Maeve asked.

"Annie and Her Seven Brides for Seven Brothers go to Wuthering Heights, South Pacific. Because the title is too long, we're calling it Charlie the Unicorn 5," Nami explained. Maeve blinked.

"Who's in it?" Maeve asked.

"You play Annie. By 'Annie', we don't mean 'Little Orphan Annie'. We mean Annie Cresta from The Hunger Games," Nami explained. Hana then began to cry.

"No! Why did Finnick have to leave Annie behind?!" Hana sobbed. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Anyway... Heathcliffe, Llewellyn, Arvin, Fallon, Kazura, Sanji, and Aldwin play the seven brides. Aki, Citron, Stella-Rondo, Yvonne, Pomponia, Amelia, and Trish play the seven brothers," Nami explained.

"Nami... Why did you give the guys girl roles and vice versa?" Kazura asked.

"Oh, and Edmund plays Charlie the Unicorn," Nami said.

"What?! Hell to the no! I am not going to have a kidney taken from me!" Edmund cried. "Oh, and Yukari is not playing... Who is she married to in the play?"

"Arvin," Nami answered. Edmund stormed up to the Filipino boy on the Geminis.

"Touch Yukari, and heads will roll," Edmund threated. Arvin responded by bitch-slapping Edmund.

"Asong babae, huwag gumawa ako pumunta lahat Llamas Sa Sumbrero sa iyo! Nauunawaan ko na nais mong makuha sa Yukari ng pantalon, ngunit hindi maglakas-loob mo magbanta sa akin tulad na! Mayroon akong brongkitis! Ay hindi walang saysay na tao Nakakuha ng panahon para sa na!" Arvin yelled. Everyone sweatdropped. (1).

"What did he say about me?" Yukari asked.

"You don't want to know," Arvin said. Maeve just blinked at the whole scene.

"Fact: Heathcliffe Sarutobi has just been named People Magazine's 'Sexiest Man Alive Period. Your Argument is Invalid'," Cube said.

"'No' is a complete sentence!" Jodie yelled as she threw Cube at Yuki-Rin's head.

"This feels so unnatural," Maeve commented, tilting her head in confusion.

"Peter Gabriel, too," Rhett added.


Maeve then awoke in her room at the Yukijima Marriott the next morning.

"Taco salad!" Maeve yelled as she got up.

"Fact: Ken Wantanabe dubbed his lines twice for the Japanese release of Inception - Once for the DVD version and once for the theatrical version," Cube said.

"Oh, good. It was all a dream. Cube is saying normal facts and not weird facts," Maeve said.

"The part about A.A.A. and Thorn getting married wasn't a dream," Aoi pointed out.

"Aoi, go to your room until I say so. No, you may not watch any anime while you're in your room," Maeve said. Aoi then kicked over a chair and pulled out a prop shotgun.

"The revolution will not die!" Aoi yelled.

"Aoi, you're getting too excited. Have you been eating Bullet's Sherbet Fancies again?" Maeve asked. "I suggest you go into the corner."

Aoi's face turned serious.

"I'm gonna go play with Bullet's voodoo dolls of Nigel and Kipton," Aoi muttered before she left the room.

"Why the [whatever shirt Edmund is wearing today] do you have voodoo dolls of Nigel and Kipton?" Maeve asked. "They're awesomesauce!"

Bullet shrugged as Nami entered.

"Maeve, come on! We have to go to A.A.A.'s bachelorette breakfast!" Nami said.

"Why is it for bachelorettes only?" Jodie asked.

"Shut up, Jodie," Everyone said.


A few minutes later, the female Straw Hats, Capricorns, Libras, Aries, Geminis, Aquariuses, Scorpios, Leos, Sagittariuses, and Tauruses were at the local Waffle House, celebrating A.A.A.'s bachelorette breakfast.

"No way! Karin got me edible panties!" A.A.A. yelled as she unwrapped a box of edible panties. As A.A.A. began to eat the panties, Maeve got up.

"This party is a sausage fest. I'm leaving," Maeve announced.

"Okay. I understand that this breakfast isn't for everyone," A.A.A. said. "However, you are required to attend my engagement party tomorrow night."

"Right. This ain't over," Maeve said before giving A.A.A. the District 12 salute and walking out of the Waffle House. Maeve then walked past the Denny's next door, where Thorn was holding his bachelors' breakfast.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

The ground around Maeve shook, and the windows of the Denny's then blew out. Aldwin then climbed through one of the broken windows of the Denny's.

"What happened?" Maeve asked. Aldwin pointed to inside the Denny's, where Jin-Mao stood in the center of various males from various pirate crews, who were all passed out.

"A telemarketer called Jin-Mao. That's what happened," Aldwin answered. Maeve chuckled.

"LOL. Zoro, Ludo, Miller, Isaac, Nigel, Enlai, and Arvin are all planking," Maeve said, pointing to the six males who were lying face-down on the counter inside of Denny's.

"Fact: Boxing Day, which is celebrated on the day after Christmas, originally started as a holiday where maids and butlers would receive gifts from their masters," Cube said.

"So... What do you want to do?" Aldwin asked.

"Adventure Time!" Maeve yelled.


That night, Maeve returned to the hotel.

"Where were you for a long-ass time?" Sanji asked.

"The zoo," Maeve said with a shrug.

"Okay. Sounds legit," Franky said before the Straw Hats resumed whatever they were doing. Maeve just sat down.

"This is the weirdest Big Lipped Alligator Moment ever," Bullet said.

"This Big Lipped Alligator Moment has nothing to do with this," Maeve said. Bullet facepalmed.

"That's the point," Bullet pointed out.


The next day...

"Should we hang out with Capricorns, hipsters, Canadians, the harem of Linus Forsythe, Meggie and her peeps, the Epic Fail Revolutionaries, or the 'I've Made a Huge Mistake' Pirates?" Maeve asked.

"Capricorns!" Aoi said.

"Meggie!" Jodie said.

"Linus and his harem!" Bullet said.

"Canadians!" Leon said.

"Fact: In 1836, Alabama became the first state to officially recognize Christmas," Cube said.

"On second thought, I actually need to talk to Aldwin. We'll play by ear on what crew to annoy later," Maeve said.

"We should throw maple syrup balloons at the Capricorns," Aoi said. Everyone turned to the twelve-year old. "What? It sounded like a good idea."

"No, Aoi. Just no," Maeve said with the voice of Liechtenstein from Hetalia.


A few hours later, Maeve and Aldwin were exiting the movie theater. They had both seen The Lizzie MacGuire Movie, and the both of them were terrified.

"Hey now, hey now. This is what dreams are made of," Aldwin sang, his body shaking from fright.

"So, why are we scared of Lizzie MacGuire all of a sudden?" Maeve asked.

"Was she the one who called everyone ugly over Twitter?" Aldwin asked.

"No, that was Amanda Bynes. You're close, though," Maeve said. The two grew silent as they continued to walk.

"Should I say something to Maeve?" Aldwin thought to himself.

"You should, mate."

Llewellyn approached them.

"Oh, crap! I said that out loud?!" Aldwin cried as he pulled out what looked like salt. "Shun the non-believer! Shun! Shuuuuuuunnnnnnn!"

Aldwin threw the salt into Llewellyn's face before running away. Llewellyn sweatdropped as he licked his palm.

"This is sugar, not salt," Llewellyn said.

"There's a long story behind that. It involves somebody who looks like you," Maeve said flatly.

"Okay, putting random sugar-throwin' aside, have you seen the Libras anywhere?" Llewellyn asked.

"Check Target. Why? What's going on?" Maeve asked.

"Well... My crew is divided about A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding. Aomame, Terrance, Stanton, and Leira want them to marry, because they're worried that bad things will happen if they don't support it. Kim, Yohan, Indie, Beal, and I are against it, since... Well, IT'S A.A.A. AND BLOODY THORN SARUTOBI! Were they drunk when Thorn proposed?!" Llewellyn cried.

