Okay, so this is a little comical story. One-shot, I think. Enjoy! :D

M for language, no smut.

Summary: Edward Cullen was one hot mofo. That's why I gave him my virginity. I didn't think the school womanizer would want something after the sex…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'nuffin! ;D

Edward Cullen was one hot motherfucker.

Like, fur-real.

Like, hotter than Brad Pitt hot.

Like, hotter than a broken air-conditioner in a house on a blazing summer's day where sweat pours down your face, and then doubles when you step outside.

Well, he's hotter than Brad Pitt hot.

Way hotter.

That's why I gave him my virginity.

I mean, I'm sure he's done it before, so I knew he would know what he's doing, unlike all the other stupid two-pump chumps. I wanted a good first time, so I chose the school womanizer.

Call me stupid, I don't care. It's not like I was one of his floozies expecting to change him, so we could live happily ever after in a house with a picket fence, a dog named Fluffy, and two-point-five children.

Uh, nah. No thanks.

Rosalie, best friend slash man whore's-best friend's-girlfriend, called me crazy and laughed, but after she realized I was serious, she actually liked the idea.

So, I wasn't completely crazy.


Yeah, well I wasn't really excited about this shit. I mean, I give Cullen hell on a daily basis, so I knew he was going to be a cocky ass when I started to make a move. He wasn't going to deny me, either, because this douche has been trying to get in my pants since freshman year. Since I was the first girl to refuse him, he renamed me Frosty.


Plus, this shit was going to hurt like a mother. Rosalie told me when she lost her virginity sophomore year to Em. They met at a party and hit it off. Next thing ya know, she's going down on him and he's popping her cherry. Afterwards he was all shy and shit, so she had to ask him out herself. They've been together ever since, happily in love, heading off to the same college and everything.

I couldn't stand it. I loved the chick and I was happy for her and junk, but I'm not a big affectionate person. I'm blunt and truthful, if you don't like it, I don't care. I'm not going to be purposefully mean, but if you ask me if your butt looks big in those jeans, don't be mad if I tell you yes.


Okay, maybe I was being purposefully mean, then.

Eh, it's whatever.

Anyway…Edward Cullen is fuck hot. Oh, wait, we already established this. Oh, well, don't mean I can't say it again.

Edward Cullen is hot! Edward Cullen is fuck hot! EDWARD CULLEN IS A HOT MOFO!

"Huh?" Ooops, did I say that out loud? Rosalie was smirking at me. Shut up, bitch. He's hot, admit it.

"What?" Yeah, maybe I didn't say it out loud. Hah, yeah I definitely said it out loud. How does that happen anyway? I'm pretty sure you would know when you mutter things randomly, right? I mean, you gotta know when your lips move and words come out. Eh, it's whatever.

"You just said 'Edward Cullen is a hot mofo' really loud." Oh, so I did say it out loud. Still don't know how that happens…

I shrug. "He is," She nods, too. Yeah, she thinks he's hot, too.

"So, have you spoken to him since?" I shook my head.

"He's all weird and shit now, like because he's seen me naked, he can't fight back with me. I say something to him and he frowns and shit. Weird," It's true, I can't even talk to the dude, because he's always looking like he's thinking. The classes I have with him have been boring as fuck, now I have to listen to the teacher instead of having a mini banter with Cullen.

"Hum." Hum? What the fuck? I raised an eyebrow at her, but she looked thoughtful and shit, too. Sighing I got off the bitch's bed.

"I'm going home, Charlie will flip his shit if dinner's not on the table, the house isn't clean, and I don't look like the perfect housewife." I was being sarcastic, but the image of me with pinned up 50's hair, wearing a red striped apron over a flower patterned sun dress made me cringe.

Rosalie broke out of her thoughts and scowled. "Ew, just the image…" See, this is why we love each other.

"Bye, hoe!" I yelled this at the top of the stairs and barely heard her:

"See ya, slut!"

See, before last weekend's party, she couldn't say that. Oh, well.

I had to walk home, because Charlie flipped when I left Friday night and didn't get back until Sunday morning in the same clothes I wore on Friday.

Yeah, he was tripping.

I was at Rose's house… for most of Saturday.

That shit still hurts the day after. It's kind of sore. Plus, there was a dude trying to go for…fourths. Yeah, I didn't go to sleep until late.

Anyways, Charlie flipped, so now I have to walk everywhere, or Rose gives me a ride, but I live down the street, so why not walk? No big deal.

The cruiser wasn't in the drive when I turned into the driveway, so I threw my hands in the air, an over-the-top gesture of saying thanks to a God I don't pray to that often. We weren't the religious type, comes with being unaffectionate, I think. Have you seen church people? They're so sensitive, emotional, and not afraid to show you everything they're feeling no matter how uncomfortable they make you. I stopped going to church after that lady basically shoved my face in her huge boobs. The lady jiggled when she walked and I sunk into her, like memory foam.

