Disgustingly Human

AN: So, this goes with the last one, because it's still about his childhood. Yay angst?

When his mother had told him that she was going on a year long business trip to America, he didn't really care. He had school and friends (well school) and he didn't really give a damn if he couldn't see his mother for a year or so. She didn't have time for him anyways. He was ten for crying out loud! He didn't need his mom, or his dad for that matter. His mother was gone for a year as promised, and though she send a postcard or two in that time, he never read them. His dad would call her every Tuesday to talk to her, but when he asked Izaya if he wanted to talk to his mom he always said no. Except for the one time he said yes.

"You're going to be a big brother Izaya, By the time mommy gets home. Won't that be nice?"


No. He had spent ten years trying to get attention and trying had gotten him nowhere. Siblings would just complicate things further! His mom was a career woman. So was his dad. They fed him and clothed him and yet he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for them but anger. Maybe that's life though. Maybe parents only have to take care of their kids by feeding them and clothing them. He isn't being abused, just ignored. His mom was in America to settle a contract. Maybe he should think of them as business partners instead of as parents. That way they only do what they're obligated by law to do, and he only has to move out when he's no longer a minor. That way there will be no further disappointments. It was a brilliant plan.

Izaya puts his head in his pillow and doesn't cry. Boys don't cry. Ten is too old to cry. Ten is too old to be this attached to parents who don't give a damn about him. Damn haha. He giggles, feeling slightly naughty for swearing and wipes his face.

It's strange how your cheeks get wet when you haven't been crying.

As it turns out the baby is babies, and when his mom finally comes back into town, she kisses him, says she missed him, and announces that she has a meeting in an hour, and could he please watch the twins just for awhile?

"Can't dad do it?"

"No! He's at work still. Be a dear, Izaya okay? Don't you want to meet your sisters? You know, mommy always wanted girls."

"No. Tell dad to leave his secretary and to come take care of them."

His mother colors.

"What are you talking about baby? Your father and Isis…. I mean your father and his secretary have a work relationship! Mommy and daddy had Mairu and Kururi! We love each other very much! Please just a while? You're getting to be such a big boy, you can handle it."

"How do I change a diaper? Or feed them?"

"I have to run, or I'll be late. Bye baby!"

There she is again, flying away in a puff of fairy dust and a click of sensible shoes.

He goes to the cribs and stares down at the little girls that are supposedly his siblings. They have mom's chin and his mouth, but it doesn't feel real. They are creatures that impose upon his already lackluster home life. And yet he doesn't feel hate for them. He just feels distance, and slight pity. When they wake up and start screaming, he simply surveys them like they're some semi interesting television program.

He googles how to change a diaper on his dad's laptop, and goes back to pick up the one that's screaming the loudest.

"I wonder who changed my diapers. Do you know?"

The baby keeps crying.

"What about you?" He asks its twin. " Do you think mom and dad took care of me ever? I feel like I've always taken care of myself. Although maybe before dad's secretary and mom's job, maybe they were in love, neh?"

They are both wailing louder now, so loud that it hurts his ears.

"I feel nothing for you. Is that bad? You don't feel like my siblings at all. I suppose that might be how mom and dad felt about me. That I was simply crying and they didn't know me at all yet."

He pauses because his chest is suddenly tight and painful.

"We'll be like business partners. I'll dress you and feed you, but trust me in this house, you'll figure out how to do those things yourself pretty fast. I'll do my best."

They still cry. He changes them and feeds them and still they don't sleep. He ends up putting them in their beds and sitting leaning against the wall between the cribs. His head tilted back and his eyes closed, he feels sorry for the twins, for himself. He is angry at his parents and the world, and above all he feels pain at being ignored and cast aside.

Oddly enough there is a silent glee that he isn't stuck here anymore by himself.

He grabs the shrieking babies and sits them in his arms.

"I know you want your mother. That feeling eventually passes."

Looking back that's the only kind lie he's ever told, and his audience was too young to understand him.