"Come to think of it, I last saw them yesterday at the party at Waffle House," Maeve said.

"Or Denny's, if they went to Thorn's party," Llewellyn said. Maeve then realized something grave.

"Oh, shit! Aoi, Jodie, Bullet, Leon, and Cube are gone, too!" Maeve cried. "Llewellyn, do you know where I can get a bicycle? Or, at least a liver and onions-powered sea goat named Logan?"

Llewellyn pointed to Sawyer, who was riding past on a bicycle. Maeve jogged over to Sawyer.

"Oi, Peeta Mellark! Give me your bike!" Maeve yelled.

"I can't. I have to go buy my crew food," Sawyer answered before he crashed into a light post and fell off of the bike. Maeve hopped onto the bike.

"Thanks, Greg Ayres," Maeve said before she biked off. (2)


Meanwhile, the Libras were at Target buying a bunch of food. Jodie, Aoi, Bullet, Leon, and Cube were behind the Libras in the checkout line.

"Are you sure Maeve would like cookie butter?" Jodie asked Leon as they scanned a jar of cookie butter at the self-checkout.

"Who doesn't love cookie butter?" Leon asked.

"Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove the item."

Aoi picked Cube up.

"Fact: All of the gifts mentioned in The 12 Days of Christmas would add up to 364 gifts," Cube said.

"Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove the item," Aoi said.

"You already did," Jodie said as she scanned a tub of ice cream.

"Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove the item."

Aoi, Leon, and Jodie turned to Bullet, who was sitting cross-legged in the bagging area.

"Rub some fu[goose honk]king bacon on it! Youtube money, b[We're going to Candy Mountain]tch!" Bullet yelled before drinking straight out of a carton of milk.


Minutes after the Libras and her mind-peoples left, Maeve arrived at Target.

"Jodie?! Aoi?! Bullet?! Leon?! Cube?! Where are you?!" Maeve yelled. "Ricola!"

"Bitch, I want my bike back!"

Maeve turned back, and she saw Peony, Leo, Jessamine, Yvonne, Cary, Sawyer, Keating, and Alabama, all with torches and pitchforks.

"Oh, [sweater biscuits]," Maeve said before she pulled some credit cards out of her pocket. "Here! Have some gift cards!"

Maeve then ran out of the Target. The Leos sweatdropped as they picked up the gift cards that appeared out of nowhere.

"I got a gift card to American Eagle Outfitters. You?" Yvonne asked.

"Panera Bread," Sawyer answered.

"Best Buy," Alabama answered.

"Longhorn Steakhouse," Leo said.


That evening, after a long day of running around Yukijima, Maeve came back to her hotel room.

"Rose Tyler, you were fantastic!" Maeve yelled as she entered her room. Sanji said nothing as he thrust some long, black fabric into Maeve's arms. Maeve inspected the fabric, revealing it to be...

"A cocktail dress?! Why in the name of Workbitch Bartholomew would I need this?!" Maeve cried.

"It's for later when we go to A.A.A. and Thorn's engagement party," Sanji explained.

"Later?" Maeve asked.

"Yeah. We're going to the bathhouse to get ready. The Capricorns will be there as well," Nami explained. Maeve just blinked.

"Awkward. Totes awkward," Maeve said.

"You don't have to come, Mortician-san. But, meet us at the Capricorns' hotel when we call you, okay?" Robin asked.

"Whatever. This entire adventure on Yukijima is a Tupperware party. I want to leave," Maeve said.

"We have to stay. If we don't support A.A.A. and Thorn, who knows what they'll do to us," Usopp explained.

"What if they do something bad to us at the wedding? It keeps happening with A.A.A.!" Maeve pointed out. Nami sighed.

"Maeve, go do something. We'll call you when we're done with our baths," Nami said. Maeve sighed.

"Fine! I'm taking my hammered goose liver with me!" Maeve yelled as she pocketed some cash before leaving the room. Maeve then re-entered the room a few seconds later. "I forgot my iPhone!"

Maeve pocketed her iPhone and left. She returned a few moments later.

"That was a closet, Jodie!" Maeve yelled before she exited the room. The Straw Hats sweatdropped.


A few minutes later, Maeve wandered the streets of Yukijima, deep in thought.

"Fact: Teddy Roosevelt banned Christmas trees from the White House in 1912," Cube said.

"I want my teddy bear. I'm scared," Aoi said.

"You mean the Monokuma one? We had to kill it, remember? It tried to force us to kill the Capricorns a la Dangan Ronpa," Maeve explained.

"You there. Yes, you."

Sengoku stepped out of the shadows, dragging a whale behind him.

"Do you have time to listen to the good news of Eneru's Religion?" Sengoku asked. Maeve blinked.

"Nobody cares about Eneru," Maeve pointed out. "He's barely mentioned in The DysFUNctional Pirates, so why are we mentioning him now?"

"And nobody cares about what you just said," Sengoku retorted as he cleared his throat.

"Oh, don't tell me that we're going to get lectured!" Jodie cried.

"Because in 1666, an apple fell on Newton's head
Our modern view of gravity from this event was bred
'Till Einstein came along and said 'Newton, man, you suck
It's obvious that space-time controls gravity, you shmuck'
The unification wasn't to come from relativity
So, then Einstein spent his later years in mental misery
Then in 1968, the world of physics, it did change
And through the years, a new theory arrived and it was strange
It said the world we live in is comprised of not but strings
These tiny bits of energy, these crazy, wiggly things
It finally made the subatomic forces work with gravity
The quantum world and Einstein became one, big family
," Sengoku sang.

"This lecture sucks," Jodie said, sticking a finger into her nose.

"Marimba solo!" Sengoku yelled. Maeve turned to Bullet, who was playing a marimba like a boss. Maeve said nothing as she grabbed Bullet and walked off.

"Hey! I was in the middle of a kick-ass marimba solo!" Bullet cried.

"Do you want to listen to the crazy man when we have no time?" Maeve asked. "Then, let's go to McDonald's and steal their ketchup."

"This makes no sense," Bullet pointed out.

"It will when we're all doing an Attack on Titan cosplay at a McDonalds somewhere in Nevada that involves songs by The Decemberists," Maeve explained.


A few minutes later, Maeve arrived at the Ritz-Carlton Yukijima.

"Why are we here?" Aoi asked.

"I heard there was a McDonald's here," Maeve said as she began to aimlessly wander the halls.

"Maeve, what the [Time to go to bed, Susan] is this? This is a Ritz-Carlton, not a Best Western. They wouldn't have McDonald's here," Bullet asked.

"It's down the street. Nami needs us now for A.A.A. and Thorn's party," Maeve said as they entered the lobby of the hotel's bathhouse. Inside, the Capricorns and Straw Hats were waiting, some wearing towels, and others wearing Strong World-esque formal attire.

"There you are, Maeve! We've been waiting!" Sanji said. Maeve sighed.

"Give the dress to one of Ivankov's transvestites, I'm not going to A.A.A. and Thorn's engagement party," Maeve said.

"Why not? They'll have meat," Luffy said.

"For the last time, I will not support the marriage between my Sitcom Archnemisis and that one Sarutobi nobody likes," Maeve explained.

"Say what you will, you're going in support of said Sitcom Archnemisis and that one Sarutobi nobody likes," Nami explained.

"Hell to the no! There's no telling what A.A.A. is going to do at this wedding! She could sell you guys into prostitution AGAIN if you attend the wedding!" Maeve yelled. The Straw Hats and Capricorns grew silent.

"No, she won't," Heathcliffe said. Maeve ran up Heathcliffe and bitch-slapped him.

"Don't say that! You have just resigned yourself to sex, more sex, and babies!" Maeve yelled.

"Speak for yourself! You just resigned yourself to major trouble, Maeve!" Nami yelled.

"I don't give a basket of hash browns! You're treating me like the Boy Who Cried Wolf, AND I WON'T FUCKING STAND FOR IT! I DON'T STAND FOR IT SO MUCH, I SWORE INSTEAD OF USING SILLY WORDS TO CENSOR MYSELF!" Maeve shouted.

