AN: Thank you all for your support of this very silly story. I thank you for your story follows, story favorites and reviews. They are very much appreciated.
A giant thanks to Sunflower3759! She truly makes my stories so much better!
Chapter 15: Hot Crossed Buns
The kitchen was littered with bags of flour, hams in roasting pans and potatoes waiting to be chopped for au gratin. This was normal for Bella, she was in her comfort zone. However, it was far from ordinary, because Edward was hovering and tasting everything.
"You are going to gain two hundred pounds, Edward." Bella slapped his hand as he tried to snag a carrot that she was about to sauté.
He grinned and grabbed a red pepper instead. "My avoidance of your fists of fury is allowing me to work off all the pesky pounds I have been consuming since I met you."
Bella said with a smirk, "You are going to be as big as Emmett."
"Hush your mouth, woman." Edward dropped the roll he was about to taste back on the counter. He suddenly had an urge to run a marathon or at least do ten pushups. "My family should be getting here at noon."
"Cool," Bella muttered. Things were still strange after Edward and Bella's romantic interlude had been interrupted by meddlesome family. Bella swore Carlisle Cullen's eyes were continually glued to her breasts.
"Did you get the outfit my mother got you? Edward stared at his lady love, as she avoided his eyes by staring at her vegetables.
"Do you think we should add some thyme to this?"
"Uh huh, I think I got it." Bella stirred faster. It was a mint green sweater set with a pair of pleated khakis. Bella could imagine she would resemble a mix of an Easter egg and a politician's wife. Both of those ideas made her twitchy.
Edward frowned. He thought the ensemble would look fetching. He had even helped pick it out. "Are you wearing it?"
"Nada, señor." Bella started humming some old rock song that she couldn't remember the title of.
"Why ever not, Isabella?" Edward put his fingers up to his temples and started to rub them.
Bella shrugged. "They didn't fit."
"Oh well, that makes sense. I apologize for the size issue." He went over and rubbed her shoulders.
"Also, they were hideously ugly," Bella admitted nonchalantly. "I refuse to audition for the role of Stepford Wife."
Edward lowered his head down to hers and sighed, "Oh Bella."
It was their first Easter and with this whole impromptu marriage between them, to say that they were figuring each other out was the understatement of the century. Edward was smitten, infatuated and head over heels in love with his new wife, but he was still a control freak. Bella was somewhat tolerant of his quirks, dealing with his tendency of watching CSPAN at odd times and head over heels in love with the beautiful man even though she would never admit it.
Easter at Bella's house, well now Bella and Edward's, was surprisingly Bella's idea. Edward had been slowly trying to convince her to spend more time with the Cullen clan. Bella was reluctant, but she promised to be on her best behavior and be social on holidays. She had been fine spending a few hours at the Cullen homestead, but, she changed her tune when Edward admitted Esme wanted to cook. It was in the best interest of all if Bella took over those duties and left everyone safe from unintentional food poisoning.
Edward took a deep breath and pinched his nose. "I completely understand, Isabella. You are such a beautiful woman, but you have no fashion sense. That's okay. I love you anyway."
"If you think I am offended you have another thing coming, buckaroo." Bella grabbed a pan to start her raisin sauce. "Thank you for the love though."
"That didn't work? The fact that I mocked your clothing hasn't spurred you to wear that perfectly lovely outfit I bought you?"
"I thought your mother was the culprit?" Bella looked with her eyebrow raised. She had figured it to be the case.
Edward looked sheepish. "Well...I might have been of assistance."
"Sure, that was it," Bella said, unconvinced. "How about I do this, I'll stick on the Easter egg cardigan, but I will pair it with something else, perhaps a band tee and jeans."
"Look at us making compromises, Mrs. Cullen." Edward felt as if they were making progress.
"It's Mrs. Swan-Cullen or Cullen-Swan. Your pick, buddy, because I am pretty flexible." Bella smiled and continued her cooking. Edward had to disagree, his new wife was far from flexible. Why couldn't she take his name without a disagreement? She was the most inflexible woman he had ever met! Well that would be out of the bedroom. He grinned at the thoughts of the acts they performed the previous evening and she snapped at him. "What are you smiling at?"
"I was just thinking about last night. It sure was a lovely evening. Wouldn't you agree?"
Bella stifled a smile. She couldn't help thinking how twisty he could be and when he hit that perfect spot...
"It wasn't too shabby," she reluctantly agreed. Not too shabby at all.
"I have something for you..." Edward said, ignoring Bella's lackluster response to their lovemaking. He found his performance to be, as usual, an act of brilliance.
Bella arched her eyebrow. "Another ugly sweater set?"
