Just a little something about how all the lies in play on the show might come out. Big, big thank you to eitoph for being the best beta a girl could ask for. If any of you are Bones fans, please read her stuff, it'll make your life better :)
Disclaimer: The closest I get to owning Castle is Nathan Fillion being in an unusually high number of my dreams.
All I Know is You and Here
All my spaces are filled with you,
With all the colours in the world yours had to be blue,
And I'm breaking through your shameless ways,
I can't refrain
He's looking at her, she can tell he's waiting for a reaction, something to tell him what to do next, because right now they're standing in his office and she's looking at a screen with her picture in the middle and she's not quite sure what to think of it all. Because on one hand he's lied to her, he's lied in a huge way, monumental even. But on the other hand, she knows somewhere deep within her that he's done this out of love, and the reason she knows this is because, well, she's lied to him too.
In a huge way.
Some might call it monumental.
She takes a breath and his eyes widen as though he's preparing to accept whatever she has to say. And that's when she sort of takes a step back and realises she has nothing to say. Because those blue eyes always take her by surprise. And because she knows he loves her.
She takes another step back as he takes one towards her, "Don't go."
She wants to scream at him and then run away, but she knows she has no right to ask him for more time, more space. He loves her and she's hurting him. But for all the words in the world, all the phrases she could string together to offer him some sense of peace, she really doesn't know what to say.
So they settle into silence again. He switches off the screen and she lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Seeing everything up there on that board, in plain colour, she was nervous and angry. But with the pictures fading into darkness, she feels like she can maybe let herself feel safe. Just a little.
It is Castle after all.
And she's always felt safe with him.
"I'm not going to apologise for it, Kate." His voice is low as it rumbles through the tense air to her ears, "I did what I had to, to keep you safe."
She only nods, trying to understand what he has done, the risk he has taken.
She knows he would do it a hundred times over. She knows the feelings driving his actions.
"But I will apologise for hiding it from you."
She nods again, swallowing the lump in her throat that will just not leave her alone. He takes a seat and she follows suit, sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room to him, her eyes still gazing up at the screen behind him as though expecting it to turn itself back on and the people in the pictures to come to life and jump out of there. She's trying to find the courage to stay here with him and talk about what this all means and how it affects the both of them. Her eyes seek out his in the still office, trying to convey to him that she just needs to gather her thoughts before she can even think of speaking. He nods.
And that, in a nutshell, is why she loves him.
Because for all his poking and prodding, when it counts, he knows how to leave her be.
She glances once more at the black screen, telling her mind that it's okay to be frightened, "I'm not mad at you."
He breathes again, waiting for the 'but'. It doesn't come. And they settle into silence once more until it all becomes a little too much and he moves to stand up, "Wait?"
And the way she's said it, almost like she's asking him something, makes him halt his movements, because all of a sudden, this is about more than her mother's case looming on the blackened screen behind them, it's about more than the lies and the well meant deceit. Suddenly, it's about them.
She's asking him to wait.
"Always, Kate. You know that."
For the first time he sees all her doubts laid bare in his office for him to peruse at will. He continues out of his chair and takes step after step towards her, until he is directly in front of her seat. His hand reaches out to cradle her cheek as he crouches and the fact that she lets him speaks to him more than any words will.
"The second you're ready, I'll be there."
His eyes are sincere, his breath so close it's intoxicating, his palm against her cheek is unbearably soft and she believes him, "I've been seeing someone to try and help. I'm not as broken as I was, but the cracks are still out there in the open." She breathes him in as he moves closer, "It still hurts."
His lips hover over her forehead, softly landing just above her left eye, "If you need anything..."
"I know." A pause, "I want to be ready for you."
He smiles at that and so does she, as though his smile is all she's been waiting for the whole night, as though his smile proves that this all could very well be alright. And then she kisses him, and it's sweet and short and a little clumsy in that perfect kind of way. It's that moment as her lips touch his, full of promise, that he figures it out.
She has known from the beginning that he loves her.
His voice unsteady, he rests his forehead against hers, "I love you," he whispers, giving her an opportunity to offer up her side of the story, to finally tell him the truth about her memories of her shooting.
Her eyes open wide and she can see him so close to her. His features are blurry, but the deepness hiding in his eyes has never been clearer to her, she feels absolutely surrounded by him, and she finds herself ready to never let that go. "You already know that I know, don't you?" she whispers back.
He chuckles, his breath warming her cheek and she wants to just lean back into him and forget about everything else, "We're really not great at keeping things from each other."
She bumps her nose against his, begging him to kiss her again in the quiet gesture, "Honesty is always the best policy."
He smiles, capturing her lips again and she can feel it all the way through her. His smile keeping her grounded while her head and her heart battle it out silently in the air around them, trying to reach their compromise.
She groans when he pulls away, but he's quick to explain, "In the spirit of honesty, I just want to do this right. I'm in no hurry if you're not ready. Knowing where we stand and having hope in us is enough for me for now."
She considers him, "You're part of my everything, Rick. I don't think I can ignore that anymore." She reaches out to mirror his movements and cup his cheek, "So we'll take it really slow."
Turning his head, he kisses her palm and moves her hand away from his face, starting to stand from his crouched position on the floor and pulling her up with him. They stand face to face, their lies to each other faded black and white photos in their memories as compared with the new colours they have found.
He's looking at her again and she can tell he's waiting for her move. When it comes to this though, she doesn't need the time or the space to gather her thoughts, she's been thinking about this since the moment she saw him walk through her hospital doors all those months ago, with his flowers and his terrible timing.
She twines their fingers together and takes a step towards his bedroom.
Sleep is beckoning them, and the beauty of everything is that they can figure the rest out tomorrow.
I'd just like to say that this is my first Castle fic and I would adore any feedback on it. Thank you all for taking the time to read :)