"Maeve, you need to chill out. Maybe this wedding will make A.A.A. good," Zoro said. Maeve glared at Zoro.

"Marimo, shut the hell up," Maeve said darkly.

"Finally, you get on my level!" Sanji yelled before Nami stomped on his foot. Maeve sighed.

"You know what, Straw Hats? I am so done. I'm leaving this crew," Maeve said.

"Maeve, no!" Luffy yelled.

"You heard me! I'm not sailing with a crew that supports my worst nightmare!" Maeve yelled. "Good-bye, Straw Hats!"

Maeve then stormed out of the bathhouse. Everyone grew silent.

"She'll be back in the morning. Don't worry about it," Robin said.


A few minutes later, Maeve arrived at the Yukijima Marriott and sat down on one of the couches in the lobby.

"Fact: The first decorated Christmas tree was in Riga, Latvia, in 1510," Cube said.

"Maeve, please know that we're on your side," Jodie said.

"Yeah. Like how the Straw Hats were on my side," Maeve said.

"No, we believe you. A.A.A. and Thorn's marriage sucks," Bullet said.

"Thanks, Bullet," Maeve said. The lobby grew silent for a few minutes. Then, music began to play in the distance. "Wait... Where's that music coming from?"

Maeve got up and followed the source of the music.

"What are you doing, Maeve? We could be going to A.A.A. and Thorn's engagement party," Leon asked as the music got louder.

"I don't care," Maeve said before they came to the source of the music - A hallway leading to various ballrooms. Maeve said nothing as she entered a meeting room with its doors open. Inside, it wasn't A.A.A. and Thorn's engagement party, but a party the Libras were throwing.

"They don't look like A.A.A. or Thorn to me," Bullet said before Maeve and her personalities entered the party. As Maeve walked further into the party, she discovered that everyone was too busy to notice her.

"Right thoughts, right words, right action," Maeve sang along to the music. "I mean - Why won't they notice us?"

"They're hipsters," Bullet deadpanned. Maeve facepalmed.

"Maeve? What are you doing here?"

Maeve turned her head, and she saw Aldwin.

"Aldwin? What are you doing here?" Maeve asked.

"Long story," Aldwin said, looking down at the ground. "You?"

"Long story," Maeve echoed. Then, the song ended, and everyone turned to Maeve.

"Oi! We have two more guests!" Nigel shouted.

"Hi," Maeve said with a wave of her hand. "Are we... Welcome?"

"Sure. You guys don't look like you plan to go to A.A.A. and Thorn's party like us," Kazura said. "What brings you two to our party?"

"I didn't feel like siding with Anton and supporting A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding, so I slipped Anton some sleeping pills and ran off," Aldwin explained.

"I got into a fight with my crew, and I decided to leave the Straw Hats. They wouldn't believe me about what could happen with this horrible, Christmas wedding, so I stormed off," Maeve explained. "And, do you know who they side with besides A.A.A. and Thorn? The Capricorns, of course. They think that if they support A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding, everything will be 'peachy keen, a-ok, let's go ride a flying bed to public access television land'."

The Libras grew silent. Then, they huddled around each other, talking in whispers.

"What did we do?" Aldwin asked.

"I mentioned the Capricorns, so there," Maeve said. The Libras turned back to Aldwin and Maeve.

"Maeve, Aldwin... Do you know that scene in The Muppet Movie where Kermit and Fozzie first meet The Electric Mayhem and they sing Can You Picture That?" Nigel asked. Aldwin and Maeve nodded.

"Good. Because this is just like that scene, but much cooler," Locke explained.

"Okay?" Maeve said.

"So... Why are you guys having a party here?" Aldwin asked.

"We're going to this HUGE, hipster music festival tomorrow, and we're celebrating the fact that we're leaving Yukijima," Edmund answered. "You two are free to tag along."

"Awesome!" Maeve said. "Wait - Don't we have to pay to get in?"

"Law and Bonney were supposed to come with us, but Bepo had to have surgery at the last minute," Kazura answered. Aldwin and Maeve gasped.

"No! Not Bepo!" Aldwin and Maeve cried, allowing for the Authoress to segue into the intermission.


Intermission

Basil sat in a public access television studio, a panorama picture of Yukijima behind him.

"Hello, and welcome to the Yukijima Culture Report. I'm Basil Le'Ursa, and I will be bringing you the latest in food, people, culture, and fun in Yukijima," Basil said to the non-existent audience. "Today, I will be taking you to the Yukijima Seafood Galley. I lied. It's actually Dixie Crossroads from that one episode of the Titusville Culture Report by the guy who did Charlie the Unicorn. Oh, wait, I lied again. I went to Red Lobster."

Arvin hopped onto the stage, cosplaying as Kamina.

"Don't you DARE insult Red Lobster! I don't care that they have a lack of Filipino seafood, Red Lobster is like crack to me!" Arvin yelled.

"You have anger issues, man. First, you yell at Edmund in Filipino, now this. Can I recommend you a session with Doctor Ageha Midori, Doctor Alto Jarvis, Doctor Aomame Kirigaya, Doctor Deuce Greendale, Doctor Ludovic Swansea, or Doctor Cary Morgenstern?" Basil deadpanned. Ageha, Alto, Aomame, Deuce, Ludovic, and Cary then walked onto the stage, dressed in maid outfits.

"You rang, nurse?" The doctors for the Capricorns, Libras, Arieses, Geminis, Tauruses, and Leos asked. Basil facepalmed.

"Go home. Just... Go home," Basil said. The doctors and Arvin then left. "Anyway... This Red Lobster was okay. Thankfully, this Red Lobster had the Cheddar Bay biscuits, so I guess that's a plus."

"Grand Slammich?"

Basil looked into the camera.

"Shut this camera off," Basil said. The camera then shut off.

End Intermission


A few minutes later, Maeve and Aldwin were in Maeve's hotel room, gathering Maeve's things.

"What about the stuff on the Sunny?" Aldwin asked.

"All my stuff is here," Maeve said as she walked over to the pen and paper the hotel had in the room. "Now, what should my good-bye note to the Straw Hats be?"

"'I'll be back'? I don't know, I suck at this," Aldwin said. Maeve snapped her fingers.

"Bingo!" Maeve said before she began to write on the paper. "Don't bother looking for me, because you'll never, ever find me!"

"Ever!" Jodie yelled for emphasis.

"Good-bye, forever, Straw Hats!" Maeve yelled as she slammed the paper down onto the table. Maeve then turned back to Aldwin. "So, where are you staying?"

"Hampton Inn. I'm in between the Abingdons and the Sarutobis and I'm across from a weirdo who keeps calling himself 'Abelard Wolf' and talks in the third-person," Aldwin explained. Maeve smiled.

"Good enough for me!" Maeve said before the two left the room.


Meanwhile, A.A.A. and Thorn's engagement party was in full-swing. It was just like every, awkward, middle school and high school dance.

"I was right. This event sucks," Luffy said.

"Luffy! Do not use that language in front of your mother!" Zoro yelled.

"Don't have a cow, man!" Luffy said.


With the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin, they were walking to the Libras' hotel.

"Walter Salmon makes it easy for you!" The Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin sang as they skipped/danced/Prancercized their way down the streets of Yukijima.

"I feel alive!" Maeve yelled as she swung around a lamppost.

"That's the point! You only feel alive on Yukijima when you either leave or attend the Yukijima Hipster Music Festival!" Edmund yelled back as they entered the Hampton Inn. "Good evening, Ashley. I see you're doing well."

The girl at the front desk - Ashley - looked up.

"Welcome back, Libras. Had a good evening on the town?" Ashley asked.

"Yes, we did," Edmund said.

"Glad to hear it. There are some freshly-baked cookies waiting for you in your rooms, and your beds have been turned down," Ashley said.