I heard a giggle and a deep snort, but I ignored it. The neighbors were always spying, catching all the bad moments. Actually, to be honest, I don't think there are any good moments.


Stealing the key from under the dirty welcome mat (Because by taking my car keys, Charlie also took my house keys by accident) I pushed my way inside, tripping as I tried to kick off my shoes and take of my jacket at the same time.

Multi-tasking, Bella, not something you're good at.

Shut up.

Picking myself off the floor with an, "Oof!" I finally kicked off my junk, dropping it on the floor to pick up later. I took the elastic off of my arm and tossed my hair up into a messy bun, sighing. With my hands on my hips and my lips pursed, I scanned the area. The dishes were done, the floor was spotless, the garbage was taken out, and there were leftovers of that lasagna we had yesterday in the fridge to heat up.

I was done and I haven't even started.

Shrugging, I climbed the stairs up into my room, then jumping on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. The window was open and cool air was blowing through, chilling me in a familiar way. Night was falling and I had this surge of nostalgia.

Unconsciously, my mind started replaying scenes from that night, but the cold air playing against my skin made everything feel…different.

Rose and I walk in the place like we're hot shit, because that's what we look like; hot fucking shit. My hair is curled into medium curls flowing like silk down my back, courtesy of Rose's curling iron, while Rose tamed her curly hair and straightened it, instead. My makeup is dark and mysterious, while hers is light and simple. She's a natural, plus she's wearing light colors and I'm a little darker.

I have on black skinny jeans and a deep purple flowy top that hung off my shoulders. Rose is wearing white skinny jeans and a pink tank top shirt with an intricate design of flowers weaving together by the vines. She has pink fuck-me-heels on and I'm wearing my worn all-stars.

Heels are torture devices made by The Man—Nah, I'm kidding. They just suck ass.

Newton is having a party and everyone was invited. Anyone who wanted to come, even the losers were invited. Mike tried to be in every group. I think the only one he couldn't fit in at was the gothic group. They threatened to shank him, in lack of better words, and he ran off with his tail between his legs. Other than that, he was just a social butterfly.

Mike Newton is rich. Not 'Cullen' rich, but pretty loaded, so his house is huge. Newton's parent's own a popular sporting goods store that started in this little town and spread all across the country, so they have to travel a lot, leaving Mike alone with enough money to host this little get together. Of course, they didn't know where all the money went, but I mean, come on, really? Give a kid that much money and expect him not to spend it on booze and entertainment?



I wasn't much of drinker, but if you offer it, I'll take it. Sure, my dad's a cop, but when he was a teenager, he did much worse than drink a few beers. How do I know? Oh, I don't know…he got my mom pregnant at my age, so I'm pretty sure there were worse things he did. I don't judge, though. It's not my business anyway.

Anyway… the party is in full swing by the time we got there, Rose suggested we wait until later, but I just wanted to get this shit done. Ya know? Rosalie already told me it was going to be uncomfortable and hurt, but she wasn't sure about how it would be with Cullen, since he's experienced and Em wasn't. I was hoping that shit wouldn't hurt as much as she said it did. I also kinda hoped he had a small dick. The smaller the better…kinda.

But then I would think about it and small ones would bring little to no pleasure. Supposedly. I wouldn't know. Well, just because that's what most of the stories say. Yeah, I Googled it. The bigger the better…I think.

Hey, I'm not an expert here.

Maybe I should find Cullen.

Rose tapped my shoulder and I looked at her before poking her back. She snorted, but pointed in the direction of the stereo. When I turned to look, I found Cullen staring at my chest and I could see it in his eyes what he was thinking:


Yeah, it worked. Turning back to Rose, so my back was to Cullen, I leaned over to push up my boobs, which made it look like they were falling out of my top. Rose giggled and I flipped the bitch off.

He likes sluts, I can pretend.

Straightening back up, I gritted my teeth so I wouldn't say something snarky, shot down my pride and walked with a sway over to Cullen.

When I was a few feet away, I decided I could play a little, ya know? Cause this party isn't even close to done. I just got here, I aint leaving yet.

So I pushed my way through, subtly grazing his hand before pulling back, keeping my eyes forward, and kept walking until I was in the kitchen.

My hips fucking hurt from all that swaying shit. Ew. I felt like such a hoe.

And a girl.

It was…unusual. I went through high school like I didn't give a shit. My hair was always up or down, my clothes were casual and comfortable and I did what I felt like doing, because I don't give a fuck. I've never tried to look good, unless Rose forced me.

'She threatened my life' was always my excuse. It was a joke, but some thought I was serious which always made it funnier.

I was reaching for the vodka in the fridge, when I felt a cool breath on my neck. Somehow, I knew it was him. His body felt so close, but too far away. I wanted him closer, and I wanted to smack myself and smirk at the same time. I'm not falling for him; he's just hot as fuck. This shit is natural for the average teenager, right? I mean, the hormones and shit go crazy in these years, supposedly.