"Sorry, Amelia Bedelia sometimes my sarcasm cannot be tamed. Where are the goods?" Bella held out her hands.
"I thought you hated gifts?" Edward questioned with a smile. "Wait… who the hell is Amelia whatever that last name was?"
"The answer to question one is I have never hated gift giving. I just usually hate what people give me. Answer to the last question is a famous children's book character. What did you read when you were small? It had to be the Wall Street Journal."
"I was more partial to Business Week." Edward gave a flippant wink and rushed out of the room.
Bella stared at Edward's quite attractive backside as he left the room. This whole marriage was one that she had been quite critical of outwardly, but in her mind she liked the companionship. Of course, he was obsessed with cleaning the house. Bella never knew that Q-Tips could be used to clean the corners of her windows until she observed Edward cleaning them. He, to her amazement, took three hours per window. This was just concentrating on the corners.
Glancing at her list of tasks, Bella reflected on that perhaps their differences complimented each other. Maybe marrying each other would be the best thing that ever happened to them. This was never more evident when Edward carried in an Easter basket full of sugary goodness. It was like presenting a crack addict a basket full of, well, crack.
"Edward, it's so beautiful!" Bella exclaimed, already bouncing from just the thought of the sugary snacks.
Some girls liked fancy jewelry. Others loved bouquets of exotic flowers. Bella only had eyes for candy.
"I almost couldn't stop myself from devouring it. Did you see the chocolate covered gummy bears?" Edward looked lovingly at the basket. He was as bad as Bella when it came to sugar. He used to eat spoonfuls as a child. In the long run, it was safer than eating his mother's cooking.
Bella squealed, "No way! Edward, that chocolate bunny is gigantic! I love you!"
"It's it fabulous? Can I have one of the ears?" Suddenly Edward let go of the bunny he had grabbed making it drop to the table with a thud. "Did you just say you love me?"
Did she? Bella wasn't quite sure. "I probably said that I am fond of you. It's an honest mistake."
"You said love!" Edward exclaimed. "Hey, Bella if you admit it then I'll give you a bite of my bunny."
"Is that a sexual innuendo?" Bella asked eyeing her man.
Edward held out the chocolate bunny. "No."
"Fine, I love you." She quickly kissed his cheek. "Now give me the damn bunny!"
Bella took a huge bite off the ear and passed it to Edward with a smile. "Now it's your turn."
Just as Edward was about to take a huge bite, Rosalie burst through the kitchen door. "Are you crazy letting her go to town on chocolate, Cullen?"
His mouth full of chocolate, Edward mumbled, "What's your problem?"
"Oh my god, you are as bad as Bella!" Rosalie threw her hands in the air. "Emmett, did you know this about your brother."
"Sweet Baskin Robbins, baby, look at that basket of goodies! Let me at it!" Emmett let out a happy scream, which turned to a wounded yelp, as Edward hit him over the head with a paper towel roll.
"Leave it alone! That belongs to me...I mean Bella!" Edward looked crazed, which was a look that Bella mirrored as she chewed on the bunny's face.
Alice and Jasper entered soon after, their hands filled with bags. Alice held hers up. "The decorating committee is here!"
Bella clutching her chocolate bunny with an iron grip pointed outside. "The tables outside are already finished."
"Are those wild flowers in soup cans?" Alice whined. "Jasper, it's so...so...so..."
"The picture of elegant simplicity," Edward complimented, earning him one of Bella's rare and genuine smiles.
Jasper looked kindly at the boring display. "My previous love, may I point out that while you made very pretty, but extremely plain table settings, my future love and I made these exquisite glittery centerpieces!"
They were huge and positively glittery. They were giant eggs surrounded by porcelain bunnies and chicks that for some odd and explained reason had peacock feathers sticking out of the tops. Normally, they would make Bella gag. Today, her blood sugar rising to epic levels, she didn't even care. "Just stick them on the tables. Emmett and Rose please grab some appetizers and stick them outside, too."
The groups headed outdoors and were met by Charlie carrying a case of beer accompanied by Sue and Seth. "Hey daughter of mine, who gave you the chocolate?"
"Edward did, Daddy! Isn't he divine?" Bella gushed. She chomped down on the rabbit's arm. "Hi Sue! What's up Seth?"
"Do you have ESPN? I need to watch Sports Center," Seth demanded, his head buried in a portable video game.
"The T.V. is in the living room! Help yourself." Bella laughed happily. It made Charlie nervous. "Where is Leah?"
"She's fixing Easter dinner for Jacob and Billy."
"Can she cook?" Bella said genially, not a snarky look in sight.
Charlie knew exactly why his daughter was acting so friendly. "She bought some turkey T.V. dinners."