"Alright. Thank you, Ashley," Edmund said before the Libras left. Then, Ashley's mood changed.

"I swear, I am sending Moria to sex rehab. Bitch is making me go broke with his porn addiction," Ashley said to herself.


Up in the Libras' rooms, the "We're Leaving Yukijima for the Christmas Version of Burning Man" party was still going strong.

"Fact: Each year, 3 billion Christmas cards are sent," Cube said before a knock at the door was heard.

"If you're the Capricorns or Straw Hats, get lost! Maeve Foley and Aldwin Yorkson aren't here!" Maeve yelled. The Libras cheered as Aldwin answered the door to three girls and two boys carrying video cameras.

"Can I help you?" Aldwin asked.

"I'm Sukie Chung. These are my fellow camera people, Moana Chang - you can call her 'Mona'; she doesn't mind -, Isaac Bjorklund, Wu-Ren Lau, and Jacqueline Minden. We're here to film you," Sukie explained.

"Does this have to do with A.A.A.'s wedding?" Aldwin asked.

"Of course. We're getting paid to film it," Sukie replied. Aldwin responded by closing the door in their faces.

"'Murica," Aldwin said as he turned back to the Libras and Maeve, who cheered.

"Fact: The first Christmas card was produced and sold in London in 1843," Cube said.

"So... Anybody want to play a game?" Jodie asked.

"What game?" Aldwin asked. A few minutes later, our favorite hipsters were playing a game that involved drawing, random trivia questions, the movement of game pieces, and other, random things.

"What are you drawing?" Aoi asked Edmund, who was drawing something as part of the game.

"Miller, Nigel, Adwin, Mason, and Stella-Rondo, for five hundred points, which indie/alternative band leader is a toff? And, Mason, you can't say 'Alex Turner'," Edmund said.

"Is it that guy from Imagine Dragons?" Aldwin asked.

"No," Edmund said flatly.

"It's Ezra Koenig, isn't it?" Nigel asked.

"No, it's Dan Auerbach. Of course, it's Ezra Koenig," Edmund replied sarcastically. Aldwin turned to Maeve.

"Do hipsters always play these games at parties?" Aldwin asked.

"They probably do. Jodie told me that it isn't over until they duct-tape somebody to a wall," Maeve explained as Mason and Aleksandar began duct-taping Bullet to the wall. "Oh. Looks like Mason and Aleksandar won."


The next morning...

"What?! What do you mean Maeve's gone?!" Nami yelled as she read Maeve's good-bye note to the Straw Hats and the Capricorns.

"Brilliant! Fantastic! Molto bene!" Sanji yelled, throwing his arms up into the air. (3)

"Maeve's not the only one gone - Master Aldwin has also ran off in the night."

Everyone looked out the window, and they saw Anton casually standing on the windowsill.

"Where did you come from?" Nami asked.

"Your mother's back door," Anton said darkly. "Anyway, we need to form a search party for them."

Daisuke jumped up and set off a party popper.

"Not THAT kind of party!" Yulia cried. Daisuke flipped his hair.

"I do what I want," Daisuke said, crossing his arms. Nami sighed and turned to Anton.

"Get Alissa, Jade, Ren, Basil, and Shen, and meet us at the Capricorns' hotel in an hour," Nami demanded.


With the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve, they were on the road to Yukijima Burning Man.

"So, we're a day early, so we're going to spend the night in Old Viridian City. Tomorrow, we will arrive at the festival tomorrow, which is in the deserts outside of Afro Circus," Edmund explained to the group of hipsters and two runaways, who were currently on a bus.

"This is the life - We get to see all of the places we went to on our last trip to Yukijima. I wonder how the Careers, Anna, Andy, and the Pantless are doing," Maeve said. Aldwin shuddered. (4)

"Maeve, don't remind me about our last trip to Yukijima. Just... Don't," Aldwin said. "But, if you wanted to know, I got a Christmas card from the Careers."

Aldwin handed Maeve a generic, Christmas card.

"Dear fellow members of our Party Wagon, how are you doing? We're having fun at our new job with The Learning Annex, torturing people by freak-dancing and Lady Gaga. We heard you were going back to Yukijima for the holidays. Wish we could be there, but Hancock sent us to Dressrosa to run a seminar for her. Happy holidays! Sincerely, the Careers," Maeve read from the card. "Despite the fact they're sadists, the Careers are pretty darn nice."

An awkward silence then formed between Maeve and Aldwin.

"Fact: The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees out of dyed goose feathers," Cube said.

"Oh, hey, Cube. How's it going?" Aldwin asked, giving a fist-bump to the cube.

"Nothing much, Aldwin Yorkson," Cube said. "How is Anton?"

"He's fine. Last time I checked, he was sleeping," Aldwin answered.

"Oh, yes. You gave a talking, vampiric cat sleeping pills. Good times, good times," Maeve said to herself.


A few hours later, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve arrived at Old Viridian City.

"We're here!" Maeve yelled as she got out of the bus. "Suck it, peasants who are going to Yukijima!"

The people who were boarding a bus that was going to Yukijima shuddered.

"Yeah! Suck it! Suck it HARD!" Jodie yelled. The Libras, Aldwin, Maeve, Aoi, Bullet, Leon, and Cube sweatdropped.

"Maeve, is Jodie the crazy one, or Aoi?" Aldwin asked.

"They alternate on days ending in '-y'. Bullet is the Only Sane One, Leon is the Token French Guy, and Cube is just there," Maeve explained. "Also, there's another personality. Her name's Abby, and we don't talk about her."

The Libras grew silent.

"Who's Abby and why haven't we met her?" Kazura asked.

"What's the meaning of Stonehenge?!" Jodie sang. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Let's go get checked into our hotel," Maeve said.


Back in Yukijima, the Straw Hats, Capricorns, Arieses, Geminis, Aquariuses, Scorpios, Tauruses, Leos, Sagittariuses, Basil, Ren, A.A.A., Shen, Jade, Alissa, and Anton organized a search party to find Aldwin, Maeve, and the Libras.

"Listen up, sluts! We're forming a search party!" A.A.A. yelled. Everyone grew silent.

"Man the fucking lifeboats!" Ludovic shouted.

"Alpha team, you search uptown. Gold team searches downtown," Nami explained, pointing in random directions to represent the teams. "Any questions?"

Everyone grew silent.

"Gold team rules!" Beal, Arvin, Fallon, Togo, Souma, Isaac, Keating, Malachy, Wolfgang, Daisuke, Gareth, Basil, Terrance, and Luffy yelled.


A few minutes later, the search started.

"Maeve?! Maeve?!" Nami shouted.

"Master Aldwin, come out!" Anton yelled.

"Libras, get out here NOW!" Yuki-Rin shouted.

"Oi, hipsters, get your asses out here!" Zoro yelled.

"Boom-shaka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka!" Thierry drunkenly yelled into a mailbox. Nami sighed as she tried to walk away, only for Soren to latch onto her leg.

"Help me find Teru! I want my wifey!" Soren cried. Nami sighed.

"Okay, Soren. I'll go with you," Nami said as she pried Soren off of her leg.


Back in Old Viridian City, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve were settling into their rooms at the Beautiful, Perfect Carlos Resort and Casino.

"Just got a text from Thorn. It says 'Daft Punk is Playing at my House'. I'm blocking him for life," Edmund announced to his siblings.

"Creeper," Amelia commented.

"How did he get your phone number?" Rhett asked.

"We had to sign that guestbook at his breakfast at Denny's," Edmund answered. Rhett grew pale.

"This means he has my cell phone number too?" Rhett asked. Edmund nodded. "Okay. We are now not getting Thorn ANYTHING for Christmas AND his wedding."

Somebody then knocked on the door. Edmund answered it to Aldwin and the male Libras, who all had their cell phones out.

"Why does Thorn have our numbers?!"

"Because we all were stupid enough to go to Denny's with him," Edmund answered calmly.

"I'm still never going to let Thorn live that down," Locke commented. "We're never getting him anything for Christmas again."