I turned slowly, uncapping the bottle slowly. When I was completely turned, I stalled by taking a gulp of straight vodka. That shit burned on the way down, but it was a warm burn. When I let the bottle drop, I saw Cullen smirking at me, like he was hot shit.

Oh, wait…

I quirked an eyebrow at the bastard, he was still smirking, like a douche.

What a hot douche…

"Bella…" Yes, hot douche? "Bella," What? "BELLA!" What the fuck? Why is there a screaming douche? "Bella! Come one, wake up!" Wake up? I'm not fucking sleeping.

"Bella." Oh, shit, that's Charlie.

Springing up, I felt like a fucking cartoon. If I were a cartoon, you would see little birds and stars over my head in a halo, because of that smart little rising from the grave act, I now have a headache. Shit.

"Yes, Mr. Sir?" Douche woke me up and I was having a fuck hot dream. Damn.

"Uh, well, I was wondering if you wanted to, um, go out with me tonight. The neighbors invited me over for dinner and you should come with me. I mean, you're more sociable than me, I guess." Ugh, Charlie. You woke me up from my fuck hot dream so I could chill with you and the neighbors? Wait a minute…

"Which neighbors?" Please don't say it…please.

"The Cullen's." Fuck!

I kicked the parental douche out of my room and jumped on my phone. That shit was far, too, like chilling on the side of the table by my bed at the very end and I almost knocked my head into the lamp when reaching for it. Dangerous!

Rose's number was on fucking speed dial, because you never know when your gonna need your bitch, ya know?

Hey, this is Rose! I'm not here right now, but if this is Bella, ya know what to do, bi—I mean, girl. Sorry, mom, it's a natural—

I snorted.

Rose hasn't changed her voicemail since freshman year when her parents finally trusted her with a cellular device. Of course, she still has the same phone and I find it hilarious when she has to flip her dinosaur open, to say, "Hey mom," Yeah, sad, right? Nah, her parents are those stereotyped parents. You know the ones who obsess about looking like perfection and usually succeed? They fret over Rosalie, but do it with a smile and a kind voice and when Rose gets caught doing something bad, they scold her the same way. Rose can tell her mom to go off herself and her mom will ask if she should use a knife or a gun. I honestly think she's smoking some shit.

Then, her dad is like a workaholic, kind of. He leaves at six in the morning and comes back at six in the afternoon. Every. Single. Day. Plus, he brings most of his work home. So, even though he's eating their awkward family dinners, he still works maybe sixteen hours a day or more.

Maybe that's why Rose is about as weird as I am…

I mean, I know the bitch isn't depressed with her life, she vents that shit to me, and she never lies about shit like that. We could never lie to each other. It was impossible, I think. I mean, when she lies, I know, her eyebrow twitches slightly and she get real bitchy. When I lie, she knows. She said I itch my nose when I lie, or look away.


Sighing though, I looked through my contacts for a Charlotte. This is Rose's dream name. Like if she could change her name, this would be it. Or if she had a daughter, she would be named Charlotte. I didn't understand, but she just said when she was younger, she had this obsession with Charlotte's Web.


Anyway, this was Rose's other phone, the one only her closest friends knew about. She paid for it herself, so her parents wouldn't know and she wouldn't have to be seen with her dinosaur phone.

See, this shit didn't make sense to me. She has two phones, because…Well, I don't know why. She pays for her private phone, but her parents pay for her dinosaur. I mean, why doesn't she just ask for a different phone? Why did she have to go out and buy another one? Makes no sense!

Then again, it's Rose—'Nuff said.

So, I'm dialing Charlotte's number and on the third ring, she picks up.

"Ello," Way to sound chipper when I'm all panicky and shit, bitch.

"I have to go hang out with Cullen!" The name spews from my mouth coated in a thick stream of venom. Just because I had sex with the dude doesn't mean I have to like him. Now, if we were talking the neck down, there wouldn't be a problem. Hell, just stitch his mouth shut, I'll be good.

What? He has nice glittery green apple eyes…and perpetually fucked up sex hair…and nice cheekbones…

What the hell, Bella? Nice cheekbones?

Yeah, they put something in the food at lunch.

Not like I really eat the shit anyway. I flick my corn across the room with my fucking Spork at the back of Mike Newton's head and them shape my mashed potatoes into a circle, then a square and so on, so forth. My little chicken bites things that most likely aren't even real chicken is smothered in ketchup, and then tossed into the trash, which is on the other side of the room. I should be a basketball player…

Nah, too lazy.

The only thing that goes in my mouth is the apple juice in those little cartons and those packed apple slices.

I love apples…

Wait, what was I talking about, again?

Oh, yeah, Rose…

The bitch was laughing…


"Rose? Bitch, shut the fuck up. This shit is not fucking funny." This seemed so fucking funny, she laughed some more.


"I'm sorry…" No, you're not. "It's just so funny…" No, it's not. "That after you guys did it…" Thanks for the reminder. "You've been stuck together more…" Yeah, that's true.

