Title: An Interview With Jack Bauer

Author: David William Cooper

E-Mail: Doctor_Hannibal_Lector@Hotmail.com

Rating: R

Category: Humour

Keywords: Parody

Detication: All the 24 Freaks like myself out there!

Summary: Jack is interviewed on his thoughts about the days events...

Feedback: Please...I love it.

Archive: Just ask.

Disclaimer: Nothing that is 24 related is mine, it is the wonderful creations of Joel Surnow and Rob Chocron and Imagine Entertainment, anything outside that, is mine, and before you use my characters, please ask. Thank you, and thank you guys for your wonderful characters to use.

An Interview With Jack Bauer


David William Cooper

***We come across a man that looks to be hell bent on getting what he wants...we cut to a scene of Washington and a Presidental canadate...we hear the mans voice...***

Bauer: Right now...terrorsit are plotting to kill a presidental canadate...my wife and daughter have been targeted, and people that I work with may be involved in both...I'm federal agent Jack Bauer...and today...is the longest day of my life.

***Enter a man who looks about twenty, pen on his ear and a note pad. He approches a drowsy Bauer.***

Interviewer: Hello, Mr. Bauer?

Bauer: What the bloody fuck do you want?

Interviewer: Interview you, of course.

Bauer: That's nice. Go find someone else, Nina is over there...go bother her.

Interviewer: Can't.

Bauer: Why?

Interviewer: Satan wants me to get you. And I just do what I am told, ya know? So I don't get my ass fried? You have any idea how hard it is being the most hated people in the world? Even more then the Teletubies! It's sad...

Bauer: That's nice.

Interviewer: How was your day?

Bauer: Fuck off.

Interviewer: Sorry, no thanks. How do you feel?

Bauer: Good.

Interviewer: Your wife...

Bauer: Ex-wife. I loved her until I found out she was sleeping with Palmer...then I let the fuckin terrorist win! Sleep with *my* wife and see what happens...heh...And another thing, what the hell is up with that whole Primary Day thing? Huh? What the hell does it do for me? I almost get killed a few trimes and all I get is a bloody thanks! No way! I am Jack Bauer! I deserve more! Damnit! Give me some Moonshine, would ya?

Interviewer: Right...I'm just gonna run like hell now...

Bauer: Stay, Asshole.

Interviewer: No, I am gonna home!

Bauer: You do that! Run home to Mommie! MUWAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

A/N: I am crazy, I know and this was a quick throw together, so I hope you like it! I promise better! Kinda busy with my really dark Muulin Rouge novel, so until that is done, and you can check it out if you would...I will write my serious 24 novel! Yaya!