That evening, in Yukijima...

"Well, it's been a long day, and we still haven't found Maeve," Nami said.

"Check the Sunny," Zoro suggested.

"We'll do it tomorrow!" Everyone else yelled.


The next morning, in Old Viridian City...

"It's today! It's today! It's today!"

"Maeve, wake up! We're leaving for the Yukijima Burning Man Hipster Christmas Festival!"

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Maeve opened the door to her hotel room, and she saw the Libras, all grinning.

"Okay," Maeve said in the voice of Augustus Waters.

"It's today..." Edmund said in a high-pitched voice. "I can't believe the Yukijima Burning Man Hipster Christmas Festival is today."

"Yes, Edmund, I know. You woke me up with your fanboying."

Aldwin exited his own room, rucksack over his back.

"You can never have enough fanboying when it comes to the Yukijima Burning Man Hipster Christmas Festival, the Yukijima Hipster Music Festival, the Yukijima Hipster Halloween/Day of the Dead/Belated Leif Ericsson Day Bash, the Yukijima Hipster Valentine's Day Festival Where it's Okay to Not be Sappy, and Grandpa Garp's Bauhaus Folk Festival at Yukijima," Edmund explained. Upon mention of "Grandpa Garp's Bauhaus Folk Festival at Yukijima", everyone shuddered. "Okay, I can stop fanboying about that last one."

Everyone grew silent.

"Fact: 30% of the U.S. population visits the post office during the Christmas holidays," Cube said.


Later that afternoon, the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin arrived at a Christmas village in the desert.

"Oh, my God! Fuck yes! We're here!" Edmund yelled before running straight to the admission gates. Everyone else followed.

"Stella-Rondo, what's this festival like?" Maeve asked.

"One of the few good things about Yukijima, besides their art scene. Each party gets their own campground complete with a building for meals, spare bedrooms, a laundry room, and bathrooms. Did I mention that the bathrooms have showers? By that, I don't mean the showers they use at camp. I mean the really good showers with hot water, waterfall settings, and Japanese-styled hot springs. They also give you those soaps, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, and bathrobes like in those hotels," Stella-Rondo explained.

"Note to self - Steal the soaps, shampoos, conditioners, and lotions, and hoard them until the apocalypse starts and Desmond York returns from the dead as the
supreme ruler of the world. Then, I can sell those supplies to the survivors of the demon apocalypse for really high prices. Thug life, here I come,
" Maeve thought to herself. A few feet away...

"So, this is a Christmas village?" Aldwin asked Kazura and Yukari.

"Yeah. The campsites surround a village of shops, restaurants, movie theaters, art galleries, and the apartments where the chefs, security, event coordinators, cleaning crews, catering crews, musicians, high-profile artists, and other celebrities stay," Kazura explained.

"So, what do they do with the Christmas village when it's not Christmas?" Aldwin asked.

"The chefs, security, event coordinators, cleaning crews, catering crews, and their families live there normally. I heard they have a community theater, sports teams, and a town marching band," Yukari answered.

"That sounds fun," Aldwin said as they approached the turnstiles for the event.

"People with bags need to go to the left! People without bags go to the right!"

Aldwin turned to Maeve.

"And so, our adventures as hipsters begin," Aldwin remarked.


Later that night, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve were having a huge feast of Chinese takeout.

"Fact: The tradition of a Doctor Who Christmas special actually started with David Tennant's Doctor," Cube said.

"I told you, Aldwin! The Doctor Who Christmas specials totally did NOT start when Doctor Who first started! Pay me now!" Jin-Mao yelled from across the table. Everyone but Aldwin and Maeve then passed one dollar bills to Jin-Mao.

"Why are you giving Jin-Mao money?" Aldwin asked.

"No fair! Give me money!" Maeve yelled.

"Festival tradition dictates that we all pay whoever wins a bet," Edmund explained. "Because you and Aldwin are new to this, we won't hold it against you or force you to give up a dollar."

Everyone grew silent.

"I bet that Stella-Rondo will be next to make a correct bet," Jodie predicted.

"Jodie, no!" Everyone else (but Stella-Rondo) yelled.


Intermission

Mason watched from a distance as a giraffe (who was actually Kaku in giraffe form) walk by.

"Uh-oh, here comes a giraffe! Ya'll know what that means - It's Zoobooks!" Mason yelled, throwing several Zoobooks into the air. "With Zoobooks, you can learn all about zebras and how they like to kick cheetahs in the heads."

In the background, Aleksandar accidentally kicked Lien in the head.

"I thought we were buddies!" Lien yelled in the background. Mason cringed.

"Bullet, you can stop filming now," Mason said into the camera.

End Intermission


The next evening, Aldwin and Maeve explored the Christmas village.

"Fact: Due to the climate of the city, it is common for people in Los Angeles to wear shorts on Christmas Day," Cube said.

"Woah, hey! You need to find some salt, call up Sam and Dean, and kill that Furby!"

Aokiji, who was on a Segway, approached Maeve and Aldwin.

"Afternoon, officer," Maeve said. "What brings you to this Christmas village?"

"Please don't be looking for us because we ditched Thorn and A.A.A.'s wedding," Aldwin thought to himself.

"I'm event security. I hope you are not drinking, I hope you did not bring drugs into this event, I hope you don't plan to assault people in any way, I hope you don't murder somebody, and I hope you keep off of the grass. Have a nice day," Aokiji said before he Segway-ed off.

"So, Maeve, you can go back to the camp. The Libras went ice skating, and I need to make some calls to Anton - I mean, Mirajane - I mean, I am totally not shopping for you," Aldwin said. Maeve patted Aldwin on the back.

"Pick up the milk and bread for me," Maeve said before she began to walk back to the camp.

"I have a weird feeling about this. Are you sure you want to go back to the campsite alone?" Aoi asked Maeve.

"I have you guys. I'm not alone," Maeve said as they entered the Libras' campsite. "Besides, what can possibly go wrong?"

"Everything and anything," Bullet said.

"Did somebody say 'what can possibly go wrong'?"

Thorn then jumped out of nowhere.

"What the [Aldwin's Scooby Doo boxers]?!" Maeve cried. "Why the [My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark] are you doing here?!"

"I've come to take you back to Yukijima. You were supposed to attend my wedding," Thorn explained.

"Fuck you! Maeve's a hipster now! She doesn't have to listen to The Man!" Jodie yelled.

"Go away, Thorn. Nobody likes you," Aoi said cooly. Maeve said nothing as she raised a fist.

"For Narnia!" Maeve yelled as she punched Thorn in the face, knocking him out.


A few minutes later, after Thorn was locked in a closet, Maeve stood outside, waiting for everyone.

"Fact: To find an actually funny joke in a British Christmas cracker would be considered disappointing and may actually ruin somebody's Christmas," Cube said.

"Yep! It's like Thorn's the actually funny joke and this festival is the British Christmas cracker," Maeve remarked. "I just wonder how the Libras are going to react now that Thorn crashed the festival to bring us back to Yukijima."

"Maeve, we're back! How was Christmas shopping?"

The Libras and Aldwin then arrived at the campsite. Maeve jumped up in shock.

"Hipsters!" Maeve yelled.

"Maeve!" Kazura yelled.

"Maeve!" Aldwin yelled.

"Hipsters!" Aoi yelled.

"Hipsters!" Maeve yelled. Everyone grew silent.

"Thorn!"

Thorn approached the group.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Edmund asked darkly.

"I've come to take you back to Yukijima. You can't miss my wedding, you know," Thorn said.

"What the [Pokémon bear claws], man?! I thought I locked you in a closet!" Maeve cried.

"I came out of the closet," Thorn said. The Libras said nothing as they got their weapons out.

"You have sixty seconds to run," Edmund said darkly. Thorn stepped back as the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin stepped foward.

"Ooh! I'm telling Patrick, Dane, Hugh, and Alistair!" Thorn yelled before he ran off like a coward. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Wait... Meggie's brothers are here?" Maeve asked. Edmund said nothing as he turned to face the Libras.