The classes we have together have been doing partner projects lately, so I've been dealing with Cullen more than I wanted to. Well, more than usual.

He's hot, and I've seen him naked, what do you expect?

I'm going to be picturing him naked every time I see him, so I might be enjoying this shit a little bit.

Only if his mouth was sewn shut…

That would be weird, though…


"How the fuck am I supposed to be chilling in a room with Cullen and his mom? I mean awkward conversations now, right? What am I supposed to say, 'Hey, Es, haven't seen you in a while, might be because I've been fucking your son.'"

"Well, technically, you've only fucked her son, since you're not currently doing so. It was a onetime thing, right? To lose your V-card the right way," Rose and her fucking technicalities.

"Yeah, of course it was a onetime thing, but I'm still going to get horny as fuck once I see him. Did you know I have to bring extra underwear to school, now? I'll be sitting there, writing random junk down and cue hot motherfucker, and—BAM!—I need new underwear." Rose laughed and told me to put on my big girl panties.

Oh, trust me, honey, they were on, but if I was going to see Cullen, they wouldn't be for long…

Charlie was dressed in his usual flannel, jeans, and boots, while I wore the same clothes I wore to school—Black shirt with Willie Nelson flipping you off, dark skinny jeans, and my scuffed all-stars. My hair was in a messy pony-tail, but I took it out, flattening it down. I didn't really care, but Esme gets onto me too much about my hair being up, so why not skip that argument today, huh?

Charlie was already flipping out because Willie was flipping him off. I had to hold back a snort, because red faced Charlie was always funny.

I loved him and all, but sometimes he needed to chill.

Alice, being the awesomeness that she is, opened the door, inviting us into the living room. Even though the Cullen's were loaded, all that money was put away and they used their money when they needed it. They went on vacations in the Bahamas and stuff, but that was like an annual trip thing, where it was a new destination every year. I think all that money was for the kids collage fund or something. Alice was supposedly hoping for New York or Texas, while Edward…Well, Cullen avoided questions like that, so I'm guessing he's not sure. For me, I want to go Brown maybe, but it's most likely going to be a community college, because honestly, how much money do you think police chiefs make in Forks? Even with the money I saved from my summer jobs and weekends babysitting, there wouldn't be enough to send me to an Ivy League school.

Esme walked out from the kitchen and greeted us with smiles, complimenting my shirt, making Charlie blush and Alice wink. Yeah, she knew all about daddy drama.

Carlisle, one hot mofo doctor, could freak the fuck out. Well, not like go bat-shit crazy or anything, but he has this way of acting all calm and not saying anything when you expect yelling and screaming. He just sits there, calmly staring ahead, with his chin resting on his steepled fingers.

Scary shit, I'm telling you.

Alice and I weren't best friends, but we didn't hate each other. I know, big gap there, but it worked for us. We were neighbors, but this wasn't fucking Mr. Rodger's neighborhood. We didn't go around helping each other with our problems, we were just chill together. Well, I don't know if you could call Alice chill, but you get my point, I think.

We didn't hang out that much, because she was always busy with study groups and cheer practice. See, Alice was a cheerleader, straight A student, and the girl everyone loved to hate. She wasn't a bad person, not at all, but people just saw what she looked like and assumed. What would you think about a girl who's always smiling, in a cheer uniform, carrying around a bag of books, but still manages to look like she's going to a photo shoot? You would hate her, but want to be like her at the same time.

Personally, I always liked Alice. Before she gathered the cheer garb, she was a pretty cool person to hang out with. She still is, but I barely hang out with her, unless she's with Jasper, her boyfriend and Rose's cousin. Small world.

Even when she's with Jazz, though, I leave to give the couple some much needed space. I mean, Jazz doesn't get to see the girl 24/7 either and that shit's gotta suck ass.

Oh, yeah, did I mention Jazz was a stoner dude, only he didn't really smoke. He just looked the part, so that's the kind of clique he was tossed into.

Think of the drama when perfect Alice Cullen walked down the corridor hand in hand with Stoner Whitlock…

Awesome day, I'm telling ya.

Cullen was a pissed motherfucker, so I had a few fuck-awesome rounds of banter.

Sigh. Good day.

Fuck, what was I talking about, again?

Uh...Fuck, I have no idea.


Anyway…Alice stole my hand and dragged me up the dreaded stairs. I swear that shit was dangerous. Every single fucking time I climbed those damn things, something happens. Recently, though, I liked what happened, just a little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

I have to fucking focus on not staring at his door, which is closed, blaring some loud rock music, but it sounded like only guitar and vocals. I couldn't make out the words and the music was unfamiliar.

Wait, why the fuck do I care what kind of music Cullen is listening to?

Uh, 'cause he's a hot motherfucker?

Fine, that's the excuse.

So, when we finally pass his room, I just now fucking notice Alice mouth is open and words are coming out. I'm not sure what the fuck the pixie says, because the chick never learned to breathe between words, but I nod anyways, to contribute to the conversation, ya know?