"Well isn't that a creative way to find a solution to a problem!"
"Uh-huh, I guess so." Charlie frowned at the telltale chocolate streak at the corner of her lips. "Who gave you the goods, Isabella Marie?"
"What goods, Daddy?" Bella asked all wide eyed and innocent, like a drugged up baby doe.
"Rosie, did you give the chocolate bunny to Bella? You know better, girl!" Charlie exclaimed. He knew that Rosalie found a sugared up Bella hilarious.
"You can't blame me, Chief! It was your new son-in-law!" Rosalie exclaimed.
Emmett looked up from shoveling deviled eggs in his mouth. "They refused to share!"
"I think you're good, son," Charlie observed as Emmett continued onto a plate of puff pastries.
Bella flitted from table to table and then exclaimed, "I need to get dressed."
As she ran off into the house, Charlie grabbed Edward's arm. "Why did you give her the chocolate, boy?"
Giving the same wild eyed, sugar look that Bella had, Edward smiled. "We both love chocolate! This means we're soul mates."
"Oh fuck a duck; you are as bad as Bella is!" Charlie looked pained. "Listen, Edward, Bella gets really happy and annoying when she's on a sugar bender. She isn't herself."
"I like it! She's a sweetheart like this! She's around sugar all day at the bakery. She controls herself there."
"That's work, Cullen! When stupid, new husbands give their new wives too much sugar at home you get Bizarro Bella!"
Edward began to pout, but his eyes lit up as Bella came out wearing the outfit he bought her down to the pair of tasseled loafers. Charlie gave her one look and groaned.
Before Edward could compliment Bella on her beauty, Rosalie started shaking her. "Come out of it, Swan! You can fight this!"
"Oh Rosie, you are so silly!" Bella started to giggle.
Rosalie dropped her hands from Bella's shoulders and turned to Charlie. "Forget this. Chief, pass me a beer."
Esme and Carlisle arrived carrying baskets of brightly colored Easter eggs. Esme took one look at Bella and gave her a huge smile. "Aren't you the prettiest thing, Bella?"
Carlisle looked at Alice. "Sweetie, is Bella sick? She's doesn't look like herself today."
"Edward gave her sugar," Alice answered as she made adjustments to her out of control centerpieces.
"Those eggs look so lovely, Esme!" Bella held a purple one up to admire it.
"Why don't you have one?" Esme smiled at her new daughter's acceptance. "Also, call me mom."
"I am happy to enjoy your eggs, Mom." Bella gave Esme a bright smile, which made Edward start to feel ill at ease.
Bella lightly cracked the egg on the picnic table. She began to peel it and the insides oozed out onto her hands. The group got quiet waiting for the rage to come pouring out of Bella like the yolk dripping onto her shirt.
"Oops!" Bella grinned at all of them.
"Couldn't have happened to an uglier outfit," Rosalie said.
Esme started to help Bella clean off. "I am so sorry, Bella! I thought I cooked them correctly this time."
"It can be tricky," Bella gave Esme a hug. "I'll teach you!"
Edward frowned; he missed Bella's snarky comments.
Edward was going to have to hide the chocolate from Bella. This was feeling too odd. Perhaps Charlie was correct that she had to be carefully controlled when consuming candy.
Suddenly, that idiot, hippie Garrett approached with another bottle of that disgusting organic wine.
"What are you doing here, Hippie? Go back to the commune!" Edward pointed to Garrett's car.
"Bella invited me." Garrett smiled at Bella, but his face looked confused when he took in her appearance. "Are you sick?"
"I asked the same thing," Carlisle chimed in. He began to pour himself a glass of wine. "Supposedly, dear Bella has a chocolate addiction."
"I invited him, love." Bella grabbed Edward's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I thought you two could become friends!"
Edward's mouth dropped. She called him 'love' and not some obscure,demeaning name for a red headed person Garrett's mouth also dropped, because he could only guess that Edward had brainwashed poor Bella. He would have to save her.
Garrett pulled out a folded up paper from his back pocket. He hoped this information would shock her out of this weird daze she was under. "Bella, look at this! Some man named James is buying up Edward's properties. He's duping you!"
"I am sure it's an unfortunate misunderstanding." Bella gave that weird small smile.
"Give me that!" Edward grabbed the paper. James was up to something. "Damn him!"
"Language, my love, we have guests." Bella handed Edward a jelly bean from a bag she had started eating from.
Edward took the whole bag and made Bella whimper. "You are cut off, wife."
Rosalie whispered to Charlie, "Should we warn him about Bella's behavior when comes off the high."
"Nope, Deputy, what fun would that be?" Charlie winked at her. "That'll teach him for not listening to his father-in-law. Don't you think?"