"Everybody... We are leaving this festival tomorrow. It is clear that A.A.A. has established a search party and is looking for us. If we stay any longer, we could all be caught and get punished," Edmund explained. Everyone groaned. "It's for our own good. Do you want to become prostitutes like the Capricorns?"

The Libras screamed.

"I don't want to be a prostitute! I'm too obscure for that!" Yukari cried. Kazura raised his hand.

"Wait! Where are we going?!" Kazura asked.

"We could try Afro Circus. Or, we could heard northeast and hide in Asgard or Rooster Teeth City," Edmund said.

"They'd catch us if we went to Afro Circus or Asgard. We have to go somewhere else," Stella-Rondo said.

"But if we go any further than Asgard, we'd either hit the border between All About Halifax and Axis Powers Hetalia, or we'd be forced to go further East until we hit New New New York City, which is thousands of miles away," Edmund explained.

"How about New France?" Leon suggested.

"No. The last time we were there, we got kicked out of your own house for mentioning Emporio Ivankov," Edmund answered.

"No, Edmund, Leon has a point - His parents and Louis don't know about A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding, so they could offer us safety until it's time to leave Yukijima," Maeve explained.

"Yeah. That could work," Edmund said, stroking his chin.

"What about Leon's brother, Louis? He tried to kill us the last time we saw him," Miller asked.

"He's with Saint Sarutobi II and his wife in 221B Baker Street. We'll be fine," Leon explained. Miller sighed.

"If you say so," Miller said. Everyone grew silent.

"Fact: Humphrey Bogart died on Christmas Day, 1957," Cube said.

"Intermission time!" Jodie yelled, allowing the authoress to segue into the next intermission.

"We just had an intermission! Is this necessary?!" Edmund asked.


Intermission

The Geminis sat in a McDonald's, wondering why the Authoress is suddenly focusing on them.

"Okay, who suggested McDonald's?" Jack asked everyone. Pomponia stood up and raised her hand.

"That was me," Pomponia said.

"Sit the fuck down," Linus demanded.

"Shut the hell up!" Percy yelled. Then, the Geminis all began to fight, Jerry Springer-style. Except Greta and Arvin, because Greta and Arvin are the Authoress' favorite Geminis.

"Hooray?" Arvin asked.

End Intermission


The next afternoon, the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin arrived in New France.

"Aldy, sing the song!" Maeve said.

"What song?" Aldwin asked.

"The New France song from Spatula Madness!" Maeve answered.

"I don't know that song. Ask Leon to sing it since he's French," Aldwin said.

"I don't know that song. Ask the Libras, since it sounds like an obscure song only they know about," Leon said. The hipsters grew silent.

"I don't watch Happy Tree Friends," Kazura stated.

"Anyway... Where are we going to stay?" Aoi asked. The next thing anybody knew, it was the next morning, and they were all waking up in the Richard household after spending the night at Leon's house.

"So far, so good," Aldwin said to himself.

"Dat crepe," Jodie said before stealing Aldwin's crepe and eating it.

"Jodie, cut that out. You know the Revolutionaries like Dragon and Ivankov are watching," Aoi said. Upon mention of Ivankov, Leon's okama father stood up.

"Bitch, the fuck you say?!" Leon's okama father yelled.

"I just told Jodie that the Revolutionaries could be watching us," Aoi said.

"Did you just mention Ivankov?!" Leon's okama father yelled.

"No," Aoi said. Everyone grew silent.

"Okay, carry on," Leon's okama father said, going back to his morning paper. Everyone grew silent.

"Fact: Emporio Ivankov was the first prisoner to celebrate Christmas in the entire history of Impel Down," Cube said. Leon's okama father then stood up, ripped the tablecloth off of the table, and flipped the table over.

"Alright, all of you get out of my house RIGHT NOW! I don't care that people are looking for you! If those people are looking for you, they're also looking for my Italian tires!" Leon's okama father ranted. "But, that's not the point - Last time, we agreed to never speak of Emporio Ivankov in this house! You broke this agreement, so I have to kick all of you out! Do I make myself clear?"

Everyone grew silent.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Everyone sweatdropped as Jin-Mao slowly pulled his phone out.

"I'll call you back," Jin-Mao said before he hung up. "Fucking telemarketers..."


A few hours later, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve arrived in House Tully of Riverrun.

"So, where are we staying?" Aldwin asked everyone. "And, do not say Ivankov's hotel."

"Did somebody say 'Ivankov's hotel'?"

Ivankov then popped up. Leon kicked Ivankov in the balls.

"Stop getting us kicked out of my house!" Leon yelled.

"Why?! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!" Ivankov yelled.

"Fact: The U.S. Postal Service sells approximately 1.3 billion holiday stamps each year," Cube said.

"What do you want, Emporio? We made it clear that we hate you," Bullet asked.

"You must be looking for a place to stay. Tomorrow IS Christmas Eve, you know," Ivankov answered.

"It's Christmas Eve already?!" Maeve, Aldwin, and the Libras asked. The next thing they knew, they were at Ivankov's hotel and casino, Newkama Land Hotel and Casino.

"We told you - We don't want to stay here," Kazura pointed out.

"All the other hotels were booked for the Christmas holidays. Even the Super 8 that got shut down last month due several health code violations," Ivankov explained.

"I'd rather stay at the Super 8 and risk my life than stay at your hotel," Leon muttered.

"Anyway... You all get a free stay at the hotel for the night, on one condition," Ivankov explained.

"If it involves BDSM, I'm walking out and I'm bringing my hipsters with me," Maeve said.

"Actually, it does not involve BDSM. You have to put on my new play," Ivankov explained.

"No, I am not going to be in a play production of Fifty Shades of Grey," Edmund stated.

"It has nothing to do with sex!" Ivankov yelled. "It's an adaptation of Dream of the Red Chamber."

The Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin grew silent.

"Are you sure 'Red Chamber' isn't a euphemism for anything?" Maeve asked. Edmund sighed.

"No, Maeve. Dream of the Red Chamber is a classic novel from China, and its super long and has dozens of characters," Edmund explained. "Oh, and almost all of those characters end up either dead or ruined, FYI."

"So, we're basically putting on a play version of Game of Thrones?" Jin-Mao asked.

"No, we're not. We're putting on a play about rich people in 1700's China," Edmund explained. "Although, it does have Game of Thrones vibes."

"Game of Thrones vibes? I can handle that," Mason asked.

"You'll be putting on the play tonight. Happy play performing!" Ivankov said before he wandered off. The group of hipsters grew silent.

"Fact: The top Christmas tree-producing states are Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, Michigan, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania," Cube said.

"Well, what are we standing around for? We have a play to put on!" Edmund yelled. With Edmund's words, a montage of the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve doing play preparation stuff to the Decemberists song 16 Military Wives began. Unfortunately, the Authoress was too lazy to describe what they were doing, so she decided to use this part to transition to the next scene.


That night, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve were ready to perform Dream of the Red Chamber. Since nobody really bothered to make any costumes, everyone was in their street clothes.

"Friendly reminder that there are only three people who only get one role each - Daiyu, Jin-Mao, and Lien. Daiyu and Lien, because they both play characters in the book who have the same names as them, and Jin-Mao because he plays the love interest," Edmund explained.

"Who do we play?" Everyone but Edmund, Lien, Daiyu, and Jin-Mao asked.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Edmund answered. "Now, let's go out there and do play stuff!"

With Edmund's word, Jin-Mao took the stage. Then, somebody began to play piano.

"People hug and give each other kisses
Holding hands and walking side by side
But, every time I try to charm a lady she runs away...

What am I doing wrong?
Is it the dubstep in my song, when I go
-" Jin-Mao sang.

"Wait... Dubstep?!" Edmund whispered to Miller before a bass dropped and dubstep began to play.

"Not my idea," Miller said with a shrug. "I don't get the idea of dubstep."