When we make it to the little chick's room, she flies through the door quickly, jumps on the bed, buries her head in her pillow, and squeals.

What the mother fuck?

"Alice?" Bitch better not start twisting her head around and puking on shit.

"Mmm?" Her mumbled reply didn't come with any foreign language curses, so I figured I was okay to cuss this bitch out.

"What the fuck? Did you want me to become deaf? I need my hearing and shit. It's fucking nice." What, it is.


She flipped around and took this huge ass breath. It was a relief, because I didn't think she got enough air and continuously wondered how she survived so long. When the bitch brow started to hurt like a mother, I just sighed and made a gesture to continue with whatever the fuck she was doing, because after that air thing, she just held it in and stared into space.

I think someone didn't take their medication today…or ever in their life.

"Oh, yeah," and then she giggled, like in those fucking anime shows. I almost threw up. And laugh. But hopefully not at the same time.


"Alice…?" Jeez, this chick spaces out more than…well, almost more than me.


"Oh," Another. Fucking. Giggle. "Uh, I might have heard something during the weekend and, um, well, Edward was being…" Oh. Motherfucking. Shit.




Alice was in the fucking house.

I just know that's where this bitch was going with this.

Alice was in the mother fucking house while I was busy fucking!


"Continue…?" Yeah, play this shit cool. I'm an innocent little girl who has no idea what a BJ is…

Barbeque juice? Bieber, Justin? Bonds, James Bond?

Shit, that's BJB. Damn.

Billy Joel?

Billy Joel…

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

Oh, yes, Billy Joel.

Oh, shit Alice is speaking. Like, slowly and everything.

"Bella…I know." Damn. I'm done. This is it.


I mean, obviously people saw me and Cullen leave making out, but those drunken bastards were too far gone to notice. Plus, Alice wasn't even fucking there. She left with Whitlock, like ten minutes after Rose and I showed up.

I assumed she went Whitlock's, but I guess I was wrong.


Shit! Wait, does Cullen know?

Well, she did mention the dickward. Fuck!

Uh, why the fuck does she sound so excited? I would be grossed the fuck out if I heard my bro sexing in the other room.


Well, considering I don't have any brothers or sisters, I guess I wouldn't know what's up with her. According to Disney, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and many other movies/TV shows, brothers and sisters annoy each other daily, but then by the end of the episode share a Kodak moment.



I guess, though, that they wouldn't be having sex anyways, because, ya know, lil' chil-ren watch them shows.

Well, I haven't watched Disney or Nickelodeon in forever, but freaking Adventure Time plays on Cartoon Network and that shit is awesome.

Charlie gets aggravated and leaves the room; Rose rolls her eyes, but Alice fucking jumps on the couch and snuggles in with me.

Another reason for why I put up with her crazy shit.

That and she's a cool chick.

Most days.

"Bel-laaaa!" Hmm? "When were you going to tell me you were dating my brother?"




Alice was misinterpreting my what-the-fuck look with my oh-shit-she-knows look.

Wide eyed and silent is never a good look for me.

"So…" She prodded, nudging my knee with her foot. "How long has it been going on? Are you guys going to, like, come out in public now? I'm assuming you kept it a secret for so long now, because of me and you didn't want to ruin our friendship by dating my brother, but just so you know, I'm totally okay with it…" She continued, but I dazed off.

What the motherfuck of the fuckity fucking fuck?

I am so confused right now, I ran out of ways to use fuck, which, by the way, never happens to me.

Like, ever.

I cut off whatever the fuck Alice was rambling about with a, "I'm going to go talk to said brother." And lower I mumbled, "So I can castrate the dumb fucker."

As I left the room, I heard another fucking squeal and a dreamy sigh, muffled by the closing of the door.

Stomping, because I'm so mature, I headed straight for the door with the, "DO NOT ENTER," sign on the door, but since I don't like being told what to do, I fucking entered.

Or barged in, with wild eyes and a fierce stance and frizzy hair sticking out in odd places…

Nah, I just fucking entered and plopped down on his bed.

His protest cut off short when he realized it was me and not his sister, then he cocked an eyebrow like he was a slick motherfucker.


"Can I help you with something, Bella?" Oh, yeah, he calls me Bella. What the fuck? I used to be Swan. Like how he's Cullen. Everything's fucking twisted and turned now. Damn.

"Nah, I just felt like coming into your lair so I could chill, then maybe after dinner and an amazing conversation with your mother on my schoolwork, maybe we could come up here and fuck. Yeah, that'd be nice." Okay, so I was being sarcastic…and a little bit truthful.

About the conversation with his mother, you pervert.

He looked like a fucking fish, mouth hanging open and everything. I smirked to let him know I was messing with him. He fucking gulped, but then his crooked grin came out to play and—BAM—I need new underwear.

Damn, third time today.

Before I knew what was happening, said dude was hovering over my body, his face fucking inches from my face, whispering something I couldn't quite make out, because, ya know, when a hot mofo is on top of you, you kind of daze a lil'.

