c r y i n g blood

a crack!fic parody

It starts on a day of b l u e s k i e s. Beck is skipping about like a p/o/n/y, and Cat is grinning and whipping her hair back and forth. Tori feels so ::weary::, but she's too s t r o n g to say a thing to anyone. Then the s*u*n*l*i*g*h*t streaks through the wispy clouds, and she cannot stand it anymore.

And then she f a l l s like a comet,, burning, blazing, firing, burning, shining, sparkling, shining like a star, to the ground where she is b r o k e n.

She hears the SCREAMS around her, and all she can do is l*a*y there, one arm positioned appropriately on her /forehead/.

{She can't even move.}

Then she starts to c o u g h up shining red blood, the colour of the apple that she'd (e(a(t)e)n) for lunch. The kite Jade is flying crashes to the ~ground~ and all everyone can do is run to her.

[She likes being the ^center^ of their &attention&.]

She feels her v I s I o N slipping away %slowly% and then the lights start to f a d e. Reaching out, she tries to hold (g r a s p) what is left of r&e&a&l&i&t&y, but it seems so FAR beyond he r-e-a-c-h.

At last, the light fades. She can feel ANDRÉ's (hand) on h e r s {it's warm}, but soon the w*a*r*m*t*h fades into cold and she can almost h\e\a\r Jade saying, "JUST DIE ALREADY, YOU IDIOTIC FREAK OF A GIRL. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE."



She j u m p s to her feet, flex!ng her muscles to show her s u p e r p o w e r. Then, before the shadows of the NIGHT can *streak* across her –heart—, she picks up a piece of paper and a p e n that have *magic*ally appeared. Then, Tori decides to be 'd'a'r'i'n'g' and write a letter to her heart3.

Deer Heart, she scribbles, but then she –crosses- it out because she used the W r O n G dear. So she starts over. Dear Heart.

The s h a d o w s wreak *h a v o c* about her /heart/, and she feels the words f l o w like a ~river~.

You've got the rhythm, just keep on beating! She writes, feeling the w o r d s come more *naturally* with every s/e/c/o/n/d. Heart! Heart! Heart! Flow with l o v e! Absently, she !considers! that the `words` are beautiful. Maybe, if she could (live), ,she'd be a poet. She'd s o a r above the rest—

Then the ?problem? enters her MIND. How is she meant to 'send' it? Perhaps /she/ can +send+ it through her {bloodstream}.

She s l a s h e s open her wrist {it hurts} and blOod pours out. They all s.t.a.r.e at her like she's |insane| but she figure/s they're just floating in De Nile. Forcefully, she shoves the paper into her /d/r/i/p/p/i/n/g wrist until it's *out of sight* and then she feels her heart S T O P.

She /gives/ them a tearful *f*a*r*e*w*e*l*l and slowly d i e s.

As =soon= as she finally d i e s, Jade –turns- to André. "Want to make out?" she asks ..brightly...

"Sure!" André replies, j a m m i n g his lips onto hers. They begin to ^kiss^ in a mass of /s/pa/rk/s and FIRE and it's omgwonderful.

Then Beck finally J U M P S in. "OH M GEE!" he sobs, tears of b l o o d falling from his dark eyes. "I THOUGHT U LOVED ME JADE! WHAT HAPPENED? WE'VE F A L L E N APART!"

"Lol get the heck away from me!" Jade g I g G l e S. "I h9 you now! We're no longer going out! I love André because he's a better kisser and he's omg gorgeous unlike yo ugly face. Go make out with Cat while André and I make out!" She t u r n s back to André and j a m s her lips on his. Beck shrugs and /k/i/s/s/e/s Cat.

{Sparks fly.}

"Omg everyone has someone!" Cat !giggles!. "Except Robbie, because he's 5eva alone."

Robbie sobs more tearz of blood before returning to be the v o i c e of reason. "What about Tori's body?"

"Leave her here to rot," Jade hisses menacingly.

"Good idea!" Robbie +wails+, &screaming& & running away.

"YEY HAPPY ENDING!" Cat yells, K I S S I N G Beck. Everyone c h e e r s, even Jade.

They all b l a z e like SUPERNOVAS, BB.

{the freaking end.}


A/N: this is a crack!fic, meaning I wrote it badly purposefully. I do know how to write and use proper punctuation/grammar; I just felt the need to parody it here. This is not making fun of any particular person, just the overuse of formatting in general. I just found it fun to write.

Credit to Ella for some lines and Jenny for the title.

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