Several hours later, the play was drawing to an end.

"Take your canvas bags, take your canvas bags, take your canvas bags to the supermarket!" The Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve sang, wrapping up a crazy play that shall not be discussed in more detail. Everyone cheered as the actors took a bow.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

With Jin-Mao's phone going off, everyone but Maeve left the stage.

"Buy local! Arcade Fire is not a sell-out band! Put a bird on it! Punk's not dead! Ren Yamihoshi is not a supporter of your local chapter of the Illuminati! Thank you! I do three shows a night!" Maeve yelled before she joined everyone backstage.

"Alright, alright," Ivankov said. "The play was a success. Now, the question is - How long are you staying here?"

"Just for the night. We're leaving for 221B Baker Street tomorrow," Kazura explained. Ivankov pouted.

"Stay with me!" Ivankov yelled as the Libras, Maeve, and Aldwin walked away.

"At least we got a free night at a hotel," Edmund commented.

"I had to die ten times in the play in order to earn my free stay," Yukari commented.

"I played some dude who had the same name as me!" Lien said.


The next day, it was Christmas Eve. For many people, that meant Christmas cheer. For the Straw Hats, Capricorns, Aries, Geminis, Aquariuses, Tauruses, Leos, Scorpios, Sagittariuses, and other people in A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding party, it meant attending their rehearsal dinner that night.

"Thorn, should we invite Hans, Gretl, Mara, Cordelia, Petra, Tefar, Lyudmila, and Win?" A.A.A. asked.

"You mean those German kids, the farmer, the girl with the Southern accent, those other three I'm too lazy to give descriptions for, and that Aldwin look-a-like who are the Authoress' Dangan Ronpa OCs? This is One Piece, not Dangan Ronpa!" Thorn yelled. "Plus, I hate Win. He's a poser. He's not a TRUE Super High-School Level Music Blogger."


Somewhere in the Dangan Ronpa world, a hipster - I mean, Super High-School Level Music Blogger - by the name of Win Allen-York began to cry for no reason.

"Not again," Mara Wilkerson, the Super High School-Level Farmer, said.


Back in Yukijima...

"How have we gone this long without learning some horrible truth in regards to this island?!" Ren asked everyone.

"Ren, stop being a conspiracy theorist and enjoy the shrimp," Basil said before he threw a shrimp shell at Heathcliffe. Before Heathcliffe could retaliate, A.A.A. cleared her throat.

"I have an announcement to make regarding the reception tomorrow," A.A.A. announced. "During the wedding and the reception, we will have a bachelor and bachelorette auction."

Everyone began to talk amongst themselves.

"Interesting..." Linus commented as he reached for his wallet to see how much money he had so he could buy a bachelorette.

"Here it goes..." Ren said under her breath.

"However, only the Capricorns are going to be auctioned off," A.A.A. said. "I lost another bet to Hancock, and I have to auction them off as sex slaves to Yukjima's most wealthy and luxurious brothels. I hope you don't mind the schedule change."

Everyone grew silent.

"Can I have permission to use the Leos' catchphrase?" Yuki-Rin asked.

"Go ahead," Leo said.

"I've made a huge mistake."


A few minutes later, the Straw Hats ran back to their hotel.

"Guys... Maeve was right. We shouldn't have supported A.A.A. and Thorn," Nami said.

"Yeah, but because we didn't believe her, she ran away," Zoro said.

"I think we need to call Maeve and tell her what happened. Maybe she can get here by tonight or tomorrow if she's nearby," Usopp said.

"What about the Libras and Aldwin-san?" Robin asked.

"We'll cross the bridge regarding Maeve's emo friend and the hipsters later," Sanji said as Nami began dialing a number on the hotel phone.

"Maeve? It's me, Nami? Listen, you were right, and we should've believed you. A.A.A. is using her wedding to sell the Capricorns into sexual slavery because she acquired another debt she has to pay Hancock. You need to come to Yukijima as soon as you can. If you know where Aldwin and/or the Libras are, bring them. They need to help us save the Capricorns," Nami explained before she hung up.

"Did she... Answer?" Franky asked.

"No. I wonder if she's still mad at us because we didn't believe her," Nami answered.


At Saint Sarutobi II's house in 221B Baker Street, Maeve was listening to the message Nami left on her cell phone.

"I leave to pick up pizza with Kazura, and Nami calls me?" Maeve asked her personalities. "See, guys? I was right. Bad things were going to happen if we supported A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding."

"We believed you from the start, Maeve," Aoi said.

"How are we going to break the news to everyone else?" Bullet asked as he motioned outside, where the Libras were having a Christmas party outside. Maeve shrugged.

"I'll tell them after this viral video," Maeve said before she played a video on her iPhone.

Tell me, have you seen the marvelous Breadfish
Swimming in the ocean waters?
Have you seen the marvelous Breadfish?
It's like an inverse sandwich
An awe for fisherman and sharks

Aoi, Jodie, Bullet, Cube, and Leon sweatdropped.

"Fact: Christmas Day is the least favored day for couples to break up," Cube said.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Everyone turned to Maeve.

"That is your cue to talk to them about the wedding," Aoi said.


A few minutes later, Maeve went out into the backyard, where the Libras were holding their Christmas party.

"I don't want to hear you - " Mason sang.

"Kick me out! Kick me out!" The Libras chanted.

"QUIET!" Maeve yelled. Everyone grew silent. "I have an announcement I need to make."

"Yep! The Secret Santa is about to begin!" Aldwin said. Maeve grew silent.

"Yes. The Secret Santa," Maeve said emotionlessly. A few minutes later, after all of the Secret Santa gifts were unwrapped...

"There is no way in Hell that this is from Mason!" Edmund yelled, waving a limited-edition copy of Wuthering Heights into the air.

"And there is no way in Hell that Maeve got me this!" Mason yelled, waving a jack-in-the-box in the air. Then, everyone began shouting loudly until the sounds of police sirens cut them off.

"Linton Channing Pettyfer Magic Mike Sarutobi II, come out now! We have received several reports of noise pollution and disturbing the peace, and they're coming from your house!"

"Oh, shit! Somebody called the cops on us! Libras, scatter!" Edmund yelled before everyone but Aldwin and Maeve ran off. The two grew silent.

"Fact: The Libra Pirates have just been nominated for the Guiness World Record of 'Fastest Amount of Time it Took for a Group of Hipsters to Scatter When the Cops Shut Down Their Christmas Party," Cube said.

"That's not a real fact," Aldwin pointed out as Louis approached them from behind, a knife in his sock monkey hands.

"Give me your hipsters, and nobody gets hurt," Louis threatened as Coby and Helmeppo entered the backyard.

"Louis did it! He was trying to kill us!" Maeve and Aldwin shouted before they ran off. Coby and Helmeppo sweatdropped before they put Louis in handcuffs.


The next morning, it was Christmas. And the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve spent Christmas morning unwrapping their presents.

"Ugly sweaters!" Yukari yelled as she unwrapped a present of ugly sweaters with ponies on them from Edmund.

"Ironic T-shirts!" Kazura yelled as he unwrapped an ironic T-shirt with Grumpy Cat on it from Jin-Mao.

"Flower crowns!" Amelia yelled as she unwrapped a pack of fake flower crowns from Bridey.

"Skinny jeans!" Mason yelled as he unwrapped some skinny jeans from Aurelia.

"Vintage Chucks!" Edmund yelled as he unwrapped a pair of Converse high-tops from Rhett.

"Flannel shirts!" Miller yelled as he unwrapped some flannel shirts from Kazura.

"Is this how a typical Christmas morning is with these people?" Maeve whispered to Aldwin.

"I don't know," Aldwin answered as the Libras finished unwrapping their gifts.

"Now's your chance," Jodie whispered. Maeve cleared her throat.

"Guys, I have some bad news," Maeve announced. The Libras grew silent.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

Jin-Mao said nothing as he put his phone on silent.