Or a lot, 'cause, ya know, he's hot and junk.

"BELLA! EDWARD! DINNER'S DONE!" Alice yelled outside the door. I don't know why the fuck she yelled. Or stood behind the door. She could've just fucking walked in.

"Fucking Alice," I mumbled under my breath. He moved off of me with a sigh.

Yeah, I fucking know.

"Later, Cullen," Giving him a half-assed wave, I walked away, hearing a mumbled, "Later, Bella,"

Damn, again with the Bella shit. I need Rose. Or some fucking booze.

That is not a good sign, being dependent on alcohol and Rose.

Shit, why is this confusing? It shouldn't be this way. It was a onetime thing, so I could get rid of the whole virgin thing. Nothing was supposed to change.

On the way down to the kitchen, I noticed a small frame that stood out from all the other, larger, more decorative frames on the infamous wall of Cullen. That's what I called Esme's picture wall. You have to see that shit to understand. The whole motherfucking wall is covered in nothing but frames of different shapes, sizes, and colors, but this picture that caught my eye was barely noticeable. Like, it was so small, it was lost in the sea of frames. I've never noticed it before.

The frame was silver and looked like vines weaving through one another, making the shape of an oval. In the picture was a smiling little boy and girl. The boy was giving the girl a piggyback ride while the girl pulled his hair like reigns. The children seemed oblivious to the photographer. Sunlight danced across both of their faces and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face.

Shut up.

That shit was cute.

"That was when I was seven. Ali and I were out by the river, because it was one of those rare beautiful sunny days here. Mom told us to go play, but we couldn't think of anything to do, so Alice jumped on my back. Hurt like a bitch, because I wasn't really built as well then. I mean, she was small, but still." His voice was whisper as he smirked at nothing, staring at the picture, while leaning against the wall, arms crossed. "I held her, though. We ran until my legs gave out. Mom took this picture before, though. She's always loved it. I had to beg her not to blow it up and place it on top of the fireplace." He chuckled a little and closed his eyes. I felt like we were having a fucking Kodak moment, and I knew somehow, I would ruin it.

Amazingly, I didn't feel like vomiting.


I decided to keep my fucking trap shut, so I don't fuck this up.

His eyes shift back to mine and he gives me his famous crooked smile, only this time, I can see the emotion in his eyes.

Dude, I fucking need to stop reading so fucking much.

Fan fiction, you fucking ruined me.


"Bella," Jesus, he's trying to kill me. I'm dying, I swear.

When his hand reaches out and lands softly on my waist, it's like I'm transported back to that night.

"Bella," Oh, yes, I've got him. Cullen, you're going down.

On me.

Oh, yeah, I went there.

Damn, I'm lame.

I take another swing of vodka, and then offer him some. He wraps his lips around the bottle and I tip.

For some reason, this is hot as fuck.

After he swallows, he grabs the bottle from my hand, but you don't just fucking take someone's booze. Not cool, douche.

His hand is now on the fridge, so his arm is blocking me in. He leans closer. The douche is trying to give me the "Smoldering eyes." Yeah, girls have fucking locker room talk, too.

Fuck no, this is a party and I will have my fun before I leave.

Smirking, I lean into him…to grab my bottle, and then I duck under his arm and take a swig as I hop into the other fucking room.

Take that, Cullen.

I find Rose grinding up against Em, so I give her the fucking finger signal. We coordinated. I flip her off, she dances with me, so we could really get Cullen going, ya know? First, though, she's gotta do that swaying hips shit over to Newton to get him to change to some good, grinding music.

I can literally feel his eyes on me as I walk into the middle of the crowd, Rose's hand in mine as she follows behind.

We weren't waffling, don't worry.

That's what she does with Em, not her BFF.

It was more of a, "Follow me bitch, I've got your hand" kind of thing.

Have you ever seen two lesbians dance at a club to "Low", by Flo Rida?

That shit would be fucking PG compared to this.

Well, minus the whole tongue down the throat thing.

I love Rose, but not that much.

Plus, Em would most likely get a kick out of that and drag her away when I need my bitch the most.

Ya know, because he's a douche.

Well, not really. I love the dude and couldn't pick anyone better for Rose, even though his choice of friends has me questioning his sanity.

Ya know, 'cause he's BFF with Cullen, which is for serially just blegh.

Anyway, Rose and I are grinding against each other, like we're trying to fuck through our clothes, which is a gross image now that I've thought of it.

I gotta keep my 'Sex' face on though, because I fucking know Cullen is watching.

Rose just told me.

Apparently, while she was busy eye-fucking Em, Cullen walked over and they were both just staring.

Yeah, I was helping my bitch get some also. What kind of BFF would I be if I didn't? Girl code, dude.

Well, I know she was gonna get some anyway, but she said this would make it hotter, which is kinda weird. I mean, whatever floats your boat, right?


So, I don't even fucking know what happens, but I turn around after the person I'm grinding my ass into disappears to see fucking Rose's ass as Em has her over his shoulder walking out the door.

Damn, dickface.

But then I see Cullen.

Damn, he's a hot motherfucker.

And said motherfucker is currently stalking towards me, like a fucking lion waiting to pounce on its prey.

Uh-uh, not done, yet.

Deciding to just fucking dance by myself, I fluttered around the little couples, disappearing as Cullen crept closer, slowing down then dancing off again once he came into my sights.

The game was fun for about ten minutes before I lost Cullen.

Damn, please don't give up dick.

You're supposed to like the fucking chase.

It's what you do.

"Tag, you're it," His voice was smooth and soft, but also rough and deep. My eyelids apparently wanted to close and my mouth wanted to open with a fucking dreamy sigh. Fuck. His arms wrapped around my waist from behind, his hands resting on my stomach, pulling me against his chest

I'm ready to leave now…

"Bella," Yes? "Bella…Where the fuck did you go?" A deep chuckle. Don't fucking laugh at me, douche. "Sorry, but you daze off more than anyone I know," Oh, shit.

Fuck, I dazed off when fucking Cullen touched me. Damn, I wonder if Charlie ever got me tested as a child…

"Bella," Shit, did it again.

"What?" Okay, so that came out a little harsher than I meant it. He was still fucking holding onto my waist and I couldn't take my eyes away. As if he just realized he was still holding me, he let go, like his hand was on fire.

"Sorry, Esme just called up for us. I had to tell her you kind of dazed off. She asked if I wanted to carry you downstairs, but…" He trailed off awkwardly and I didn't really understand, so I let it go.

What the fuck ever.

"Well, yeah," Awkward… "What's Esme making for dinner? Must be something good since she invited Charlie…"

"Why don't you ever call him dad?" What?


"You always call him Charlie instead of dad. Why?"

"Do me a favor. Touch your nose." He did. "Now, touch your ass, 'cause you're being fucking nosy, ass." He chuckled, like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Damn, I wonder if I could hop over to my house to grab new underwear before dinner…

"Let's go eat," He chuckled again and I just smiled a little, because, come on, he's fucking cute.

Fuck, I did not just say that.

Hot; yes. Cute; fuck no!

Damn, I'm fucked.

We both walk down the stairs to the kitchen where everyone is already sitting. Charlie was stiff in his chair, never one for socializing. Alice was trying to contain a smile, but the bitch was glowing. Esme smiled softly at us and Carlisle seemed to be studying us. Edward and I separated as we went to opposite sides of the table. I sat in the middle of Alice and Charlie. Carlisle was at the head of the table, Esme to his left, Edward beside her.

Fuck, I just said Edward, not Cullen.

I'm so fucked.

Edward—fuck, Cullen—sat directly across from me, smirking down at his plate, which had some type of roast on it and mashed potatoes and corn; simple and delicious.

The only sound is forks clattering against plates, throats clearing, and literally fucking crickets chirping.


"So…" Carlisle, the hot mofo doctor, starts, clearing his throat. "How was your day today, kids?" Let's see, School, hoe's house, half a wet dream, and then awkward dinner with the neighbors, so I'd say it's pretty good so far.

"Oh, daddy," Yeah, Alice was daddy's little princess. "I think Edward has something to tell you," Alice winked at Edward. Oh, this should be good.

"I do?" Yeah, Cullen was confused, staring at Alice like she had two heads.

"Well, then son, what is it?" Carlisle seemed curious and confused as well.

Yeah, fucking get in line.

"Um, I got an A on my history quiz?" Yeah, because that's totally what the pixie was talking about, idiot.

"Edward," She started coughing loudly and randomly, muttering something in between her coughs. It sounded like, *cough cough* HAIR. *cough cough* GRILL. FIRE.


"What?" Yeah, we speak English, please translate.

"Bella, silly," Fuck. "I thought you would want to tell them." Shit. Fuck. Damn.

"Um, Alice, I tried to tell you, there's—" Douchward cut me off, though.

"Oh, yeah," Cullen seemed to get it now, too. What the fuck was he doing, though? "I was actually going to say something after dinner, though."

"What?" This shit is fucking confusing. I feel like I'm in a bad soap.

"Bella, it's okay. They're going to be so happy you two are dating." Alice said simply, then her eyes widened. "Ooops."

"DATING?" Oh, hell to the nah. "Alice, I told you, we aren't dating."

"Yet." Huh? Cullen, what the fuck are you talking about?


"Go out with me," He looked so nervous, I almost said yes. Almost.

"No." Yes. No. FUCK! Maybe.