"Let me guess - The Capricorns sent us presents?" Kazura asked.

"No, it's much worse," Maeve said. "You know how A.A.A. and Thorn's wedding is today, right? Well... The Straw Hats called me last night, and they told me that A.A.A. is going use her wedding to sell the Capricorns to a brothel because she owes another debt to Hancock."

The Libras grew deathly silent.

"Not. Fucking. Again," Edmund said darkly. "It. Happens. Every. Fucking. Time. We Go. To. Yukijima."

"Well, that just ruined Christmas," Kipton said.

"Next year, we're going to celebrate Christmas in International Waters!" Mason yelled, kicking an empty box over. Aldwin sighed.

"Looks like we have no choice but to rescue them again," Aldwin said. "Or else Yukari, Kazura, Edmund, Rhett, Amelia, Bridey, Locke, Aurelia, Pearl, Lien, Aleksandar, and Mason could become walking contradictions if some of the Capricorns get pregnant with one of their clients."

Everyone grew silent.

"Contradictions taste good," Maeve said, pulling out a pack of Starburst candies.

"Go sit in the corner," Edmund said sternly.


About an hour later, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve were preparing to leave for Yukijima.

"Leaving already? I made banana pancakes like that one Jack Johnson song," Mrs. Sarutobi asked.

"Jack Johnson is too mainstream. I prefer Thao and the Get Down Stay Down. I'm sure you've never heard of them. NOBODY'S heard of Thao and the Get Down Stay Down," Kazura explained. Saint Sarutobi II sighed.

"Kids today and their Justin Cyruses and Miley Biebers..." Saint Sarutobi II commented.

"We hate Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber," All of the Libras said. A Styrofoam wrecking ball then knocked Leon to the ground, and Louis was riding the wrecking ball. Louis kept his clothes on, because a sock monkey assassin is classier than Miley Cyrus.

"I came in like a wrecking ball!" Louis sang as he swung around on the wrecking ball. Everyone else sweatdropped.

"Fact: Irving Berlin's single White Christmas is thought to be the best-selling single of all time, grossing over 100 million sales," Cube said.


That evening, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve arrived in Yukijima.

"Where would A.A.A. and Thorn hold a wedding?" Yukari asked everyone.

"Probably the Ritz, because it's so fucking fancy," Mason said.

"I'd have to go with a church," Aldwin answered.

"For a wedding that also acts as selling the Capricorns into a brothel? No!" Edmund answered. Everyone looked to Maeve, who was on her iPhone.

"Really? I should've asked you last night. Thanks, Other Mason. Hope you and the Careers are having fun in Dressrosa. Merry Christmas," Maeve said before she hung up. "That was the Other Mason."

"Who's the other Mason?" Mason asked.

"Remember our adventures with the Party Wagon? That was Career Sadist Mason. I called him and the Careers, and they told me that A.A.A. would hold her wedding at Hancock's nightclub/brothel," Maeve explained. "Of course, the Careers can't help us because they're thousands of miles away."

"Oh, yeah! That was the Mason who wanted to torture everyone!" Mason said. "I'm surprised that you still have his number."

"I still have the numbers for Ashley, the rest of the Careers, the Pantless Pirates, and Andy," Maeve explained. "We're discussing the possibility of having a Party Wagon reunion this summer."

The Libras and Aldwin glared at Maeve.

"We'll allow it if it means that we don't get to go to Yukijima," Kazura explained.


That night, inside of Hancock's nightclub/brothel, A.A.A. and Thorn were getting married.

"Do you, A.A.A., take Thorn Sarutobi to be your lawfully-wedded husband?" Kuma, the person who was officiating the ceremony, asked A.A.A.

"I do," A.A.A. said.

"And, do you, Thorn Sarutobi, take A.A.A. to be your lawfully-wedded wife?" Kuma asked Thorn.

"I do," Thorn said.

"Now, is there anybody who objects to this union?" Kuma asked.

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

The Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve entered the nightclub/brothel. Unlike everyone else in the wedding, who wore formal attire, the Libras, Aldwin, and Maeve stood out in their casual clothing.

"A.A.A., you'd better not make the Capricorns into prostitutes AGAIN!" Maeve yelled. A.A.A. rolled her eyes like a teenaged girl.

"Of course, you, the emo demon, and the hipsters ruin my plans," A.A.A. said. Kuma sweatdropped.

"Alright... Is there anybody else who objects to this union?" Kuma asked. Everyone in the wedding party stood up.

"All of us are!" The Straw Hats, Capricorns, Aries, Geminis, Leos, Scorpios, Aquariuses, Taurusues, and Sagittariuses yelled. Kuma shrugged.

"Alright. This marriage is off. There will be no wedding," Kuma said. Everyone grew deathly silent.

"Fact: Christmas purchases represent 1/6th of retail sales," Cube said.

"I will murder you!" A.A.A. yelled. Maeve, the Straw Hats, the Capricorns, Aldwin, and the Libras stepped forward.

"Maeve and her nakama had a good reason to break you two up!" Luffy yelled.

"Why did we even support your marriage anyway?!" Nami asked.

"Thorn doesn't deserve to get married!" Zoro yelled.

"Even I had success with a girl, even though it's a lie!" Usopp yelled.

"A.A.A.-chawn DOESN'T want the D!" Sanji yelled.

"You're a meanie, Thorn!" Chopper yelled.

"I knew you would prostitute the Capricorns, Triple A-san," Robin said.

"Your marriage is NOT super!" Franky yelled.

"I have a bone to pick with you, Thorn. But, I am a skeleton - I am all bones," Brook explained. "Yohohohohoho! Skull Joke!"

"There's a reason why we no longer trust you two," Yuki-Rin explained.

"You are a scuzzy fecker, Thorn Sarutobi!" Molly yelled.

"The both of you can go to Hell for pulling a fast one on us!" Heathcliffe yelled.

"There's a reason why you're the worst Sarutobi!" Locke yelled to Thorn.

"This is one of the few times I actually agree with the Capricorns - The both of you are terrible people," Edmund explained.

"I hope the both of you learn your lesson tonight," Miller said.

"Can we just have you arrested already, A.A.A.?!" Kazura asked.

"Stop doing this to Sarutobi-kun!" Aki sobbed.

"A.A.A., I think you need to stop seeing Hancock! She enables you to do these stupid things!" Aldwin yelled.

"It's because of you that I had to leave my crew!" Maeve yelled.

"Fact: It took Christopher Nolan over a decade to write the final script for the movie Inception," Cube said. The Capricorns, Libras, and Straw Hats raised their weapons.

"For Christmas!"


A week later, it was New Year's Eve, and Nami was on the next island telling the story of the Christmas on Yukijima to Cavendish.

"...So, A.A.A. and Thorn broke up the next day, and Maeve re-joined the crew. After that, we had a happy holiday on Yukijima," Nami explained, finishing her story.

"Wow. If A.A.A. and Thorn DID marry, that would be so horrible," Cavendish commented. Like always, he had the voice of Shay Van Buren from The Most Popular Girls in School.

"Be glad we stopped it," Nami said. Then, she woke up in a hotel room. "Wait... Where am I?"

"Surprise! Merry Christmas!"

"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jäger!"

The Capricorns, Libras, and Straw Hats jumped out of nowhere.

"What the heck is going on?!" Nami yelled.

"Oh. We decided to go to Yukijima for Christmas," Maeve said casually. Nami screamed.


(1) - "Bitch, don't make me go all Llamas With Hats on you! I understand that you want to get into Yukari's pants, but don't you dare threaten me like that! I have Bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!"

(2) - Greg Ayres is my dream voice actor for Sawyer (and Terrance and Jin-Mao).

(3) - "Molto bene" = "Very good" in Italian.

(4) - If you want to know what Maeve is talking about, read the 100th chapter of The DysFUNctional Pirates.

Anyway, we've had a great end to our Christmas crack this year, but, alas, it must come to an end. Regular updates for The DysFUNctional Pirates will resume around New Year's. Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!