"Bella," He was walking towards me now. "Go out with me." Um…


"Because when I see you, I smile. When I think about you, I get happy," I couldn't help the snort. Yeah, a certain part of you may get happy. "I can't stop thinking about you. My every thought somehow relates back to you. At first, I was confused. I didn't know what this feeling was, but now I do. I want you. That night just sealed the deal for me. I know you felt it, too." He was whispering by now, so Charlie couldn't hear. He smiled a little and spoke in a normal voice. "When you speak, I soak up your every word, even when you insult me. I want to know everything about you and I want you to know all about me. I'm not the manwhore you seem to think I am. I've actually only slept with one person. People seem to like spreading so many rumors and they spread like a wildfire. I guess I just stopped fucking caring about what others think, because I know the truth, but I care what you think. I want you to know," He's leaning into me now, lips right next to my ear. "You were my first."


"You're not gonna ask me to marry you, are you?" Seriously, dude, you could write for Hallmark, but for, like the romance section. Damn.

"Not yet," He chuckled and I was surprised I didn't freak the fuck out. He calmed some and smiled up at me softly. "Go out with me tomorrow. We can do whatever, anything, and everything. I just want to be with you."

Jesus, I'm dead.

"Yes." Shit, did I just say yes?

"Yes?" Sure, why not?

I nod; he fucking picks me up and swings me around.

"Put me the fuck down, Edward." Suck it, bitch.

He laughs and I can't help it, I lean in and peck him on the lip, which ends up leading to a deep, kiss, tongue and everything. Someone's clearing their throat. Shit, Charlie. I pull away first, because I don't think he wants to let go, like, ever. I know, I feel it, too.

"You two look like he just asked you to marry him." Yeah, that was a little overdramatic.


"Wait…so you guys weren't already going out? So, then why did I hear you in….Oh…Oh." The pixie's confuzzled stare transformed into understanding, then understanding. Ya know?

"What?" Charlie, don't fucking ask when you know you don't want the answer. "Ya know what, never mind." Yeah, exactly.

"So…that was interesting." I chuckled. Damn straight, Esme. She was fucking beaming, which made me smile.

"May I be excused? I need to do something," I stand from the table and step away from Edward. He pouted. Cute. "Esme, dinner was fucking awesome, thank you for having me. Charlie, I'll see you at home." Esme laughed, Charlie turned red, Alice smirked and Edward was still pouting. "Come on you big baby, let's go!" He gave me the what-the-fuck look. Zero-point-five seconds later, he bounced out of his seat to grab my hand and walk beside me.

With a, "Bye people," over our shoulders, we raced out of the house together, laughing and almost crashing into the door when Cullen couldn't get it open.

Eh, he's still Cullen, he's just my Cullen. 'Cause, ya know, he's my new beau.

Didn't see that coming.

"So, Cullen," I was panting, because I don't run, like ever. Not even in gym, I just fucking sit there, texting on my phone as the coach gave me dirty looks.

"So, Swan," No, now you have to say my name, dickward. Guys are so fucking clueless.

"Is it true?" 'Cause I need to know.

"Is what true?" He seemed so confuzzled.

"That you like it when I insult you? It's not gonna be, like a fetish thing for you, right? I mean, dirty talk is one thing, but—" What is with this douche and cutting me off.

"Bella," He laughed and it was like I was melting. "I think we have a lot to learn about each other, but I'll tell you now, no, I don't like it when you insult me. I like it when we banter, it's fun, in a way. I love your witty comebacks, how you never hesitate to reciprocate. I love—"

"Fucking say, 'I love you,' and I'll—"

"You'll what?" Damn, I didn't really think this through.

"Kick you." Lame.

"You'll kick me, because I love you?"

"You love me?"

"Yes, I love you." He smiled softly, leaning down to kiss me. Swing back and… "OW! MOTHERFUCK! Why the fuck did you kick me?"

"'Cause I fucking told you I would." I shrug.

"Well, since that's such a justifiable answer…" He waved his hands in a what-the-fuck gesture. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

"So, explain something to me…" 'Cause I'm honestly curious.

"Anything," Good answer…

"How the fuck were you a virgin?"

"I didn't have sex with the girls I've 'messed around with.'" He put up air quotation marks around 'messed around with.'

"Then why hasn't somebody said that? Out of every girl you supposedly fucked, none of them have said otherwise? Why haven't you denied it?" This douche.

"I did deny it, especially after that freshman girl junior year. I tried for three years, till I decided to fuck it, let 'em talk. Jessica started the rumor, because she came over for some cheerleading shit with Alice and snuck into my room when I was asleep and tried to give me a fucking blowjob." He visibly shuddered and I couldn't help it, I fucking laughed.

"That nasty bitch tried to rape your poor innocent self? Never!" Snorts were not attractive, like ever, but I can totally work it. (;D)

"Shut up, I couldn't go to sleep until Carlisle gave me a turkey sandwich, warm milk, and a new lock on my door."

"Poor baby," My baby.

"Baby, cute pet name, I approve." Shut up, douche.

"Shut up and kiss me already." And he did. Damn, he's hot.

Hope you liked it! I never know how to end a story, so they seem to go on forever until I decide I need to end it with something cute, funny, and just weird, so here ya go! (:

(Sorry: no smut. I don't think I'm ready for that, yet. ;D)